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Thursday, July 7, 2011

'Economic Stimulus'

by Sac Barb

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.

This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:


Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?

A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.


Q.. Where will the government get this money ?

A. From taxpayers..


Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?

A. Only a smidgen of it.


Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?

A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.


Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

A. Shut up.


Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka ..

* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.

* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan or China ..

* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala ...

* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea ..

* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan ..

* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by:

1) Spending it at yard sales, or

2) Going to ball games, or

3) Spending it on prostitutes, or

4) Beer or

5) Tattoos.

(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S. )

Conclusion:

Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day !

No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.
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19 comments:

  1. iteachJuly 7, 2011 at 9:32 AM

    Top of the Morning to you!

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  2. ZonaJuly 7, 2011 at 10:37 AM

    Good Morning!!

    Good one BARB!! I think I'll get a stimulating tattoo..any suggestions? ;D

    Top of the Morning to you too ITEACH!! You're looking absolutely beautiful this morning!

    Well we survived the dust storm..Mr Z drove through it and I had to go out into it to retrieve our garbage can that was blown out into the middle of the street. It was really eerie to not be able to see the house across the street..very strange. Our pool is a mess..but we are slowly cleaning that up and getting it back to normal.

    MICHAEL: No UFO's got us..lol..they'd need a hell of a tractor beam to be able to pull us up..ijs..so no probing stories to tell..well no alien ones anyway.. ;D

    Waving a gritty hello to all who stop in..I hope everyone has a great day!

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  3. AnonymousJuly 7, 2011 at 10:59 AM

    Hi yall!

    Zona...how many people did you hear refer to this dust storm as a haboob? I mean really!

    well I am disappointed that there are no probing stories. But what a mess that must leave behind...

    Stay in Phoenix? Move from Phoenix? That storm could have been a deal breaker for me...

    I have a thing about dust. I was just looking at some Dresden figurines to be auctioned at Sothebys....and I was thinking...that stuff get dust where you can't even get to it to clean it! You have to have it done professionally!

    I seek out dust and eliminate it! Or lose sleep over it. And you can't get dust out of a corner...you have to get a Q-tip....and even then can you ever be really sure that you got it all?

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  4. AnonymousJuly 7, 2011 at 11:02 AM

    I didn't mean "what a mess" the probing must leave behind! I meant the dust storm...

    But now that I think about it...if not done properly....

    u may get "santorum"....

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  5. AnonymousJuly 7, 2011 at 11:04 AM

    but google "Santorum" and see what we did to Rick Santorums name....lol


    WELL! He said homosexuality was like bestiality!

    ReplyDelete
  6. TinkaJuly 7, 2011 at 12:14 PM

    Good Morning Iteach, Zona, and Michael.

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  7. TinkaJuly 7, 2011 at 12:15 PM

    Iteach - Congrats on first.
    I hope you and your beautiful children are having a fun summer.

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  8. TinkaJuly 7, 2011 at 12:18 PM

    Zona - So happy to see you have survived the dust storm. I watched a series of videos on u-tube and it was scary. It was unbelievable. I really think you should move up here.

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  9. TinkaJuly 7, 2011 at 12:20 PM

    Michael - I don't like dusting. I hire someone to do it for me. The other alternative is to pack all the figurines away in the trunk.

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  10. TinkaJuly 7, 2011 at 12:21 PM

    I am on my way to water therapy - the first one in a few weeks. I just have to get better at this.

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  11. TinkaJuly 7, 2011 at 12:23 PM

    My niece was released from hospital yesterday. We are now waiting for results from tests and hoping she won't need radiation or chemotherapy. She went through a lot in the last week. Why does there have to be such suffering in this world? I guess we won't know until we get to the next one. Have a great day all owls everywhere.

    ReplyDelete
  12. AnonymousJuly 7, 2011 at 12:57 PM

    Tinka!

    Don't forget your quacker!!

    oh! and I didn't mean that I actually dust...I have DUSTER do it...heavens to betsy!!

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  13. TinkaJuly 7, 2011 at 1:49 PM

    Well, that was a waste of time. I got to water therapy five minutes early and I thought they were doing their warm-up exercises but they were doing their warm-down exercises and it ended in 5 minutes. They had changed the time from 10 to 11 to 9 to 10. Then I thought I would exercise on my own and I was asked to leave the pool because it was just for swimming lessons. So here I am home again.

    Michael - What exactly is your DUSTER? Is it a person or a thing.

    Barb - I am sorry I didn't comment on your blog. I thought it was great.

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  14. AnonymousJuly 7, 2011 at 2:47 PM

    Tinka...

    Isn't that aggravating!!

    to answer your quershun...

    I just call people what they are...

    Duster: one who dusts....

    Cook: one who cooks..

    Driver: one who drives..

    Gardener: one who gardens..

    Butler: one who buttles..

    you can also call butler by his name....but the rest...who aren't allowed eye contact with say...me...well! what do they need names for...??

    and so on and so forth.....

    I have to run into the Hamlet...I have a couple of errands!! ME!! Errands!! I love errands...

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  15. sacBarbJuly 7, 2011 at 6:28 PM

    Happy Thursday Owls.

    Iteach, How lovely you look today. Summer agrees with you.

    Zona, LOL @ no probing stories to tell..well no alien ones anyway.. ;D I'm glad to read that you and Mr. Z did not get blown away. As for a stimulating tattoo suggestion...how about...who am I kidding, I got nuttin'

    Michael, Why not try shopping some garage sales while in the Hamlet?

    Tinka, Sorry you missed your chance for water therapy. They should have informed ALL the participants about the change in time. I'm still keeping your niece in my prayers. I hope she doesn't need chemo or radiation.

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  16. TinkaJuly 7, 2011 at 9:04 PM

    Michael - Thanks, it was aggravating and thank you also for the definitions. I now know what you call someone who 'buttles'. I hope you got all your errands done.

    SacBarb - Thank you for the kind words. I need all the prayers I can get for my niece. She has been very positive until today. It was not a good day for her today. Tomorrow will be better.

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  17. whabbearJuly 8, 2011 at 1:37 AM

    Barb: That was very good advice! LOL!

    Michael: You continue to serve up a frothy mix here in the nest!

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  18. whabbearJuly 8, 2011 at 1:38 AM

    Zona: Did the dust get in the house? Were you breathing it?

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  19. ZonaJuly 8, 2011 at 8:30 AM

    MICHAEL: I think every news and weather caster got a kick out of saying 'haboob' cuz they said it over and over again..it finally lost it's giggle..kwim? ;)

    I hate dust too..because I hate TO dust..just like laundry, it's the never-ending job..I asked friends and family a long time ago that 'no more dustables' be given as gifts..so far so good!!

    BEAR: The dust got everywhere..I'm sure I breathed it in when I got the garbage can out of the street. Health officials here are expecting the cases of Valley Fever to rise..I've lived here so long I've probably already had it so it doesn't worry me at all. Oh my! Did you read that? I said I wasn't worried!! There's hope for me yet! :D

    BARB: Thanks for trying!! :D

    TINKA: I will continue to pray for your niece..I hope she needs no further treatment! ♥

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