Why I Like Retirement !
Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday
Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Two hours after he falls asleep in his Lay-Z-Boy.
Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.
Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.
Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.
Question: Among retirees, what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.
Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.
Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS!
Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.
Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal.
Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.
Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.
Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.
And, my very favorite...
QUESTION: What do you do all week?
Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING. Saturday & Sunday, I rest.
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied....
'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented..
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?
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Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?' the reporter asked...
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'
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The nice thing about being senile is
you can hide your own Easter eggs
and have fun finding them.
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I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate
cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind,
can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to
blackouts. Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation; hardly feel my
hands and feet anymore. Can't remember
if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends.
But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.
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I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to
join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and
down, and perspired for an hour. But,
by the time I got my leotards on,
the class was over.
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My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
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Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
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It's scary when you start making the same
noises as your coffee maker.
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These days about half the stuff in my
shopping cart says, 'For fast relief.'
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THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway, the good fortune
to run into the ones I do, and the
eyesight to tell the difference.
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21 comments:
Hi....how’s everyone doing? I’m doing fine. Went to lunch twice this week. My childhood friend came two hours to meet me yesterday and another friend drove down from Wyoming today. It was nice to be out again. The restaurants don’t have many tables in them and every other booth, paper menus, gloves, masks, and sanitizing a lot. I felt ok there. My friend from Wyoming and I hadn’t see each other since nov so we had tons to catch up on plus solve the world problems. It was a very long lunch so I tipped extra since we were taking up one of the tables. They weren’t busy anyway. I didn’t feel great Sunday and Monday with tummy issues. Better yesterday thank goodness
Barb, we have the same kind of refrigerator and had the same issues about a month ago. We put everything in coolers and left like two items in freezer. The next day it was showing 0 degrees again and so far so good. Our freezer is very full. Refrig only about four or five years old. I was freaking out. Our kitchen cabinet is coming apart so we had to empty it in a tub and now handyman will take it off wall, take it home and put it back on. Pain plus I’m sure not cheap. Remind me if I already told you all about smoke alarm! We lived here 17 years and place was one year old when we bought it. I guess things are breaking down and I don’t do well with those things. Did you make any decision about your hair?
Mary, I guess I don’t understand why the casinos can open up when other things shut down. I know you and barb both said they are run by Indians but I still don’t understand. Explain please. Wow..$1800....that’s quite a win. Was it all at once or throughout the day? I get excited if I win $100 which is never! I guess your hair is next Monday, right? I’m already going for my second appt Saturday. She highlighted me quite blond this time but she does roots this time so hopefully it will darken it up a little. Emilee told me it looked good for the summer. It just seems really light to me.
JL, did you have a nice dinner with your friend? How’s your coffee shop doing? It was a nice picture of you with your grandkids on fb. I thought your hair looked nice. Do you like it longer or not? Any more news on your places opening up? I think we go see my nieces new baby again next week. So cute and so tiny! I was just thinking about how it must be nice to live by a mountain and a beach. Do you ever just drive down to the beach? Go surfing?lol. Just joking!
I wish seaside would come by and visit with us again. She must really be having trouble with FB or just decided it wasn’t worth it. Barb, do you talk with her?
Well time for this night owl to get ready for bed. Night
Dianne, Jim won most of his loot on a 50 cent video poker machine. The Indian Casinos here in Michigan are their own entity. They have their own tribal laws, reservation wise. Not sure if I am explaining it right lol!
Yes, my hair appt. is this coming Monday! My hair is long and ugly! I have been wearing hats even in the house....now that's UGLY
We had a terrible storm come through Michigan yesterday. There were about 3 rounds of heavy rain and high winds. The last being the on that cut out our power. We were out about 17 hrs. Very uncomfortable with the air cond. off with the high temps and humidity. Just before dark Matthew hooked up our generator so we could hook up the frig,lamps, phones, and tv. We were told our power would be back up that afternoon about 4:00, then 6:00, then 9:30, well you get the drift lol! Many are still out and will be until this week end, so I am grateful for ours. Matthew & I have been trying to shame Jim into purchasing the all home Generac generator. We are getting way too old for this crap when he is sitting on money he plans on leaving his sons!
To make matters worse, we had flooding in the lower garage. thank goodness only a small bit of water came into the family/karaoke room! The 3 rounds of rain came so fast, that the ground couldn't absorb it fast enough!
Today is sunny and warm and everything is drying out.
Hope all is well where you are.
Mary, I guess You kind of explained about the casino but don’t they have to follow gov stay in rules or social distancing? Our casinos are getting ready to open... no tables and spacing between machines. I’m not ready to do that yet...too many people. Do they have to wear masks? We will need to do a FaceTime with your new pretty hair next week. Sorry about your water issue. water problems are so awful. Just take the credit card and go buy a generator for his Father’s Day gift that he’ll be paying for ..he will be glad when You are without power for so long. I’m back to tummy issues again today. Dang it. We go pick up groceries tmrw. It’s been nice getting back a little to normal this week. Just hope the virus doesn’t spike again or we will be sheltered in again.
Guess what? I’m going to make a Ww cake. I bought a pan and everything. I’m sure I have one around here but I don’t know where so I got just a small one.
Dianne, you'll have to tell us how the cake turns out. I remember making a WW cheesecake a very long time ago, probably in the 70’s. I’m sure I don’t still have the recipe. It was really good, though. I know that in CA the casinos are not bound by State laws and rules, for the most part, but they have set rules that sometimes mirror State regulations. They also pay the State a percentage of their earnings, usually on a quarterly basis. If a patron gets hurt on tribal property, the patron has to go through the Indian Counsel for any claim.
Mary, I agree with Dianne about getting the generator for Jim. He’ll be glad the next time you lose power.
JL, Have you seen a show called Labor of Love? It’s a bizarre reality show about a 41year old woman looking for a man to father a baby for her. Like the Bachelorette, she has15 men from which to choose a baby Daddy. I happened upon it accidentally and just watched for about the last 20 minutes of the episode. Don’t think I’ll watch it again, although it did make me curious. 😹
Barb, I’m waiting on my cake pan. Louis will faint when I do a cake. I wonder how you turn my oven on? I’ll have to have Louis show me....seriously. The new Bachelor looks pretty cute.. Now that Labor of Love sounds pretty weird. I think that whole casino thing sounds very different. I wonder how hard it is to file a claim. Have you ever heard?
How crazy is this? We are kind of planning on going to Kentucky mid sept to see Louis’s daughters. We stay in Columbia, Mo, for a night going and one coming home at a Wingate. It’s $94 a night. I called today to make a reservation for our way home. The exact same room was $300. I thought I misunderstood her. Nope, it’s parent weekend at their college. We are staying an extra day in Kentucky and coming thru Columbia one night later and it’s back down to $94.
We picked up our groceries tonight and then to a watch repair store to,get some links on my watch. That’s about my day. Lots of reservation phone calls today. I hope we don’t have to cancel...lots of work. We are going to have lunch with Beverly while we are in Kentucky and if open I’d like to see Noah’s Ark there. We just have to see how this virus thing is going at that point in time. I just went to pick up,a prescription for a nose spray that I had to transfer from my regular pharmacy to Walgreens. Well, they told me $186....after they ran my ins card again....$10 for three months. Little different....I’ve saved a lot of $ today!
Hi ya all!!!!
I know I've been bad but not because I don't think of you everyday and intend to come on in here every single day. I've been so caught up in association poop it isn't even funny. I live in a townhouse, mine is connected to just one other which is really nice. I rented here for 10 years and then bought the one I'm in now (can't even remember exact) about 30 years ago. I love it here, it's so nice, great area and love the people. Two years ago I finally ran for the board and it has been busy. Almost non stop the last three months has been working on the resolution and getting a censure enacted on one of the board members. This broad has been a royal pain for over ten years and something should have been done about her long ago. I finally said I will not sit on a board that sooner or later will be sued because of the things she does. Some said....'well they can't sue me. I didn't do anything wrong'. People don't get it. When somebody sues they sue EVERYBODY. And my opinion is if the board continues to let one of their own speak and act for the entire board, then you're just as responsible as she is. Anyway....it's done and yesterdays meeting was one of the best meetings I've been to here. YAY!!!!! I been celebrating all day LOL!
I hope ya all are well and surviving these pretty horrible times. I miss meeting up with people and talking to strangers, which I've always done.
BARB I read what you said about talk shows filming from home and totally agree with you. I always liked Jimmy Fallon but only watched it when someone I like was on. Now I record it every night because it's fun watching him from home, seeing his little kids and having fun.
My favorite show to watch right now is Celebrity Watch Party. Don't know if any of you watch it or not but it's super fun. I love most all the celebrities on there and seeing their reactions to shows I watched the week before is just to cool. AND Barb, it's so funny you said you watched the last 20 minutes of Labor of Love. Well I watched the first 20 minutes and couldn't take it anymore! LOL That's just not in my thought process to even understand why any of them are doing that.
DIANNE How cool that you got to visit with your childhood friend from Wyoming! I bet you guys talked and talked for hours. Is she a Broncos fan? Why not?! Wyoming is close enough and they don't have a team. Sorry about that....I miss football!!!!! She still a a great friend anyway, either way.
MARY I been seeing your storms on the news here. I hope you guys are doing ok. It just floors me when I see all these storms in some states and we're lucky to get five days of rain a year here. Right now we're sweating like crazy and I simply can't take it. I whine and moan allllll summer long to the point where I want to smack myself LOL
My Munchkin, Gidget and I all send ya all lots of hugs and love. Please take care and enjoy your summer (???) any way that makes you smile. xoxoxoxoxoxoxo🧡💛🥰😺🐕
Seaside and Gidget, good hearing from you again! You sound like you have things in hand in your neighborhood. You are one tough cookie lol! Good for you!
Weather wise we are having cool, dry weather. We sure needed a break! I have been outside most of the day working on the yard. I love being out there, so does Zoie. It's hard to get her in sometimes.
Dianne,Two more days before I get my hair did!! I am tired of wearing hats! Some people look good with gray hair, nope, not me! I got an email from my hairdressers salon giving me pr-visit instructions.I had to give my virtual signature to some questions, like have I been around anyone with the virus in the last two weeks,have I had a high temp.. etc
I have to stay in my car and call when I get there, and wait until they give me the all clear to come in. So much more caution than in groc stores!
Crazy about the hotel prices!!
SacBarb, I made the appoint. The generator guy is coming next week to give us an estimate! I got a hold of one of Jim's old school friends and have been asking him a lot of questions about his generator set up. He even sent me pics an d told me to tell Jim He would not be without one at our age! It seem to do the trick!
JustLin. I thought your picture was cute! My hair has not been this long in years! I
can even make a ponytail! I need to make a "before & After" pic....and then, maybe not lol!!
I am watching the Poseidon Adventure. I keep finding myself holding my breath when I see them stay under water for so long!
Mary OMG! No wonder Jim likes the casinos so much. I would be sooo excited if I ever won $1,800. I like casinos but I never win money like that. I hope he's being very careful there as it would really not be good for him to get the COVID virus.
My hair is very difficult for me to fix right now as it is too long but not long enough. Plus, my hair seems to have a curl to it all around the outer edges but the part in the middle (let's say where a yarmulke would cover if I wore one) is wimpy and straight. This is a problem when trying to style it, especially when it's not cut properly for this length. I bet you look really cute with a pony tail. My hair isn't long enough for that.
I'm glad you are looking into getting a bigger generator. It will be a blessing, I'm sure. You know for a fact you will get more storms so it will definitely be used. Good for Jim for finally getting on board.
Seaside I'm glad you joined us again. It sounds like you've had your hands full with that board. No good turn goes unpunished, as the old saying goes. I'm glad you were able to censure the troublesome member. Does that mean she's no longer on the board? You are so right. Her missteps would put all of you in jeopardy of a lawsuit. Who needs that kind of trouble?
So, what's going on with Facebook and you? Have they still not accepted your proof of your name? This is getting ridiculous.
I should be doing something more creative with my time since we are so restricted in our activities, but I'm not. Not inspired, I guess.
Barb No, I haven't seen or even heard of "Labor of Love". It sounds pretty ridiculous to me so I'm not going to look for it. I assume Claire's Bachelorette show is on hold still due to the virus. It looks like they've picked the next Bachelor; a good looking black man.
My left shoulder has been very painful lately. Well, today was a little better but I'm starting to wonder if I have a partial tear of the rotator cuff. I know it isn't a complete tear as I have full range of motion. It just hurts a lot to do it. I can get my left arm up behind my back to unhook my bra (painfully) but I can't keep it in that position long enough to hook all for hooks when I put it on. So, now I have to put my bra on around my waist first. It's also uncomfortable to do my hair and I think of you and your painful arms every time I'm doing it. I my annual doctor appointment in less than two weeks so I'll talk to her about it. My appointment is set up to have my physical and then immediately go to x-ray department to get my overdo annual mammogram. I am starting to wonder if I can bear to wear my mask for that long. I can hardly wait to rip it off after I go grocery shopping.
Dianne Has your cake pan arrived? I know you are making a WW cake but what flavor? I made a batch of chocolate chip cookie the night before my grandkids came to visit. I make brownies from scratch pretty often and banana nut bread. It's been a long time since I actually made a cake. I love cake, though, especially chocolate with chocolate frosting. That usually requires a glass of cold milk to go along with it.
That's crazy about the hotel room rate. I guess that's supply and demand for you. It was definitely worth changing your plans slightly. And $186 for nose spray? Prescription drug costs are so out of hand. What if you didn't have insurance like so many people don't. It's ridiculous.
I did absolutley nothing of interest today. I watched several episodes of a show on Netflix. I made myself pasta for dinner. Oh, I did sweep a little. Other than that, nadda.
I just got back from Taking Zoie for her annual physical. She is overweight by 5#!
I need to get her out for more exercise. I told the Vet that with her hair so long, and her body so close to the ground, I have hesitated taking out for too long. She gets a rash from anything rubbing her underside and bugs riding along! He told me to put a dryer sheet under her collar to help keep fleas away. I told him I use pure mint extract when I go out. He said It would also work on Zoie. She has two back teeth that may have to be removed and needs a cleaning. Her eyes are getting a bit bad from aging :( Oye vey! I wasn't allowed to go in with her :(
She seems to have survived the trauma lol! The Vet said that she did a lot of licking on his hands.
Countdown time...3+ minutes to color/cut!! I am so glad she is getting me in on the first opening! Some have to wait until July! It's a late aptm,. 4:15, but was willing to take anything!
Watching "From Here to Eternity". Love seeing young Debra Kerr and Donna Reed. Such beauties Burt Lancaster doesn't look too bad either lol!
Well, mary ..how does it feel to be back to “normal” and not wearing that hat anymore? I’ll bet great. I had my second appt sat. She said people were making more current appts as they were afraid it would get shut down again. Did you walk out feeling like a different person? I hope it was pizza night at your house and you didn’t have to go home and cook. It seems like you take Zoie for a lot of walks. You must feed her too good.
JL, my cake pan arrived today. Now I just have to get the energy and will to make the two cakes. One is a latte cake and the other has pineapple in it. I cant remember the names right now. I have the ingredients. BUT I have about 40 cans of things I bought when the virus first started that I can’t remember what recipes I bought them for now. They are all in a big tub on the floor from the counter in laundry room. I will have to look through a lot of recipes to use all these cans. I did cook tonight. It’s called pizza in a crockpot that I got the recipe from Barb Gordon a long time ago. Louis was requesting it. It’s ok I guess but I’m not liking my own cooking lately. Yes, $186 for spray. I am sure glad I have insurance.
Seaside! So glad to see you. It sounds like you got things straightened out on your board....good for you sticking by doing it. I would have been scared of a lawsuit too. Yes, my friend from a Wyoming is a a bronco fan. She’s from Colorado and just in the last two years moved to. CHeyenne, Wyoming. I’m wondering if we are even going to see football this year. I sure hope so. Come back and see us again soon. What’s going on with the FB saga?
Barb, what did you do over the weekend? What yummy thing did your son cook? I’ll bet he’s not using the old crock pot like me. I wish Louis was a griller. It would make things a lot easier around here if he was for sure. Any idea when your beauty shops will open? It’s really been a long time for you and JL for hair and nails.
Well, time to get my trash together for Louis as it’s trash night. Night all ...l
Hi friends!!!!! It's tooooooo hot--but I'm here 🌞
BARB Yeah.....I wish I was a tuff cookie, some things would go a lot better but I do the best I can anyway. This was a big dang deal with this board member and has gone on for years. SO happy it finally got done.
JUST LIN This pitiful woman is still technically a board member. When you do a censure you request a resignation, she refused--of course. Then you form a executive committee around them and they can not attend exec. meetings, have no say and no vote. All she can do is come to open homeowners meetings, gets her 3 minutes to speak but can not discuss any board business. If it was me I'd rather resign but then I would anyway because I would be so ashamed and hurt that the board didn't like me or I did something wrong. ??? I would seriously be humiliated. But people like her can explain (and LIE) their way through anything. We're just volunteers, have fun with it....or go away LOL! sad
DIANNE Football withdrawal is real!!!! Did you say cake? yummy
MARY Oh my gosh...Zoie is overweight ..5 lbs..that's more than Gidget weighs all together LOL I know it's not funny though, poor little sweet-pea! Does she have to diet, I hope not.
So ya all, I have NO idea what Facebook's problem is. I have heard nothing since the last (third time) time I sent them more documents. I don't understand why they just don't say ok--or go away. I miss everybody SO much! And I miss my pages--Santa Cruz, Capitola, RAIDERS, police department and police K9's. I have a sinking feeling it's just not going to happen.
We have a lot more places opening up here. Still no nails/hair salons though. I don't use them but my Munchkin is getting really irritated with his hair. The other night he told me he has a mullet! I laughed so hard at him....not even close but all these guys think they have one if their hair gets long. Poor guy, he wasn't amused.
Hope ya all are well and finding fun stuff to do. Gidget and I send hugs and LOVE
Seaside 😎 🐕
Uh oh! I just spent 79 dollars on myself.....oooops LOL
Well I been wanting a new medic alert bracelet for a long time. I know several years ago they came out with new ones. Like every color you can imagine and some with different kind of links on it. I've had mine forever and it's just the basic silver chain with silver oblong thing on it. So I bit the bullet today and ordered the most purrrrrrdy bracelet! Yes, it's PINK and even has little hearts on it. The main important reason I wear it is because I'm Anaphylaxis to iodine. I carry an epi pen with me in case and have only needed it twice in my whole life. Sure glad I had it though! Can't wait for it to get here....I'm excited now 🤗
Even though it's really hot today my Gidget and I spent some time outside talking to my squirrels. I just love them, they are so dang cute and a couple of them will take the peanut from my hand. They seem to have a great time playing around here, Gidget thinks they're crazy! Actually it's just me that's crazy but they give me giggles and I think they're so dang cute! My birdies too!! I bet you guys miss all my silly animals pictures huh? NOT!! LOL!
Hope ya all are staying safe and feel the hugs from here.....
Seaside AND Gisget
Hi seaside.....how pretty pink your new medical bracelet sounds. Glad you've only had to use the epi-pen twice in your life. It sounds like it was a good treat to yourself plus you need it. I read tonight that California is mandatory for masks now. I wish our state would do that too. I see so many people without them. Denver county is mandatory but nowhere else except restaurants and Costco. I can’t believe that lady stayed on the board. I’d feel terrible too if no one wanted me. I don’t think I’d even go to the meetings. Maybe you could contact FB again. I Do miss Your Bronco posters. Whoops, I mean your raider ones. Sort of. Lol. They were showing our stadium on the news tonight and all that has been done to sanitize and maybe get in ready for August football. There are even some kind of lights on escalator handrails for germs ..lots of $ spent. I wouldn’t go but hopefully there will at least be games. I wonder when your beauty shops will open? I’d be going crazy and my hair would be white! I think your state might be the longest in opening them. Are they open in any counties or just none across the board? I wish things would just be normal again. It gets me, as I’m sure everyone, down sometimes.
I am going over to my nieces tomorrow to see My new great niece again. I found the cutest little onesie...it says, pack my diapers I’m Going
fishing with daddy. I have lots of cute little outfits for her. A bronco onesie with little tights and a tutu around it.
I can see I might be out nudging again. I think mary has been busy working on strawberries all day. She’s quite the little worker. Mary, hows the new hairstyle doing? Ive been waiting to see a picture. I’ll have to face time soon. Did you toss your hat? I’m sure you are very sick of it.
Hello everyone. I’m here, but don’t have much to report.
Dianne, you don’t have to nudge me this time. Yes, our Governor has mandated masks to be worn outside when we can’t be six feet apart and to keep the social distancing when inside. Our hair and nail shops are open, but I haven’t gone yet. I’m going to wait a while longer because we have had a big spike in people testing positive for the virus. So many people refuse to wear masks.
Seaside, I’m so sorry Facebook is being such a jerk about your name. You could just open a new account with another name and just notify all your friends. I know you probably don’t want to do that, but it’s an option. Have you asked them what’s taking so long?
Mary, I saw that you are making strawberry jam. That’s some hard work, girl. I haven’t done that for many, many years. I don’t think I have enough energy.
J/L, Have you watched any of the Bachelor repeat shows. I have not, but I saw that they announced the next Bachelor, a very handsome black, ex-football player. Rachel has been advocating for more diversity in choosing both bachelors and bachelorettes. He is the first black Bachelor and she is the only black bachelorette so far.
SacBarb,I made my last batch last night while making home made pizza. It took a toll on my back! Coring 12 quarts of strawberries is easy, but time consuming & back breaking! I went to the Drug store and bought a large flat bag to go in the freezer for my back. Motrin never helps my lower back. Today I went back on the tiny pain pill I have for my arm. I am not supposed to mix Motrin with it. With ice and the pill I am doing better.
Dianne, I still use my hats to keep the hot sun rays from lightening my new color. I have dark burgundy now. I love it! I may pm you my before and after pics lol. Too ugly! I still need to get a pedi. I have been trimming my own toe nails , but it's way too hard to see and bend over. Old age is the pits sometimes lol!!
Seaside. I bought Jim a nice bracelet because of his heart condition, but he never wears it. Men! I can't even get him to use a cane when he takes his Queenie out back for walks! He has been having a terrible time these last few days. He can barely walk 20 steps before feeling light headed.
JustLin, Well, Jim did it! He signed the papers and we will be getting our new whole house generator in about 3 weeks. Almost $10,00 because our whole house is electric. Their business is very busy. Actually it's the electrician that is 3 wks behind, probably because of all the power outages we have had.
I have had to take over walking & feeding Queenie and doing small things for Jim. His health has had me scared the last 3 days. Sometimes he can barely walk to the patio.....to smoke! Today he is looking better. I have been really pushing the water and Gatorade. He is not much of a water drinker. He may have been dehydrated. Men are such babies!
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