by Dianne
The
young woman who submitted the tech support message below (about
her relationship with her husband) presumably did it as a
joke. Then she got a reply which was way too good to keep to
herself. The tech support people's love advice was hilarious and
genius!
The query:
Dear Tech Support,Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.What can I do?
Signed, Desperate.
The response that came weeks later out of the blue.Dear Desperate,First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta version. Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 as it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.
In addition, please, do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Lavish Praise 5.0
Good Luck!
Hi....guess I’ll be the first to post on my blog. Well, it’s rainy and cold here for days. It’s been in the 40’s at night and snow in the mountains. One more day and then it’s supposed to get nice. We are all sick of it. Went to a graduation party today and at least the rain held off for a couple of hours for the kids to play outside. It was an hour away and scary driving home in the pouring rain part of the way. It’s been a really hard week for Tammy going with James to the troopers services and funeral the last three days.
ReplyDeleteBarb, hope you’re enjoying San Diego and the nice weather. My friend got there today and staying by the beach and she said it was 69 degrees...perfect.
Hi Mary and JL
Y a h o o. ....Mary and JL. .....
ReplyDeleteDianne Here I am!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you got home safe and sound from the graduation party. I hate driving in heavy rain. It makes an hour drive seem like two hours. Does Louis do all the driving when you are together?
That's crazy about Em's car! I would be so furious if that happened to me. I don't know what kind of place she took her car to for an oil change but I used to know a girl whose boyfriend worked at one of those quickie oil change places and the crew there spent a good deal of time sniffing cocaine. Just saying....they don't use the top of the line mechanics at those places.
I'm very sorry about James's cousin. It's so sad for the family.
I'm here!
ReplyDeleteIt was a beautiful day today. I weeded around my carrots, helped with lawn trimming, cooked a roast beef dinner and made strawberry shortcake. Wed. I made two batches of strawberry jam.
Yesterday we went to a graduation party. It was the most extravagant one we have been to. They own a nursery and pool business.I heard besides their local home, they also own a condo in Grand Rapids. They have two sons. The oldest is in college. The younger is autistic and graduated from a specialized school. He is a real sweetheart.
Dianne, I am glad Bruce is doing better. Unbelievable about the missing oil!
Are you going to Branson this winter? Our UAW union is taking a bus the 2nd week in Dec. I am debating going. I am not a fan of long road travels in the winter!
Barb, yes we are lucky to have helpful sons, especially as we age <- did I say that lol!! I really envy your BBQ week end in San Diego. It's been years since I have been there. I remember the beautiful sunset on the ocean.
Just_Lin,Sounds like I may be saving that "big book" for winter reading lol!
My granddaughter/Grandson , Liam, and her dad, my son Tony, were here for a few hours. I slipped a couple of times. He let it slide by. I think he knows I love him and am trying my best. Jim & Matthew will always think of him as Kylie the beautiful little girl in her tu tu, dancing and doing girly things.
I am doing a couple of loads of laundry before going to bed. Have a great week all!
Just_Lin I almost stepped on you lol!!
ReplyDeleteBarb I hope you are enjoying your visit with Todd. Maybe one of these days I can talk you into a cruise down the coastline that stops at San Diego and Todd can take us to lunch. Hey, it's a thought. I'm smiling because I know you what you're thinking.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter was here with me today and left the dogs here then returned back home to finish a little bit of chores. She will spend the night in a hotel there and return to her house tomorrow morning to wait for the movers. Professional cleaners are coming in the afternoon and when they are done she will return here. She'll be spending the week here before moving up to Eugene, Oregon. I will cry big time when she goes. I really wish she wasn't moving so far away.
Mary Oops! I think you did step on me a little. LOL
ReplyDeleteI am babysitting my daughter's dogs tonight and had to give one of them a tranquilizer in case a local jerk on the street below me decides to set off fireworks. They did that last night for no known reason and Sookie doesn't handle it well at all. My daughter gave her a tranquilizer after the noises last night but of course it takes quite a while to go into effect. Earlier today, the dogs and I were in the backyard when there was some loud cracking or popping noises from the street below. I'm not sure if it was a type of firework or not but the dogs still don't trust the backyard now. I hope they forget about it by tomorrow. I really hate this time of year.
I'm glad you had such a nice visit with your family. Oh, your dinner sounds delicious!
Did I tell you that I saw a turkey walking down the sidewalk in front of my house a couple of days ago?
ReplyDeleteJust_Lin, A turkey? For some reason I thought you were going to do a political joke lol!!! I was waiting for the punch line bwah ha ha!!
ReplyDeleteWe had a horrible rain storm yesterday. I feel so bad for the farmers!
Our local fair opens in 4 weeks and the grounds are flooded! They do every year. They are next to a large river. This year may be their undoing! It has only happened once that I remember.The fair opened one day and was closed the following day due to flooding!
Today is sunny and beautiful. That, and the winds will help dry things up....until the next round of rain coming at the end of the week!
Dianne, I got home yesterday afternoon, exhausted! I guess I’m not used to so much activity. We were on the go all day Friday, getting stuff for the BBQ and starting to set up. Got up early Saturday to finish getting the backyard ready. Todd had a bean bag game we set up and the kids really enjoyed it. Some parents even played it with the kids. Vicki bought these kush-like balls for the kids that would light up when they shook them. They loved them and even got to take them home. There were only 5 kids there and they were all under five. San Diego was experiencing what they call June Gloom, so the temps were in the high 60s-low 70s, and the sun was hidden by white fluffy clouds most of the time. I had to wear my sweater.
ReplyDeleteJ/L, I didn’t realize your daughter was moving so soon. Has she sold her house? You know I chuckled at your cruise comment. Todd and Vicki and most of the people at the BBQ just got back from celebrating Todd’s best friend’s birthday on a short cruise. They were all telling me I should try it. Todd asked me to go back to SD in July to stay with the dog while they are at Comic Con during the day. I’m trying to work it out. It’s right after the family reunion in Paso Robles, to which Chad and I will be driving. I can go back to SD from the reunion with Todd & Vicki, but then Chad will have that six hour drive back to Sac alone and I’m not comfortable with that. So we are looking at other options. Another wrinkle is Chad was not able to give Mellie her drugs while I was gone and she didn’t get it for two days. If I go again, it will be for 12 days and that’s way too long for her not to get her med. Soooo don’t know what I’ll do yet.
ReplyDeleteMary, Your turkey comment reminded me that there is a big family of turkeys that live somewhere by the parking lot where I get my nails done. There are at least 20 of them and the women in the salon ALWAYS make some political reference when they show up. It always turns into a laugh fest! 😹😹😹
ReplyDeleteOk..I just nudged myself. Hi....my brother is back to nursing home from hospital and is doing so-so. He’s certainly better than last week but is weak. He lost 33 pounds there. He’s still barely eating as he tries to recover. Today is emilees bday and she’s 19. We are going out tomorrow night to celebrate to maggianos.
ReplyDeleteJL, Louis drives usually all the time on vacations but around here it’s about 50-50. I don’t mind driving at all. If the weather is bad though, he drives. So..Are there other turkeys around your house or was this a rare occasion? Good thing you weren’t walking you dog when it appeared. Is your daughter with you this Week? I think this was when she was coming to stay with you. I’m sure you will miss her a lot but now you’ll have a new place to go on vacation. Why is she moving? I Can’t remember.
Barb, sounds like you had a fun weekend. Sounds like you have a busy month coming up if you can work it all out. Yup, I think a cruise is on your horizon. I think the 60’s sound nice if it’s not raining. We were up to 90 today which is a little not for me but better than hail storms. We are changing ins companies effective tomorrow and I really didn’t want any last minute claims
Mary, I think you for sure should go on your bus trip to Branson. How many days is it and how long is the drive? You’d have such a good time and you love shows. It will be all decorated so beautiful for Christmas and the shows are half regular and the second half is Christmas. Go!
Well....106 here today. Just a little too toasty for me.
ReplyDeleteHo hum....no one around for days here. Went to the movie today and saw Yesterday. It was good and all Beetles music. I read that Ringo and Paul both approved of the movie. It was about the only good movie playing here right now. Barb made enchiladas for us and we will have them tomorrow night. We had a bring one home meal from Ems bday dinner tonight. I’m trying to count my points with ww but my goodness there are just a little too many each day. Weather in high 90’s and hot.
ReplyDeleteWhat are you three doing?
Dianne I've mostly been spending time with my daughter. Tomorrow morning she will leave for Oregon. Boo hoo! I will write more after she leaves. I think I will be feeling sorry for myself.
ReplyDeleteYou sure have had some hot weather. I'm glad it's not hot here.
It has been very hot here also.
ReplyDeleteI went to a one year Birthday party yesterday. They had a tent, but still uncomfortable. This may sound cady, but it was a pure redneck affair lol. People smoking, drinking,babies of all ages galore. They had a small pool like I have for Queenie and Zoie. at least five kids stood in it to cool off. I left after an hr. They had no organization what so ever! Pretzels were the snacks and booze galore. No games. Someone finally showed up with a grill and they started grilling hot dogs and burgers. By this time I had been there almost 2 hrs. I excused myself and left. Went home and cooked up noodles,asparagus, and steak tips.
They baby was from an old friends son. That son was born just over 1#. His Mother didn't think smoking and drinking would affect the baby. I am surprised their baby was born big and healthy.
I don't see her very often. She is one of those friends that would do anything for you. She is sweet, but a heavy smoker with COPD like Jim.
Dianne, it's a 5 day trip 3 nights there. I hate to make plans that far in advance with Jim's heart problems. He has to go in Monday to have a blockage removed from his leg, and still has to have his toenail removed due to infection.
I have been having trouble with my leg. I had a hard time sleeping last night. It's not the replacement, but the area just below my knee. Evidently there is nerve damage. If it goes away, it will be anywhere from a year to 2. Its a raw painful feeling like a fresh scrape. Some nights are worse. I have tried different lotions & salves. Coconut oil helps. I am thinking of trying the "CB" or what ever it's called. It is sold everywhere around here, but expensive.
I am par boiling chicken to BBQ later. I better get to it....
Dianne Here I am again. My daughter just left about 10 minutes ago. I think I will feel depressed all day. She is driving up to Oregon but will be picking up a friend in San Francisco first who will be driving with her. I'm glad she won't be driving alone. She'll be arriving in Eugene later tonight. How long it will take will depend on how many times they stop to let the dogs out. There was so much stuff packed into her SUV there was barely room for the dogs. Fortunately, she already had her friend's suitcase packed in there as she had gotten it from her two nights ago. If Jen brings anything else, it will have to be kept down by her feet, I think.
ReplyDeleteMary I hope things go well for Jim today. I'm so sorry that the area below your knee is bothering you so much. I wonder if a topical numbing agent like Orajel would help. Granted, it comes in a very small tube but it does spread out far. I hope your discomfort doesn't really take 1 or 2 years before it subsides. That's a long time to put up with it.
ReplyDeleteHow did your chicken turn out? My Elizabeth and I went to a local restaurant specifically for their Sunday special of fried chicken. I think it's really oven-fried, actually. Anyway, it's quite good and the chicken pieces are HUGE! Each order gets half a chicken. I brought home a lot of leftovers. I couldn't even finish eating the giant chicken breast, let alone any of the other pieces.
Barb Do you think Mellie would eat her meds if they were tucked inside a Pill Pocket? They are tasty little treats with a hole in them that you can stick the pill in and then squeeze the "pocket" shut. My dog really likes the chicken flavored ones. Don't get the duck flavored as they smell horrible. The cat might like it but I sure don't. I buy mine in the dog section of the pet store but they do have ones specifically for cats in the cat section. It's worth a try. My dog ones cost 6-7 dollars a package. Besides various flavors, they come in pill size and larger capsule size.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth was renting a home in American Canyon....from her ex's mother, actually. Good thing it was a very amicable break up as they co-habitated for quite a while after they broke up. Elizabeth helped him get signed up on a dating app and he eventually found a new girlfriend and he now lives with her on her ranch. Now that Elizabeth is moving out of the house, his mother wants to sell it rather than rent it again.
Ok barb and Mary....I’m going to come looking for you two. Happy early 4th of July. Anyone doing anything tomorrow to celebrate? We’re going in the mountains for lunch and then to go gambling for a short time and then home to watch fireworks on tv..my Texas Tenors will be performing with the Boston Pops so you know what I’ll be watching.
ReplyDeleteI’m tracking my food again and trying to get on the ww plan better.
JL, your fried chicken sounds yummy. I love fried chicken. There’s a place we always go in Branson called The Farmhouse for the chicken.
Is your daughter getting all settled in Oregon? Sounds like she was packed pretty good! Do you go to movies anymore? I never hear you mention them? Do you still go out every week with your friends for Dinner?
Mary, any news on Jim and the dr appt? It’s so hard with any constant pain...as we all know. I wonder why your knee has that nerve damage? My knees are a little numb where I had my replacements but not painful. I understand you not wanting to make plans in advance. Can you wait any amount of time before you decide one Way or the other? I know you’d have a great time.
Barb..What are you Doing? Is chad cooking big for tomorrow? I’ll bet something delicious.
Dianne, Here I am. I’ve been busy during the day lately, with appointments and visiting a friend who just had back surgery. Her husband died about a year ago and her son lives with her, but he is useless. He was supposed to take her grocery shopping on Sunday morning, and I told her if he couldn’t take her, I would take her. Well, he flaked and she decided to drive herself. She did drive one of the electric carts around the store, but she was hurting and exhausted when she got home. She said she didn’t want to bother me. I feel so badly for her, because he is such a jerk. I thought he was 20-something, but Sheenah told me today he is actually 40. He doesn’t work and he plays video games all day. I brought her some food from Olive Garden on Monday, and I told her, loud enough for her son to hear, “that food is for you, not for Jason.”
ReplyDeleteJ/L, Mellie is very stubborn about taking her meds. I have kitty pill pockets and she does like them, but she eats all around the pill and spits it out. I don’t know how she does it. I have put it in cheese and peanut butter, but she doesn’t like either of those. I have never given them any people food, so I guess that’s why. Remember when we were in Vegas and the cat sitter tried putting her liquid med in tuna and she wouldn’t eat the tuna? She hisses at Chad and swipes at him. She doesn’t do any of that to me. I am the Alpha Mom! LOL
ReplyDeleteMary, I am so sorry about the pain in your leg. The CBD cream or oil may help. I have a CBD balm that I put on my arms at night and it doesn’t completely take the pain away, but it does take the edge off and I do sleep better. It’s kinds expensive, though.
ReplyDeleteNEW BLOG
ReplyDeleteDianne, don't come looking for me. I am here!
ReplyDeleteI will be checking with my friend about the deadline for my deposit to Branson.
While I was away visiting friends in my home town, Jim got a call from the Dr that set up his test. I wish I would have been here because Jim didn't get much info, and doesn't remember much of what she said. I asked him why he didn't write it down. He just looked at me and shrugged his shoulders. Men!!I gather he has some sort of blockage in both legs. Not sure where to proceed from there. He can't call back until Monday, due to the Holiday. I have Googled some of the possibilities, surgery being the worst scenario.
The main message I took away from all articles is that walking/exercising is good and no smoking! Smoking raises his blockage problem by 400%! That is 400!!
His answer? " I will walk more!" I swear! The man may be an ex engineer and "math head", but not too swift in the common sense field!
J/L, I have images of the "Beverly Hillbilly s when you described your daughter's loaded car lol!
I will give the Oragel a try. Can't hurt!
My chicken would have been better if I hadn't over cooked it :( I have made better.
SacBarb,I have checked prices on the CBD oil. Yes, it is expensive, and you have to make sure it was processed properly.
Speaking of lazy men, guess who came over yesterday while I was gone and stayed until 11 pm? MAX!! He even brought some sage and basil to plant in our garden...for himself, which means we will be seeing more of him!
Jim made him plant them. We tend to get a lot of weeds, so I am wondering if he expects us to do the weeding? I have all I can do to keep up with the cukes, carrots potatoes and tomatoes! He isn't the "weeding looking type". He is one slow-moe guy.
I am sure he has been a pot smoker most of his life. Hard to tell by his weird demeanor lol!!
The friends I was visiting yesterday in my home town are both 90. Carol and Dick. Carol is the one who writes. She has written small books about many local people who have immigrated from many places. She wrote about my parents. I paid for the publishing and donated the proceeds to the Historical society in Ithaca, my home town. It has done very well.
Carol is having a heart procedure done on the 19th. Her Dr says she is a very healthy lady and should do well. I can't help but worry about her. Her and her hubby have always been very good to me.
We have no plans for today, the 4th. It is unbearably hot! I skipped the local parade and fireworks this year. The humidity is what makes it so uncomfortable!
Be safe and enjoy!
BTW,Carol got a new tiny dog for her hubby to keep him company. He took a liking to me in a "romantic" kind of way. If you get my drift lol!! My arm may never recover lol!!
ReplyDeleteHe tried to hump it 3 times bwah ha ha!!