by Dianne
Hey Bill ---- This is Alan next door. I’m sorry buddy, but I
have a confession to make to you. I've been riddled with guilt these past few
months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you to your face, but
I am at least now telling in text as I can’t live with myself a moment
longer without you knowing.
The truth is, I have been sharing your wife, day and night, when
you're not around. In fact, probably more than you. I haven’t been
getting it at home recently, but that's no excuse I know. The temptation
was just too much... I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will
accept my sincerest apologies and forgive me.
I promise that it won't happen again. Please come up with a
fee for usage, and I'll pay you.
Regards, Alan.
Bill, feeling insulted and betrayed, grabbed his gun, and shot his
neighbor Alan
dead.
He returned home where he poured himself a stiff drink and sat
down on the sofa.
He took out his phone where he saw he has a subsequent message
from his neighbor.
THE SECOND MESSAGE:
Hey Bill --- This is Alan next door again. Sorry about the
slight typo on my last text. I know you'll figured it out anyway, but I’m
sure you noticed that my autocorrect changed ‘WiFi’ to ‘Wife’.
Technology hey?!? Hope you saw the funny side of that.
Regards,
Alan.
23 comments:
Dianne, That was funny, but thinking about it, it could probably happen. I have seen my phone change my correctly typed word into something totally non-related and it really p's me off. I disabled the auto-correct for that very reason.
My roof should be finished tomorrow. They put three of the solar tubes in today, but they had to leave about 1:00 because the temp reached 102 and it was still climbing. They will be hear at the crack of dawn tomorrow to make sure they can finish the roof and install the final solar tube in the family room. BTW, I love the solar tubes. They have really brightened up the house. I have lived in this dark house for 49 years.
Dianne, I forgot to tell you that I stole your Facebook post. I love it!
LMAO!! Funny and sad lol! I didn't know you could turn off auto-correct.
Can't hang around long. I have to meet my Nephew from Texas at 3:00 in Ionia. My sister
will be there too. I will be taking them green tomatoes and cukes from my garden.
All is well , just super busy!
SacBarb, I would love to have solar tubes installed! I will have to check on cost incl. labor.
Mary, The solar tubes are costing me $400 each and the one in the bedroom is replacing a ceiling light so the light part is an additional $200 for that one. They installed three of them yesterday and the final one will go in today. I love the ones they have already installed. I'm sure they are more expensive in CA than they would be in MI.
Hi, HOoters. It's been a rather nerve wracking day. I had appointment to have my car serviced this afternoon so that's where I spent the afternoon. It had been a year and a half since I'd done that but I'd only driven 5,000 miles in that time. I don't get around much do I?
Anyway, a little back story..... My son and girlfriend live together and she has 3 sons. One is married, one stays with my son and his girlfriend sometimes, and the third and youngest is 14 and has had kidney failure for years. It finally got so bad recently that he was put on transplant list. Well, last night they got the call at 3 a.m. to get to Stanford Hospital as they had a kidney that was being flown in from Nevada. Anyway, Matteo got his new kidney today and it is working beautifully. Yay!
Then tonight I get call from one of my brother's friends that they had just taken him to the ER. They had all been playing pool volleyball and then went to get pizza. After eating my brother suddenly started sweating profusely, felt like he was going to faint and then felt nauseated. So far, I only know that an EKG showed his heart to be fine and that it was not a heart attack. Still waiting for further information.
Wow JL, it was been a day for you. So glad your brother did not have a heart attack. Hope he's ok..be sure and let us know. Scary when you don't know what's wrong
How great that Matteo got a new kidney. Things can sure be done nowadays. How long was he on the transplant list? I'm sure glad he's doing ok. Young to have to go through all of those medical things.
You really don't put miles on, do you? I had 26,000 and only had car less than two years. I'm really liking my new car I sat in the park for two hours reading my manual and learning the car. The text messaging isn't working n my car for replying verbally so I guess it has to e updated. You wouldn't think a car with 38 miles on it would need a software update. I have to take it in Tuesday.
Mary, you are always a busy gal. Sounds like you have a lot of vegetables from your garden. Good thing you cook.
Barb, how nice to have your roof all done and that you are happy with it too. . . The lighting sounds really nice. I'm surprised that owner next door cared about the roof. You've lived in your house for a long time.
Im going up in the foothills for lunch tomorrow. We went for Chinese tonight. It was good for a change of pace. Boy, I'm getting sleepy snd it's only 11:30 pm. I seem to get tired earlier. Went to the dr today and she hugged me as my blood sugar went down again. I'm determined. Especially when I see those numbers. Ok..night
Dianne Congrats on lowering your blood sugar. You are an inspiration! You are doing such a great job with the weight loss and improving your health. It encourages me to do better than I am.
Matteo had not been on the transplant list very long but his kidneys had rapidly gotten so much worse that it was to the point of get a kidney soon or go on dialysis for 10 hrs a day. He has been feeling lousy for so long that he was more than ready to get the transplant. They have known for years that he would need this. The original plan was that an older brother that is a match would donate his kidney. It's the brother that has a new baby and he started flaking out about it and not doing what he was supposed to do to be a donor so the hospital put Matteo on the transplant list. Like I just said, it had become a dire situation where it was transplant or dialysis. Now Matteo will get to be a kid again. He is feeling great and wants to get out of ICU and wants to eat. They are waiting for a bed to open up so they can transfer him out of ICU.
J/L, That is wonderful news that Matteo was able to get the transplant and is feeling so much better. I hope you get some good news about your brother.
You drive about as much as I do. My car is 10 years old and has a little over 44,000 miles. Todd will be up here to get it sometime in Sept. Vicki's car is nine years old and has 125,000+ miles and has been in the shop for repairs a couple of times this year. So hopefully, the Saturn will be a good car for her. I did tell Todd if she doesn't like it they could sell it and probably get enough to put a decent amount down on something she would like.
Dianne, you are doing so well getting your blood sugar down and also your weight. I have been so bad about eating crap and I keep beating myself up about it, but then I do it again! I know I would feel much better if I dropped even 10 lbs. That would be a start and I would feel more motivated.
Thanks for the compliments. My main thing is getting that blood sugar down. The weight loss is a great bonus. I'm still on presdnidone and starving all the time. Today was not a good day for food. I ate too much. I need to get back on the stick tomorrow. I finally finished my closet and have three garbage bags of clothes. Isn't it funny when you are doing it and you look and somethings and wonder what you were thinking? I give the clothes to Barb for her sister on a nursing home/assisted living.
You know Barb, I was hoping this loss would help my breathing but I don't notice any change. It's discouraging . My dr said it will happen snd I realize I need to lose a lot but still I think I should see some relief.
Barb, now you can start enjoying your car. I'm really liking mine but I keep forgetting how some things work.
JL, so glad all is working out with Matteo. It sound like he's already on the road to recovery. Yippee. Any news about your brother? I hope he's ok.
Mary..,miss busy lady. What are you doing over the weekend? Nice picture on FB of you and your sister. How many siblings do you have?
Just a quick note to let you know that my brother appears to be fine. He called last night after he was released from the ER. They couldn't find anything wrong with him. His blood work and EKG results were both good. He was feeling absolutely normal. He's actually in very good shape as he walks many miles all the time, even with one remaining bad knee that he hopes to get surgery on this fall. Anyway, I guess it's one of those mysteries of life.
Off to bed. Sweet dreams, everyone.
JL, do glad to hear your brother's tests came back good. I hope he stays ok too. It was a big relief for you I'm sure to know all is well. It's hard when you font live near the person too.
Now.....get those paints out and start painting!!
Dianne, I am so proud of you! High BP can be dangerous! My son had some recent blood work done. He too has improved. I cut way back on salt in my cooking. Jim is the one who "shakes the salt shaker" too much.
I have 2 brothers and 4 sisters.One brother and one sister have passed away. The Nephew you saw with me is my sister Janie's son. She lives in Texas and has dementia. She is the next to the oldest, now the oldest surviving sibling. Her son, Justin is a trucker and tries to plan his route so he is able to connect with us here in Mich.
JL, whew, close call for your brother! Glad he is ok! How great that Matteo is doing so well and can be a kid again! My sister Lena likes to call my son Matthew "Matteo", with a Spanish accent lol! I need to pare" Jim's new I-phone with his radio. I have had my Jeep over a year and still learning new things about it. I have a cd for it and need to watch it!
What Dianne said about your painting!
SacBarb,I need to drop at least 20 lbs, but ten would make me happy! I think my left boob weighs that much lol! Hang in there, a day at a time is what I try. When I want to head to the frig. I have a nagging talk to myself, then after I grab the ice scream container I say, "just a tiny bit you nagger!" LOL!!!
Jim and I went out to dinner last night. Nice not having to cook!
Nothing much else going on this week end.
I do have a bit of a dilemma!
My only "blood" Grandson and his fiance have changed their wedding day from next year to this coming September on the 30th. He has enlisted in the Air force and needed to make an honest woman of his gal lol! They had a baby this year.
Anyhooo, thay date just happens to be the same day I have had booked for months for a DJ/Karaoke gig for a High School reunion! The wedding is at 3:00 and the gig is at 7:00 100 miles apart! Oye vey! I will probably be missing their reception :(
Hi...Not much now around here. I had lunch with my cousin today. It was pouring rain but stopped soon after I left for my ride home. I hate driving in pouring rain. Our power went off for a short time this am but it didn't come back on in the basement. Louis tried the breaker box and nothing worked. I was looking for an electrician when someone on my neighborhood sitecsaid to be sure and check the gfi switch that hadn't tripped. Yup, sure enough that's what it was and louis was able to fix that right away. Whew...saved on a big electric bill.
Boy mary, you have a lot planned for wedding day. You are going to be rushing. That for sure is a dilemma.
I wish I only needed to lose 20 pounds. It's a never ending battle.
JL, did you get out your paints?
Hi..I keep writing when nothing new. Where are all of you?
Went to lunch and that's about it. Received a few Christmas gifts I ordered in the mail. (Sorry JL :) we have a lot of boxes for trash night tonight. I had also ordered a couple of folding chairs last week....huge box
Take my new car in tomorrow for software update on the texting verbal part. I doubt I'll use it but I don't like it to not work.
Barb, are you enjoying all that light in your house?
Dianne Here I am. I have nothing interesting to write about. My brother has had no more weird incidents and is back to his walking for miles every day. What worries me is that he likes to walk up in the mountains in the wee hours of the morning and spots all sorts of nightlife, including mountain lions and bear.
Matteo is doing exceptionally well. He's doing even better than his doctors expected. He has most of the catheters out now and that makes him feel better, emotionally. It's really difficult for a kid to have to just lie in one position for so many days. They are having him take little shuffling walks now.
I'm really screwing up with the diet. Last night I reheated a couple of small pieces of pizza. I didn't need it and felt bad about it after I ate it. I need to give myself a stern talking to and do better. I'm just getting so tired of eating fruit as a snack as I have never really liked fruit all that much in the first place.
Mary Yay for you and Jim going out to dinner. I think you should do that more often. Is it very far for you to go to get to restaurants? Jim probably enjoys your cooking much more than what is available at a restaurant but it's such a nice treat for you to have somebody else cook for a change.
Boy, you are going to have a very rushed and busy day the day of your grandson's wedding. I get tired just thinking about it. LOL
Barb I stayed up late last night and was not very happy this morning when the neighbor's barking dog woke me up. He's a puppy and he wanted back in their house. He was on their deck and I could see him from my deck so I got his attention yelling his name. That seemed to give the neighbor a clue and they got the dog quieted down. Meanwhile, I was now fully awake. It was really time for me to get up, anyway, but I didn't want to. LOL
I am looking forward to the final Bachelorette next week. What drama! LOL I am currently watching an Icelandic TV series on Amazon titled "Trapped". The title is more dramatic than it sounds. It's basically a police show/murder mystery. I am really enjoying it but I have to concentrate on it as I have to read subtitles. It takes place in a small town by the water and it is all bleak and snowy and cold with wind blowing. I think I would go mad if I lived there.
Oh, I didn't have bees but I did have a juvenile sparrow fly into my house. It was in my dining area bashing itself against the large window trying to get out. I put an oven mitt on and was able to catch it and release it outside. Oven mitts are also very handy for catching and holding onto wild kittens as they will try and bite you. :)
Dianne, I am loving that there is a lot more light in my house. I tried cleaning up the laundry room today. The roofers made a big hole in the roof and the sawdust and sand from the shingles got in there. That room was originally attached to the garage and has no ceiling, but just goes straight up to the roof. I have a very hard time vacuuming because my arms hurt so much and I also have no strength in my arms anymore. I guess I will schedule a housekeeper and have her or him do it. The day they were taking off the shingles and the plywood, all that stuff poured in through the hole and I had just filled the cat dishes. It's a good thing I had to go in there for something right after that because it was all in the cat food. I had to take the dishes out of there and throw out their food and start over. I just kept their dishes in the kitchen. I will keep them there until I can get it cleaned.
J/L, I am anxious to see the Bachelorette next week, too. I will be very surprised if she doesn't pick Brian. They have some good candidates for the next Bachelor. I really don't like "The men/women tell all" shows. They are always just bitch sessions, but last night was the worst I can remember, at least the first half. As for Lee, I think he is a POS! He just said what he knew they wanted to hear, but I didn't believe he was sincere at all.
Mary, You are such a busy person. I get tired just reading about all your activities. I feel like a slug. You are going to have to leave your Grandson's wedding very early to make it to your gig 100 miles away! Even if you drive 60 mph the whole way, it will take almost two hours. I worry about you driving too fast to get there!
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