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Friday, April 13, 2012

Hello and thank you for calling.....

by Jodi

This was posted by John Taylor of the band Duran Duran today.  It totally made me LMBO!!  Enjoy :)

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.
Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.
If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won’t be crazy forever.
If you are blonde, don’t press any buttons, you’ll just mess it up.
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17 comments:

  1. ZonaApril 13, 2012 at 10:04 AM

    Good Morning!!

    JODI: That was GREAT!! 9..9..9..9..9..9... :D

    Thanks for the laughs this morning!

    ReplyDelete
  2. sacBarbApril 13, 2012 at 11:10 AM

    Jodi, Hello and thank you for for the information on calling.....
    What number do I push for the short term memory, again?

    Zona, You are beautious in first today. Oh, Is it #9?????

    ReplyDelete
  3. sacBarbApril 13, 2012 at 11:19 AM

    I'm still in San Diego. It was sunny yesterday, but we are going to have rain again today. :(

    Poor Sakima has an eye infection and we have drops to put in his eye. After doing it this morning, Todd and Vicki decided it is definitely a two person job because he is one active puppy. So I don't have to be a meany. Yay!

    ReplyDelete
  4. BebbilaneApril 13, 2012 at 12:24 PM

    Very funny! Good morning Zona and Barb!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. JodiApril 13, 2012 at 12:32 PM

    Good morning ZONA!! I'm still waiting to hear back from the Mother Ship!! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  6. JodiApril 13, 2012 at 12:33 PM

    BARB - 9 9 9 9 9!!! Kinda overcast here and a bit cooler. Keeping hope alive, though with my capri's and sandals!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. JodiApril 13, 2012 at 12:34 PM

    BEBBI - Good morning!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Just_LinApril 13, 2012 at 3:22 PM

    Zona You're looking mighty fine in first today. I'm still waiting for the little voice to tell me what to do next. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Just_LinApril 13, 2012 at 3:23 PM

    HOdi Those were great!!! I know it isn't very PC but the bipolar one made me laugh especially hard. Thanks for the laughs.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Just_LinApril 13, 2012 at 3:26 PM

    SacBarb How are you this fine day? Last night we had nickle and quarter size hail. Very unusual for us. There was a tremendous amount of thunder and lightening, too. The dog was literally frowning. She was very concrnefd about it all.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Just_LinApril 13, 2012 at 3:27 PM

    Bebbi Well, this is nice to see you here today. Waving a wing. It's kind of flabby but I'm waving it anyway.

    ReplyDelete
  12. JodiApril 13, 2012 at 6:49 PM

    SLIN - That one cracked me up, too!! Oh, hell they all did. PC be damned ;)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Just_LinApril 13, 2012 at 6:55 PM

    HOdi The dyslexic one is still making me laugh!

    ReplyDelete
  14. JodiApril 13, 2012 at 8:21 PM

    SHIRLEY - Finally got my taxes done today. After a stressful morning (digging for W-2's, K-1's .... UGH!!!) it totally paid off. We're getting a refund!!!

    p.s. And I had everything organized, added up, and written down. I even took a shower!!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. JodiApril 13, 2012 at 8:21 PM

    My weekend to work, so this HOoter is heading to bed. Good night ♥

    ReplyDelete
  16. Tina~in_utApril 13, 2012 at 11:23 PM

    I'm SO dang pooped! Spent all day out and about....chopping....buying....meeting people....eating....walking....watching the last inning of the Sox game in a Marriott that we were only checking out.....in their owner's club...with free food and drink...(they invited us in....we can't help it if we look like owners!!!)...then walking....eating....eating....walking....and eating~ That's a lot of werk!!! And it was a beautiful day~ GORGEOUS!!~

    I'm not going to put my gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down.....and cry~ I think I'm TOTALLY menopausal!!!~ Y U C K !!!~

    Thanks for the blag, Jodi~

    Zona~ u look 9 this morning~

    Barb~ I so LOVE SD~

    Beverly~ Cannoli~

    J/L~ I'm pretty sure waving ur wing will make the flab go away...that's what I'm hoping for~ (me....not you!~)

    ReplyDelete
  17. JodiApril 14, 2012 at 3:12 AM

    TINA - So glad you had a good day!! Did you get to Vera Bradley?

    ReplyDelete