~ Happy Thanksgivukkah ~

by Tina~in_ut

A Little Humor

by Dianne

After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening when the wife felt her husband begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.

She asked in a loving voice, ‘Honey that was wonderful, why did you stop?' To which he responded: 'I found the remote.'...

Lay-over On The Rock

by Mary

A jet is making its final approach into St. John's Airport . The pilot comes on the intercom and announces, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your Captain. We're on our final descent into St. John's Newfoundland . I want to thank you all for flying with us today and hope you enjoy your stay on "the ROCK"

He forgets to switch off the intercom.  Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit. The co-pilot can be heard saying to the pilot, "So, Skip, whatcha got planned while we're on the Rock?"

"Well", says the skipper, "first I'm gonna check into the hotel, take a big crap, then I'm gonna take that new stewardess with the huge tits out for dinner.  I'm gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and give her a ride on the baloney pony all night long."

Aghast and amused, everyone on the plane hears this and immediately begins looking up and down the aisle, trying to figure out who this new stewardess is that the pilot's talking about. Meanwhile, the new stewardess is seated at the very back of the plane. She is so embarrassed that she starts running toward the cockpit to turn the intercom off.

Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady's bag and down she goes. The old lady leans over and says, "No need to hurry, dear ....He's gotta land the plane and take a shit first."

~ Kelly's Wedding ~

by Tina~in_ut

Kelly Clarkson Wedding Video

 (This is a far cry from a Kardashian fiasco~)

~ Who Knew ~

by Tina~in_ut

It's been a year and I miss you still.....I know you liked P!nk.....and I think of you whenever I hear this song...but then again, I think of you often.....who knew~

~ Happy Halloween ~

by Tina~in_ut

Two Men

by Dianne

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.

 

One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs.

 

His bed was next to the room's only window.

 

The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.

 

The men talked for hours on end.

 

They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation..

 

Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

 

The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.

 

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake.  Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.

 

As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque scene.

 

One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by.

 

Although the other man could not hear the band - he could see it in his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.

 

Days, weeks and months passed.

 

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep.

 

She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

 

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.

 

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside.

 

He strained to slowly turn to look out the window besides the bed.

 

It faced a blank wall.

 

The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.

 

The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.

 

She said, 'Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.'

 

Epilogue:

 

There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.

 

Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.

 

If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy.

 

'Today is a gift, that is why it is called The Present .'