~ The 100/0 Principle ~

by Tina~in_ut

We have a conference for work each year, and since our Seattle conference has been canceled twice, they decided to give us an abbreviated version of some of the training we would have received. The class was called "The Difference." We talked about being "the difference" to our customers and to each other. Quite often our customers want compensation for an actual or perceived wrong and we need to make them feel like they are being heard. Sometimes just a simple "I'm sorry" makes all the difference in the world. It's really unbelievable how many people have a difficult time taking ownership and saying they are sorry.

At the end of the class, we were each given a book and an mp3 player. The mp3 player had one of our own calls recorded on it. We could listen to it and decide for ourselves if we made a difference to our customer. (Let me tell you.....there's nothing worse than listening to yourself!) The book we were given was called The 100/0 Principle. I haven't read it cover to cover, but what I've skimmed is so interesting and something I've actually tried before. The basic principle is, you take full responsibility (the 100) for a relationship, expecting nothing (the zero) in return. The principle applies to those people in your life where the relationships are too important to react automatically or judgmentally. It applies to co-workers, customers, family, and friends. Here are the basic steps:

• Step 1: Determine what you can do to make the relationship work....then do it. Demonstrate respect and kindness to the other person, whether he/she deserves it or not.
• Step 2: Do not expect anything in return. Zero, zip, nada. 
• Step 3: Do not allow anything the other person says or does (no matter how annoying!) to affect you. In other words, don't take the bait. 
• Step 4: Be persistent with your graciousness and kindness. Often we give up too soon, especially when others don't respond in kind. Remember to expect nothing in return.

Of course, there are some circumstances where The 100/0 Principle does not apply. Examples include situations in which the other person's behavior is intolerable, such as lying, cheating, stealing or committing a crime. In these circumstances, that person's behavior would likely cause you to do the opposite of The 100/0 Principle.

Listening is one of the most direct and powerful means to creating 100/0 relationships. It is also the foundation for great leadership, high-performance teams, and effective organizations. Many, many times at work, I've had to call "irate" passengers back, and when the call was over, I would invariably be asked "how did it go?" Quite often my answer was the same: "Everything is fine. All I did was listen. He just wanted to be heard."

4 Principles of Listening -

• Listening grants others the power of speaking.
• Listening is a gift. Be generous with it.
• What we listen to is more important than what we say.
• Communication is what is heard, not what is said.

That last one hits home with me. I also listen for what is not said. I used to be the best listener ever. In 7th grade, my teacher called me a sponge. She said that I sit there quietly and listen and take everything in. That all changed when I met my husband's family. In order to be heard, I learned that I had to butt in and interrupt in order to get a word in edgewise. I've had to consciously hold back in conversations since then in order to be an effective listener.

Any of us can do this. The 100/0 Principle is a great gift all of us can give to others, and in doing so, make our world a better place. By implementing The 100/0 Principle, you will make your role in this world infinitely more effective, satisfying, and successful. Can you even imagine what kind of world we'd live in if everyone lived by this principle?