A Foodie Blog....

by Bonacci

I have a menu. I don’t like to go to restaurants, but there’s one at the local mega-mall that has really good marinara sauce, which I like to dip bread in; a habit I picked up in Italy. I was there recently and nicked one of their paper menus whilst picking up the sauce. It’s called Sisley, which sounds to me like a cheap Americanization of Sicilia, or Sicily.

My eating habits are probably strange. Carl’s Jr. has a good BBQ chicken sandwich which isn’t terrible for you. It costs almost $5, but I cut it in half and get two meals out of it.. Even better is the Subway foot-long sandwich. I can make 4 meals out of that and it also costs $5.00. $1.25 for a meal is a good deal to me. We are tossing caution to the wind though, and are going to order a complete Italian meal off this menu.

First is Antipasti. There is Mozzarella-Marinara for $9.25 and Shrimp Scampette for $13.95. I like both these items, but I try to eat healthy, so I’d order the Grilled Vegetables for $9.95. This would normally be more than enough for me. But I’ll go on because Sisley says I should.

Next you have Insalata. I’ll have the Insalata Primi with romaine, cucumbers, tomatoes and peas. It’s also the cheapest salad offered at $6.50. It might cost me an extra $1 to get them to throw some spinach in because it’s good for me.

Now, the Pasta . I like Alfredo, but it’s terrible health-wise, so I don’t eat it. Instead, I’d get the Chicken Penne, which comes with spinach and a white wine/olive oil sauce. It looks light and healthy, adds some protein and costs me $15.45.

By this time, I’d have to fart so bad, I’d be dancing in my chair.

Finally, we arrive at Secondi, or the main entrée. Italians love their meat. Prime Ribeye is offered for $28.95, but I don’t eat red meat. I want to avoid over-carbing, so I look for something without breading or pasta. Grilled Country Herb Chicken for $16.55 looks just fine. It’s marinated in white wine, fruit juices, herbs and spices. Broccoli is thrown in as an added extra for the monster fart that is now inevitable, whether I consent or not. Broccoli farts are almost as bad as Frito farts.

No meal is complete without an espresso and dessert. Sisley doesn’t list their desserts. They just point out that I should have one. Okay. I’ll blow like Krakatau anyway, so I might as well. I have no idea how much one of these desserts costs, so let’s be generous and say espresso and dessert costs $10.00.

I have just eaten a meal that cost me $58.45. Sales tax is 9.25%, add what, 20% for a tip? This meal that I didn’t want has cost me $76.63. That’s insane!! Who does this? That $76.63 would buy me just over 14 Subway sandwiches. At 4 meals per sandwich, 2 meals per day, I could survive happily for 28 days on what that one meal cost.

Do you all eat like this (Carol)? When you do go out, what do you normally order and what do you expect to pay? Sometimes a Chicken sandwich from the Counter Burger at $8.50 a pop is a treat. Special occasions demand halibut from the marina fish market for $15.00. It’s worth every penny. So. Let’s all virtually order our favorite meals today. No shame, no judgments. There’s a money tree in your wallet and you won’t gain an ounce. Cholesterol evaporates and diabetes doesn’t exist. What’ll it be?

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