YOU KNOW YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY WHEN.......

by Shirley

You have to hitch hike to the bank to make your car payment.

Your suggestion box starts ticking.

Your secretary tells you the FBI is on line 1, the DA is on line 2, and CBS is on line 3.

You see your stockbroker hitchhiking out of town.

People send your wife sympathy cards on your anniversary.

You see your wife and your girlfriend having lunch together.

The plumber floats by on your kitchen table.

Your pacemaker has only a thirty day guarantee.

The pest exterminator crawls under your house and never comes out.

A copy of your birth certificate comes in the mail marked null and void.

Your children's school calls to surrender.

It takes you three hours to make minute rice.

You're so bored you play hide & seek alone.

People give you the senior citizen discount and you're only 37.

Your wife tapes your picture to the dart board.

The brides family throws rocks instead of rice.

Your wife wraps your lunch in a road map.

Your horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell's Angels motorcyclists.

Your twin sister forgets your birthday.

Your income tax refund check bounces.

You put both contacts in the same eye.

Your doctor tells you that you're allergic to chocolate.

You invite the peeping Tom in...and he says no.

You wake up face down on the pavement.

You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.

You see a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office.

You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.

Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.

You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your pantyhose.

Your wife says, "Good morning, Bill" and your name is George