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Tuesday, December 7, 2010

You can't read this, Not Laugh, and be in a bad mood!

by Maureen

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?

Unique Up On It.

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?

Tame Way.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest ?

They Take The Psychopath

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?

You Boil The Hell Out Of It

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?

Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?

Polaroids

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?

A Stick
8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?

Nacho Cheese.

9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?

Subordinate Clauses.

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?

Quatro Cinco.

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?

Spoiled Milk.

12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?

Frostbite.

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?

A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?

Anyone Can Roast Beef.

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?

Right Where You Left Him.

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?

Because They Have Big Fingers.

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?

Because It Scares The Dog.

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?

Sanka.
19. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?

Because They Wore Their Belt Buckles On Their Hats.

20. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?

A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.
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38 comments:

  1. Tina~in_utDecember 7, 2010 at 9:10 AM

    Thanks Mo~ This one made me chuckle~

    14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?

    Anyone Can Roast Beef.

    ReplyDelete
  2. DeeDeeDecember 7, 2010 at 9:28 AM

    well those are just precious...

    My Mother LOVED that Unique rabbit thing...told it a million times...then she would burst into laughter....you couldn't help but get tickled at her...laughing....she was so cute doing it...

    Damn now I'm missing my Mother!

    Well leave it up to that "Damed" Maureen!!

    who...btw...was knighted right here at the nest last evening! Bacon was served in the Great Room and a good time was had by all!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. whabbearDecember 7, 2010 at 10:24 AM

    I love Owl Manor's Great Room! Can't wait for our Christmas Party! Shirley, are you planning?

    And LOL@#18!

    ReplyDelete
  4. night.owls.sbDecember 7, 2010 at 10:36 AM

    Whab.. I like Owl Manor's great room as well.. I remember the blog I did with all the pictures of the manor, don't remember when it was posted tho... That blog was fun to write and I loved the pictures.. If for only a few hrs, I was able to put myself in that very special imagination place in our minds..

    Fun!

    ReplyDelete
  5. night.owls.sbDecember 7, 2010 at 10:36 AM

    Morning Tina, Dee and Whab!

    ReplyDelete
  6. night.owls.sbDecember 7, 2010 at 10:37 AM

    Dee.. I stopped by last nite, and enjoyed the bacon.. it is certainly my fav!

    ReplyDelete
  7. night.owls.sbDecember 7, 2010 at 10:38 AM

    Wasn't Elton John Knighted? and if so that means Mo is up there with the best of them..

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. DeeDeeDecember 7, 2010 at 11:22 AM

    Elizabeth Taylor...Elton...Mother Teresa...Bob Hope...Billy Graham...Franco Zeffirelli...Steven Spielberg...Ann Murray...Delores Crump.....the list of luminaries is long....

    ReplyDelete
  9. DeeDeeDecember 7, 2010 at 11:27 AM

    OMG I forgot Kiri Te Kanawa...Shirley Bassey and Helen Mirren!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. bonachichiDecember 7, 2010 at 11:41 AM

    So, it's rabbits today, yes?

    A friend had roommates in college. They each took a turn cooking every week. One week, my friend did the shopping and bought the usual things... roast, chicken, ground beef. And rabbit.

    At the end of the week the only thing that wasn't cooked was the rabbit. The poor guy who's job it was to cook that night didn't have a clue what to do with it. So he made rabbit chili.

    ReplyDelete
  11. bonachichiDecember 7, 2010 at 11:42 AM

    Mo, what did you have to do to get knighted? Let DeeDee whack you over the head with her scepter?

    ReplyDelete
  12. DeeDeeDecember 7, 2010 at 1:04 PM

    whack...touch...same same same...

    ReplyDelete
  13. BebbilaneDecember 7, 2010 at 1:56 PM

    Good morning! I love Quatro Cinco..but all of those are really funny! Thanks Mo! A little giggle was in good order today.

    Good afternoon all, hello Tina, DeeDee, Whabby, Carol and Bonachichi...! :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. BebbilaneDecember 7, 2010 at 1:59 PM

    So, I just noticed..I said Good morning and good afternoon..and then that reminded me of the movie,...The Truman Show!

    "Good morning! And in case I don't see you, good afternoon, good evening , and good night!"...

    ReplyDelete
  15. Just_LinDecember 7, 2010 at 2:06 PM

    Tina Congrats on moaning first again today. And you are looking so dreamy, too.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Just_LinDecember 7, 2010 at 2:08 PM

    MO Thanks for the blog today. Very cute. I really liked the roast beef one and also the psychopath one. It's always nice to start the day with a smile and a chuckle. :)

    ReplyDelete
  17. Just_LinDecember 7, 2010 at 2:16 PM

    DeeDee Dont forget Sir Paul McCartney!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Just_LinDecember 7, 2010 at 2:17 PM

    Bonach I have a feeling if DeeDee "wacked" somebody, they wouldn't still be walking around. ijs

    ReplyDelete
  19. Just_LinDecember 7, 2010 at 2:19 PM

    Carol I remember those beautiful pictures and the great decorations and food. Was that our first Christmas at the manor?

    ReplyDelete
  20. Just_LinDecember 7, 2010 at 2:19 PM

    Bebbi LOL I'll just say good morning as it isn't noon here, yet.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Just_LinDecember 7, 2010 at 2:21 PM

    Bear It's a beautiful day here. I hope it's like this during the coming weekend.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Tina~in_utDecember 7, 2010 at 2:32 PM

    i am totally dying here.....we are waiting for the outcome of our union vote! voting closed 31 min ago~

    ReplyDelete
  23. Tina~in_utDecember 7, 2010 at 2:35 PM

    whew!~ NO UNION!!!!!~ :D

    ReplyDelete
  24. bonachichiDecember 7, 2010 at 4:58 PM

    Speaking of whacking people....

    ReplyDelete
  25. MaureenDecember 7, 2010 at 7:05 PM

    Good evening feathered friends!

    I'm glad you got a kick out of the blog today!

    I like the polaroids one the best!

    DEE DEE...my DAMEnation was quite exciting yesterday! And thanks for the list of my co-horts!

    Got my car back today! YAY!

    ReplyDelete
  26. MaureenDecember 7, 2010 at 8:37 PM

    Just because I hob nob with the likes of Paul McCartney, Elton John, Helen Mirren and Elizabeth Taylor doesn't mean y'all can't post anymore after I arrive!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Shirley(NCC-1701)December 7, 2010 at 9:43 PM

    Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!
    Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!
    Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!
    Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!
    Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!
    Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!
    They were mildly amusing. I thought coming from Maureen they would have been just a DAME bit funnier!!!!!
    Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!
    Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!
    I liked #1,2,8 and 16.
    Nice job Bitch!!!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Shirley(NCC-1701)December 7, 2010 at 9:49 PM

    Good evening Tina, DeeDee, Whabbear, Carol, Bonachi, Beverly, Just Lin and Maureen!!

    If someone wants to pick a date I'll see what I can come up with for a Christmas party. It may only be poptarts and beer, we'll see. Let me know what you all decide.

    ReplyDelete
  29. East Bay JDecember 7, 2010 at 9:52 PM

    Hi hooters,

    Very funny blog this morning, Mo! I haven't seen those before!

    Thanx for sharing :)

    Quick fly by, have a nice evening!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Shirley(NCC-1701)December 7, 2010 at 9:56 PM

    Lynn D How's the no smoking going? What's it been now 3-4 weeks? Keep going!!

    Birdee get your feather dusting ass in here!! Hows the flock or gaggle or whatever it is that you have?

    Dianne (((HUGS))) and how about those Broncos!!???

    Mary how did you make out today? I almost said "Mary did you make out today?"

    It was very nice talking with you tonight Zona! Did hubby get supper or just desert!!?

    ReplyDelete
  31. Shirley(NCC-1701)December 7, 2010 at 9:56 PM

    Hi EBJ!
    Bye EBJ!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Mary/MIDecember 7, 2010 at 10:40 PM

    I have to say this second mammo test hurt like a MOFO!! I was waiting for 43 year old milk to spill out!!
    I was hoping I would hear the results today.I was told my Dr would be notified first.Hell, I got my last results in the mail before he did! Dr had to ask to have them faxed to him!
    I hate the waiting game!

    Dame Mo,you picked a great day to make me laugh! thanks :)

    What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve? Black mail!

    "Don't hit me, my lawyer's in jail"!

    What did the tooth say to the departing Dentist? "fill me in when you get back"

    Tha't all I have..

    ReplyDelete
  33. whabbearDecember 7, 2010 at 11:46 PM

    Not bad, Mary!

    J/L, it looks like Saturday is going to be dry with a high in the low 60's. Not bad at all for a Christmas party! :)

    Carol, I LOVED those "photos" of the manor! Perhaps you can resurrect them for the party this year.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Just_LinDecember 8, 2010 at 3:57 AM

    Bear Good news! :)

    ReplyDelete
  35. Just_LinDecember 8, 2010 at 3:58 AM

    Mary Keeping you in my prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Just_LinDecember 8, 2010 at 3:59 AM

    Sweet dreams, HOoters!

    ReplyDelete
  37. MaureenDecember 8, 2010 at 8:13 AM

    how much freaking snow can fall? Geeze.

    I think we have accumulated over 22 inches where I live since Sunday night.

    Grrrrrr

    ReplyDelete
  38. MaureenDecember 8, 2010 at 8:14 AM

    The weather should be better around me...I'm a DAME damn it!

    ReplyDelete