~ Merry Christmas ~

 

Sign From God

by SacBarb

A woman and a man are involved in a head-on collision… it’s a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of them are hurt.  

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, “So you’re a man, that’s interesting. I’m a woman. Wow, just look at our cars!  There’s nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.”

The man replied, “I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!”  

The woman continued, “And look at this, here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.”

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, and drinks half the bottle, handing it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cork back in, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, “Aren’t you having any?” 

The woman replies, “No. I think I’ll just wait for the police to arrive.”

Burial Plans

by Dianne

A man and woman were married for many years.  Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night.  The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" 
 
Neighbors feared him.  The old man liked the fact that he was feared.  Then one evening, he died when he was 98.  After the burial,  her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?" 

(HERE IT COMES!!!)

The wife said,  "Let him dig.  I had him buried upside down...and I know he won't ask for directions."

50 Years

by Dianne

After being married for 50 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "Fifty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 23-year-old girl.

Now .... I have a $750,000 home, a $45,000 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 73-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman.  She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve an old guy's problems!