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Monday, April 25, 2011

The Hillbilly Vasectomy

by Dianne

No offense meant to any state in the below joke:
 

After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, but they could not afford a larger bed.

 So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.
 
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. 'A less costly alternative,' said the doctor, 'is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can(COORS), then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.' 
The Alabamian said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.'
 
'Trust me,' said the doctor.
 
So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can.

He held the can up to his ear and began to count!

 
'1'
'2'
'3'
'4'
'5'

( you'll love this...)

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.
 
This procedure also works in Tennessee , Kentucky , Louisiana ,Arkansas, Mississippi , Parts of Georgia,  Missouri, West Virginia , AND All of Washington DC.


120 comments:

  1. Di~ That was cute~ thanks for sending it in~

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  2. DIANNE!!! Damn near spit my coffee out!! Love, love, love ♥

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  3. Yeah....the moaning is back!! Good morning TINA!!

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  4. Just posted the following in Area 51:

    Jodi said...
    MICHAEL - Thank you. I have always enjoyed you...and your tales ;) I hope we can start anew....Hi..my name is JODI.

    April 25, 2011 8:53 AM

    Jodi said...
    I have been so blessed...my Dad had the most beautiful journey home. Thank you all for the prayers, texts, calls....♥

    April 25, 2011 8:55 AM

    Jodi said...
    We are going to the funeral home this morning. Not sure when the arrangements will be, but I will let you know.

    April 25, 2011 8:55 AM

    Jodi said...
    HEIDI....from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU ♥ You have truly become my sister, and for that I am thankful. You took the time to hold me on Saturday....and the Spotted Cow was definitely appreciated. I'm glad you got to meet my Dad...I know he is thankful that I have you in my life. My conversation with Inge yesterday morning was priceless ♥

    April 25, 2011 8:58 AM

    Jodi said...
    TINA - I LOVED this version...it was exactly what I needed this morning ♥

    April 25, 2011 8:59 AM

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  5. Hi Ho Jo~ SO nice to see you this morning~ Love u 4~

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  6. Good morning you two beautiful people!

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  7. p.s. TINA - I'll make sure to slip a little CATHOLIC in there ;)

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  8. Lol Jodi~ oh heck.....make it a BIG Catholic~

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  9. Good morning Tina cakes! :)

    Jodi: Thinking of you... Sending loving thoughts and prayers.. Jodi: It is so good to see such a positive loving attitude. Your dad is beaming from above at his beautiful daughter!!! <3

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  10. Michael/aka DeeDee (but still ALWAYS DeeDee!!..... I love what Jodi said and say, "DITTO, KIDDO!"... :)

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  11. Such love here..it inspires my heart so much. I just love you guys/gals/spirits/souls/hearts....!

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  12. Zona: Wow, what a powerful story in Area 52... I wonder what she said too. Did you think that you might want to say something and then held back? Gosh, that's powerful.

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  13. Morning Everyone!

    Jodi, good to see you.. ♥

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  14. Morning Carol! :) I hope you had a wonderful Easter!

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  15. Sugarsangel,

    I owe you an apology, I did not know who you were yesterday when I was deleting comments, I thought it was a troll comment, so I am very sorry.

    You certainly did not offend anyone, and I should have read the comment thru, but my mind was in delete mode.

    Hope you will continue to comment and you are welcome here..

    Carol

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  16. Hi Bebbi..

    I had a great Easter, so good to be with family.. It was hot here in NJ yesterday, around 72, but we were about 17 ppl, so the house seemed warm even tho my SIL had the AC on..

    But I sweat in 40 degree, so 72 will put me over the edge..

    Hope you had a good Easter as well..

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  17. J/L..

    Thanks for letting me know about Angel..

    Lynn..

    My apology to you as well

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  18. Happy Holy Monday to you all.

    Good Morning Tina, Jodi, Iteach,
    Bebbi and Carol. It's raining here today but we had a lovely warm sunny day for my birthday and Easter Sunday. It was gorgeous.

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  19. Jodi - am so happy your dad had a peaceful passing. Isn't hospice great? I had some counselling with them after my sister died. If it is offered there I would recommend it. I found my moods changed from day to day as I went through the different stages. I think the two candles I lit should still be shining in the church. One was red and one blue. Sending you hugs from Canada.

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  20. Carol: I did..it got a little hot at my place too with the cooking and stuff. It was really fantastic. I had some new friends over and my family there and it was the best holiday yet since I have been out on my own. :) It was great...and everyone seemed to have had a good time which means a lot to me.

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  21. Dianne - Loved the joke. What states were you referring to? I don't know any hillbilly states.

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  22. Tina - Do you have a holiday for Holy Monday? Our banks are closed, so are the schools. There is no mail delivery today. A lot of offices are closed too.

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  24. Iteach - How many days off do you get for Easter?

    Carol - How nice to see you again

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  25. Bebbi - So you had a hot Easter. Tell us about you. I am glad you had a good time.

    Off to my farms. I have been neglecting them. Have a good day everyone.

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  26. Sorry - That was my delete. My comment to Tina posted twice.

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  27. morning ladies....Tina simulates smile

    Iteach....I didn't get to respond to you yestiddy in all the excitement...but thank you....

    Jodi Jodi Jodi....hi...same ole stuff here...just a different name....best thing I know to say to you right now is that I love you and you have been heavy on my mind as you will be as you go thru the process of telling your Dad goodbye for now over the next few days.....

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  28. Which brings me to Dianne...

    very funny blog....

    is there anything else funny that you know of today...that maybe you'd care to mention...to me...maybe a public flogging....

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  29. Audrey~ I'm at work~ (working really hard!) Hubby and the kids have the day off....we have a lacrosse game tonight......prolly in the rain or snow~

    Bebbi~ wipe that happy off ur face! :)~

    Carol~ Good Moaning to you~

    Michael~ is there something wrong with ur smile? here's a lemon~

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  30. Hi Bebbi...

    Twas great to hear your voice....and thank you...

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  31. There is nothing wrong with my smile or my smile simulator....so don't be poking your produce at me TYVM...W..

    I don't know where that lemon has been!

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  32. Use it....it'll make ur lips pucker!!!~ (lmbo.....I wrote puker first!) AND I FOUND THAT IN THE YOUNGEST KIDS' ROOM......should still be okay~

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  33. Morning glories!

    I am just checking in and sending my condolences to Jodi and her family. Jodi I am relieved that your Dad's passing was peaceful. Love you!

    New day everyone have a good one if not good at least let it be interesting.

    All is good Carol don't worry.

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  34. Tinka- I have school today, but I have been so worried about the nest that I have been sneaking onto this sight to check on everyone . My students are at music right now and I am trying to get my desk back in order from having a sub.

    Jodi- You have also been heavy on my mind, I am so glad you checked in with us. Hugs to you friend.

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  35. Good Morning!

    JODI: I smiled when I saw your avatar..I've been thinking so much about you. I keep picturing your mom and dad dancing..and I know there is more happiness being shared between them then we could ever imagine. Please know that you and your family are in my prayers..and if you need me, I'm here.

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  36. DIANNE: LOL! Thanks for the laugh this morning! :D

    TINA: Good Moanin' Gorgeous! You haven't felt like cussing yet..have you? ;D

    BEBBI: Hi Sunshine! I'm so non-confrontational..I wouldn't have said a word..but I did feel bad for the little girl and the mom..the little boy reminded me of my brother..lol..

    CAROL: I wish we could have waited until May 1st..but we had to turn our a/c on too..dang it..lol..

    MICHAEL: I really have only one question for you..are the voodoo dolls in a safe place? ;D

    LYNN: You have a good day too..I don't know if I want it to be interesting..sometimes interesting can be a little scary..kwim? ;)

    TINKA: LOL@ not knowing any hillbilly states!! :D

    HI ITEACH I hope you're having a good day!

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  37. Iteach - It made me smile to think of you sneaking a peak at the blog while at school. I know that is exactly what I would have been doing when I was teaching if there had been such things as lap-tops. I retired in 97 and very few people had computers at the time let alone lap tops. We have come a long way since then. I bet a lot of teachers have iphones and use them at school.
    We always had a four day weekend at Easter. That was separate from Spring Break.
    Take care my dear. I think of often. You have done great.

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  38. Zona - I actually do know which states but I wouldn't admit it. It is kind of a "put down" isn't it? Maybe not, what do I know?

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  39. Good morning Lynn - Hope you had a great weekend with that beautiful baby.

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  40. Good Morning Michael. Have a great day.

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  41. Zona: I wouldn't have said anything confrontational but I would have said, "I STILL BELIEVE IN THE EASTER BUNNY!"! :) And, I would have meant it. We can believe in whatever we want! That's the beauty of this world. Easter bunnies, fairy tales, happy endings (and not the kind that guys get at some massage parlors),Santa Clause, DeeDee!(had to throw that in there too) and anything we want to believe in! Yay for this world! MAGIC!

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  42. Michael! Great to hear yours too and you are very welcome!!

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  43. Tina: I can't, it's permanently stuck on there..came with me when I was born and is going to be there when I die. :) Okay, I have my sad moments but I squish in as many happy as I can in between.... I REFUSE to be anything other than hopeful, helpful and happy!

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  44. .....and that's what we love about you~ :D

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  45. *handing Michael some sugar* You know what they say when the World hands you lemons! :)

    Tina: Can I have some lemons too..!! That is my favorite. When I was a kid, my cb handle was "Lemontwist"! :)

    Hugs the both of you.

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  46. Tink: We made chicken and ham and had several people over. It was a nice day. It was nice to invite new people. My son is going through a hard break up though, he has been going back and forth with a young lady for a year and it's finally over. I think I did a blog about it with a song called, "Hearts don't break even". I've been trying to be strong for him. It's tough because he realized he wasn't treating her very well this past year. And, it's a big realization to realize you haven't been the kindest, best person you could be. Everybody please pray for him, he's really going through a tough inner struggle right now. He told me last night, "Mom, I realized I was treating her like Dad treated you." That was a big admission for my son.

    The day was fantastic though and so positive. He'll get through this and be a better man for it.

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  47. OR DYNGUS DAY!... however you want to spell it!

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  48. O M G !

    Tinka speaks!! TO ME!!

    means a lot Tinka...good morning....

    pardon me while I do a little happy dance....

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NyEE0qpfeig&feature=fvwrel

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  49. Michael!! Love that one....!! Dancing in my chair! :)

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  50. Zona...the voodoo dolls are put away safely.....except for one...but the fire has almost gone out and when I finish the chant ritual it too will be safely extinguished and put away...

    btw...who was "sugarsangel ..??

    Bebbi...I have pants like that..(MCH)..gausy stuff...genie breeches....I got em for a trip to Cabo in 95....great for strolls on the beach...just kidding...I don't walk on dirt....but great for posing near the beach as though I MIGHT take a stroll on the beach...

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  51. BEBBI: LOL@ Dyngus Day..also known as Wet Monday..yep..googled it! :D

    I agree with you..Yay for the magic in this world! :)

    MICHAEL: I'm almost afraid to ask which one is on fire..I'm feeling a little warm right now..could you extinguish it immediately please? ;)

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  52. Good Afternoon Everyone: How is everyone doing today? I hope great!

    We are a little rainy here but got out and went to lunch with a friend and came home and caught up on some phone calls.

    TINA; I had forgotten about that blog. I was reading it like it wasn't the one I sent and then I saw my name. Crazy how I forget things!

    HI JODI: Glad you smiled at the blog. I am still sending you big hugs and thinking of you.

    ITEACH; Funny that you are sneaking on to the blog. I would imagine it;'s not fun to come back after a substitute teacher being there.

    TINK; Interesting that it is still a holiday in your part of the country. I have never heard of that custom. You have a lot of customs that aren't like ours.

    MICHAEL: HI.....I am sorry to see that you are so young and it once again pushes me up that scale of being one of the oldest. What about the marriages? Please tell me those haven't changed. And what about old Wanda and the toaster incident? They always made me laugh so much. I don't understand what you are saying in the post to me.

    BEBBI; HI...My SIL doesn't have work again today...are you on that yet? :)

    CAROL: Hi, and glad to see you on here today. I am sure you have a busy day ahead of you (well, by now it is probably behind you).

    LYNN: Yup, it is a new day. I think there is a song like that but I can't remember anything but that first line....ZONA....google please

    ZONA; So....you are feeling hot ---hmm and that isn't good as Randy is at work now. Look above as I gave you a challenge for today.

    Hope you all have a good night and good luck on the game TINA.

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  53. Jared E. Rosenow craiglist


    That name above adds to my quest of being asexual. In my 20's he use to send me dozens of red roses all the time and asked me to marry him. It was just darn right creepy even though I did think about it for a moment, because I thought I was going to be single forever. I never kissed that man, glad I didn't.

    Google him, someone sent me the article today.

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  54. Bebbi - How did Holy Monday (part of the Holy week) turn into
    Dyngus Day or wet Monday. I will have to research that. There must be a story somewhere.

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  55. Michael - I listened to your happy dance by McHammer. It isn't my kind of music but I enjoyed it.

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  56. Dianne - Yes we have a lot of same traditions as U.S.A but a lot different ones too. I think that is because we are part of the United Commonweath of Nations and very closely connected with England.
    Your comment to Iteach about substitues brought back memories. If you have a bad substitute it can take you days to get things back in order. If you can get a good one who subs for you each time you are sick, you come back and find things just as you left them. A great sub is worth her weight in gold.

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  57. Off to my farms. Have a great evening.

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  58. On my Facebook page I posted an article about Flavor Flav's chicken diner that was shut down today.

    The diner is in a town that is 30 minutes from my house and the guy he co-owned with is from my town. I don't know Flavor Flav (rap singer) very well, but the guy he was partners with was notorious for being crooked in our town.


    Interesting....

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  59. Oh, shoot, I just got 69 and I am trying very hard to be asexual.

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  60. "Feeling Good"

    Birds flying high
    You know how I feel
    Sun in the sky
    You know how I feel
    Breeze driftin' on by
    You know how I feel
    It's a new dawn
    It's a new day
    It's a new life
    For me
    And I'm feeling good

    Fish in the sea
    You know how I feel
    River running free
    You know how I feel
    Blossom on a tree
    You know how I feel
    It's a new dawn
    It's a new day
    It's a new life
    For me
    And I'm feeling good

    Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, don't you know
    Butterflies all havin' fun you know what I mean
    Sleep in peace when day is done
    That's what I mean
    And this old world is a new world
    And a bold world
    For me

    For me

    Stars when you shine
    You know how I feel
    Scent of the pine
    You know how I feel
    Oh freedom is mine
    And I know how I feel
    It's a new dawn
    It's a new day
    It's a new life

    It's a new dawn
    It's a new day
    It's a new life

    It's a new dawn
    It's a new day
    It's a new life
    It's a new life
    For me

    For me

    I'm feeling good
    I feel so good
    I feel so good

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  61. ITEACH...omg...I googled him. How scary. And I'm glad you never kissed him!

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  62. JODI...so glad to see you! Sending you GINORMOUS {{HUGS}} from Ohio!
    Muah!

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  63. TURTLE...Happy Birthday! I hope you got out of your shell and celebrated today!

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  64. Waving (quietly as I am at the library!) to TINA, JODI, ITEACH, BEBBI, TINKA, LYNN, ZONA, MICHAEL, CAROL and last but by no means least, DIANNE!

    DIANNE...LMBO!! Kaboom!! LOL!! Good bloggy!

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  65. Forgot DWTS is on...gotta head home quickly!

    BBL!

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  66. MO: That's the song I was thinking about but couldn't remember the other words except its a new dawn part. Did you google or remember? You are so smart!!

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  67. TINKA: Wet Monday is what they call Holy Monday in Poland..it seems that the tradition is to dump buckets of water from balconies on passerby or throw water balloons at each other..hmmm.. ;D

    DIANNE: LOL! Goof!! :D

    MO: You're a great googler! I think Michael Buble sings that song..

    ITEACH: That's just scary about the craigslist guy..it gave me the creeps!!

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  68. DIANNE...yes.!!!

    ZONA...yes!!!

    Please don't tell SHIRLEY about Wet Monday...she is a fiend with the water balloons every other day!!!

    It was a wet Monday here...gonna be a wet WEEK! :(

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  69. Zona - Wow I learn something new every day. I am going to research it. Why the water? There must be some reason.

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  70. Zona - I have been googling and the background reason for the water seems to be connected to the holy water that the people were blessed with the day before. I just can't find out why they throw water.

    Dianne - I also found out dozens of countries celebrate Holy Monday with a holiday. It is supposed to be a day to reflect on Easter and what it means.

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  71. Jack has dinner ready. See you all later.

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  72. Ok...I have spoken to sugarsangel...lol...who'da thunk it...shes great!!

    Dianne...
    The post meant "R U mad at me?"

    I am at kind of a loss here...the marriages...Wanda and the toaster are all a part of DeeDees mystique...

    I prefer to believe them...DeeDee is hilarious at times and her FB page isn't going anywhere...I have way to much invested in those games...

    When you all made your little pact to delete and shun me I hated to see everyone leave DeeDees facebook page....she tries to post the most interesting things she can find and the funniest things on the net...

    I love being able to play DeeDee on FB with her insults and barbs....and words are just funnier coming from an old lady...but if that doesn't interest you there are dozens and dozens of people there that love to have fun...and thats all its about....
    And if I post something that I think you all will enjoy or is important I would prefer to know that yall are going to see it...

    but thats ur own decision....when Tina saw it as her place to "out" me to everyone..."the plan" didn't cost me all my nest friends....so I am happy about that!!

    DeeDee will be there...as always....Whabbear had sent me a request for Michaels page and I told him I am never there...that I am always at DeeDee's FB page he said "DeeDee" was fine with him....lol

    but I...Dianne...have never been married to a woman...which apparently is what one has to do to get married....although I have carried on with one or two..."hot mama's"... as it were...lol

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  73. the reason it's called wed monday is cuz IT'S FREAKING RAINING HERE!!! But we lucked out and the game was played in between storms~ And we won~ The kid scored twice, the girl is pissed cuz I won't go get her a new phone, and the oldest is still on his way back to school from Oregon.....won't be peaceful here until I know he makes it home safe~

    Now gotta get dinner on the scrapbook littered table, send an email, and go to bed~ Hope I posted something for tomorrow~ Goodnight~ (maybe.....always subject to change!) :D

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  74. I thought I had seen it all until a woman brought her business receipts to us in a brown foot stool with a leopard print top! Unbelievable! Doesn't anyone use file folders anymore?

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  75. I just finished my 4th tax return here at home and I am dead tired so I'm going to bed. Good night Owls! ((HUGS))

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  76. Michael: I am still friends with u on facebook. I requested u (after u deleted me) I am not mad at u and hooe to start over as new friends. I feel like we always got along let's toast to a new friendship (if u want to and I still wish u were old)

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  77. Maybe I am stupid, and I accept that! MICHAEL...if you've never been married to a woman, then whos son did you raise?? Do you have a partner? Don't mean to be nosy. Oh hell, yes I do!!!

    TINA...you have mail

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  78. DIANNE...whatcha got agin us youngins? I'm even younger then MICHAEL and TINA!

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  79. Wanda lives! That's the good news. The bad news is that she's kidnapped Misty, Helen Lawson's mentally handicapped daughter. And just when we thought things were going swimmingly in cyberspace! *wrings hands*

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  80. McTina You are moaning so prettily in the morning.

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  81. HOdi It does my heart good to see you posting today. You and your family continue to be in my prayers.

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  82. iteach That's kind of funny that you had to peak in on the nest. I don't see anything broken in here, so that's def a good sign.

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  83. Bebbi That's really good that your son has done reflection about his own actions and attitudes. Kudos to him. Oh, and I'm very interested in your new "friends". Is there a new boyfriend in the mix by any chance?

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  84. Carol You are such a sweetie. :)

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  85. Tinka I'm glad you had good weather for your birthday celebration and for Easter. It rained here on Easter morning but the skies were clear when we barbequed the ribs.

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  86. Not ignoring anyone but I have to eat dinner now. bbl

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  87. Well, I see nothing has happened since I've been gone.

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  88. Michael Rest assured, there was no pact that I know of and I didn't mean to shun you. I just needed to take a step back until I figured things out. Now that you are showing your true face, I'm feeling better about things now. And I do believe I heard an apology to the nest and I, for one, accept it.

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  89. Dianne Don't forget I'm up there in the "not older, just wiser" category, too.

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  90. Zona Good thinking to ask about the voodoo dolls....ijs.

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  91. MO Thinking about DWTS, what do you think about Kendra. Her mouth always smiles but her eyes don't, imho. I find it kind of disturbing.

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  92. Shirley OMG! A foot stool? Unbelievable! You grow some weird folks up there, don't you? LOL

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  93. Just- Lin - I would love some of those ribs right now. I am glad the rain stopped in time.

    Dianne - If I turned 40 and you are younger than I, how could you possibly be among the older but wiser group. I think you made a mistake.

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  94. Bear There's been a fair amount of hand wringing going on around here lately, and some imaginary neck wringing, too, I bet.

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  95. Tinka Maybe we are just wise beyond our years, yes?

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  96. That should have said 110 not 109. Just-Lin stepped on me but I wasn't hurt.

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  97. Just-Lin - Yes I think we are all very wise here.

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  98. Tinka Sorry. I didn't see you coming. I'm glad you weren't hurt.

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  99. J/L: I don't like Kendra on DWTS at all. She has an attitude and I would have voted her off a few weeks ago. I like Kirsti the best

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  100. I didn't want to like Kirsti, but she is my favorite. And I like Hines Ward, too. Kendra can totally be voted off this week as far as I am concerned. I'm kinda over Ralph, too.

    But I'm just a kid, so what do I know!!! hahahaha

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  101. MO Oh, that's right. Taunt the old people. LOL

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  102. J/L: There is someone!! :) It's really new and I am really excited about it. Shhhhhhhh...don't tell anyone. It just feels good to feel "those" feelings again! :) But, he wasn't at Easter.

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  103. Di: I had a talk with the President of the Airline, he said that I would have to talk to another Division. I am on it today..big meeting, with the heads of Corporate Atlanta to get them back to work..stay tuned!.. ;)

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  104. Mo: Your "Don't mean to be nosy, Oh hell I do" made me LOL! We are all nosy now!! :)

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  105. iteach: That is so creepy! I had to quit going to craigs list and even looking there are some weird things going on there... I had to look away!! ewwww..

    So glad you never kissed him.... LOL..egads! How horrible.

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