night.owls.sb

Funeral Makeup Artist Prank

2012-02-01T08:52:00.004-05:00

by Michael

Redneck Medical Terms

2012-01-31T08:59:00.008-05:00

by Shirley

 Artery......................The study of paintings.
 Benign......................What you be after you be eight.
 Bacteria....................Back door to cafeteria.
 Barium......................What doctors do when patients die.
 Cesarean Section............A neighborhood in Rome.
 Catscan.....................Searching for Kitty.
 Cauterize...................Made eye contact with her.
 Colic.......................A sheep dog.
 Coma........................A punctuation mark.
 D&C.........................Where Washington is.
 Dilate......................To live long.
 Enema.......................Not a friend.
 Fester......................Quicker than someone else.
 Fibula......................A small  lie.
 Genital.....................Non-Jewish person.
 G.I.Series..................World Series of military baseball.
 Hangnail....................What you hang your coat on.
 Impotent....................Distinguished… well known.
 Labor Pain..................Getting hurt at work.
 Medical Staff...............A Doctor's cane.
 Morbid......................A higher offer than I bid.
 Nitrates....................Cheaper than day rates.
 Node........................I knew it.
 Outpatient..................A person who has fainted.
 Pap Smear...................A fatherhood test.
 Pelvis......................Second cousin to Elvis.
 Post Operative..............A letter carrier.
 Recovery Room...............Place to do upholstery.
 Rectum......................Darn near killed him.
 Secretion...................Hiding something
 Seizure.....................Roman emperor.
 Tablet......................A small table.
 Terminal Illness............Getting sick at the airport.
 Tumor.......................More than one.
 Urine.......................Opposite of you're out
 Varicose....................Near by

~ Pinterest ~

2012-01-30T08:48:00.038-05:00

by Tina~in_ut

In December, I was talking to Jenny while she was doing my hair. She asked if I'd heard of this website called Pinterest. I said no and her eyes got big and she told me I HAD to check it out. She said it was addicting and that I'd love it. I was in the middle of making my Christmas cards and finishing up my shopping, so there was no way I was going to look at it then. I told her to remind me again later. I didn't really have time for a new addiction, but we usually like the same movies and books, so I trusted her judgement on this, too.

Big mistake!! I don't know what it is about this website, but I love it and find myself getting lost in it.

What is Pinterest?

Pinterest is a Virtual Pinboard.

Pinterest lets you organize and share all the beautiful things you find on the web. People use pinboards to plan their weddings, decorate their homes, and organize their favorite recipes.

Best of all, you can browse pinboards created by other people. Browsing pinboards is a fun way to discover new things and get inspiration from people who share your interests. To get started, request an invite.

Our Mission

Our goal is to connect everyone in the world through the 'things' they find interesting. We think that a favorite book, toy, or recipe can reveal a common link between two people. With millions of new pins added every week, Pinterest is connecting people all over the world based on shared tastes and interests.

This is from their website. It's just a high overview of what the site is all about. I have created boards on my page for my favorite actors, sweets, crafts, jewelry, scrapbooking, cards, funny things, favorite places, TV shows, and movies. I've found yummy things I want to bake. (Scary in itself) It's just fun. Check it out for yourself and let me know what you think. You can access the website, but you have to be invited to actually use it. Within days of requesting an invite, you'll have an e-mail asking you to join. Let me know what you think. And if all of a sudden, you just disappear, I'll know where you're at~ :D

Heaven on the 7th Floor

2012-01-29T08:45:00.007-05:00

by Zona

Randy and I got my sister an Ipod for Christmas. She mentioned during the summer that she wanted one..and that she would like 70's songs loaded onto it. A couple days before Christmas Randy sifted through his CD collection..which is heavy on the 70's stuff..and together we picked out a bunch of songs for her. Rand put the songs on the Ipod so when she unwrapped her gift..it was ready to go. Well..it turns out we didn't do so well with our choices!! Here's one of the songs I chose for her...oh boy did she hit the DISLIKE on this!! It might be a bit corny..but I still don't understand why she doesn't like it! btw..I was so tempted to sneak 'Don't Rain On My Parade' on there..but didn't want that new Ipod to get stomped into the ground.. ;D

Coffin Prank

2012-01-28T08:46:00.004-05:00

by Michael

~ Shits & Giggles ~

2012-01-27T08:45:00.009-05:00

by Tina~in_ut

I get my hair cut and colored on Tuesdays. I have a routine. Leave work about 12:45pm, grab something to eat near the salon, stop off at the hubby's school to say hi to Judi who only works on Tuesdays, go potty there, then get to the salon by 2pm. (Not to gross any of you out, but I get my hair done every four weeks.....and it just happens to coincide with my time of the month!)

Anyway, I was running a little late this last Tuesday. I was on my way to Einstein's to grab a bagel really quick. I was almost there when all of a sudden, I swallowed my own saliva the wrong way and started choking like a mad woman! I tried to reach for my water bottle which was in the back seat, but couldn't reach it. I noticed that I had taken my foot off the gas and thankfully, no one was behind me. When I start choking, I sound AWFUL!!!! I start gagging and making that sound you make when you are about to throw up. My chest was burning from all the coughing by the time I made it to the parking lot. I was finally able to get my water bottle and take a drink, but it still took me a while to get the coughing under control. When I did, I went in to get my bagel. I must have looked a sight, because people were staring at me strange. Then I ordered my food. The lady gave me a strange look and I didn't even recognize my own voice. I sounded like an old man croaking.

By the time I was done eating, I realized that I wouldn't have time to stop off at school. I was bummed at not seeing Judi, but really glad I didn't have to go to the bathroom. I called her on my way to the salon to let her know I wasn't able to stop by and to tell her about my choking snafu. Of course, she thought it was funny. So did Jenny, my hairdresser. Jenny and I are the same age and she has done my hair for the last 17 years. I found her through her husband who I used to work with. I really don't care what she does to my hair. It's just fun spending 2 hours with her every month. We laugh so much. I always tell people it's "an event" going to get my hair done. Tuesday was no different.

After I finished telling Jenny my story, she told me about her hot flashes. She was wearing a short sleeved shirt because the day before, she had hot flashes the whole day. She said she was drenched and by the end of the day, her hair was a sopping mess. I felt so sorry for her. Tuesday, she looked just fine. You'd never know it was so bad the day before. She said she was actually cold that day.

Our routine is always the same. Jenny puts some shade of brown color on my hair first, I go under the dryer, she rinses my hair, dries it a little, puts highlights in it, I go under the dryer again, she washes my hair, cuts it and drys it and I'm done. 2 hrs. Tuesday was no different. She got the color in my hair and even added a little red to it this time.....she likes to do that.....it's my little gift to her....and then I went under the dryer. I usually bring a book to read or crocheting to do. I crocheted this time. When I was done, she told me to go over to get my hair rinsed. I put my bag of yarn away, but leaned over to whisper to her, "I have to use the restroom first. That saliva went right through me!" She laughed of course......kept calling me an old woman!

I went to the little restroom in the back. I had my hair in a shower cap thingy and still had that dang cape on. Hate using the restroom with that on, but I never think of taking it off.....duh~ I thought I'd be quick cuz I just had to pee. Well to my surprise, that's not all I had to doo!~ Do you ever think you are finished, all done wiping, only to find out that there's more? Well there was more. Had to wipe all over again. That's when it dawned on me that I wasn't at school. The toilet at school is one of those industrial, OMG, anything will go down it types. You know.....the type that sounds like a jet engine when it flushes. Well this one wasn't like it. When I realized it, instead of putting the rest of the "used" toilet paper in the toilet, I held it in my hand to be thrown in during the second flush. That's three wipes-ful, if you get my drift. So now I'm done. I've got a bunch of toilet paper in one hand, I'm trying to pull up my underwear with the other, and also trying to flush the toilet. I finally managed, but to my dismay, I clogged the toilet! Oh shit! No pun intended. I needed both my hands, and I couldn't throw the toilet paper in the toilet, so I grabbed some more and put in on the back of the toilet and set the "used" bunch on it. Then I was able to pull up my jeans and button them and then look for a plunger. Nothing! Well, I decided to do what I do at home. I usually wait a little bit, the water goes down a bit, and I flush again and it all goes down. That was my plan. It was a sucky plan! That toilet holds a lot of water. It also overflows a lot of water. I didn't know what to do. On the one hand, I had totally stunk up the bathroom and still had the pile of toilet paper to dispense with. On the other hand, I needed to ask for a plunger. I just stood there. And then I did it. I threw the extra toilet paper in the toilet. Remember also......it's that time! O M G!!!! I was so embarrassed and didn't want to open the door. But that's when I realized that the water was starting to go under the door. I had to get out of there and get Jenny.

I opened the door and poked my head around the corner to get Jenny's attention and no one else. She looked at me and waved me over so she could rinse my hair. I asked her, "Remember when you accidentally colored my hair jet black?" She rolled her eyes cuz I've never let her forget it, "Yes!" I gave her a "look" and said, "We're even!" She immediately knew what I had done. I'm so grateful that she has a sense of humor. She got a mop. It was a weird looking thing and hard as a rock. It wouldn't pick up anything at first. She got me another one and it was the same. Then she gave me the plunger. Well that went over well.....right over the brim! It got to the point where we were both just soaking up the water with towels and squeezing the water into the toilet. That girl is brave. When we got most of the water cleared out, she got a bucket with cleaner in it for the floor. I was all ready to clean, but she wouldn't let me. I really tried to take it away from her. I finally had to give up. I remembered Judi and thought I'd call her and tell her what happened because I didn't stop at school first. Before I left Jenny to go call, I poked my head back into the bathroom and asked her to hurry because I had to go to the bathroom again. She would have hit me if she could have reached me.

As I thought it would, my story had Judi pee'ing her pants laughing. When I hung up the phone, I just sat in my chair waiting for Jenny to be done. When she came around the corner, I about died. She was drenched in sweat. I felt so bad. She looked like I pictured her looking with her hot flashes. At the same time, I was worried because I still had the color in my hair. I was certain I was going to have jet black hair again. Luckily, I didn't. Jenny, on the other hand, couldn't get cooled. She tried to tie a towel around her head like a headband, but it wouldn't stay. She finally got the highlights in my hair and put me under the dryer again. I was reading my book when Jenny came up and sat down next to me. I burst out laughing. She had gotten the towel to stay. She looked hilarious. Then she leaned over and said, "It's all shits and giggles.........until someone giggles and shits!"

~Lovely Jenny~

TONGUE TWISTERS

2012-01-26T08:45:00.001-05:00

by Shirley

Before reading today's blog please make sure you have had your coffee!

Blake's black bike's back brake bracket block broke.

Miss Smith's fish-sauce shop seldom sells shellfish.

Near an ear, a nearer ear, a nearly eerie ear.

Round and round the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran.

But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought.

If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought,

I wouldn't have thought so much.

I see a sea down by the seashore.

But which sea do you see down by the seashore?

A flea and a fly flew up in a flue.

Said the flea, 'Let us fly!'

Said the fly, 'Let us flee!'

So they flew through a flaw in the flue.

Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.

Spread it thick, say it quick!

Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.

Spread it thicker, say it quicker!

Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.

Don't eat with your mouth full!

Does this shop sport short socks with spots?

No nose knows like a gnome's nose knows.

A tutor who tooted the flute

Tried to tutor two tooters to toot.

Said the two to the tutor:

'Is it harder to toot or

To tutor two tooters to toot?'

Susan shineth shoes and socks;

Socks and shoes shines Susan.

She ceases shining shoes and socks,

For shoes and socks shock Susan.

How many cookies could a good cook cook

If a good cook could cook cookies?

A good cook could cook as much cookies

as a good cook who could cook cookies.

Fresh fried fish,

Fish fresh fried,

Fried fish fresh,

Fish fried fresh.

Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely.

There once was a two toed, she toad, tree toad,

and a three toed, he toad, tree toad....

Clean clams crammed in clean cans.

A cheap ship trip.

If you're keen on stunning kites and cunning stunts,

buy a cunning stunning stunt kite.

Sally is a sheet slitter, she slits sheets.

Snake Prank

2012-01-25T09:05:00.005-05:00

by Michael

PEOPLE ARE AWESOME

2012-01-24T08:55:00.000-05:00

by Zona

Wow..this video is amazing..as are the athletes in it! I couldn't have done any of these things..even when I was young and in good shape!! My friends used to always ask me to go skydiving, skiing or hang gliding with them...yeah..I can see me doing that!! First I need to learn how to walk without tripping!! I'm probably stating the obvious here..but no extreme sports for me..unless they're on TV! ;D

~ Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close ~

2012-01-23T08:46:00.028-05:00

by Tina~in_ut

Adapted from the acclaimed bestseller by Jonathan Safran Foer, “Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close” is a story that unfolds from inside the young mind of Oskar Schell, an inventive eleven year-old New Yorker whose discovery of a key in his deceased father’s belongings sets him off on an urgent search across the city for the lock it will open. A year after his father died in the World Trade Center on what Oskar calls “The Worst Day,” he is determined to keep his vital connection to the man who playfully cajoled him into confronting his wildest fears. Now, as Oskar crosses the five New York boroughs in quest of the missing lock – encountering an eclectic assortment of people who are each survivors in their own way – he begins to uncover unseen links to the father he misses, to the mother who seems so far away from him and to the whole noisy, dangerous, discombobulating world around him.

The hubby and I went to see this on Sunday afternoon. I have wanted to see it since I first saw the trailer. With Tom Hanks and Sandra Bullock, it had to be good, right? OMG!!! They weren't even a major part of the movie. It was incredible. So So SO good. "It's not a story about September 11th, it's about living every day after." I wouldn't call it a tear jerker. I'd call it a non-stop sob!!! Okay....maybe not non-stop! But I used almost all of my new pack of pink ribbon tissues. My daughter stopped mid-sentence while on a phone call when I walked in the door. "Been crying?" she asked sarcastically. The only thing that kept me from crying through the whole movie was the lady 5 rows down from me. She was sobbing uncontrolably. It made me laugh....until I cried. Did I tell you this movie made me cry? Go see it. It was incredibly touching. GO! NOW!!!!~

REVOLUTION GIRLS

2012-01-22T08:47:00.001-05:00

by Just Lin

I saw this group on the Late Show with David Letterman the other night and thought it was quite a catchy tune. I can't say that I'm a fan of mariachi music but this group is a little different and I found myself tapping my foot and moving to the beat. I hope you enjoy it, too.

Bad Tattoos

2012-01-21T08:46:00.035-05:00

by Zona

~ Choosing Your Religion ~

2012-01-20T09:11:00.010-05:00

by Tina~in_ut

This is as big as I could get it. I hope you can read it. It made me laugh~

~ Dirty Mind Quiz ~

2012-01-19T09:05:00.000-05:00

by Tina~in_ut

Do you have a dirty mind? Take this simple quiz and find out. See if you can determine what is being described in the following ten items:

1. When I go in I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?

2. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?

3. I’m spread before I’m eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes like to lick my nuts. What am I?

4. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me. What am I?

5. All day long it’s in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?

6. I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me you feel good. What am I?

7. If I miss, I hit your bush. It’s my job to stuff your box. When I come, it’s news. What am I?

8. I offer protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I?

9. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I’m called a big swinger. What am I?

10. I’m at least 6 inches long. I leave foamy lubrication when engaged in my job. What am I?
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Answers:
1. a dentist
2. a wedding ring
3. peanut butter
4. bubble gum
5. an elevator
6. a nose
7. the paperboy
8. a glove
9. a crane
10. a toothbrush
How did you score?
All correct – Your mind is as clean as a whistle!
7 – 9 correct – Your mind is still pretty clean. OK to bring you home to meet mom.
4 – 6 correct – You’re average.
1 – 3 correct – Your mind is definitely headed toward the gutter…
All wrong – YOU HAVE A DIRTY MIND!

Girlfriends

2012-01-18T08:58:00.004-05:00

by Sac Barb

This made me laugh . . just had to share with you.

A group of 15 year old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for
dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Dairy
Queen next to the Ocean View restaurant because they only had $6.00
between them and Jimmy Johnson, that cute boy in Social Studies, lives
on that street and they might see him and they can ride their bikes there.

10 years later, the group of 25 year old girlfriends discussed where
they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they
should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the beer was cheap,
they had free snacks, the band was good, there was no cover and there
were lots of cute guys.

10 years later, at 35 years of age, the group once again discussed
where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that
they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the cosmos were
good, it was right near the gym and if they go late enough, there
wouldn't be too many whiny little kids.

10 years later, at 45 years of age, the group once again discussed
where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that
they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the martinis were
big, and the waiters there had tight pants and nice buns.

10 years later, at 55 years of age, the group once again discussed
where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed they should
meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food there was
reasonable, the wine list was good, they had windows that open in case
of a hot flash, and fish is good for your cholesterol.

10 years later, at 65 years of age, the group once again discussed
where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they
should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because lighting was good and
they have an early bird special.

10 years later, at 75 years of age, the group once again discussed
where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they
should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because food was not too
spicy, the restaurant was handicapped accessible and they even had an
elevator!

10 years later, at 85 years of age, the group once again discussed
where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they
should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been
there before.

~ Women's Golf Terms ~

2012-01-17T08:49:00.002-05:00

by Tina~in_ut

Caddy
2 women talking about a 3rd, who isn’t there to defend herself.

Chip
Time to get our nails done again.

Double Bogie
"Casablanca" followed by "African Queen".

Fairway
Splitting the bill when the girls go to lunch.

Good lie
Weight on our driver’s license.

Greens
Lunch we eat when you’d really prefer a cheeseburger.

Iron
What men need to learn to do their own shirts.

Rough
Getting a man to understand, well, pretty much anything.

Slice
No thanks…just a small portion.

Par
The children’s grandfather.

Birdie
Another attractive female golfer.

Wood
Where you can find a ball.

Get Out Of The Car!

2012-01-16T08:40:00.006-05:00

by Sac Barb

This is dedicated to Maureen and Just Lin.

Wepa

2012-01-15T08:56:00.006-05:00

by Zona

Randy and I went to see "Mission Impossible: The Ghost Protocol" today. One of the videos they played before the movie was "Wepa" by Gloria Estefan...I was be-boppin' in my seat...I'd never heard it before and I just loved it. I don't think you can listen to this and not want to get up and dance! Oh...and I really liked the movie too! :)

~ Absolutely NUTZ!!! ~

2012-01-14T08:47:00.045-05:00

by Tina~in_ut

My daughter is "in love" with Kelly Slater. She lives and breathes Kelly. Even her gingerbread house had "Kelly" spelled out on its roof! She wants to marry him. Who cares if he's married with children!! She's been watching the surf reports in Hawaii to see if "the Eddie" is on, so she knows when Kelly will be there. She wants to go when he does. She completely flipped out when she found out her Principal and his wife used to live next door to him. She called me screaming from school a couple of days ago when said Principal gave her his autographed, framed, freaking huge picture of Kelly. Well, I just saw this video and thought of "Kelly"~ Here's the info I found along with the video:

This day at Teahupoo- Aug 27th 2011 during the Billabong Pro waiting period is what many are calling the biggest and gnarliest Teahupoo ever ridden. Chris Bryan was fortunate enough to be there working for Billabong on a day that will go down in the history of big wave surfing. The French Navy labeled this day a double code red prohibiting and threatening to arrest anyone that entered the water.
Kelly Slater described the day by saying "witnessing this was a draining feeling being terrified for other people's lives all day long, it's life or death. Letting go of that rope one time can change your life and not many people will ever experience that in their life."
All images where shot by Chris Bryan using the Phantom HD Gold camera.

Probably the best way to view this video is full screen~ ijs~

More Men Stuff

2012-01-13T09:12:00.045-05:00

by Sac Barb

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Carolyn Scott & Rookie

2012-01-12T08:58:00.002-05:00

by Zona

I love watching these routines..they are so dang cute. Can you imagine me training Nikki to do this? LOL! Neither can I!! :D

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED

2012-01-11T08:42:00.033-05:00

by SacBarb

Men Are Just Happier People --
What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough...
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.

~ Happy Anniversary ~

2012-01-10T08:45:00.006-05:00

by Tina~in_ut

4 years and counting........

~ Nail Salon ~

2012-01-09T08:45:00.004-05:00

by Tina~in_ut

Some Guys Have All The Luck

2012-01-08T08:53:00.002-05:00

by Zona

I love Rod Stewart. I love his music..his voice..his smile..his personality. I've been listening to him since I was a teenager and I can't think of a single song of his that I don't like. I really think it's the video that makes this song one of my very favorites. I hope you like it as much as I do. btw..I also love his red sneakers..js.. :D

EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS

2012-01-07T08:44:00.010-05:00

by Dianne

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
'Big breaths,' . . . I instructed.
'Yes, they used to be,' . . . replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes ,
Seattle , WA

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?'
After a look of complete confusion she answered . . .
'Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-
Corvallis , OR

I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . . 'So how's your breakfast this morning?'

'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste,' Bob replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced
A foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf,
Detroit

A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room
when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety
of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing,
entered . . . It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery..

When she was completely disrobed on the operating
table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a
tattoo that read . . . 'Keep off the grass.'
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon
wrote a short note on the patient's dressing,
which said 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'

Submitted by RN no name,

AND FINALLY!!! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB.
I was quite embarrassed when performing female
pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment
I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me.
I looked up from my work and sheepishly said. . .
'I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'
She replied with tears running down
her cheeks from laughing so hard . . .
'No doctor but the song you were whistling was . . .
'I wish I was an Oscar Mayer Wiener.'

Dr. wouldn't submit his name....

1 MORE

Baby's First Doctor Visit
This made me laugh out loud.
I hope it will give you a smile!
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the

doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

'Breast-fed, ' she replied..
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'
I know, 'she said, 'I'm his Grandma,

But I'm glad I came'

WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE?

2012-01-06T08:49:00.003-05:00

by Maureen

When I started watching the CHiPs videos, I posed the question of which Chippy was your favorite...Ponch or Baker? So I started thinking about other old favorites.

Which group was your favorite...The Cowsills or The Partridge Family?

I preferred the Cowsills music but still enjoyed watching the Partridge Family.

Who did you like better...David Cassidy or Donny Osmond or Bobby Sherman?

My fav was Bobby Sherman, but I did join the Donny Osmond fan club and he sent me a postcard!

Who was your favorite Monkey?

Mine was Peter Tork because all my friends 'LOVED' Davey Jones.

Who was your favorite Beatle?

I always liked Ringo the best...maybe because he was kinda odd!

Who was your favorite Brat Packer...Judd Nelson, Rob Lowe, Andrew McCarthy or Emilio Estevez?

Andrew McCarthy, Andrew McCarthy, Andrew McCarthy!!! Can you guess who mine was? LOL!

Who was your favorite Brady?

Peter...especially the episode where his voice cracks!! Couldn't stand Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!

Who is your favorite Bridges brother...Beau or Jeff?

Jeff...still a hottie!

Who is your favorite 3 Men and a Baby...Ted Danson, Tom Selleck or Steve Guttenberg?

I liked Steve Guttenberg the best.

Who is your favorite Owl?

LOL!!! I plead the 5th! You're all my favorite!

And, for you moms...who's your favorite child!! bwahahahaha

Do you have any other classic rivalries to include? Play along!

The difference between Grandpas and Grandmas

2012-01-05T08:53:00.002-05:00

by Dianne

Have you ever wondered what the difference is between grandmothers and grandfathers? Well, here it is:

There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his daughter's family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take his 7-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time--just him and his granddaughter. One particular Saturday, however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel like being up at all. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be disappointed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter for the drive. When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather, who was still in bed. "Well, did you enjoy your ride with Grandma?" he asked. "Oh,yes, Pap Pap, it was really wonderful. We didn't see a single asshole, piece of crap, horse's ass, blind bastard, dip shit, or son of a bitch anywhere we went!" Almost brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?

NEW Ohio Law: Beware!

2012-01-04T08:48:00.005-05:00

by Maureen

The Ohio Highway Patrol are cracking down on speeders heading towards and into the city of Cleveland. For the first offense, they give you two Cleveland Browns tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.

Q. What do you call 47 millionaires sitting around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A. The Cleveland Browns .

Q. What do the Cleveland Browns and Billy Graham have in common?
A. They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell 'Jesus Christ . '

Q. How do you keep a Cleveland Brown out of your yard?
A. Put up a goal post.

Q. What do you call a Cleveland Brown with a Super Bowl ring?
A. A thief.

Q. What's the difference between the Cleveland Browns and a dollar bill?
A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q. How many Cleveland Browns does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A. Nobody knows and we may never find out!

Q. What do the Cleveland Browns and a possum have in common?
A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

So sad, but so true!

"This Is My Story" - Ben Breedlove Flash Card Video

2012-01-03T09:03:00.034-05:00

by Michael

After cheating death three times, Ben Breedlove, 18, finally lost his life on Christmas night after suffering from a heart attack.

But not before he recorded videos of his life and near-death experiences and how at peace he felt when he believed he was leaving the world.

The Austin teenager had a life-threatening heart condition he fought every day as he was growing up.

He had a near death experience when he was four, fourteen and then less than a month ago.

In the video, he shares these experiences, including the bright light that brought him peace the first time around.

Talking about the white light he saw in the hospital when he was four he wrote: 'I couldn't take my eyes off it, and I couldn't help but smile. I had no worries at all, like nothing else in the world mattered.'

It was in his last YouTube video, uploaded on December 18, that he made the heartbreaking video, using a series of flash cards to talk about growing up with the heart problem.

He revealed he regrets not being like everyone else: 'I was never allowed to play sports that my friends did. It kinda sucks that I missed out on that part of my life.'

Death drifted close during a routine tonsil surgery this summer. And at school Dec. 6, Breedlove again nearly died.

His vision then was detailed: Dressed in a suit, he stood in a white room with a mirror but no walls. Accompanied only by Kid Cudi, his favorite rapper, Breedlove felt a sense of pride for everything he'd accomplished in his life.

"It was the BEST feeling," he wrote in one of the signs.

Kid Cudi placed a hand on the teen's shoulder, and he heard his favorite track by the rapper, one with the lyrics: "When will the fantasy end? When will heaven begin?"

The rapper posted this message on his blog after hearing of Ben's death: 'I am so sad about Ben Breedlove. I watched the video he left for the world to see, and him seeing me in detail, in his vision really warmed my heart.

'I broke down... To Ben’s family, you raised a real hero, he’s definitely mine. You have my love.'

That time, Breedlove wrote, he did not want to be revived.

An emergency responder who brought the teen back said he was smiling before he was resuscitated, said John Burke, a pastor at Gateway Church.

Watching the teen's video after his death, Kid Cudi "broke down," the rapper wrote on his blog.

Ally Breedlove, Ben's sister, sought to impart the meaning of her brother's message to hundreds of family and friends gathered at the church.

"Today is a celebration of the joy Ben brought to our lives," she said, "and it's also a chance to find truth in the message that he left for us."

At the end of Breedlove's video, he holds up two final signs. The first asks, "Do you believe in Angels or God?"

The second says, "I Do."

Burke, the pastor, asked mourners to consider the video's impact.

"Just think about the gift that Ben has left millions of people all over the world," he said. "He put thought into that last video."

Church Ladies with Typewriters

2012-01-02T08:57:00.000-05:00

by Maureen

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

--------------------------

The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

--------------------------

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.

--------------------------

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

--------------------------

Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

--------------------------

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

--------------------------

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

--------------------------

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

--------------------------

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..

--------------------------

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

--------------------------

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

--------------------------

Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

--------------------------

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..

--------------------------

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

--------------------------

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

--------------------------

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

--------------------------

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

--------------------------

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

--------------------------

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.

--------------------------

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

--------------------------

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

--------------------------

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:
'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.

~ Happy New Year - Auld Lang Syne ~

2012-01-01T00:01:00.002-05:00

by Tina~in_ut

~ New Year's Eve ~

2011-12-31T09:12:00.001-05:00

by Tina~in_ut

~ Would you rather...... ~

2011-12-30T08:52:00.052-05:00

by Tina~in_ut

A friend of mine at work has been playing this "would you rather" game with someone she just met through one of those online dating services. He thought it would be a great way to get to know each other. Some of the questions were really thought provoking. We decided to play at work and came up with some silly questions. Here's some for us:

1. Would you rather........be the richest person in the world -OR- immortal?

2. Which one would you stop? 9-11 -OR- the Holocaust?

3. Would you rather your daughter ....... had no friends -OR- was a slut?

4. Would you rather individually slaughter with your bare hands .... an average human baby -OR- 100 cute puppies?

5. Would you rather .... be able to speak with all animals -OR- be able to speak all foreign languages?

6. Would you rather ..... have x-ray vision -OR- the ability to fly?

7. Would you rather .....(knowing nothing can be altered)....know the date of your death -OR- the cause?

8. Would you rather ..... have an excellent relationship but terrible sex -OR- have an awful relationship with incredible sex?

9. Would you rather live as a ..... black man in the southern U.S. in the 1800's -OR- woman in Afghanistan now?

10. Would you rather ..... get caught by your parents having sex -OR- catch your parents having sex?

11. Would you rather ...... be blind -OR- deaf?

12. Would you rather see ..... a murderer go free -OR- an innocent person sentenced to death?

13. Would you rather live life as a .... hoarder -OR- heroin addict?

14. Would you rather go without ...... brushing your teeth -OR- washing your hair?

15. Would you rather have the ability to ...... end all hunger and disease -OR- make everlasting world peace?

16. Would you rather be a ..... Mormon -OR- a Scientologist?

17. Would you rather find out that ..... your wife is the local backpage escort -OR- the best new adult start is your 18 year old daughter?

18. Would you rather spend the rest of your life ..... in jail -OR- as a slave?

19. Would you rather live with ...... no arms -OR- no legs?

20. Would you rather go without ...... the internet for a month -OR- a car for a month?

New Year's Resolutions for 2012

2011-12-29T08:57:00.022-05:00

by Shirley

For some reason this new year the resolutions have more to do with driving habits, personal hygiene and the safe handling of explosives instead of the usual lose weight, get more exercise and eat less canned meat products. Okay, maybe that last one isn't usual.

This year, I resolve to:

Always replace the gas nozzle
before driving away from the pump.

I will always "check for paper"
when leaving the restroom.

I will try to drive closer to the speed limit.

I will always wear clean underwear, "just in case".

I will keep an extra safe distance when driving behind police cars.

I will no longer park the BMW
next to fire hydrants.


and never again will I try to diffuse an explosive device with the help of a known practical joker.

Have a Safe and Happy New Year!

The Sad World Of The Misunderstood House Spider

2011-12-28T08:38:00.004-05:00

by Michael

If there’s one arthropod with an unfortunately bad rap with the human world, it’s the spider. Generally reclusive and non-threatening to people, spiders eat all the creatures that annoy humans (mosquitoes, flies, roaches) while occupying the empty crevices of human shelter. And yet their very presence makes the average person go after these benevolent creatures with a fury. And so is the sad world of the Misunderstood Spider:

Man's Recipe

2011-12-27T08:55:00.003-05:00

by Dianne

Ladies - pass this on
Men - let this be a lesson

A man is showering up in a locker room
With his buddy when he notices his friend
Is very well endowed.

'Damn, Bob , you're hung!' Jim exclaims..
'I wasn't always this impressive; I had to
Work for it.'

'What do you mean?' Jim asked.

'Well, every day for the past two years
I've spent an hour each night rubbing it
With butter. I know it sounds crazy but
It actually made it grow 4 inches! You
Should try it.

'Jim agrees and the two depart'

A few months later the two are back in the
Same locker room and Bob asks Jim
How his situation was.

Jim replied, 'I did what you said, Bob ,
But I've actually gotten smaller! I lost
Two inches already!'

'Did you do everything I told you? An
Hour each day with butter?'

'Well, we don't use butter, so I've
Been using Crisco.'

Wait for it ..........

Wait ...........

You know it's coming...

Crisco!!' Bob exclaimed. '

Damm it, Jim,

Crisco is shortening!

MORAL OF THE STORY:
You gotta follow the recipe & men don't listen!

~ Shit Girls Say ~

2011-12-26T08:51:00.001-05:00

by Tina~in_ut

~ Merry Christmas ~

2011-12-25T09:00:00.020-05:00

by Tina~in_ut

I hope all of you have a wonderful and blessed Christmas spent with family and friends. Big hugs/parenthesis for those of you missing loved ones this year. ~Merry Christmas~

~ 2011 - TSO - Christmas Eve in Sarajevo ~

2011-12-24T08:51:00.002-05:00

by Tina~in_ut

10 Gifts No One Wants

2011-12-23T08:44:00.042-05:00

by Shirley

It's definitely the thought that counts when it comes to holiday gift giving. However, even the smallest amount of consideration will suggest that the following 10 very unique gifts will not be appreciated by anyone on your list this year.

The iPhone Virtual Reality Viewer


It's been 30 years since we first starting talking about the concept of "virtual reality," and, while it's been the subject of countless movies and TV shows, we're not partaking in virtual reality on a daily basis. So, it's highly unlikely anyone would really want to receive what amounts to a pair of binoculars you clip to your iPhone to watch 3-D videos.

Bacon Candy

Sure bacon is ultra-trendy, but the fact is bacon candy (or any of the other myriad bacon-flavored food items) isn't going to taste good. The recipient of this gift would pop one in his mouth, spit it out, and never look at the tin again. A better gift: A subscription to the Bacon of the Month club.

Drive Scorpion Jacket

Drive, the film starring Ryan Gosling was a critical hit this year, but does even the most ardent fan want to wear the scorpion-accented satin jacket Gosling wears throughout the movie? Probably not.

Kackel Dackel

Apparently Kackel Dackel is one of the most popular kids' games in Europe and is set to take America by storm this holiday season. However, we can't imagine actually giving a child a flatulent plastic dog whose mess he has to pretend to clean up. Yikes.

The Situation's GTL Garment Bag

Jersey Shore's "The Situation" might be really into laundry, but no one outside the Shore wants to tote their clothes around town in a branded GTL garment bag-even if it does convert into a hamper, duffel bag, or laundry bag.

"F" Bomb Paperweight

Fred Conlon's "F Bomb" paperweight sculpture is sort of clever, but we're not sure anyone would be too thrilled to open up a package containing an "F bomb."

USB Fishquarium

The USB aquarium seems like a gag, but it's real! This strange gadget contains a 1.5-liter fish tank; pencil cup; task light; display that features a clock, calendar, and temperature sensor; and a speaker that plays soothing nature sounds. The entire thing is powered via your computer's USB port. It's another gadget that sounds cool, but no one would ever use for longer than five minutes.

Ron de Jeremy Rum

No one (and we mean no one) wants to open a bottle of porn star Ron-Jeremy-branded rum. Not even if it's been aged for seven years and expertly crafted by Master Distiller Francisco "Don Pancho" Fernandez.

As Seen on TV Forever Lazy

As the Snuggie was to 2009 holiday gifts, Forever Lazy will be to 2011 gifts. But, remember how unenthused you were to receive that Snuggie? Exactly. Don't give anyone Forever Lazy.

Shock Ball

We've likely all played a game of hot potato at some point, but chances are we haven't ever played it with a ball that will randomly emit an electric shock. That's probably because we spend our lives avoiding electric shocks, not tempting fate by playing games where we might get zapped. As much as you think you can cajole your family into playing on Christmas morning, leave this one on the shelf.

Ice Cream

2011-12-22T13:15:00.000-05:00

by Shirley

This was sent to me by a co-worker and I knew some of you would enjoy it.

Last week, I took my grand-children to a restaurant.
My six-year-old grand-son asked if he could say grace.
As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you for the
food, and I would even thank you more if Nana gets us ice cream for dessert. And
liberty and justice for all! Amen!"
Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby, I heard a woman remark,
"That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray.
Asking God for ice cream! Why, I never!"
Hearing this, my grand-son burst into tears and asked me, "Did I do it wrong? Is
God mad at me?"
As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job, and God was
certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table.
He winked at my grand-son and said, "I happen to know that God thought that was
a great prayer."
"Really?" my grand-son asked.
"Cross my heart," the man replied.
Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added (indicating the woman whose remark had
started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little
ice cream is good for the soul sometimes."
Naturally, I bought my grand-children ice cream at the end of the meal. My
grand-son stared at his for a moment, and then did something I will remember the
rest of my life.
He picked up his sundae and, without a word, walked over and placed it in front
of the woman. With a big smile he told her, "Here, this is for you. Shove it up
your ass you grouchy old bitch! "

How to Do the Heimlich Maneuver

2011-12-21T08:40:00.001-05:00

by Michael

With the holidays fast approaching I thought it would be a good idea to share this with you all. Choking because of an obstructed airway is a leading cause of accidental death. If a choking person is not coughing or is unable to speak, that's your cue to perform the Heimlich maneuver immediately. Here are a few steps to help save a choking victim. After watching the informative video I suggest familiarizing yourself more with this life saving technique by googling any additional information you might need.

THE NERVE OF SOME PEOPLE!!!!!!!

2011-12-20T08:46:00.005-05:00

by Shirley

I went to get my car and some PRICK HAD ME BLOCKED IN.

MY INNER DORK SURFACES...AGAIN!

2011-12-19T08:44:00.002-05:00

by Maureen

If there is a category and award for DORK of the DAY, I would like to nominate myself!

Picture this...Sicily 1935...Ooops, sorry I was having a Golden Girls moment.

I drive a silver Accord. It seems to be a pretty popular model around here. It is a 2001 sedan. Nothing fancy, but in pretty good shape. Especially the front end which was replaced last year after that old hussy T-Boned me.

So, tonight I go to the gas station to buy a pop and smokes. I was the second car on the right. The car to my left was parked in front of the Red Box, where there was a couple getting movies.

When I came out, I walked up to "my" car and noticed a nasty rusty scratch on the left front side. I walked up to it and felt it, rubbed it and proceeded to cuss out the body shop that had done the repairs. What did they use that made my car start to rust out?There was nothing that I hit and it just seemed odd. I then proceeded to open the driver's door and wondered, out loud, why "my" door wasn't locked. At that point, I'm sure you can guess what comes next.

As I am about to get into the car, the woman getting the movies hurries over and informs me that that is HER car! Yep. Of course I could only say..."yes, it is and that is my car", pointing to my car. I was sooooo embarrassed! Then the guy says he was just glad I didn't take his pizza!! I apologized and got into MY car (and the door was indeed locked) and listened the laughter resonating from my cars twin!

At least they laughed!! And after the red drained from my face, so did I!!

If I do indeed win the DotD Award, following is my acceptance speech!

I would like to thank my miniscule bladder for not allowing me to sleep thru the night, leaving me so tired I can't recognize my car!

I would like to thank my boss for letting me work overtime every night since last week that has left me so tired I can't recognize my car!

And I would like to thank all my friends and family that recognize my eccentricities (or insert the word dork-osity) and accept and love me because of, or in spite, of them!!

I sure hope I am in the right house and using my lap top!!!

Deck the Halls

2011-12-18T08:47:00.000-05:00

by Dianne

Now - if this doesn't get you to toe tapping - chances are - nothing will.

~ Your Know Ur Getting Old When ~

2011-12-17T08:49:00.003-05:00

by Tina~in_ut

All of your favorite movies are now re-released in color.

At cafeterias, you complain that the gelatin is too tough.

Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."

Everything hurts and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work.

In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.

It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

It takes twice as long to look half as good.

Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.

No one expects you to run into a burning building.

People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

The clothes you’ve put away until they come back in style … come back in style.

The little gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.

The pharmacist has become you newest best friend.

There’s nothing left to learn the hard way.

Things you buy now won’t wear out.

When getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

When happy hour is a nap.

When you are cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of the police.

When you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

You and your teeth don’t sleep together.

You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays…"

Damn You Auto Correct

2011-12-16T08:41:00.006-05:00

by Zona

YouTube Challenge - I Gave My Kids a Terrible Present

2011-12-15T08:58:00.002-05:00

by Michael

BLACK FRIDAY SHOPPING PRANK!

2011-12-14T09:04:00.003-05:00

by Michael

Tickle.....TICKLE!!!!!!!

2011-12-13T08:57:00.018-05:00

by Shirley

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.
The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new Employee.

He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena .

'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, 'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...'

'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.'

The Carol of the Day

2011-12-12T09:08:00.005-05:00

by Jodi

It’s that time of year again. And as much as I enjoy seeing everyone’s posts about the season, one FB friend is just cracking me up!! She has been posting a snippet of lyrics every day. I’m calling it The Carol of the Day. The only thing is, she can’t spell worth a crap!! Thus my amusement. Enjoy!!

1. and the song for the day is.......chestnuts roasting on a open fire jack frost nipping at your nose......

2. Feel free to add on to the song of the day......Oh come all ye faithful joyful

3. Todays song ......It came upon A Mid night Clear that glories sound of all. With Angle standing near the..............

4. Todays song (whiCh I thought I did at 1 ). On eveRy street conneR you'll hear Silver bells Silver bells its christmas time in the city. Hear them ring

5. Todays song.......... Over the river and threw the woods to grandma's house we go the horse knows the way.........

6. The song for the day: silent night holy night all is clam all is bright........

And just a mere 24 hours later…a slight variation:

7. Todays song......silent night holly night all is claim all is bright

It has been the first thing I check when I get up!! She is truly a sweet person. Is it ignorance or auto correct. I have no idea!!

All I Want For Christmas Is You

2011-12-11T09:04:00.005-05:00

by Michael

~ $5.37 ~

2011-12-10T08:58:00.049-05:00

by Tina~in_ut

My mother-in-law sends me these jokes. I just recently found out that she sends me the ones about being old to subtly tell me that I'M old!!~ That wench~ I thought I'd pass this on to the truly aged~ :)~

$5.37...that's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the hardest thing anyone has ever said to me.

He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the... Senior citizen discount."

I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said cheerfully.

I stood there stupefied. I am 56, not even 60 yet? A mere child! Senior citizen?

I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me?

I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.

Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler?

"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?"

I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind!

"Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"

I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing.

That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.

Then, a few other objects came into focus:

The car seat in the back seat.

Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard.

A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.

Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.

Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish

stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.

I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time.

There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?" All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here"? At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.

Elmo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on

my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake." I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.

She offered these kind words: "It's OK... My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."
All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40 mph zone.

Yessss, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.

As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey.

The good news was I had successfully found my way home.

Captain Smartypants sings Dreidel

2011-12-09T09:03:00.003-05:00

by Michael

How To Lose Weight French Style

2011-12-08T08:58:00.005-05:00

by Dianne

Here's a new reason to exercise, ladies!

Salsa Dancing Chihuahua

2011-12-07T09:02:00.006-05:00

by Michael

~ Bye Bye Birdie ~

2011-12-06T08:44:00.031-05:00

by Tina~in_ut

It's been a month, and we still miss it. I will see other mothers at school and it's the first thing we say to each other. The kids miss it, too. So many people have come up to me and the hubby to tell us how funny our daughter was in the musical. "She was fantastic!" "She was hilarious!" "She stole the show!" "Did you know she had it in her?" Of course I did! Everyone thinks she gets it from me, but her dad had the lead in all the musicals in high school. She's a natural. I'm very proud of her. This Thursday is her try-outs for the spring play. I don't know the name of it, but she's not too excited about it. She'll try out anyway~

Here's some pictures from Bye Bye Birdie~


On the right.

Mae Peterson and her son Albert.

Love this picture...I can just hear her New York accent.

Propositioning Conrad Birdie.

I love her eyes in this one.

She had three scenes that REALLY cracked me up. This is one of them.

She finds out Albert and Rose are getting married.

Not to be outdone, check out that spotlight action. That would be my boy!~

~The Cast~

Cost of items in '12 Days of Christmas' tops a total of $100,000 for first time

2011-12-05T08:57:00.007-05:00

by Shirley

I read this and thought "Hmmm someone has too much time on their hands, but it is interesting!", so I decided to share with all of you!

PITTSBURGH, Pa. - The price of partridges, pear trees and turtle doves has spiked, pushing the cost of every item mentioned in the carol "The Twelve Days of Christmas" above $100,000 for the first time.

Holding mostly steady this year: maids-a-milking, ladies dancing, lords-a-leaping and gold rings.

The 364 items repeated across all the song's verses would cost $101,119, an increase of 4.4 per cent over last year, according to the annual Christmas Price Index compiled by PNC Wealth Management. The broader government Consumer Price Index increased by 3.9 per cent over the same period.

Those with the money to spend would end up with 12 drummers drumming, 22 pipers piping, 30 lords-a-leaping, 36 ladies dancing, 40 maids-a-milking, 42 swans-a-swimming, 42 geese-a-laying, 40 gold rings, 36 calling birds, 30 French hens, 22 turtle doves, and 12 partridges in pear trees. (The price does not include bird maintenance.)

But buying just one set of each verse in the song will cost $24,263 this year — a moderate 3.5 per cent rise.

Eleven pipers piping will set you back $2,427, but that's a relative bargain compared to seven swans-a-swimming, which cost $6,300. That's a 12.5 per cent rise over last year.

Jim Dunigan, managing executive of investment for PNC Wealth Management, said the core rate of increase is less than half the 9.2 per cent jump last year.

"The story in general is wages are still a very sluggish part of this economy," said Dunigan, who noted that the price of eight maids-a-milking at minimum wage was $58 — the same as in 2009.

Five gold rings even declined a bit, Dunigan said, to $645, from $650 last year.

But last-minute shoppers who turn to the Internet may be in for some surprises. The core list that costs about $24,000 in stores will come to $39,860 online — a whopping 16.1 per cent increase over Internet prices last year. Dunigan said the high cost of shipping live birds explains some of the difference.

Six items didn't go up in cost this year: French hens, calling birds, gold rings, maids-a-milking, ladies dancing and lords-a-leaping. Pipers piping and drummers drumming rose 3 per cent. The partridge is still the cheapest item, at $15, and swans the most expensive.

PNC Financial Services Group Inc. checks jewelry stores, dance companies, pet stores and other sources to compile the list. Some of its sources this year include the National Aviary in Pittsburgh and the Philadelphia-based Pennsylvania Ballet Company.

Trans-Siberian Orchestra - Christmas Canon

2011-12-04T08:53:00.003-05:00

by Michael

You may think you see Ozzie Davis in the audience......it's him.....they are going to be in

Austin Tx December 21st.....

~ Carlsberg Beer Commercial ~

2011-12-03T08:59:00.006-05:00

by Tina~in_ut

The producers of this beer commercial borrowed a small 150 seat cinema playing a popular film, and filled 148 of its seats with rough-looking, tattooed bikers, leaving only two free seats in the middle of the theater. They then allowed theater management to sell tickets for the last pair of tickets to several young couples.

What would you do?

Watch till the end…

Retirement Planning

2011-12-02T08:49:00.004-05:00

by Shirley

If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.
With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.
With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock, you would have $49.00 left.
... But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of wine one year ago, drunk all the wine, then turned in the bottles for the recycling REFUND, you would have had $214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

Let people you care about know this... And tell them to start now! I am passing this information on as a public service . . . There is no need to thank me.

~ The 12 Gays of Christmas ~

2011-12-01T08:44:00.004-05:00

by Tina~in_ut

Every dang time I watch this, I laugh and dance and sing~ Hope you do, too~

HAPPY, HAPPY, SKIP. SKIP

2011-11-30T08:48:00.010-05:00

by Just_Lin

Today was a quiet Sunday at home. I was just starting to simmer some meat for beef stew when I noticed that every time my granddaughter, Kaylee, went from one room to the next, she was skipping. This had not been such a good idea a little earlier in the day when she and the dog, Ursula, collided resulting in Ursula getting kicked by a knee right in her mouth, and the granddaughter crumpling to the floor with grand theatrical wails about the tooth puncture that was now in her knee. Fortunately, after applying an ice pack to the knee, all was well very soon and the skipping began again.

My granddaughter's jubilant skipping made me reflect on my own moments of joy and wondering when the last time was that I was that happy and carefree that it could manifest itself in skipping. I decided that it was last February when I met Custard for a road trip. I flew up north and he met me at the airport. It was a great reunion because we hadn't seen each other in a long time. After the hugs and kisses, we started walking hand in hand to the baggage claim area. I had to stop for just a moment, and jump up and down a couple of times while clapping, all the while grinning ear to ear. I was so very happy at that exact moment. My joyous display made him laugh. We had a lot of good laughs on that trip and I cherish every memory.

Can you recall the last time you felt so happy that you just wanted to skip or jump up and down?

Stupid Warning Labels

2011-11-29T08:44:00.009-05:00

by Shirley

These just make me wonder what moron out there has tried this stuff to make us need these labels. Things that make you go hmmmmmmmmmm!!

On a disposable razor: Do not use this product during an earthquake.

On a can of Fix-a-Flat: Not to be used for breast augmentation.

On a lawnmower: Do not place hands or feet under mower when engine is running.

On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning keep out of children.

On a portable stroller: Remove infant before folding for storage.

On a Magic 8 Ball: Not advised for use as a home pregnancy test.

On an infant's bathtub: Do not throw baby out with bath water.

On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard: Do not drive with sunshield in place.

On a Petco brand dog muzzle: Not suitable for children.

On Tampax Tampons: Remove used tampon before inserting new one.

On the package of an Ace Garden Hose: Do not spray water into an electrical outlet. Severe electrical shock could result.

On a hair dryer: Do not use in shower. Never use while sleeping.

On a roll of Life Savers: Not for use as a flotation device.

On the case of a chocolate CD in a gift basket: Do not place this product into any electronic equipment.

Time Lapse From Space - Literally. The Journey Home.

2011-11-28T09:10:00.005-05:00

by Zona

This is so cool!! I think I saw my house..did you see yours?? ;D

Amazing Grace

2011-11-27T08:57:00.007-05:00

Sung by The Blind Boys of Alabama

Submitted by Just_Lin

Since this is a Sunday Music Video, I thought it would be nice to have a gospel. This is the Blind Boys of Alabama singing "Amazing Grace" to the tune of "House of the Rising Sun". The Blind Boys of Alabama are a gospel group that first formed in 1939 at the Alabama Institute for the Negro Blind.

The Chauffeur...

2011-11-26T09:10:00.047-05:00

by Dianne

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.

'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'

'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today.'

'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! What if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning..

'Who's going to tell?' says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 km's.. (Remember, the Pope is German..)

'Please slow down, Your Holiness!' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

'Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!' moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going 205 kph.

'So bust him,' says the Chief.

'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,' said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed,' All the more reason!'

'No, I mean really important,' said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, 'Who do you have there, the mayor?'

Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: ' A senator?'

Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: 'The Prime Minister?'

Cop: 'Bigger.'

'Well,' said the Chief, 'who is it?'

Cop: 'I think it's God!'

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, 'What makes you think it's GOD?'

Cop: 'His chauffeur is the Pope!'

Ten worst gifts to buy a woman

2011-11-25T09:00:00.009-05:00

by Shirley

1. Never give a woman any kind of household appliance or something that is going to make "housework" easier. For instance, a blender, a toaster, a new vacuum, one of those mops they advertise on tv that does everything but suck the life out of you, anything in a informercial. One allowed choice is a new washing machine with a turbo spin cycle. (Makes laundry day go by pretty fast when you can at least sit on it during spin-dry and end up smiling the rest of the day.)

2. Any bulk cleaning supplies, "honey, I got you that large box of Tide you have been wanting." "This Windex should last you a while." "I got a good deal on the industrial strength toilet bowl cleaner." All I can say is, be prepared to run. I have faith that if you would have at least stopped and thought about what would be a much more intimate gift, you would have had the sense to spring for the $5 Chia Pet you were eyeing in Kmart.

3. Any sharp objects made by Ronco which slices or dices, or a set of ginsu knives. These may one day be used as a weapon against you when you come home with lipstick on your collar after a "night out with the boys."

4. Do not buy gifts for yourself and pretend they are for her. "Honey, I'm sure you'll get a lot of use out of the new drill I bought you." By then she will have put it to good use by drilling a quarter inch hole into the side of your skull for even thinking she would accept such a lame gift. After a gift like this, you probably won't be around for NEXT Christmas.

5. Any lingerie made of flannel, such as a pair of feet pajamas with a trap door in back. A Little Mermaid or Barney cartoon character nightgown. It gives her the idea that you do not consider her the beautiful woman that she is. Take out that wallet and buy her something sexy from Victoria Secret (just like you did for your mistress or other girlfriend).

6. No name perfume which costs you $1.99, such as Eu de Toilet, which actually smells like the bathroom, moldy fruit, or your dirty socks. If you are going to buy her perfume, spring for the brand names.

7. Any type of cubic zirconia jewelry you see on the Home Shopping Network. It will be quite embarrassing when she is showing off that fabulous diamond to her friends and tries to cut glass with it. (We actually test them you know.) Also, now would not be a good time to buy her that set of diamond nipple clamps you always wanted to, you know how we like to show off our jewelry and it could get embarrassing at the New Year's party when she decides to show them off to your buddies.

8. Please do not buy her clothes because you think for one minute you have good taste in woman's clothing. Well, perhaps you might if you are a transvestite, but all in all, believe me, she'll smile and say its beautiful while choking back tears and mumbling under her breath, "were the hell would I ever wear this outfit without being arrested for bad taste?" An additional hint, plaids do not go with stripes (even though you think your golfing outfit looks just fine). Its a known fact to the rest of the world that that is a taboo. In the Northeast, that's like wearing white after Labor Day.

9. Do not give her a gift certificate to Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers. Most men would know better, especially the ones who have learned the correct response to "do these pants make me look fat." If you are one of the poor souls who still doesn't get it and purchased a gift like this, be prepared for the silent treatment for a month. (Although that may be something you would actually look forward to.) A better alternative would be hiring a Chippendale dancer as a personal trainer to get her motivated into getting fit.

10. Last but not least, never buy a woman anti-wrinkle cream, or a book on "How not to be Nasty Sunday through Saturday." These are not considered gifts, they are considered reasons for seriously injuring the person who bought it and just may stand up in court of law.

~ Happy Thanksgiving ~

2011-11-24T08:46:00.010-05:00

by Tina~in_ut

The Power of PixelSense

2011-11-23T09:01:00.012-05:00

Samsung's 40-inch SUR40 for Microsoft Surface tablet on pre-order...

by Michael

Samsung's SUR40 for Microsoft Surface: Table, tablet, or maybe both?

Well, it surely isn't very mobile, but it is on pre-order in 23 countries, including the U.S.

The 40-inch touchscreen device, as the name implies, runs Microsoft's Surface software, which is most often found in Surface tables inside Microsoft Stores. The New York Times has done some experimenting with an older version of Microsoft's Surface technology too.

Microsoft and Samsung also showed off the SUR40, which has a 4-inch-thick display, at the Consumer Electronics Show in January and now you can buy one too -- if you've got the cash.

So, how much will it cost and when will it ship?

Obviously the SUR40 isn't meant to compete with Apple's iPad on price or size.

Jason Redmond, a Samsung spokesman, clarified the pricing and shipping details for the Technology blog in an email, saying: Pricing is $8,400 USD for just the display unit and $9,049 with the legs as shown in the photo. It is sold without the legs for customers who are building a tabletop or display furniture around the SUR40. We will start shipping to customers in early January, not long after CES.

I know these are out of reach for us 99%.......but I just get excited about whats coming...and this is something we will all have in the not too distant future.

Of course I'll get one as soon as they ship.....I always have to be first. But as many of you may know...this isn't new....this touch and move stuff......they have just made it way better.....

btw...The Rosie show has turned out to be rather good.

~ No Excuse ~

2011-11-22T08:49:00.036-05:00

by Tina~in_ut

For the first time, I was excited to see the First Lady and Dr. Jill Biden! They were in Homestead for the last NASCAR race of the season. Only three points separated Carl Edwards and Tony Stewart, so everyone was anticipating a great race.

Mrs. Obama and Dr. Biden were there to promote the Joining Forces Initiative. They were there to recognize military servicemen and women and their families.

"For both Jill and I, this is our first NASCAR race. And this is a huge race," Obama said. "It's a big deal. The fact that NASCAR is taking the time ... during what is probably the most tense time of their whole race season, that they're putting the focus on all of you, is just what we want you to know."

Obama and Biden also visited the drivers' meeting, where the First Lady told the competitors to be safe, and also and talked of her Joining Forces mission. "We just wanted to stop by, because NASCAR has been so supportive, not just today but everyday, of our military families," she said. "... Just as you all know, you couldn't be doing what you're doing without your families, these military families are stepping up in ways that are amazing. Days like this remind them that they do have a country that cares and appreciates what they do."

I was actually proud to see Mrs. Obama and Dr. Biden, along with Sgt. Andrew Barry, his wife, and four sons, give the command to "start your engines!" What I was horrified at was the fact that people chose to be so petty as to boo the First Lady and Dr. Biden. Who does that? (That's a rhetorical question! I'm very aware of who does that!) I can sorta understand if they were to boo the President or Vice President. Those two ran for office and it's part of the job. These women have done nothing but support their husbands and didn't deserve this, especially since they were there to do good and support our troops. I've never been a fan of either lady, but come on. Show some respect. You just make the NASCAR community look worse and more backwards than before.

I was also worried about the four children. They don't completely understand what is going on. I worried that the younger ones would think THEY were being booed. Maybe I just worry too much. Maybe not enough. I don't know. All I do know is, there is NO EXCUSE for booing these women! RRROOOAAAAARRRR!!~

Wills & Wills

2011-11-21T08:41:00.077-05:00

The other Prince William: The uncanny parallels between Wills and the dashing but doomed cousin in whose memory he was named

by Michael

Two men named William. Both princes, both pilots. Both polo players with a taste for danger. Both Eton-educated, handsome men of the world. One is destined to be our future king, while the other has been long-forgotten. Yet it is after Prince William of Gloucester, who died young in 1972, that the Duke of Cambridge was named. Next month, the older prince should have been celebrating his 70th birthday, but his life was cut tragically short. William of Gloucester, son of the Queen’s uncle the Duke of Gloucester, was Prince Charles’s hero — the man upon whom the future king modeled himself, and whose example, in so many things, Charles followed.

William was a dashing polo player, so Charles took up the sport. William chose Cambridge for his university education, so too did Charles. William had a fatal taste for married women, and — as we all know — Charles followed suit. But above all, William was cool — the one thing the young, earnest, wet-behind-the-ears Prince of Wales wanted to be but never quite achieved; though his dreams and ambitions to be that man live on in the son who was named after him.

William of Gloucester was just 30 when the Piper Arrow single-engine aircraft he was piloting in an air race crashed, killing him and his co-pilot outright. The shock that ran through the Royal Family was colossal, but the person most affected by the loss was his first cousin once removed, Prince Charles, who was 23 at the time.

Though the older man presented a perfectly conventional exterior to the outside world, clad in tweeds or polo blazer, he was somehow different to the other Windsors. He refused a career in the armed services — unheard-of in those days — and tried hard to turn himself into an ordinary citizen, even though at the time of his birth he was fourth in line to the Throne.

He was the first member of the Royal Family to gain a university place through open competition, the first to arrive without the shadow of a private detective. When he went up in 1960, college staff were instructed to address him as ‘Prince William, Sir’, though the bedmakers who tidied his rooms soon slipped into calling him ‘Mr Prince William’. He worked hard for his history degree, though he modestly told his tutor: ‘I’m afraid we are not a very bookish family — I can’t work more than five days a week.

He was right about the unbookishness. His father, the Duke of Gloucester — younger brother of King George VI and the Duke of Windsor — had a well-earned reputation as a buffoon, while his mother, Alice, a daughter of the Duke of Buccleuch, was a prim and rather silent matriarch. Reading was not a priority in the family. But William was bold, stylish, different. Like his present-day namesake, he loved skiing, shooting and nightclubs — and drove a high-powered sports car.

While at Magdalene College, Cambridge, he conceived an expedition across Africa in two Land-Rovers accompanied by six friends — an odyssey echoed 45 years later by the 1,000-mile road trip across the same continent by Princes William and Harry in 2008. He also threw himself into the social side of life at college. At the beginning of his third year, he masterminded a traditional mock funeral procession for two undergraduate friends who were being sent down for failing their exams. The ‘deceased’ sat bolt upright in open coffins pulled on a cart through Cambridge, and accompanied by pallbearers including the Prince, and two trumpeters. Invitation cards with heavy black edges had been sent out for the event.

After graduating, William looked round to find himself an ordinary job. ‘I’m blowed if I’m going to be treated as a mascot,’ he wrote to a friend. ‘I may be arrogant and conceited in thinking myself capable of succeeding in some other career. But, on the other hand, I am going to have a bloody good shot at showing that, though I’m just a rather junior appendage to … the Monarchy, I can do as well as anyone else in some capacity where I have no privileges or advantages.’ To him, the Army seemed to be ‘the easy way out, and I want more of a challenge out of life’.

He signed up for a course at Stanford University in California, broadening his knowledge with the study of American history, German and Russian affairs, and economics. He then traveled incognito through America and Canada, earning admiring glances from the women he met, none of whom knew his privileged position back home. He took a job at Lazard’s merchant bank but hated it. Then, after three attempts at passing rigorous Foreign Office entrance exams, he won himself a job as Third Secretary at the British High Commission in Nigeria.

It was while here that he became aware of the first symptoms of a rare and incurable blood disease called porphyria — the self-same condition that had seized his ancestor George III, and from whom he had probably inherited it through several generations. And when Alan Bennett wrote The Madness Of King George, his Oscar-winning 1994 film, Prince Charles — having learned at first hand through conversations with his cousin William the perils of the disease — interested himself deeply in the production. As a result, all royal children are now routinely screened for this rare but pernicious condition.

Despite suffering fevers, nausea, and dizziness, William determined it should not affect his career or his leisure pursuits, and applied for a Second Secretary’s job at the British Embassy in Japan. It was in Tokyo that he fell desperately and hopelessly in love. The object of his affection was a Hungarian divorcee, seven years his senior, Zsuzui Starkloff. Having been briefly introduced to him, Zsuzui sent her chauffeur round to the embassy with a handwritten note saying: ‘Dear Prince Charming, I have a slipper missing. Would you like to come to a party?’

Later, William’s old Eton friend Giles St Aubyn recalled: ‘She was witty, intelligent, attractive. The rumors started to fly. ‘William sparkled in her company and she helped him enjoy life in Japan. [But] the relationship overshadowed everything else. ‘It resulted in a period of great anguish for him, for it involved him in disagreements with his friends and family.’ Most of all, it put the fear of God into royal courtiers back at Buckingham Palace. By this time, the succession had been assured with the births of the Queen’s four children, but the shadow of the old Duke of Windsor and his obsession with a twice-divorced woman was still fresh in people’s minds. Zsuzui Starkloff was not only twice-divorced, like Wallis Simpson, but had two children. She was also Jewish. Courtiers feared a colossal backlash if the relationship became public, but William pressed on —determined she should be accepted by one and all. Princess Margaret, passing through Tokyo, was introduced to her. This encounter emboldened him to bring Zsuzui back to Britain. He had written to his parents, enclosing photographs of Zsuzui, asking what their reaction would be if he proposed marriage to her.

‘They were against it,’ Zsuzui recalled later. ‘It came as no shock to me. I was seven years older than William for a start, divorced, and a different religion. I knew it was doomed.’ The prince did not. The couple arrived at Heathrow and drove to the Gloucesters’ country home, Barnwell Manor in Northamptonshire, where Zsuzui was introduced to the Duke and Duchess. So insistent was the Prince that he should have his way that she stayed on for six weeks in the company of his parents. He even took her to Balmoral and introduced her to the Queen.

That visit was sufficiently successful that later, on a flying holiday in California — he had taught Zsuzui how to pilot a plane — they discussed marriage. ‘We were very much in love,’ she later recalled. The relationship lasted nearly four years, but in the end William buckled to what he must have known was the inevitable conclusion of their relationship, and called a halt. He explained to a friend: ‘I am bound by the Royal Marriages Act [which required the Queen to give her consent to any marriage — which was unlikely in Zsuzui’s case]. There is no question of ignoring it.’ But the couple continued to write to each other, and Zsuzui lived in hope their love might be rekindled. ‘It was not all over,’ she recalled.

William resigned from the Foreign Office and took over the running of the family estate. The porphyria which had developed years before had not gone away, and he suffered increasingly uncomfortable symptoms. To ease the stress which came with those symptoms, he stepped up his flying, entering air competitions in his Piper Arrow. It was on August 28, 1972, that William took off, accompanied by an experienced co-pilot, Lt-Commander Vyrell Mitchell. They were taking part in the Goodyear International Air Trophy being held at Halfpenny Green near Wolverhampton. Soon after take-off, the plane executed a 120-degree turn towards the first leg of the course. ‘The angle of turn made by the Piper Arrow was observed to be too steep,’ according to his old Cambridge supervisor, Dr Ronald Hyam. ‘The aircraft lost height, cut through the top of a large tree, losing part of its wing, then rolled over, diving inverted into the ground, and burst into flames. Both pilots were killed instantly.’ As Dr Hyam adds: ‘It was a desperately sad and terrible end to the life of a remarkable young man of many talents, admired by all who knew him.’ The prince’s great love, Zsuzui Starkloff, paid her own tribute to him by gaining a commercial pilot’s licence and working in the aviation industry, delivering aircraft to customers. Today, she lives in Colorado and, at 77, no longer wishes to be reminded of her lost love. She never remarried.

Prince Charles, for a time, paid his own personal tribute to his cousin by growing the mutton-chop whiskers that were William’s trademark. He emulated his cousin on the polo field, on the ski-slopes, in the air, on the grouse moor — and in the bedroom. His relationship with the then Mrs. Camilla Parker Bowles had more than an echo of William’s own passionate love for Zsuzui Starkloff. But in the naming of his first-born son after Prince William of Gloucester, Charles paid the greatest tribute possible to the man he most admired in the world.

~ Long Hot Summer ~

2011-11-20T08:50:00.006-05:00

by Tina~in_ut

I thought I'd pick a Keith Urban song for today and found this new one. I've never heard it before, but I love it~ Love him, too~ :D

Mirror Mirror

2011-11-19T09:07:00.004-05:00

by Michael

The Snow White fairy tale has been told and retold since before the days of the Brothers Grimm, and come March 16 director Tarsem Singh will unveil his own version, "Mirror Mirror." Audiences can now get a glimpse of his work, as Relativity Media has released the first full trailer for the film, starring Julia Roberts as the evil queen and Lily Collins ("The Blind Side") as Snow White.

With ornate sets and costumes and sweeping snowy vistas, the trailer hints at the lush visuals Tarsem (as he prefers to be known) has made his trademark. Roberts seems to be having fun playing the catty queen, and Collins shows off some action moves as the leader of a group of bandits — seven diminutive bandits, of course.

The trailer comes on the heels of Tarsem's ancient-Greek action spectacular "Immortals," which opened Friday and dominated the box office over the weekend, and the recently released trailer for that other Snow White vehicle, "Snow White and the Huntsman," which stars "Twilight's" Kristen Stewart and Charlize Theron as the evil queen and is set to open June 1.

"Mirror Mirror" also features as its charming prince actor Armie Hammer, who is currently on screen opposite Leonardo Di Caprio in Clint Eastwood's political biopic "J. Edgar."

~ Marcel The Shell With Shoes On, Two ~

2011-11-18T08:59:00.011-05:00

by Tina~in_ut

I wasn't going to do this, but since Michael liked yesterday's video so much, I thought I better post part 2~ Enjoy~ :)~

~ Marcel The Shell With Shoes On ~

2011-11-17T09:11:00.008-05:00

by Tina~in_ut

I walked by the Master Control Room at work and everyone was standing around one girl's desk staring at her computer. I walked in to see what they were looking at and this is what I saw~ Cracked me up~

Chicken Fillets

2011-11-16T08:57:00.000-05:00

by Michael

It's thanks to my 'chicken fillets' bra-boosters that I'm alive today, says woman who survived horror car crash

Broken ribs would have pierced young mother's heart

Her padded bra saved Lisa Somerville's life according to medics

Young mother Lisa Somerville cheated death in a horrific car crash - thanks her bust-enhancing bra.

The 28-year-old was driving home in a violent rainstorm on a notorious stretch of road when she lost control of her car and careered head-on into traffic. The mum-of-one had to be cut free from the car by firefighters and was rushed to the Royal Infirmary with a punctured lung, four cracked ribs and a broken nose. And when she finally regained consciousness, doctors told her the 'chicken fillets' in the lining of her bra, which she hated so much, had actually saved her life.

Lisa said: 'I suffered a punctured lung and cracked ribs, but thanks to my chicken fillets I was still alive. I was told that otherwise my ribs would certainly have pierced my heart.'

Her brush with death came while she was driving back from work to her home in Kirkintilloch, near Glasgow. Lisa rounded a corner on a busy, narrow, twisty side road and hit her brakes too hard losing control of the car before ploughing head-on into another car coming in the opposite direction. When she came round moments later, she had shooting pains throughout her body, the doors were jammed and she couldn't escape.

She said: 'I was driving home from work, stupidly not wearing my seat-belt, when I lost control of my car and crashed on a slippery wet road.'

'I was in a bad way - but I was still breathing. As doctors peeled back my clothes to get a better look at the damage, they noticed the skewered chicken fillets inside my bra.'

'I was 'doubling up' - wearing four altogether - so that was what gave me the extra protection that saved my life.'

Lisa, who has an eight-year-old daughter Jodi, added: 'I couldn't believe my luck, or the irony that something I'd hated for so long had saved my life.'

She admits she has worn chicken fillets - often doubling up to increase her bust - since she was a teen. And she revealed how she was often jealous of her peers when growing up because of her chest and she hated wearing skimpy tops and bikinis, preferring to stay covered up. Now working as a receptionist at a hair and beauty salon in Kirkintilloch, Lisa added: 'I hated my chicken fillets and constantly feared they'd fall out at the most embarrassing moment.

Skewered: The shattered 'chicken fillets' that saved Lisa. She was wearing two inserts on each side because she was so conscious about her breast size

But that night, for the first time in my life, I was grateful for them.'

There was, however, an unwanted side effect to the life-saving fillets as it drew attention to her ultra-flat chest and AAA breasts. Friends, family and those she worked with at Aviva Insurance in Bishopbriggs were stunned that a bust-boosting bra helped her cheat death.

Lisa said: 'I couldn't escape my biggest insecurity and it left me more miserable and depressed than ever about my inadequate body. I'd wanted a boob job since I was 12 and the unwanted attention after the accident was the final straw.'

After recovering from the crash, which happened in May 2009, the self-conscious young Scot finally decided to go under the knife and have a breast enhancement. In September last year, Lisa paid $6500 to upgrade her breasts from a AAA to a 30E.

She said: 'I'm ten times more confident and happier than I've ever been, I'm even giving my new boobs a birthday celebration to mark their anniversary I love them so much. But I'll always be thankful to the chicken fillets that saved my life.'

~ A Perfect Day ~

2011-11-15T08:49:00.032-05:00

by Tina~in_ut

Today was my favorite type of day. The leaves have turned, but haven't fallen. The mountains are covered with snow. AND it's 50 degrees outside. That's nice and warm. It felt so good to stand outside in the sun. There was a slight breeze. The sky was a beautiful shade of blue. There were just a few clouds and the air was crisp and clear. Perfect really~

William Frawley and Vivian Vance

2011-11-14T08:47:00.023-05:00

by Michael

~ Someone Like You ~

2011-11-13T09:07:00.002-05:00

by Tina~in_ut

Some Bozo sent me this video. I loved it so thought I would share it~

~ Tampons & Vodka? ~

2011-11-12T08:58:00.006-05:00

by Tina~in_ut

I about died when I heard of this! It's absolutely crazy! I'm almost afraid to bring it up with my kids. I don't want to give them any ideas, but they probably already know about this! Ugh!~

Redneck Poetry

2011-11-11T08:47:00.001-05:00

by Maureen

~ The Way ~

2011-11-10T08:38:00.028-05:00

by Tina~in_ut

My parents saw this movie and the hubby heard about it from friends. On Monday, he called me just as I was leaving work and asked if I wanted to go see it at 4pm......"but what about the kids?" We brought them with us. I don't think the boy cared for it, but the girl and I and hubby loved it. If you get a chance to see it, do~

"The Way" is a powerful and inspirational story about family, friends, and the challenges we face while navigating this ever-changing and complicated world. Martin Sheen plays Tom, an American doctor who comes to St. Jean Pied de Port, France to collect the remains of his adult son (played by Emilio Estevez), killed in the Pyrenees in a storm while walking the Camino de Santiago, also known as The Way of Saint James. Rather than return home, Tom decides to embark on the historical pilgrimage to honor his son's desire to finish the journey. What Tom doesn't plan on is the profound impact the journey will have on him and his "California Bubble Life.”

Inexperienced as a trekker, Tom soon discovers that he will not be alone on this journey. On "The Way," Tom meets other pilgrims from around the world, each with their own issues and looking for greater meaning in their lives: a Dutchman (Yorick van Wageningen), a Canadian (Deborah Kara Unger) and an Irish writer (James Nesbitt), who is suffering from a bout of writer's block.

From the unexpected and, oftentimes, amusing experiences along "The Way," this unlikely quartet of misfits creates an everlasting bond and Tom begins to learn what it means to be a citizen of the world again. Through Tom's unresolved relationship with his son, he discovers the difference between "the life we live and the life we choose."

THE WAY, written and directed by Emilio Estevez, was filmed entirely in Spain and France along the actual Camino de Santiago.

Turning 65

2011-11-09T08:50:00.004-05:00

by Dianne

I am turning 65 this month and simply cannot believe it. Now I know that it isn't old but yet I remember when my parents turned 65 and I am now feeling like I am them. I have many friends that are older or close to my age and they all seem so much younger. This is just a little mental thing I am pondering over....silly

This has been a year (like50) that has bothered me. I been bomb barded with information from any place that wants you for a Medicare supplement and Medicare itself. There have been so many things to read and call on and still have a question mark on your face as you hang up from the conversation. Surely, I am not the first person to in counter all this medical attention. At 50, I didn't like getting all the AARP things but this is much worse. Do I want Part A or Part B or would I just like Part D......"scream"

My grandchildren are quick to point out that I am getting older. They told me when I "start smelling like an old person" they would let me know so I could change it. I wonder what an old person really smells like? They are the ones guiding me on how to put on eye shadow or liner so I look "cool". How I have done it for all these years.....I must have been wrong! They are now planning on how old I will be to see my great-grandchildren some day and remember one time my grandson thought I was alive when Lincoln was killed.

Yes, there are some positives....like being alive and fairly healthy; getting social security and medicare and best of all is being retired. But when I hear on our news about a new highway or light rail that will be done in the year 2020......I often wonder if I will be here to see it. I can't do all the things I used to do even though in my mind I think I'm 30 and can do anything. The body has a way of reminding you of just how old you are now. I don't think next year will bother me but 65 means my next big one is 70. Do I wish I was younger.....yes.....I would like to be about 50 again....maybe do some things differently but the age....yea, bring it on little genie in the bottle.

I can see that my younger husband (of one year) and I stay home more and enjoy it. When I look out that window and see that snow falling, I usually cancel whatever I have planned for the day now that I don't "have" to get out in it for work. We have just settled down.

My hair will always be auburn (never gray); my nails will always be nice and hopefully those chin hairs will never be visible. I threaten my daughter in case I am ever in a home that those things have priority. Yes, I guess I am vain even after all these years. I volunteer for the Bingo at the nursing home and sometimes someone mistakes me as a resident...now we have badgers....,much better.

I just wondered if anyone else gets these feelings as they reach or have reached a certain age. I'm not sad but I am still in disbelief that I am 65 years old!!!

George Strait ACM Artist of the Century All Star Concert

2011-11-08T08:56:00.002-05:00

by Zona

Grand Canyon Skywalk

2011-11-07T08:50:00.013-05:00

by Zona

In 2007 someone came up with the crazy idea to open the Grand Canyon Skywalk...I know..I know..a lot of people think that standing on a piece of glass almost a mile above the canyon..wearing Swifter booties on your feet..is cool..but not me. I just know if I ever got up the nerve to step out on this thing..someone behind me would slip...fall into me..and I would go sock slidin' right over the edge and end up a puff of dust just like Wile E. Coyote. Yes, the Grand Canyon is beautiful...but I'll look at it from waaaaaay over here..ok? ;D

~ Sexy and I Know It ~

2011-11-06T08:48:00.002-05:00

by Tina~in_ut

This makes me laugh SO hard. A girl at work told me to watch it and I still can't stop laughing when I see it~