Back to Life

by Sac Barb

  Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house 
  Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse. 
  The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste 
  At the holiday parties had gone to my waist. 
  When I got on the scales there arose such a number! 
  When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber). 
   
  I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared; 
  The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared, 
  The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese 
  And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please." 
  As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt 
  And prepared once again to do battle with dirt--- 
  I said to myself, as only I can 
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man! " 
   
  So--away with the last of the sour cream dip, 
  Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip 
  Every last bit of food that I like must be banished  
  Till all the additional ounces have vanished. 
  I won't have a cookie--not even a lick. 
  I'll want to chew only on a long celery stick. 
   
  I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie, 
  I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry. 
  I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore--- 
  But isn't that what January is for? 
  Unable to giggle, no longer a riot. 
  Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet! "