Yup, Fall Is Finally Here!

by Shirley

Yup, Spring and Summer have come and gone and now Fall is finally here. As promised, here is my opinion on Fall. They should have called it the dead season, because everything dies. The leaves, in all their splendid colors crumble up and die. The grass that you spent hours cutting and sweating over to make it look better than Bubba's (who has a ride on mower and you just have a push one) next door, turns brown and dies. The flowers in your perfect little garden (which by the way were much prettier than Mrs. Bubba's next door) all die. Yup, Fall is finally here!

Kids have finally gone back to school. The ones going away to college have taken a piece of your heart with them, as well as a good chunk of your wallet! All the store have taken the Back To School sales off and are now sneaking in Christnas stuff where ever they can. Putting Christmas candy in with the Halloween candy thinking we won't know the difference between a candy cane and and a pumpkin sucker. Don't eat the candy cane anyway, it's old stock and you'll never get the wrapper off. They put out all the old ugly Christmas cards and wrapping paper they couldn't sell last year, mark it down a bit, and expect us to buy it. Which of course we do, cause it's on sale and we can't pass up a bargain, right ladies? Yup, Fall is finally here!

Oh and let's not forget Halloween, the time when kids get to scare the crap out of people, assault them with rotten eggs, toilet paper their yard, soap up cars and windows and get away with it all. Plus they get candy for doing it! What about all the Halloween decorations you have to carry up from the basement or sort through in the garage. You know you want your house to be the scariest on the block. So what if Mr. and Mrs. Bubba next door had a real vampire last year, you have a welcome mat that says "Boo!" when you step on it. Life doesn't get any better. Yup, Fall is finally here!

Of course when you talk about Fall you can't help but talk about the weather. All those wonderful leaves to rake, including the ones Bubba has blown over into your yard with his handy dandy leaf blower. At night you freeze your ass off and during the day you sweat your ass off. What's up with that? Make your mind up Fall...do I wear long johns or a bikini? You refuse to turn the heat on until the last possible day, hoping for one last heatwave, but the kids can see their breath in the house and are wearing every piece of clothing they own and still freezing, so you agree to turn the heat on but, only to take the chill off. Yup, Fall is finally here!

One last thing...BAMBI RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!! Don't let those stupid humans, dressed in orange get you! RUN, RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!

Can't wait for Winter!