Blonde Jokes

by Sac Barb

DISNEYLAND

    

Two blonds were going to Disneyland .  They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT.  They started crying and turned around and went home.   

 

FLORIDA OR MOON

     

Two blonds living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blond says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?'  The other blond turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'  

 

CAR TROUBLE

     

A blond pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.  After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, 'What's the story?' 

He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor.' 

She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'

SPEEDING TICKET

 

A police officer stops a blond for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.  Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'

RIVER WALK

     

There's this blond out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blond on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?' The second blond looks up the river, then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side!'

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE 

     

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. 

'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.'
   

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
    

The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blond.'

'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'

KNITTING

     

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blond behind the wheel was knitting!
     

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'
 

'NO!' the blond yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'

BLOND ON THE SUN

     

A Russian, an American, and a Blondie were talking one day. 

The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'The Blondie said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!'  

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.      

'You can't land on the sun, you idiot!  You'll burn up!' said the Russian.

To which the blond replied, 'We're not stupid, you know.  We're going at night!'

IN A VACUUM

     
A blond was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?'  She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?' 
 

FINALLY, THE BLOND JOKE TO END ALL BLOND JOKES!

    

A girl was visiting her blond friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blond responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
     

Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'      

 

'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blond. 'They're watch dogs'!