Pages

▼

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

7 Kinds of Sex

by Mary/MI

Results of a recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.* This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.* This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.* This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex.* This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say 'screw you.'

The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex.* Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.(Very Popular)

The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex.* This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And Last, but not least -
The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex.* You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy yourself.

PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO TELL ME WHAT STAGE YOU ARE IN. I have enough problems of my own.
at

71 comments:

  1. Tina~in_utMarch 16, 2011 at 8:46 AM

    Good Morning~ (moaning has been outlawed during Lent!)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Tina~in_utMarch 16, 2011 at 8:48 AM

    whew.....FINALLY.....all my laundry is done and the trash has been disposed of~

    Shirley~

    Mo~ freaking hilarious poem~ ty~ (and stay away from Harvick!)

    Shirley~

    J/L~ usher's song More was used at the NBA All-Star game, but I think it can be used for all sports....and since NASCAR is the BEST sport, it reminded me of it~ Oh....and why in the world would I ever be mad at you~ muah~

    Shirley~

    Bonachichi~ ur freaking naughty~ ur blog said URGENT.....so I posted it~ lol~

    Shirley~

    Iteach~ We did think twice about it when you didn't come around, but we all knew why and understood. I tried to get you to come back just to vent, but I understood that you didn't have the time. I play games on FB just to zone out, but I don't really say anything important on it~

    Shirley~

    Zona~ Walk away from the Harvick~ ewwwww~

    Shirley~

    Jodi~ glad you got your computer working and hope your dad is feeling okay~

    Shirley~

    Di~ I spent a week at the dentist......I felt like you~ ugh~

    Shirley~

    Mary~ I hope you are feeling better....and that you went to the doctor, ya dork!~ I agree with you about the politics.....and religion....I hate it when all Christians or Republicans or Democrats are lumped together~ oh....and i'm still trying to figure out which sex I'm having.....seems like it depends on the day~ :)~

    Shirley~

    LynnD~ I hope you get ur meds under control......add a little morphine to the mix.......that always takes the edge off for me~ :)~

    Shirley~

    Bear~ NO AFFAIR with Roger Clemens!!!! Good Lord!!! Ur married!!!! Do I have to explain the vow of celibacy you took when you said ur marriage vows??!!!~

    Shirley~

    Bebbi~ Some days, I just want to bottle up all ur energy and sell it to pay for my kids college!!!~ lol~

    Shrilley~ oops...lol~

    SacBarb~ I agree about sitting through a long game/race and having fun with those you went with or the other fans~ nothing like that experience~ .....the pure joy and the love of the game(race!) :D

    Shirley~ I laughed OUT LOUD when I read ur last post from Monday.....omg! thanks for that!~

    Thank you to everyone who has sent blogs in and all those who will~ I will keep posting them if you keep sending them~

    Shirley~

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lynn DMarch 16, 2011 at 9:41 AM

    Morning glories!

    Ohhhhhhh Lent. Tina your second post looks like a lot of pent up Lent to me. :)

    PS send the morphine.

    Mary if I can't share I don't know what to say. lol

    ReplyDelete
  4. iteachMarch 16, 2011 at 10:16 AM

    I didn't want people begging me to come back that is not all I what I was trying to type. Seriously, I wasn't looking for sympathy.


    Also, I have gone back over and over again reading my question about Facebook and I was just asking what people were thinking. I was not on platform to say it had to be done and I was shocked when people got upset with me about it. It made me cry. I am very sorry what I said was inappropriate , seriously it was not my intention.

    ReplyDelete
  5. bonachichiMarch 16, 2011 at 10:24 AM

    Holy Crapola, someone let Tina out of the laundry room!

    Tina, are sure you weren't just having a "ball" in there, sitting on the washer during the spin cycle?

    Jennifer, I read a post about you "not meaning to stir the pot". Something like that. I still don't understand why you'd think anyone's upset over it. You said what's on your mind and that's what the blog's for. It's so nice to see you posting again!

    Hello to everyone stopping in later!

    And Tina, next time I'll just send you a porn scene and title it "Urgent". That should get some wings flapping :D

    ReplyDelete
  6. bonachichiMarch 16, 2011 at 10:24 AM

    Oh Lynn! I'm sorry! Hello to you!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Mary/MIMarch 16, 2011 at 10:35 AM

    I"ll "moan" for you Tina, Great having you back :)

    Good Moaning everyone!!


    It is supposed to be close to 60* here today and I am feeling almost "Normal" today!hooray!!

    BTY you can ignore the last line in my post, that was part of the email I got. I would love to know your "sex" status lol!!!

    Waving at Bonachi,LynnD * Jennifer~~

    SHIRLEY!!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Mary/MIMarch 16, 2011 at 10:38 AM

    I see I gave LynnD ans * lol, was supposed to be "&".

    Today I had to change into my second set of braces...can you say "TIGHT?"

    ReplyDelete
  9. BebbilaneMarch 16, 2011 at 11:04 AM

    LOL Mary..omg..that was great!

    Good morning Tina, you are beautiful today! Glad to see you again! What energy?...bouncing around the room..skipping and giggling.

    ReplyDelete
  10. BebbilaneMarch 16, 2011 at 11:05 AM

    Lynn: LOL at the lent reference..good one! And , good morning!

    Good morning Bonachichi~!

    ReplyDelete
  11. DeeDeeMarch 16, 2011 at 11:11 AM

    Whabbear! You took a vow of celibacy when you married Jim!!?? ...lol

    Morning ho's....

    Why is everyone calling Shirleys name?

    ReplyDelete
  12. BebbilaneMarch 16, 2011 at 12:39 PM

    Shirley! Just read that...so I am a delayed responder here.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Just_LinMarch 16, 2011 at 2:06 PM

    Tina Yay! You're back! So happy to see you here again. Sorry about your week at the dentist. :(
    You look beautiful. :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Just_LinMarch 16, 2011 at 2:08 PM

    Jennifer No one was mad at you for bringing up the subject of continuing the blog. I still don't get why you would think that. It was a legitimate question and we all weighed in with our opinions and hopes and that was that. I think it is understandable that we would do that once in a while, no matter who brings it up. Really, honestly, truly....no worries.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Tina~in_utMarch 16, 2011 at 2:10 PM

    What do you guys think of closing down the blog? :)~

    ReplyDelete
  16. Just_LinMarch 16, 2011 at 2:12 PM

    Mary Very cute blog! I'm lucky enough to still be having the first and second kind. :)

    ReplyDelete
  17. Just_LinMarch 16, 2011 at 2:14 PM

    ROFLMAO!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Tina~in_utMarch 16, 2011 at 2:15 PM

    :D

    ReplyDelete
  19. DeeDeeMarch 16, 2011 at 2:17 PM

    I just read that Ross has been named the Jenny Craig spokesperson!!

    Isn't that wonderful!?!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Just_LinMarch 16, 2011 at 2:17 PM

    LynnD, Bonach, Bebbi, DeeDee Waving a wing at you. I've gotta run. Getting my hair done then getting cat to vet clinic for boarding. I'll be leaving tomorrow morning to spend 1 1/2 weeks in SoCal. It's Mom's birthday. She'll be turning 83.

    ReplyDelete
  21. BebbilaneMarch 16, 2011 at 3:16 PM

    J/L: Have a safe and wonderful trip!! xo :)

    ReplyDelete
  22. BebbilaneMarch 16, 2011 at 3:17 PM

    DeeDee: I think that is AWESOME! :) I love Ross...such a funny man. :)

    ReplyDelete
  23. BebbilaneMarch 16, 2011 at 3:19 PM

    Really, if you think about the irony of a gay man who was an intern on Jay Leno's show, who brought all of us together....it just makes me giggle. God works in the funniest and most sublime ways..I am HAPPY! I love our little Rossie-pooh bear.

    ReplyDelete
  24. BebbilaneMarch 16, 2011 at 3:21 PM

    Shirley

    ReplyDelete
  25. BebbilaneMarch 16, 2011 at 3:21 PM

    Shirley

    ReplyDelete
  26. BebbilaneMarch 16, 2011 at 4:36 PM

    Tina, sorry to hear you had dental work..that's no fun.

    ReplyDelete
  27. JodiMarch 16, 2011 at 4:55 PM

    MARY - I think we're almost back to #2!! But mostly #3....really!! lol!!

    TINA - About time you got that damn laundry done ;) Dad's hanging in there. Stubborn Norwegian that he is, he still won't make that call to Hospice....grrrr!!! Oh, well, it's his choice!! I thought of you last Wednesday when I saw a customer with a little "smudge" on his forehead until I realized that it was Ash Wednesday.....duh!!

    ReplyDelete
  28. JodiMarch 16, 2011 at 4:58 PM

    MARY - lol @ can you say TIGHT? That's what MR. TINA said ;)

    ReplyDelete
  29. JodiMarch 16, 2011 at 4:59 PM

    Waving a wing at LYNN, JENNIFER, BONACHICHI, BEBBI, DEE DEE & SLIN!!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Dianne/DenverMarch 16, 2011 at 5:33 PM

    Yea.....TINA is posting again. Great to see you back. I told you years ago to keep up with the damn laundry!! Heck, your kids are old enough to help now....quit being such a softie HA HA

    Going for a massage in a couple of hours and that is my big day except for laundry. I have a few massages I have to use by the end of the month or I lose them.

    MARY: I can't reveal which kind of sex I am having or not having as it might depress me! Now if you would have asked me that question 9 years ago....hello, you would have heard a earful.

    J/L: I hope you have a nice time with your mom and on your vacation. You are very fortunate to still have your mom and to be able to celebrate her 83rd bday...Happy Birthday J/L's mom!!

    Hi to all the other owls and hope the day is going great for all of you. Hi Month! :)

    ReplyDelete
  31. sacBarbMarch 16, 2011 at 6:24 PM

    Happy Wednesday Owls.

    Mary, very funny blog. I am definitely in the religious category, unfortunately.

    Tina, good to see you in the nest. That must have been some load of laundry, or did you just keep forgetting to put the clothes in the water? BTW, I agree with Dianne. The kids are old enough to learn how to do laundry. My boys all started doing their own laundry at age 12.

    Lynn, morphine on the way.

    Bebbi, you are bubbly today.

    DeeDee, ummm...wonderful

    J/L, Have a great time in SoCal and happy birthday to your Mom.

    Jodi has a computer again...yayyyyy

    Dianne, Do you get those massages with happy endings?

    Bonachichi, LOL @ sitting on the washer.

    Jennifer, I don't think anyone was upset with you, You asked for opinions and like a$$holes, we all have one. I'm sorry it made you cry.

    I hope you are all having a great day. BBL

    ReplyDelete
  32. Mary/MIMarch 16, 2011 at 7:14 PM

    Good evening hooters, Thanks for you comments.

    Jodi, did Mr Tina say that to you or Tina? I am confused!

    Justlin, Happy Birthday to you Mom! Sorry that your pussy will be boarded! :(
    happy 'bout your sex status though lol!!

    iteach(miss that name) I was not mad at you either. I think sometimes we panic at the mere thought of splitting up even though we have FB. We have made it through Trolls,fakes etc. and we are still here. God help the person who tries again lol!!!

    LynnD,"pent up Lent to me." cracked me up!!

    Diane, love massages! Just wish they would do boobies ;-).
    My masseur is my BFF. He is gay and always blushes when I ask him that!

    Beverly, you still remind me of a bowl full of bubbles...on crack lol!!!

    SacBarb We may have grown our "cherry" back!! At least I am "tight" ;-) I know...*grown*

    ReplyDelete
  33. JodiMarch 16, 2011 at 7:40 PM

    SLIN - Enjoy your visit with your Mom.....and please wish her Happy Birthday from HODI ♥

    ReplyDelete
  34. JodiMarch 16, 2011 at 7:40 PM

    MARY - TINA!!! not me....lol!!!

    ReplyDelete
  35. Shirley(NCC-1701)March 16, 2011 at 7:41 PM

    Well I see Mona's back! Get it...Tina...she always moans...so I call her Mona! HA!HA!HA!HA! OMG I'm funny!! I crack myself up!! HA!HA!HA!HA!

    ReplyDelete
  36. Shirley(NCC-1701)March 16, 2011 at 7:45 PM

    Mary I'm surprised at you! Sending a blog like this!! Everyone knows people only have sex in the bedroom on Saturday night after their weekly bath.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Shirley(NCC-1701)March 16, 2011 at 7:48 PM

    Tina I'm glad that during your moanless lent period I was able to make you "laugh out loud".

    ReplyDelete
  38. Shirley(NCC-1701)March 16, 2011 at 7:51 PM

    Evening fellow feathered flyers!! Seeing my name over and over yesterday and agin today (thanks Tina) warms my heart!

    ReplyDelete
  39. Mary/MIMarch 16, 2011 at 7:53 PM

    Shirley, that would be my ex huz, only it was 'bout once a month! He had the lowest sex drive EVAH!! I thought he was just being shy at first lol!!!
    Can you even imagine? Me a hot Latin, with a sexless Irishman?? 7 years yet!!

    ReplyDelete
  40. iteachMarch 16, 2011 at 8:32 PM

    40 for Shirley

    ReplyDelete
  41. bonachichiMarch 16, 2011 at 8:48 PM

    Shirley Shirley Shirley
    Shirley Shirley Shirley
    Shirley Shirley Shirley
    Shirley Shirley Shirley
    Shirley Shirley Shirley
    Shirley Shirley Shirley
    Shirley Shirley Shirley
    Shirley Shirley Shirley
    Shirley Shirley Shirley
    Shirley Shirley Shirley
    Shirley Shirley Shirley
    Shirley Shirley Shirley

    ReplyDelete
  42. ZonaMarch 16, 2011 at 9:35 PM

    Good Evening!

    MARY: When I read the title of the blog, I thought you were going to give us tips and tricks..lol..

    My fave kind of sex..oh wait..you weren't talking about that either.. ;)

    Mr Z and I have been through all of these at one time or another..except #6..even the hallway one..kinda.. :D

    TINA!!! Well it's about time all that talk of Kevin Harvick helped get you posting again.. ;)

    I'm glad you're back..I knew you'd finish that laundry sooner or later..I'm just really happy you got rid of that stinky old trash!!

    J/LIN: Have a safe trip and Happy Birthday to your mom!

    JENNIFER: I'm glad to see you posting again!

    Waving HI to all the Owls..I hope everyone has a good night! :):)

    ReplyDelete
  43. Tina~in_utMarch 16, 2011 at 9:42 PM

    oh crap, Mary! Are we hot Latin's supposed to want sex? crap!!!!

    Shirley~

    SacBarb~ you cracked me up twice....gotta figure out which one to make QOTD!~ :D

    J/L~ have fun on socal w/mom~ I talked to mine today~ She's funny and I miss her~

    ReplyDelete
  44. Tina~in_utMarch 16, 2011 at 9:46 PM

    Mary~ I just re-read them.....2-5!!~

    ReplyDelete
  45. MaureenMarch 16, 2011 at 9:58 PM

    OMG...OMG...OMG
    what a sight to see
    mcdreamy posting at number one
    it's the way it's supposded to be.

    The ho is back in the nest
    and posting all those squiggles
    your witty posting makes me lol
    so my ample belly jiggles.

    I'm glad to see you loving Harvick
    and finally having clean clothes
    I hope you used detergent
    or we'll have a nasty aroma in our nose.

    Before you say it
    I know this is lame
    but what do you expect from me, after all I am a dame!

    Welcome home TUNA! (in honor of Lent!)

    ReplyDelete
  46. MaureenMarch 16, 2011 at 10:01 PM

    JENNIFER...I hope you don't think I was mad at you. If that was the way my post came across, then it was not conveyed as intended.

    We always miss you when you aren't here, and are always happy to see you.

    ReplyDelete
  47. MaureenMarch 16, 2011 at 10:03 PM

    I think part of the FB talk scared me. I have a piece of crap computer and I can not do anything on FB except read. I can reply to posts on my wall via the email notifications, but that is it. I think I panicked a bit thinking that if this moved to FB, I wouldn't have you all to come to everyday.

    ReplyDelete
  48. MaureenMarch 16, 2011 at 10:04 PM

    SHIRLEY

    and for the previous 2 posts...

    SHIRLEY
    SHIRLEY

    ReplyDelete
  49. MaureenMarch 16, 2011 at 10:05 PM

    MARY...fun blog! I am def in the religious category :( LOL! Funny, even Jewish people have (or don't have) Catholic sex (or lack thereof!)...See, one G-D!!

    ReplyDelete
  50. MaureenMarch 16, 2011 at 10:06 PM

    Shit

    Ooops

    SHIRLEY
    SHIRLEY

    ReplyDelete
  51. Mary/MIMarch 16, 2011 at 10:37 PM

    MO MO MO, you cracked me up!!! Especially the "Catholic comparison Bwah ha ha!!

    ReplyDelete
  52. Mary/MIMarch 16, 2011 at 10:38 PM

    Tina, didn't you read the Mex-marries non-Mex. memo??
    We have a reputation to uphold!!

    ReplyDelete
  53. MaureenMarch 16, 2011 at 10:53 PM

    MARY...:)

    JUST LIN...have a great trip and tell your mom I said Happy Birthday!

    SHIRLEY

    ReplyDelete
  54. Just_LinMarch 17, 2011 at 1:26 AM

    Thanks for all the birthday wishes for my mom. I'll pass them along. I am very lucky to still have my mom. I always have fun spending time with her.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Tina~in_utMarch 17, 2011 at 1:34 AM

    uh......Mary.....that's not all we're "upholding!" lol~

    ReplyDelete
  56. Tina~in_utMarch 17, 2011 at 1:35 AM

    Mo~ that was fantastic, ya Jew~ And you really had me confused with ur vm~ I thought....honey....I got first! :D

    ReplyDelete
  57. MaureenMarch 17, 2011 at 1:40 AM

    TUNA...I hadn't been home to see the blog yet! I just had a hunch when I saw the FB email notifications! ..Ya, Catholic!

    Back to bed for me. Sweet Dreams all and HAPPY ST. PAT'S DAY!

    ReplyDelete
  58. Tina~in_utMarch 17, 2011 at 1:54 AM

    Happy Green Day, MoHo~ check ur work mail~ :D

    Happy Anniversary Zona and Mr Zona~

    ReplyDelete
  59. MaureenMarch 17, 2011 at 2:06 AM

    Geez...I got up to pee and now, at 2 am I gotta go number 2!!! I'm tired!

    TUNA...uh oh...what did you send to my work email? I'm askerd!

    HAPPY ANNIVERSARY to the ZONAS!

    ReplyDelete
  60. Tina~in_utMarch 17, 2011 at 2:15 AM

    MAIL!!!! I said MAIL....not male....MAIL!!!!~

    ReplyDelete
  61. Tina~in_utMarch 17, 2011 at 2:53 AM

    Hey Di~ The Zags are in Denver!!! They play tonight....are ya gonna go to the game? :D

    ReplyDelete
  62. Mary/MIMarch 17, 2011 at 3:27 AM

    Go to bed TUNA!

    Happy Anniversary Mr& Mrs Zona!

    ReplyDelete
  63. Just_LinMarch 17, 2011 at 3:58 AM

    Zona Happy Anniversary to you and Mr. Zona!

    ReplyDelete
  64. Just_LinMarch 17, 2011 at 3:58 AM

    64

    ReplyDelete
  65. Just_LinMarch 17, 2011 at 3:58 AM

    65

    ReplyDelete
  66. Just_LinMarch 17, 2011 at 3:58 AM

    67

    ReplyDelete
  67. Just_LinMarch 17, 2011 at 3:58 AM

    68

    ReplyDelete
  68. Just_LinMarch 17, 2011 at 3:58 AM

    69 Aaaaahhh!!!

    ReplyDelete
  69. Just_LinMarch 17, 2011 at 3:59 AM

    Sweet dreams, HOoters!

    ReplyDelete
  70. iteachMarch 17, 2011 at 6:48 AM

    Oh, Maureen, I didn't mean to make you panic.

    It was a just a thought. Have a good day ladies!

    I am very tired, I did not sleep well with the three kids in bed with me. I need a bigger bed! Since their dad left they don't like to sleep in their beds.

    Don't forget to wear green and is it true if you wear orange it will bring bad luck?

    ReplyDelete
  71. AnonymousMarch 19, 2011 at 3:21 AM

    You made me laugh I think we are at the realigious point hahaha having four kids doesnt help LOL thanks for the laugh

    ReplyDelete