Variation

"Something slightly different from another of the same type"

yuck! its just been one of those weeks
i am 47yrs old, and just feel so very different
than when i was 37, wow, what 10yrs has
done, it just seems it changed everything
about me, my likes and dislikes are the
complete opposite of what they were

i remember when i turned 40, i was sad
as i guess i knew things were going to
change, i just did not want to come out
of my thirties, i was not mentally prepared,
and my feelings were warranted, because
as each yr of my forties draws to a end,
i feel the change in me, i see it clear, i hear
it loud!

when i say change, i do not mean, my personality
or my eagerness, it is my thought process on daily
living, this is what haunts me, this is what has
changed the most, the feeling of bitterness has
entered my body, it is here, it never was

they say you get better with age, and i guess
for some people that is very well true, for me
however, i have changed to a person, that is
so different from what i was, at times i don't
recognize myself

as i type this, i am thinking "but why" such
a change, and my mind is telling me, because
you are not where you wanted to be, you
wanted something different, you strove for
something more, and then got lazy in the process
and agreed to "what shall be shall be"

there are times on this blog, that i really can't
believe my honesty how i open myself up,
everything i have written was within myself,
it is all true, it is all me

i know some will say, "47 is young" you
can still be where you thought you wanted to be

if only it were that easy, than i think we would
all be looking into a different light~~

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