by Tina~in_ut
Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test and best of all, you can do these simple exercises right in and around your home.
EXERCISE ONE:
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in door. Shut the door as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure.
Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough.
EXERCISE TWO:
Visit your garage at 3AM when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat with the other breast.
EXERCISE THREE:
Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts.
EXERCISE ONE:
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in door. Shut the door as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure.
Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough.
EXERCISE TWO:
Visit your garage at 3AM when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat with the other breast.
EXERCISE THREE:
Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts.
Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set up an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.
YOU ARE TOTALLY PREPARED!
YOU ARE TOTALLY PREPARED!
(I've already gone this year.....have you?)
pretty me~
ReplyDeleteoh oh oh! I forgot to add.....my appt was on wednesday...and she said I have dense, perky breasts! :)~
ReplyDeleteand on that note.....I'm going back to bed~ :D
ReplyDeleteGood Morning!
ReplyDeleteTINA: LOL@ your exercise suggestions! It was just a couple years ago when you gently suggested (ahem!) that I go in for my first mammogram. I was scared..but I went. I didn't find it that painful, just kinda embarassing having my boob slapped around like a loaf of bread! I had to go back three times that year..but at the last appt. they told me I was normal!! I think it's the first time anyone has said that to me! :D
My next appointment is in October..and I'm definitely keeping it! :)
Sweet dreams Sleeping Beauty! :)
CAROL: I'm praying for you to receive the strength to get you through today..as well as each day ahead. {{Hugs}}
ReplyDeleteSHIRLEY: Loved you fun facts..and just as everyone else said..the comments you made after each of them were priceless!
DIANNE: I could come up there and make my famous hot dogs or perogies for you while you recuperate! You always said I cooked like Martha Stewart..a real gormett.. ;)
Today's weather report..it will be a 105 with flurries. LOL..just testing.. ;)
Morning Glories!
ReplyDeleteTina you are so beautiful!
Dense and Perky, are you secretly a blonde???
Tina you blog sounds like a Saturday night at a bondage club. LMAO
My insurance recommends every two years. I think mine may be coming up soon. It is more a pain in the tit than scary.
Zona 105 with flurries??? Flurries of sand, dirt, bugs what???
Pretty you~
ReplyDeleteGood morning Hooters!
My favorite part of the exam is when they ask you all kinds of questions. Never fails to crack me up when they ask if I have any implants!
Hey Lynn, whats with the blonde jab???? LMAO
Good morning Zonabaaaaaaaaaaby! I am proud of you for going and that you are going back!
Morning Dense&Perky-in-ut! Congrats on 1st and please don't snore so loud!!
ReplyDeleteSo which one of these exercises have you done Tina?
I have never had a mammogram. I have no intentions of getting a mammogram and that's all I have to say about that!
Morning Zona, Lynn and Goldie!!
ReplyDeleteGot to get ready and go up to mum's. Catch ya all later!!
((((((((HUGS))))))) Carol!
Good morning!
ReplyDeleteTina you are just lovely this morning...
I go for a mammo every July. I need to call and make my appt for next month.
I had 1 callback, about 9 years ago. I had to go for an ultrasound and I was so scared.
Luckily it turned out to be a cyst and hasn't been seen since.
My mom had breast cancer, I would go every 3 months for a mammo if I could.
I don't like them but so worth it for the few minutes of discomfort.
I would also like to remind anyone over 50 to get checked for colon cancer. You can now do something called a FIT test, it is done in the privacy of your home and checks for hidden blood in the stool.
We have had several of our patients in the recent months who have had positive tests and were sent to GI for further testing.
If you can get a colonoscopy that is even better! I had one in April and the prep for it was much worse than the test itself.
I had a polyp which was removed. The pathology was benign, but it was the type of polyp that can become cancerous if not removed.
So now I will be going for the colonoscopy every 5 years.
My dad would not have had to go through major surgery and chemo if he'd gotten a colonoscopy years ago when he should have!
OK off to get ready for work, hope everyone has a nice day!
Sounds so fun Tina! NOT...and you are so pretty today!
ReplyDeleteHope you are sleeping soundly!
Hello Everybody!
Hey, I got that poke Kathy..lol. poked me right in here..and reminded me to stop by! Good morning
Good morning LynnD, Shirley and Goldie too!
Oops..EBJ good morning!
ReplyDeleteLYNN: Take your pick! We have it all! :D
ReplyDeleteGOLDIE: Hmmm..I don't think they ever asked me if I had implants..must have been the sag factor.. ;)
SHIRLEY: Uh-oh..you shouldn't have told TINA that..
EBJ: Honestly..that test scares me more than the mammogram..
BEBBI: I'm glad you got my posting poke..lol..hope it didn't hurt though.. ;)
I better quit farming and Family Feuding and get back to cleaning up around here! BBL! :)
Hello all....
ReplyDeleteall this tittie talk reminded me of Bob Hope and his signature song...
everybody come on...lets all sing along.....
THANKS FOR THE MAMMARIES
Thanks for the mammaries:
Your lingerie and bras, bikinis made me pause
On beaches East and West I’m thankful that we broke no laws
How lucky I was.
And thanks for the mammaries:
In showers dripping wet, spectacular you bet
I loved to hide your towels, when you called I’d run to fetch
How eager I was.
Now since you’re gone I wake up
I shower, the walls they are moldy
The radio blasting an oldie
Then I start to cry, no boobs now to die
For … thanks for the mammaries:
For every tease and thrill, such fun to climb those hills
I've lived a lot and learned a lot, you loved me not and still
I miss them so much.
Thanks for the mammaries:
You jumped - they danced a jig, I thought I’d flip my wig
Your cups did runneth over made my eyes like saucers big
How lovely they were.
Thanks for the mammaries:
Your temper was a fact; but truth I loved your rack
Tonight their image steals before me and I want you back
How perky they were.
Gone are Victoria’s Secrets
And gone are those cuddles together
But now I’m caressing a cold brew
And wishing that you, were sharing one too.
I know I’m a hopeless case:
I’ll never see another ... pair like yours, Oh, brother!
Your voice was like a chalkboard, but if I still had my druthers
I’d beg you to stay....
Happy Friday Owls.
ReplyDeleteTina, you are so pretty and perky today.
I just got a reminder from my doc to have my boobs squished. I have Kaiser insurance and they have a walk in clinic for mammos so I don't even have to make an appointment. They have made it very easy. Guess I better do that.
Zona, Flurries? Lynn beat me to it, but I was wondering too.
ReplyDeleteGoldie, I'm glad your family is safe.
Shirley, No lecture from me, but I'm sure you know what I'm thinking and that's all I'm going to say about that.
Carol, {{{HUGS}}}
DeeDee, love the Bob hope song. :)
Waving a wing also to EBJ, Bebbi and all the other Owls. BBL
Tina, I always knew you were dense, but perky? OOPS, you are talking about your boobs! I don't know, I never had a chance to reciprocate lol!
ReplyDeleteI hurt just reading your so called tests!
I have not ad a mamo in years.
DeeDee, your comment was my wake-up call, thanks :) I will make my appointment.
I hate taking naps, but I did today. Now I feel groggy!
I had to have my jeep in to the dealership at 8am! I didn't go to bed until after 2 am!
Here is the icky reason I had to go..
Yesterday on my way to my sister's I noticed a nasty smell coming through my car's fan. It was ba-a-a-ad! I 'bout gagged! It was hot,but couldn't put on the air. My service man only had one spot open, 8am! He tore stuff apart and didn't find a thing, but could smell the odder. H thinks a mouse crawed up somewhere and git stuck and I was smelling the decomposition! I could either pay $500 and have them look for it, or wait out the decomp.!!
He suggested I put gobs of baking soda in my jeep lol!
I am going to Vegas next week so I chose to wait it out. Anyone want to borrow it while I am gone ;-)
Zona, but it;s "dry heat" lol!!
ReplyDeleteLynnD,remem our Manor? A little bondage never hurt anyone...much lol!!
Goldie,they never ask me either, now I know why! lol!
Shirley, do you at least "feel yourself up" in the shower? ijs!
SacBarb, love the way you "didn't say anything about that" to Shirley. lol!!
EBJ,you sure sound like a nurse! I wonder why? :-) Good points! Thanks
Bebbi, good to see your bubbly self back!
bbl, I have one more batch of strawberry jam to make....
Ah, mammograms. I've had one. A gentleman friend informed me there was a "bump" in my boob. Feeling myself up, I found it, too. Then I paid a doc to feel me up; sort of like reverse prostitution. Then a nurse had her turn. Then the machine which by this time, was nowhere near as humiliating as what I'd already gone through.
ReplyDeleteA colonoscopy is much more entertaining, especially if you do it with a buddy. I swear, I never laughed so much in my life.
TINA...you are looking so dense and perky today! I have twins...floppsy and moppsy!
ReplyDeleteYour preparations were hysterical! Thanks for bringing humor to a serious subject.
CAROL...been thinking about you all day.
LYNN...I have been meaning to ask you all week how the fundraiser went last weekend. How'd it go?
MARY...how's your sister doing?
GOLDIE...you don't have implants?? LOL!
ZONA...LOL@ the flurries! You wish!! ;)
I went to see Joanne tonight. The weather was perfet so I told her we were going outside to sit and I wasn't taking no for an answer. She hasn't been outside in almost a month. She claimes she wanted to go many times but nobody would take her...she never asked! We sat out for about 1.5 hours and we had nice conversation...nothing heavy. I've learned to keep my mouth shut!!
ReplyDeleteThey are supposed to dump her next week because they feel she is non-compliant in her rehab. She got scared silly and is working her ass off now and they appealed the decision. Hopefully they will keep her at least an additional week. She is still non-weight bearing and if they send her home she could really do some major damage to the leg and she won't be able to get up and down the steps to get to her treatments.
Tomorrow the therapist asked us to come and watch her PT and OT so we can see what she is supposed to be doing. Should be interesting! After, they are ordering Chinese take out for lunch and we will have lunch together.
DEE DEE...i've been meaning to ask...have you heard from LISA as she is on her trek?
ReplyDeleteHey all.
ReplyDeleteMo: Way to go sweet lady! Good job getting Joanne out and keeping it light. That is awesome. :) So proud of you!! I bet she enjoyed getting out like that.
DeeDee: Love the song..lol
Mary: Hey to you and your stinky jeep. LOL, a MOUSE..that is funny..
Kathy: Thanks for the shout outs in FB. I really appreciate you!! :) You are so sweet to check up on me and be so kind!!! :) Your poke didn't hurt..it was a good reminder to get my ass over here and be my bubbly ole self.
Tomorrow hubby and I go to Churchill Downs for the day with friends. I have a mystery shop in the morning, workout and then off to the track. Any good tips from anyone will be accepted. I would love to win. :) So, if you have a horeracing enthusiast in your home..please feel free to give me a tip.
Trifecta, bifecta, superfecta..but please no infecta...
OMG>.that made me last..I meant Horseracing..my gawd..not HOREracing..roflmao..
ReplyDeleteYou whores wanna race? lol.
Still laughing my ass off at my own typo..omg..that was FUNNY!
ReplyDeleteAll I can remember is whore racing!!!! lmbo!!!!~
ReplyDeletewent to bed this morning.....and woke up to no internet!!! didn't get fixed until youngest came home from work....for some reason, he's the only one who can fix it! Thank God! Mary lost a crop!!!!~
ReplyDeleteThanks for all the comments today~
Goldie~ cracks me up when they axe me if I have implants! duh! of course I do!!!!~
This joke was on the wall in the boob squish room....it was the only one i'd never seen before~ Well, off to bed.....oh crap! Gotta load a blog! then to bed~ goodnight~
Bebbi.....second race...bet it all on Sizzleate
ReplyDeleteyou may also want to place a small wager on Hammered in Heels...just because YOU probably will be....lol
Maureen....last communication with Lisa was June 10th....right before they pulled out of Cloudcroft, New Mexico heading north. I am anxious to hear from her again but I hate to cramp their wandering style...once a week I leave a message on her phone....which I can tell is turned off because it goes straight to voice mail....I just try to say something official sounding in CB/trucker lingo...lol
over and out....10-4 and all that..
Sizzleate..got it, DeeDee..and yes, probably Hammered in Heels..LOL..!
ReplyDeleteBebbi, my Hubby said "no comment" on the horeracing thing! You're on your own! LOL!
ReplyDeleteGoldie, My sister is doing better today. She's thinking she shouldn't of had the surgeries so close to each other. This last one was more painful because of the screws in her toes!
I have to get to my farm! I need to harvest for an Italian Stallion :)
Mary: You better watch it..I know how you have a thing for those Italian stallions..lol..(as I do too)..hehe.
ReplyDeleteMiss you LADY@! Did you workout today?
Tina! You should have warned me. I may never recover from my lost crop!!
ReplyDelete(btw, my son has rescued me many times on the 'puter)
Mo, I wanted you to know that I admire your patience with Joanne. I would hope when my time comes, (getting older than I am now lol) that I would be considerate and appreciate those who are trying to help!
off to FV...
Hi Everyone..
ReplyDeleteThanks to all you have been thinking about me.. I appreciate it so..
The msgs and txts.. are appreciated as well..
I have not been up to talking.. when I do it seems I choke up.. It could be a client, a friend, a stranger.. and I lose it..
Today's service for Sal was beautiful.. all his priest friends when there all on the alter even the Bishop of Brooklyn NY was there, Sal knew them all well.. The alter was a sight to see, there were at least 15 priests that served mass.. with the Bishop leading.. I don't think I stop crying thru the whole service.. Ava Maria was Sal's favorite song, he even sang it well.. and when the choir sang it.. oh my goodness, I don't think any one was composed..
They had a repast after wards at the church, but I did not attend, I was way to shaken up.. Vincent and parents came with me, so we just left.. I said my goodbyes and explained to the family I could not do it, I just wanted to get to Gemini as that is where I felt I belonged..
I called the Bishops office and told his secretary to thank Bishop Nick and that I was sorry I did not attend the repast..
I hope everyone understood.. they seemed to..
Also.. one of Sal's cousin's loves to talk.. and he corners ppl.. when he talks ya kinda just listen and nod and pray that someone would rescue you.. and it always seemed he sought me out.. I gotta tell ya.. I do not know one word he said.. it all sounded like this.. yadda, yadda, yadda.. this is the other reason I could not go to the repast, in fear that he would find me.. sorry if it sounds mean.. but it is truth..
Vincent spent the day with me at work today.. he starts his new job on Monday.. I am going to miss him..
The office is so sober.. You can really feel that something is missing.. I will tell ya this.. even with me seeing him Saturday (passed) and seeing his ashes these last two days.. I still expect to see him walk in the office..
I wonder if I will every stop thinking he will walk in...
I took his voice mail off his cell phone and the work phone.. Cancelled him off payroll and our health insurance..
I have to tackle much more.. including his facebook account.. but I will wait to next week to do that..
I think I wrote a novella.. sorry.. and for the record I did not proof read.. so Tina.. don't get your # 2 out and make corrections.. :O)
I am going to bed, before Tina yells at me..
ReplyDeleteGood nite..
And many thanks..
Carol, you have had one tuff day! I can't even imagine what you must be feeling. I do know that you are a sweet soul and strong in many ways. I will pray that you find peace & know that many, many people that love you are sitting gently on your shoulders edging you on :)
ReplyDeletexoxoxoxox
Tina Pretty and perky. What a combo! I had my mammo in March or April.
ReplyDeleteShirley They make jokes about it but it's really not bad at all.
Sweet dreams, HOoters!
I'm just getting prepared in case I am still awake when the new blog posts! Maybe I can be pretty today...or maybe not!
ReplyDeleteTINA - I have had only 1 mammo....the year I turned 40. When I got back from Chicago I had a suspicious "something" that I had checked out. Turns out it was only a zit that I had squeezed so hard that I bruised myself. They told me that I didn't need to have another mammo til I was 50 and then only every other year. But I do at least give myself a squeeze once a month!! I about spit out my coffee when I read "perky"....really?!!?
ReplyDeleteCAROL - Sal's service sounds exactly how he would've wanted it. And no shame in going back to the office. I'm glad Vincent has been there for you. I hope you can find some time just for you this weekend. Muah ♥
MO!! Good morning!!
ReplyDeleteLAST!! :p
ReplyDeletelast my butt!!!~
ReplyDelete