~ Happy New Year - Auld Lang Syne ~

by Tina~in_ut

~ New Year's Eve ~

by Tina~in_ut

~ Would you rather...... ~

by Tina~in_ut

A friend of mine at work has been playing this "would you rather" game with someone she just met through one of those online dating services. He thought it would be a great way to get to know each other. Some of the questions were really thought provoking. We decided to play at work and came up with some silly questions. Here's some for us:

1. Would you rather........be the richest person in the world  -OR-  immortal?

2. Which one would you stop?  9-11  -OR-  the Holocaust?

3. Would you rather your daughter ....... had no friends  -OR- was a slut?

4. Would you rather individually slaughter with your bare hands .... an average human baby  -OR- 100 cute puppies?

5. Would you rather .... be able to speak with all animals  -OR- be able to speak all foreign languages?

6. Would you rather ..... have x-ray vision  -OR-  the ability to fly?

7. Would you rather .....(knowing nothing can be altered)....know the date of your death  -OR-  the cause?

8. Would you rather ..... have an excellent relationship but terrible sex  -OR-  have an awful relationship with incredible sex?

9. Would you rather live as a ..... black man in the southern U.S. in the 1800's  -OR-  woman in Afghanistan now?

10. Would you rather ..... get caught by your parents having sex  -OR-  catch your parents having sex?

11. Would you rather ...... be blind  -OR-  deaf?

12. Would you rather see ..... a murderer go free  -OR-  an innocent person sentenced to death?

13. Would you rather live life as a .... hoarder  -OR-  heroin addict?

14. Would you rather go without ...... brushing your teeth  -OR-  washing your hair?

15. Would you rather have the ability to ...... end all hunger and disease  -OR-  make everlasting world peace?

16. Would you rather be a ..... Mormon  -OR-  a Scientologist?

17. Would you rather find out that ..... your wife is the local backpage escort  -OR-  the best new adult start is your 18 year old daughter?

18. Would you rather spend the rest of your life ..... in jail  -OR-  as a slave?

19. Would you rather live with ...... no arms  -OR-  no legs?

20. Would you rather go without ...... the internet for a month  -OR-  a car for a month?

New Year's Resolutions for 2012

by Shirley

For some reason this new year the resolutions have more to do with driving habits, personal hygiene and the safe handling of explosives instead of the usual lose weight, get more exercise and eat less canned meat products. Okay, maybe that last one isn't usual.

This year, I resolve to:

Always replace the gas nozzle
before driving away from the pump.

I will always "check for paper"
when leaving the restroom.

I will try to drive closer to the speed limit.

I will always wear clean underwear, "just in case".

I will keep an extra safe distance when driving behind police cars.

I will no longer park the BMW
 next to fire hydrants.

and never again will I try to diffuse an explosive device with the help of a known practical joker.

 

 

Have a Safe and Happy New Year!

The Sad World Of The Misunderstood House Spider

by Michael

If there’s one arthropod with an unfortunately bad rap with the human world, it’s the spider. Generally reclusive and non-threatening to people, spiders eat all the creatures that annoy humans (mosquitoes, flies, roaches) while occupying the empty crevices of human shelter. And yet their very presence makes the average person go after these benevolent creatures with a fury. And so is the sad world of the Misunderstood Spider:

Man's Recipe

by Dianne

Ladies - pass this on        
Men - let this be a lesson    

A man is showering up in a locker room
With his buddy when he notices his friend
Is very well endowed.

'Damn, Bob , you're hung!' Jim exclaims..
'I wasn't always this impressive; I had to
Work for it.'

'What do you mean?' Jim asked.

'Well, every day for the past two years
I've spent an hour each night rubbing it
With butter. I know it sounds crazy but
It actually made it grow 4 inches! You
Should try it.

'Jim agrees and the two depart'

A few months later the two are back in the
Same locker room and Bob asks Jim
How his situation was.

Jim replied, 'I did what you said, Bob ,
But I've actually gotten smaller! I lost
Two inches already!'

'Did you do everything I told you? An
Hour each day with butter?'

'Well, we don't use butter, so I've
Been using Crisco.'

Wait for it ..........




Wait ...........



You know it's coming...


Crisco!!' Bob exclaimed. '


Damm it, Jim,

Crisco is shortening!


MORAL OF THE STORY:
 You gotta follow the recipe & men don't listen!

~ Shit Girls Say ~

by Tina~in_ut