by Tina~in_ut
~DAD~
When I was young, my father was the nicest, sweetest man you’d ever want to know. Everyone loved my dad! He was so kind and funny, yet very quiet. I wanted to marry someone just like him when I grew up. He took us camping, hiking, played games with us, made games for us, and taught us how to make things, which is where I think I get my creativity from.
My dad is a carpenter……“just like Jesus” is what he would kiddingly tell us! After church on Sundays, we would go for a drive to see what he had been building during the week. When we were really little, they were mostly housing tracts. As we got older, his work became more specialized. When I take my kids to Disneyland, I show them the candy store and point out what my dad built. There is also an office building by my brother’s house where my dad built most of the arches and the cupola. I proudly point that out too. I can’t tell you how many times growing up I heard, “Who wants to go to the hardware store with me?” It’s funny how my brother’s and sister and I would climb all over each other to be the one to go with him. He would only take one of us at a time. I can still smell the wood….we always entered the store from that side. “Wood is good!” That’s his motto!
Last year everything changed. EVERYTHING! Dad’s neck had been bothering him and by the end of June, it was so bad, he wasn’t sleeping. My dad is not the type to go to the doctor. EVER! I remember him coming home from work once when I was a teenager with his t-shirt torn diagonally down his back. It was all bloody and I screamed and asked him if he was okay and did he need to go to the doctor. He said it was only a scratch and that he’d have mom clean it up. I learned later that he had fallen off a roof and “scraped” his back on a 2 by 4 as he came down. He also had a concussion, but God forbid he should go see a doctor. So last June, when his neck started hurting so bad that he had to hold his head up with his hand, my mom and sister finally talked him into going to see a doctor. That doctor told him that he had a pinched nerve and to take ibuprofen. He went home and nothing changed. My sister made him an appointment with a neurosurgeon for July 3rd. They went and that doctor took x-rays. My father was asked if his hands or arms tingled. They didn’t. He was asked if he had walked into the office. He did. He was told that his neck was broken in two places and that he needed to go immediately to the hospital. He wouldn’t!
My entire family lives in California. I live in Utah. My sister lives with my parents. It took us two days to talk my dad into going to the hospital. He told me over the phone that he knew if he went in, he’d never come back out. I told him, “If you don’t go in, you’ll end up paralyzed!” It was a miracle that he wasn’t already paralyzed! My sister called me at work at about 7:15pm on July 5th to tell me that they got dad into the hospital. They put him in a halo brace and he was scheduled for surgery the next morning. All I remember is running into my bosses office to tell him I was leaving and why, driving home while on the phone telling my daughter what clothes to pack for me, and my husband driving me to the airport. I made the 9pm flight and was in ICU with my dad by 11pm. From the day he entered the hospital until the day he left, he was only alone for an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening when the nurses changed shifts. We arranged for one of us to be with him at all times no matter what.
After the surgery, we learned that dad had a tumor in his neck that caused his C2 and C3 to shatter. And even worse, the tumor was cancerous. He was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma. We were devastated. They couldn’t do anything about the cancer until we knew that his neck was stabilized and on the mend. He was in the hospital for 17 days. I was there for most of it, but was able to go back to work because my sister was there and since she’s a teacher, she had the summer off. Between the two of us, we scheduled appointments and who would go to which ones with our parents. I still laugh at the looks on his doctor’s faces when all four of us would show up for his appointments as a group!
Dad didn’t want to see anyone at first, but when he did, the first people he asked to see where my in-laws. Go figure. I still think it odd. They aren’t the best of friends, but they have my family in common. My dad even planned what to feed them for dinner. My sister and I thought that was odd, but didn’t say anything. It wasn’t until my in-laws were there that my dad realized that he couldn’t eat. He still had his feeding tube and could not swallow. So we enjoyed the roast, and he had his liquid diet. Later in August, I brought my kids to see my dad. I wanted them to see him so badly. Of course, I warned them about what they would see, and they didn’t even blink an eye when they saw him. It was a good visit and kept my dad from dwelling on his problems.
Dad in his Halo and my oldest in his Sea Cadet uniformIt wasn’t until September that they started treating my dad for the cancer. He was put on chemo pills, steroids, and an assortment of other meds. I remember the day in the oncologist’s office when we were told he would be on chemo pills for life. My dad had just said something incredibly mean to me in front of my sister and mother. I was upset. When they told dad, I couldn’t even feel sorry for him. He was visibly upset, as was my mother and sister. And I was just mad….and hurt. We learned that there are two side effects from the chemo: constipation and/or depression. I prayed for constipation!
In October, he got his Halo brace off just in time for his 70th birthday. They gave him some neck braces, but he never really wore them. He has rods in his neck and he will never be able to move his neck again, which frustrates him to no end. He gets so mad now, so easily. He rants about everything. I go to see him once a month to go to the doctor with him, so it’s my mom and sister who get the brunt of his temper. We’ve all learned to let it go in one ear and out the other. I know my silly, funny father is still in there somewhere. I just have to look a little harder now to find him.
My sister and I have decided that we have to stop worrying. We believe that something other than cancer will take my dad. The man was on my aunt’s roof recently trying to fix it. He gets up on ladders and even drives! We’ve decided to stop trying to protect him and let him live life the way he wants to.
~ Dad and Tina ~ Taken last Sunday ~ I am eternally grateful for the doctors and nurses who have taken care of my father. I’m grateful that he can walk. I am blessed to have a family who stuck together to help each other through this. And I am ever so happy to still have my dad and my children’s papa around for just a little longer. I love you, Dad. Happy Father’s Day~
