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Monday, May 16, 2011

Short Letters

by Michael

Dear Noah:
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5:00.
Sincerely,
Unicorns

Dear Icebergs:
Sorry to hear about the global warming… Karma's a bitch.
Sincerely,
The Titanic

Dear America:
You produced Miley Cyrus.  Justin Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely,
Canada

Dear Batman:
What was your power again?
Sincerely,
Superman

Dear Yahoo:
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know,  let's Yahoo! It..."  just saying...
Sincerely,
Google

Dear Twilight fans:
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection.  Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely,
Logic

Dear World:
Please stop freaking out about 2012.  Our calendar ends there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy, okay?
Sincerely,
The Mayans

Dear iPhone:
Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You Fuchsia Piece of Shut.
Sincerely,
Every iPhone User

Dear Windshield Wipers:
Can't touch this. 
Sincerely,
That Little Triangle

Dear girls who have been dumped:
There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding!  They're all dead.
Sincerely,
BP

Dear Saturn:
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Sincerely,
God

Dear Fox News:
So far, no news about foxes.
Sincerely,
Unimpressed

Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn:
Please lknvfdmv#xvn.
Sincerely,
Stevie Wonder

Dear Nickleback:
That's enough.
Sincerely,
The World

Dear Scissors:
I feel your pain...  No one wants to run with me either.
Sincerely,
Sarah Palin

Dear Osama Bin Laden:
Marco.... Dumb Ass! We got your Polo right here!
Sincerely,
United States

Dear World of Warcraft:
Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.
Sincerely,
Parents Everywhere

Dear Customers:
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely,
Nail Salon Ladies

Dear Global Warming:
You're the best imaginary friend ever!
Sincerely,
Al Gore

Dear Ugly People:
You're welcome.
Sincerely,
Alcohol

Dear Giant Spider on the Wall:
Please die.  Please die.  Please die.  Please die.  CRAP!  Where did you go?
Sincerely,
Terrified "Lisa"

Dear Trash:
At least you get picked up...
Sincerely,
The Girls of Jersey Shore

Dear Dr. Phil:
Look man, there's only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here first.
Sincerely,
Dr. Pepper


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50 comments:

  1. Tina~in_utMay 16, 2011 at 8:46 AM

    Good Moaning~

    ReplyDelete
  2. Tina~in_utMay 16, 2011 at 8:46 AM

    Miguelito~ Those were hilarious...I read them three times! These are my favorites, especially the first one! Thanks for sending it in~

    Dear World of Warcraft:
    Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.
    Sincerely,
    Parents Everywhere

    Dear Ugly People:
    You're welcome.
    Sincerely,
    Alcohol

    ReplyDelete
  3. BebbilaneMay 16, 2011 at 9:11 AM

    Michael..omg, these are hilarious!!

    Good morning pretty Tina cakes..

    REALLY fun ones Michael..you rock!

    Have a blessed Monday everyone! Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  4. TinkaMay 16, 2011 at 11:23 AM

    Good Morning moaning Tina - Have fun today.

    ReplyDelete
  5. TinkaMay 16, 2011 at 11:24 AM

    Good Morning Bebbi - I missed you yesterday. Were you busy or do you just not like Elvis?

    ReplyDelete
  6. TinkaMay 16, 2011 at 11:35 AM

    Michael - That's the funniest blog ever. I loved it. My favourites are

    Dear America:
    You produced Miley Cyrus. Justin Bieber is your punishment.
    Sincerely,
    Canada

    Dear Yahoo:
    I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! It..." just saying...
    Sincerely,
    Google

    Dear World:
    Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendar ends there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy, okay?
    Sincerely,
    The Maya

    Thanks again for the kind words you wrote to me yesterday.

    You never did get back on the blog to report about your baking. How did it go?

    ReplyDelete
  7. TinkaMay 16, 2011 at 11:41 AM

    from area 51
    Jodi - Thank you for commenting on my Elvis song. He seems to bring up memories for many of us.

    Dianne - You were up early. Are you excited? I am sorry you have to go to the dentist again.

    Maureen - LOL @ DIANNE...I don't care how cute or sexy your dentist is, this is enough for you already!

    ReplyDelete
  8. TinkaMay 16, 2011 at 11:42 AM

    Wishing all Owls a safe and happy week. See you all later.

    ReplyDelete
  9. TinkaMay 16, 2011 at 11:42 AM

    9

    ReplyDelete
  10. ZonaMay 16, 2011 at 11:54 AM

    MICHAEL: I laughed out loud from the first to the last..those were GREAT!! These are my favorites..

    Dear Noah:
    We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5:00.
    Sincerely,
    Unicorns

    Dear World:
    Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendar ends there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy, okay?
    Sincerely,
    The Mayans

    Gotta love Logic's letter too though!!

    Homerun blog MICHAEL..thanks for the early morning laughs!

    ReplyDelete
  11. TinkaMay 16, 2011 at 11:58 AM

    Good Morning Zona-My-Baby - I am praying for an uneventful week for you. Things come in 3's. I think you have had your three. Now you can relax.

    ReplyDelete
  12. ZonaMay 16, 2011 at 12:06 PM

    TINA: G'morning Gorgeous..LOL@ you liking the WOW one the best! ;D

    BEBBI: Good Morning Sunshine! Has Cyrano visited today?

    TINKA: Are you going over to the farms? I'll see you there! I think all my crops may have croaked though..I'm not much of a farmer.. ;D

    FROM 51:

    DI: THREE hours? Didn't we try hard to avoid that? LOL! I hope you remembered to ask the dentist for extra glue..cuz you won't need it if you did! Safe travels..have fun!

    J/LIN: Safe travels to you..it's a vacation..have as much Custard as you want! ;D

    ReplyDelete
  13. ZonaMay 16, 2011 at 12:08 PM

    TINKA: Thank you..I hope so! I just got the 13th comment though..uh-oh.. ;D

    ReplyDelete
  14. TinkaMay 16, 2011 at 12:24 PM

    Zona - Yes, I have my cup of tea, the tv in the background has "Regis and Kelly" on, the "fur babies" are at my feet chewing on their morning treat and I am heading over to the farms for a couple of hours of heavy farming. I get so exhausted from it I then need to nap.

    ReplyDelete
  15. BebbilaneMay 16, 2011 at 1:02 PM

    Tink: I was actually busy. Went to the Corvette museum and drove back from Bowling Green. I forgot to come and look when I got online last night for a little bit.

    I loved the Elvis! Actually posted one on my blog too. Listened to it twice..it was awesome Thanks!! :)

    Missed Saturday too but haven't had a chance to go back and look at that one..yet.

    ReplyDelete
  16. BebbilaneMay 16, 2011 at 1:02 PM

    Zona: No, Cyrano hasn't visited yet today. I do declare I love that bird! :)

    ReplyDelete
  17. AnonymousMay 16, 2011 at 1:35 PM

    Dear Saturn:

    I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
    Sincerely,

    God


    Good morning...

    I liked this little bunch of funnys because they are up to date...so much that we all still laugh about has been around awhile...still funny...just not "fresh"....KWIM?

    I like the ones about Saturn and the iPhone. It really is hard to write profanity...my iphone keeps correcting it and making it something crazy...like in the thing about it up there in the sentence...

    I text Tina the most so naturally there is a lot of screaming and profanity...

    I didn't end up baking anything yestiddy....I have been in a funky kinda sad "mode" and I just don't even want to get out of bed...but I must..have to keep up appearances you know......it will pass...it always does...

    I'm glad you all enjoyed my contribution

    ReplyDelete
  18. BebbilaneMay 16, 2011 at 1:49 PM

    Michael...I hope you are feeling better today. I understand about those funks. I had a great weekend but last night was feeling a little down. I guess the coming down of all the excitement.

    Chelsea is the first woman on my side of the family that has completed a four year degree.

    ReplyDelete
  19. BebbilaneMay 16, 2011 at 2:02 PM

    Area 51: Michael..the link you posted didn't work

    http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,2070503

    Can you repost it..if you would be able to find it.

    Also, just going back to read the area 51 stuff.

    LynnD: Glad you are getting to feel better.

    Zona: What all happened? I missed it but saw Tina's comment... I hope you are okay..

    ReplyDelete
  20. BebbilaneMay 16, 2011 at 2:08 PM

    Barb: I liked your blog on Saturday too. I love that saying.. thanks! :)

    ReplyDelete
  21. sacBarbMay 16, 2011 at 2:28 PM

    Happy Monday Owls.

    Michael, Thanks for the blog. They are all very funny and as you said, very current. When I first got my iPhone I sent some strange texts because the auto-correct would change some words to something I never intended. I finally figured out how to turn it off, but the downside of that is that now it doesn't correct anything. BTW, have you ever gone to autocorrect.com? People send in "corrections" made by their phone and some of them are truly LOL hysterical.

    ReplyDelete
  22. sacBarbMay 16, 2011 at 2:35 PM

    Tina, you are lovely this morning as always.

    Bebbi, I keep forgetting to tell you, our news showed a little of the Pegasus parade and I looked for you, but I didn't see you. It looked like everyone was having a good time.

    Zona, Is the pool fixed? I hope you can swim soon. We all know how much you and Mr. Z like to swim! :)

    Tinka, Have fun farming. I have gotten kinda bored with it and have become a very bad farmer.

    ReplyDelete
  23. BebbilaneMay 16, 2011 at 2:38 PM

    Barb: Cool! Glad to hear the Pegasus parade made national news. It's a HUGE parade and most of the clips were from the beginning of the parade. We were more toward the end.. but so fun!

    ReplyDelete
  24. TinkaMay 16, 2011 at 2:38 PM

    Good Morning Bebbi, Michael. I am just heading for my nap but I wanted to check the nest to see if anyone had landed. I am happy to see you three are there.

    ReplyDelete
  25. TinkaMay 16, 2011 at 2:40 PM

    Bebbi - I knew there was a good reason why you weren't on the blog yesterday. That's why I mentioned it. Thanks for liking my song. I love the ones you put on Facebook too. Sometimes I forget to click "like" after I am finished. I will try to remember to do that in the future.

    ReplyDelete
  26. TinkaMay 16, 2011 at 2:41 PM

    Michael - I felt a little sad yesterday too. I think we dug up some memories that we hadn't thought of for a while. I feel better today and hope you do too.

    ReplyDelete
  27. TinkaMay 16, 2011 at 2:44 PM

    Sac Barb - I miss you on the farms. Maybe you will get back to it someday. We have to take a break every now and then.
    I am going to check out autocorrect.com. It sounds like fun.

    Hope you are feeling well. Take care. Off for my nap.

    ReplyDelete
  28. TinkaMay 16, 2011 at 2:46 PM

    I got "25" and didn't notice. How did that happen I wonder???

    ReplyDelete
  29. iteachMay 16, 2011 at 3:17 PM

    Those were hilarious!!! Tonight I will take the time and pick my favorite ones. Loved it!

    Thank you Michael!

    ReplyDelete
  30. AnonymousMay 16, 2011 at 3:42 PM

    Here ya go Bebbi...it worked when I went to get it...see what this does...

    http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,2070503,00.html

    ReplyDelete
  31. AnonymousMay 16, 2011 at 3:44 PM

    and again...

    http://www.time.com
    /time/health/article
    /0,8599,2070503,00.
    html

    ReplyDelete
  32. BebbilaneMay 16, 2011 at 3:55 PM

    Michael! Thank you, that was so interesting...

    ReplyDelete
  33. Dianne/DenverMay 16, 2011 at 7:53 PM

    Hi---just checked in hotel in Amarillo for the night--long day

    ReplyDelete
  34. TinkaMay 16, 2011 at 8:05 PM

    Have fun Dianne.

    ReplyDelete
  35. MaureenMay 16, 2011 at 8:41 PM

    Good evening feathered friends!!

    TINA...I'm not gonna congratulate you on first today...just because!

    SACBARB...glad to see you in the nest today. I hope you are feeling better.

    BEBBI...congrats on Chelsea's graduation. You are such a proud mama - and you should be!!

    MICHAEL...these are GREAT! I think my favorite is:
    Dear Giant Spider on the Wall:
    Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. CRAP! Where did you go?
    Sincerely,
    Terrified "Maureen"

    I have been killing spiders everyday for about a week...welcome to spring!

    ZONA...Crimini, I would have thought that your favorite would have been:
    Dear Yahoo:
    I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! It..." just saying...
    Sincerely,
    Google

    I also liked the iPhone one, because it calls me 'month'!

    Waving to TINKA, ITEACH and DIANNE

    ReplyDelete
  36. MaureenMay 16, 2011 at 10:43 PM

    Did I scare everyone away??

    ReplyDelete
  37. TinkaMay 16, 2011 at 10:45 PM

    Hi Maureen - It was fun playing with you in the nest last night. Maybe I should delete that sentence. There is something about it that doesn't sound right.

    Michael - I just read the short letters to Jack and I had another good laugh at them because Jack enjoyed them so much. Thanks for the great blog.

    ReplyDelete
  38. TinkaMay 16, 2011 at 10:45 PM

    40

    ReplyDelete
  39. TinkaMay 16, 2011 at 10:46 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  40. TinkaMay 16, 2011 at 10:47 PM

    Maureen - I deleted my comment because I said, "You can scare me" when I meant to say "You can't scare me, only spiders can do that.

    ReplyDelete
  41. MaureenMay 16, 2011 at 11:07 PM

    TINKA...LOL! You are quite a randy gal! Yep, not as innocent as you look!!!

    ReplyDelete
  42. Tina~in_utMay 16, 2011 at 11:08 PM

    i read the World of Warcraft one to the hubby.....and he laughed....cuz we're grateful parents! THEN he showed me this video that made me laugh and i thanked him for my next blog~ :D

    ReplyDelete
  43. Tina~in_utMay 16, 2011 at 11:08 PM

    No Mo~ ZONA is the Randy gal~ duh~

    ReplyDelete
  44. MaureenMay 16, 2011 at 11:12 PM

    TINA...good point!

    ReplyDelete
  45. TinkaMay 17, 2011 at 1:12 AM

    Is someone talking about my daughter? You will have to deal with me if you are.

    ReplyDelete
  46. TinkaMay 17, 2011 at 1:19 AM

    We just finished watching an episode of E.R. I hope Dr. Doug Ross (George Clooney) becomes a better person soon. He must I am sure because right now his behaviour outside of the hospital is far from reputable. He is so cute but after a while you don't even notice his looks because of the way he treats women. We are half way through season three so he has a lot of time to reform.

    ReplyDelete
  47. TinkaMay 17, 2011 at 1:19 AM

    49 Off to my farms.

    ReplyDelete
  48. TinkaMay 17, 2011 at 1:19 AM

    50

    ReplyDelete
  49. whabbearMay 17, 2011 at 1:34 AM

    Very funny, Michael! Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  50. BebbilaneMay 17, 2011 at 8:42 AM

    Have fun Dianne!

    Thanks Mo! <3

    ReplyDelete