Taking the Steps

did you ever feel that you are in another realm
that nothing else exists but the world that is
circling around you, for just that moment, and in
that moment reality just does not exist?

this past week, that is what i was feeling, a sense
of fantasy, each day as dawn would break and the
sunshine would envelop my room, i had to pinch
myself to make sure i was living this and not just
dreaming it

i decided a couple of weeks ago, i was going to treat
myself, as i have never done before, this trip was going
to be my "first class", and that it was, from the flight
to the beautiful suite, to the amazing dinners, it was
surely my "first class"

what is strange to me, is i thought i did not
deserve to do this, that i felt somewhat guilty for doing it,
i questioned myself so, and put myself in my so
familiar mode of panic and to my complete surprise, panic
was not to be, i found calm, i finally, after so many months found the yellow

i have promised myself, i will do this each year for as
long as i can, i will give myself that much needed fantasy,
i will never again, question my rights to be me

reality has now touched me, and my fantasy is now a
memory, and it is ok, because without fantasy, reality
can't exist, i have a renewed feeling, i found me, not
working me, not daughter me, just me!

we have one life, and i must remind myself of
this daily, as hard as it might be to make that step
i have no choice, for that step takes me to myself
and boy, what a great place it is to be

many times i have said this, and it is so very true,
no matter what it is, life, hurt, family, job, love, friends,
just take "baby steps" just a little at a time,
and before you know it, you will
be there!

~~first class awaits~~