Good Old Dr. Geezer
by Dianne
An old geezer became very bored in
retirement and decided to open a medical clinic.
He put a sign up outside that said:
"Dr.Geezer's clinic. Get your
treatment for $500, if not cured, get back
$1,000."
Doctor "Young," who was positive that this
old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a
great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer's
clinic.
Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all
taste in my mouth. Can you please help me ??"
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine
from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."
Dr. Young: Aaagh !!
-- "This is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got
your taste back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young gets
annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr. Young: "I have lost my memory, I
cannot remember
anything."
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine
from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Dr. Young: "Oh,
no you don't, -- that is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer:
"Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves
angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak
---I can hardly see
anything!!!!
Dr. Geezer: "Well, I
don't have any medicine for that so, Here's your $1000." (giving him a $10 bill)
Dr. Young: "But this is only
$10!
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You
got your vision back!; That will be $500."
Moral of story -- Just because
you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer"
34 comments:
Dianne Thanks for the chuckle. I guess there are some benefits to being older.
So Kayla wants to make food packages for Jake-ass. Would they even allow outside food to come in? It could be laced with anything. They wouldn't allow that unless regulations have really changed over the years. How is he calling her so much? Is he allowed to have a cell phone? In the old days, there was a pay phone with a dime in it and you had to call everyone collect. Everyone used the same dime. If a drug raid was going down that night, the dime got taken away by the deputies just in case the prisoners got a whiff that something was up and started getting the word spread in the "outside world".
Barb It's raining now and the wind is kicking up. The new roof I had put on a year and a half ago, has these horizontal air circulation vents in it which all the new roofs seem to have these days. Anyway, when the wind raises to a certain level, these vents make me hear a "howling wind" type noise. It's like sound effects which make the storm seem even more ferocious than it is.
Mary I hope you're staying warm and safe. Are you dreaming of warm beaches, yet?
Jodi and Barb.in.WA We miss you.
That was good Dianne! The young whippersnappers shouldn't mess with old geezers!
J/L, it has been raining really hard most of the day and the wind has been blowing a lot, too. And to top it off I have been freezing all day, even tho it has been in the high 50s all day. I cranked up the heat to 77 and hunkered under the covers. Lunch with my friends was canceled because no one wanted to go out in the deluge.
Barb I'm sorry your luncheon was cancelled but I guess I can't blame them. I stayed home all day, too. I am so far behind on getting anything done for Xmas. I did manage to make a big pan of fudge today and a batch of cookies shaped like Christmas trees. They still need to be decorated. There are at least two more kinds of cookies that I want to make, maybe three. As for shopping....I think it will be gift cards as I just don't have enough time to get gifts, wrap and mail them and get them there in time. They'll be lucky to get the baked goods in time.
It's snowing like crazy here tonight. We went to a neighborhood restaurant and it was 33 outside and no snow...it went to 12 and snow just while we were eating in an hour. Really blowing and hard to see. We were glad we went close. I guess it's supposed to keep up all night. I kind of wish I hadn't volunteered to take Barb way out to the airport...Louis will be our driver. Who knows if her plane will even get out on time.
We will be wrapping this weekend. I have a Christmas lunch Monday and Tuesday so I had better get things ready. We are having the kids over for early Christmas on Wednesday night. Im having food delivered and we will do presents. I won't do Tammys and family until Christmas Day. You all already know I'm not baking!!
Barb, if I was at your house and the heat was on 77 when it's 50's outside...I'd be melting! I think I'd be naked. Lol sorry your lunch was canceled. I don't like things to be canceled. We are going to my ex-sil and wife's for a Christmas party tomorrow night but they live in the mountains..so we will see how that plays out.
JL, your cookies sound nice. Do you keep them or give them away? What are your Christmas plans? I don't know if they allow food to be brought in the jail...good question. He also from a pay phone and she has a phone card to take his calls. You would think there is a lock down time but he seems to call all night. I'm going to have to get more details about how this works.
Mary, are you still snowed in?
On my way to bed. It has been a busy day. We are expecting another snow storm so I went to stock the pantry. The roads are still not cleared from our last storm!
I did a lot of driving Wed. in snowy roads and white outs!
I took Zoie out earlier tonight. She was just finishing up when I suddenly felt light headed and thought I was going to pass out. Kind of scary! Zoie wanted to run around a bit, but I quickly scooted her inside. I was afraid if I passed out Jim would not notice me gone for a while. He knows Zoie can take forever finding her perfect "spot" lol! I laid down for a while. Feeling better. I think I have been over doing it! <---I can't believe I said that!
No plans this week end so no running around!
Time for some shut eye!
Ok, I guess no one is writing so I will. Hi everyone. Are you all busy wrapping, shopping, baking. Mary, I think you're busy with plumbimg issues. Yuck!! Did it get fixed today?
I woke up early Sunday and started and finished the wrapping almost before Louis woke up. It's not so bad once u get started. I think I did cut back this year too. We went to Andy's for a Christmas party Saturday night. It had stopped snowing but it was not great roads. Louis went with me to take Barb to airport as the morning roads were really not good. Her plane was delayed for hours but she finally got there at 10 that night. I pick her up tomorrow night at 10 but the roads are fine now. Actually, it was 50 today...better than -5 on Saturday.
Had a nice Christmas lunch and dinner with two different friends today. I have to start getting ready for my night with the kids Wednesday night. I ordered food and we will exchange gifts.
What are all of you up too? Write....I'm lonely.
Dianne Here I am. I am recovering from a very busy few days. I went shopping Friday and Saturday. OMG! I don't even go to the shopping centers on a normal weekend. It was hideous trying to park. I shopped and shopped for hours which I do not like to do. Then I came home and made more cookies even though my back was really hurting. On Sunday, I made more cookies while I wrapped stuff. I was doing that until 1 a.m. Then I got up early today to make another batch of cookies and get gifts and baked goods boxed up and sent to my brother and also to my son and his family. It looks like I won't see that group until after Christmas but I wanted to make sure they had their gifts and the goodies there in time for the holiday. My son gets to have the kids on Christmas day and the following week. Funny thing happened.....I got a big box all packed up to send to my son's house and all the gifts and sweets just fit perfectly. Got it all taped up and then realized there was one more container of cookies that I forgot to include! Well, it wasn't going to fit so I had to send that separately. LOL Anyway, I'm very relieved that it's all done. I had made fudge, frosted sugar cookies, peanut butter cookies w/Kisses, Spritz cookies, and chocolate chip cookies.
I only ate a couple of the cookies I made but I don't think the scale will be kind to me tomorrow morning as I rewarded myself with pizza and Coke.
Mary I hope you gave yourself some recuperation time after your lightheaded spell.
So what's with your plumbing? Why does stuff like that always happen around the holidays? My friend is expecting all her family over for dinner on Christmas Eve so, of course, a heating unit in her oven has stopped working.
That reminds me....I should think of something nice to make for myself on Christmas Eve, or maybe just something easy. LOL I'll be going up to my daughter's for Christmas Day and we are going to a fancy buffet we enjoy at a resort in Napa. Prime rib! Yum! A girlfriend of hers will be joining us this year as she has no family here. It ought to be fun.
Barb Where are you? It is so cold. Well, not by Mary and Dianne standards, but surely by my standards.
Here I am. I have been crazy busy too, getting stuff ready for Christmas. I am cooking on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I will be making the traditional linguine with clam sauce for Christmas Eve. The actual Italian tradition for Christmas Eve is a huge meal with seven different fish dishes, but my Mom pared that down when we didn't have ALL the Italians in town over for dinner. As the family grew, they started their own traditions and memories and ours got smaller, plus it was way too much food for just us!
Christmas day I am cooking a Prime rib which, for our family, was changed from a traditional lasagna or ravioli dinner about 25 years ago. My hubby did some work for a butcher friend and he got a prime rib as a thank you. Since it was right before Christmas, we decided to cook it for the holiday and give my Mom a break from cooking. That became our new tradition!
J/L, It has been bitter cold here, too. OK, not by Mary and Dianne's standards, but it was 20 degrees yesterday morning! Way too cold for me. Dean and Deb went shopping on Saturday and it took them an hour to find parking at the Mall. I did most of my shopping on line. Todd and Vicki both had wish lists on Amazon and I ordered stuff for them, had Amazon wrap and ship and I never left the house, plus I got free shipping so I scored by not having to pay for postage to ship from Sac to San Diego. I applaud your baking skills. I used to make the peanut butter cookies with kisses for work for every potluck. They were so easy and fail free! I haven't baked anything for Christmas for years.
Dianne, I'm so glad your trip to airport was uneventful, given the road conditions. I don't know how people drive in the ice and snow. I could not do it!
I lol'd at you being naked in my warm/hot house. I don't usually keep the temp up so high, I just couldn't get warm that day. I do turn the thermometer down to 60-62 at night. My blankies and the kitties keep me warm enough.
It sounds like you have already celebrated Christmas. Are you doing anything special on Christmas eve/day?
Mary, I hope your pace has slowed a bit. Dizzy spells is nothing to take lightly and can be caused by a number of things. I had been having dizzy spells last year and that finally resulted in my getting a pacemaker. It's a good thing to rule out anything serious.
Hey Ladies!
Sorry about not coming back the other day. I've been super busy, and that makes me super tired....and forgetful.
Dianne: 120 days for a home burglary by a repeat offender is not long enough! I would be so pissed if I was Tammy
Mary: Hope your plumbing is all fixed!
Waving to everyone else!
Been spending a lot of time with Harrison. Today I didn't watch him, but ended up picking him up at daycare and taking him back to our house for a while. Then we all went out for pizza. Bryan is already in town, so we were all able to go. I spent the morning with my mom doing some shopping. I will be baking cookies tomorrow so we went to get all the ingredients. Making 4 things I've never made before. Wanted to change it up! Ginger snaps, red velvet thumbprint, Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Rice Krispies Treats and Crockpot Christmas Crack. I will post FB pics of course :-)
All is well here at HomeWA. We love love love all the time we are getting with Harrison. He is such a doll baby :-)
Sending many hugs and love to you all!
B
Hello Ladies!
I hope everyone is well and ready for the big Holiday weekend!
We are going out to dinner with friends tonight. Our annual Christmas Dinner :-) This will be the third year in a row that we go to a place near their home called Tad's Chicken'N Dumplins. It's amazing! Check it out http://tadschicdump.com/
We have gone to other places, but since going to Tad's, that is the place I love going too :-) Mmm Mmm Mmmmmm! I love me some chicken N dumplins! LOL!
Tomorrow, Christmas Eve, we will be having a ham dinner with Robert's dad, maybe my mom, Bryan, Katie Tim and Harrison, and our niece Jessica. The other niece and nephew are busy. It's weird. The last couple years it seems to be one or the other niece. I think they may not be getting along too well. The nephew is always working late that day. Katie is working that day too, but she will get off work around 2ish.
Sunday, Katie Tim and Harrison will come over for a pancake breakfast with us and Bryan. We will watch Harrison open some pressies, then later in the afternoon we will go over to my sisters for lasagna! She makes the best lasagna! Then it will be games and laughs the rest of the night. Really looking forward to this weekend!
Hope you all have a very Merry Christmas!
Love Ya!
B
Hi....Barb in Wa, how fun to see you on the blog. It sounds like you have a fun weekend planned with lots of eating too! We are going to Greeley Kate tomorrow afternoon for dinner with my two uncles and aunts. We haven't done this before so I'm looking forward to it. We had Christmas with my son on Wednesday. ON Christmas morning we will go to my ex sil and wife's house with tammy and the girls for the day and then home in time for the bronco game. I have about three things to wrap tomorrow and then do Louis's stocking.
We went to the airport again in Tuesday night to pick Barb up and her plane was delayed two hours as they had no pilot. She didn't get in until 11:30pm, And we finally got home at 1am.
I went to grocery store today just to pick up a tray for tomorrow night and it was crazy busy. I had to drive around and around to finally get a parking place. Ugly!!
Barb, I imagine you are busy cooking for all your dinners. Jl and Mary....what are you both doing. Mary, are you feeling better?
We are back to nice weather with no predictions for snow. I'm glad as everyone is busy going places and we don't need snow on the roads too
Dianne, I went to the Gross-ry store yesterday to get everything for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day dinners. I ordered the prime rib and said I'd pick it up yesterday, so I was going to go really early to beat the crowd. Well, that didn't happen and I ended up going about 2:00. I was shocked to find parking really close to the front door and there was hardly anyone in the store. I zoomed around to get all my stuff and only had to wait behind one person at the register. I told the person helping me out with a very full cart that I was surprised the store wasn't crowded and he told me it was a mad house earlier and they were having a lull for about an hour. I really lucked out and was so happy. I thought I was going to be there for hours!
You and Louis really stretch out the celebrating. How fun that must be. How are things with Kayla? Is she behaving now that Jake-ass is in jail?
I may not be able to post anything for the next two days, so I will say Merry Christmas to all the HOoters now. Ho Ho Ho
Barb Merry Christmas to you, too. It sounds like you are going to be very busy today and tomorrow and you will also be eating very well. LOL I will be home alone tonight but am making myself a nice dinner of filet mignon, baked potato, and broccoli. I'm even defying the diet by having chocolate cake for dessert. Tomorrow I will be going up to my daughter's to celebrate with her. A friend of her's who just moved here from Texas will be joining us as she has no family here. We are going to the Silverado Resort in Napa for their delicious holiday buffet. So many goodies to eat, including prime rib. My son doesn't get his kids until Christmas day and will then be spending a week with him. I will get together with them during that time.
I went to Safeway yesterday and it was a hideous madhouse. It took a long, long, time for me to park and the check-out lines were long. Then, as I'm loading my stuff in the car, I take my purse out of the top part of the shopping cart and underneath it is the greeting card and gift card I meant to purchase. So, back into the store I go to stand in the long check-out line, again. Argh!
Merry Christmas, Dianne. You have lots of celebrating going on. I hope the roads are safe for all your travels. I bet your friend really appreciated you taking her to the airport and picking her up, too, especially with the road conditions and flight delays.
That was a lovely picture you posted the other day of all your grandkids. Kayla was on quite a roll the other day. She may be 18 but she still has lots of growing up to do. She sees herself and Jake-ass as total victims and doesn't acknowledge that actions the two of them have taken have lead directly to their individual situations now. I guess I'm just telling you what you already know. I hope you're all able to have a lovely Christmas with no drama.
Merry Christmas, Barb.in.WA. It sounds like you will be eating really well during these days, too. I love chicken and dumplings! I haven't made that in sooo long! I have this ancient Bisquick recipe that is delicious.
It's going to be so fun watching Harrison open his gifts. Christmas is extra fun when there are little ones to celebrate with. I miss the days when everyone was still here and my mom and brother would be here, too, for the holiday and all the games and laughs. Good times! Things are a lot different now but I will still enjoy the day with my daughter and her girlfriend.
Merry Christmas, Mary. We haven't heard from you for a while. I hope you didn't have any more dizzy spells. I bet you are cooking up a storm for the holiday. Are you making tamales? I got some of the cutest decorated Christmas cookies for my dog. I let her have part of one yesterday and she actually really liked it. I'll let her have the rest of it tonight and another one tomorrow. I guess I'm trying to assuage my guilt for leaving her alone tomorrow even though she doesn't know that it's any kind of special day. LOL
HOdi Merry Christmas and we miss you.
Hi jL,, your dinner tonight sounds delicious except for the broccoli....that I can live without. Have a wonderful day with your daughter. Ive lost 10 pounds in the last two weeks..I sure hope I don't find it again. Your buffet will probably be yummy especially silly with prime rib!! Did you have to get reservations a long time ago?
Yes, Kayla will never realize that they aren't victims. Jake-ass did all this to himself. I talked briefly to her last night and she was on her way to her dads and very sad. She still hasn't done her community service and it needs to be done by the 4th. She told me she's too sad to do it. That will be great on her record. She seems to think there is a church you can donate to and they will write off your hours. I doubt it.
I too am hoping for a drama free Christmas Day.
Merry Christmas to you, Barb, Mary and Barb in Wa and Jodi. Thinking of all of you on this special day. Xxoo
Dianne I forgot to congratulate you on the weight loss. I'm not doing as well. I gained 7 pounds while at my brother's and have only lost 4 1/2 of it. I'll probably put that back on tonight and tomorrow. LOL
Merry Christmas Eve ladies!
We had a very nice gathering today. Had more than we expected, which was wonderful. We had plenty of food for everyone! It ended early since people had other places to go. That was actually quite nice! LOL! My mom did come over, so I took her home at 5:30, came home and wrapped, and was done by 7:30. Robert and Bryan were both sleeping on the couches while I was busy, so I just went about my work!
Tomorrow is a pancake breakfast then off to my sisters in the afternoon for lasagna.
I hope all of you have a very wonderful Christmas!
(((Special hugs for Dianne)))
Love to you all~~~
B
Awww Barb, thanks for the special hugs. I sure do miss you a lot.
Surprise....kayla went to church tonight with my son and family. I am surprised and happy about it. She at her dads tonight.
JL, I will probably gain it back too
Merry Christmas Eve to all, xxoo
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Hellooooo HOoters. Happy day after Christmas. I think it is boxing day in Canada. I was very busy the past two days and today I am really tired, but I have a housekeeper coming over at 1:00 and I am very happy about that. I thought it better to have the house cleaned after Christmas, instead of before, so it will stay clean for longer. I figured everyone would be too busy to look too closely. I do clean the bathrooms regularly, so the house really isn't that bad. I mainly have the housekeeper about every three months or so to vacuum the whole house at once. I can only do one room at at time, so by the time I have done all the rooms, it's time to start over.
J/L, Your Christmas dinner sounds about like what we had, except we had asparagus instead of broccoli. When I was shopping for all the stuff, I saw a lemon herb mix for asparagus, so I decided to try it and it was a big hit yesterday. Usually I just steam it in the microwave with a little salt on it, but the herb mix was very tasty. I plan to have a sandwich tonight with some of the left over prime rib, and there's four pieces of asparagus left so I'll heat that up, too.
J/L, I forgot to say that I applaud you for going back into the fray to pay for that card. I think I would have just gone home. I so lucked out when I did my shopping for Christmas and I probably would have gone back that day, but not if I had to stand in a long line again!
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