~ Tribute to a Man who DID make a Difference ~

by Tina~in_ut

May 29, 1903 - July 27, 2003

ON TURNING 70

'You still chase women, but only downhill'.


ON TURNING 80

'That's the time of your life when even your
birthday suit needs pressing.'


ON TURNING 90

'You know you're getting old when the
candles cost more than the cake.'


ON TURNING 100

' I don't feel old. In fact I don't feel anything
until noon . Then it's time for my nap.'


ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING

'I ruined my hands in the ring . the
referee kept stepping on them.'


ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR

'Welcome to the Academy Awards or,
as it's called at my home, 'Passover'.'


ON GOLF

'Golf is my profession. Show business
is just to pay the green fees.'


ON PRESIDENTS

'I have performed for 12 presidents
and entertained only six.'


ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER

'When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, '
Congratulations. You have an eight-pound ham'.'


ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL

'I feel very humble, but I think I have
the strength of character to fight it.'


ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY

'Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got
cold, mother threw on another brother.'


ON HIS SIX BROTHERS

'That's how I learned to dance.
Waiting for the bathroom.'


ON HIS EARLY FAILURES

'I would not have had anything to eat
if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me.'


ON GOING TO HEAVEN

'I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd
hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.'