The Classifieds

by Shirley

As the following classified classics will demonstrate, there are often more laughs on the advertising and classified pages than you can find in the cartoon and comic strips:

* Lost: small apricot poodle. reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

* A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine foods expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.

* Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00

* For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

* For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.

* Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

* Now is the perfect time to get your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too!

* Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory

* We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

* Great Dames for sale.

* Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

* Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

* Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

* Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

* 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.

* Illiterate? Write today for free help.

* Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

* Mother's helper - peasant working conditions.

* Ladies and gentlemen, now you can have a bikini for a ridiculous figure.

* When you are thirsty, try 7-Up, the refreshing drink in the green bottle with the big 7 on it and u-p after.