~ Wake Me Up ~

by Tina~in_ut

Smile!

by Sac Barb

Just before the funeral services, 

the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied.
'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?

                                                                                 *

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?' the reporter asked.
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'

                                                                                 *

The nice thing about being senile is
you can hide your own Easter eggs.

                                                                                 *

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor's permission to
join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, 

and perspired for an hour. But,
by the time I got my leotards on,
the class was over.

                                                                               *

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
*
Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
*
It's scary when you start making the same noises
as your coffee maker.
*
These days about half the stuff
in my shopping cart says,
'For fast relief.'

THE SENILITY PRAYER :

Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.
Always Remember This:

You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing.

GO GREEN.....RECYCLE CONGRESS!!

~ Truly Amazing Teacher ~

by Tina~in_ut

Roadside Assistance

by Sac Barb

Yesterday I had a flat tire on the interstate. So I eased my car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully get out of the car and open the trunk.

I took out 2 cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing oncoming traffic. They look so life-like you wouldn't believe it!

They are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to the approaching drivers.

To my surprise, cars start slowing down looking at my lifelike men which made it safer for me to work at the side of the road. And of course, traffic starts backing up. Everybody is tooting their horns and waving like crazy. It wasn't long before a state trooper pulls up behind me.

He gets out of his car and starts walking towards me.. I could tell he was not a happy camper!

'What's going on here? '

'My car has a flat tire', I said calmly..

'Well, what are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road? '

I couldn't believe that he didn't know. So I told him,

'Helloooooo, those are my emergency flashers!