by Mary
Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday
Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Two hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
Question:
How many
retirees to
change a light
bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.
Question:
What's the
biggest gripe
of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.
Question:
Why don't
retirees mind
being called
Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.
Question:
Among
retirees, what
is considered
formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.
Answer: Tied shoes.
Question:
Why do
retirees count
pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.
Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS!
Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.
Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal.
Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.
Question:
What's the
biggest
advantage of
going back to
school as a
retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.
Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.
Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING..... Saturday & Sunday, I rest.
125 comments:
MARY - The never ending coffee break....love it!!!
Can't wait for later today. Jake has his 8th Grade Formal. They're meeting up at a friends house to eat dinner together (Subway!!) and take pics before the dance. Can't wait to see how they all look!
Jodi, Jake looked so handsome!!
Let us know h ow it all went (prom)
I have been off line most of the day. I Did house work and kept the food & drinks flowing for my guys working on the deck.
I can't believe how cold it has been! I want to plant my flowers, but the threat of frost is still around! We are 15deg. below what we should be this time of year..bleck!
BTW, I am happy to report that my arse is doing fine and there was no "peeking up the hooha " involved in my office visit lol! I am healing and feeling fine :)
Let me know if anyone of you want to see the "before and after" picks BWAH HA HA HA!!!
MARY - Jake had a good time at the dance last night. Can't believe how grown up they all looked! It's just not right that we had frost warnings last night. I want some WARMTH!!! And as for the pics, thanks, but no...lol!!
HOdi Thanks for sending me here. I was back at the old blog again this morning. LOL
I got a couple of new warm weather tops for the HO Fest. Should I be bringing sweaters instead?
Mary Glad your arse is private property again. ;)
Thanks for the blog. Sorry I got lost and didn't find it without Hodi's help.
SLIN - You're welcome! I looked ahead and we should be in the upper 70's by then. Although a light sweater might be a good idea for the evenings.
Just got prettied up. Hanging with my gays tonight!!
10!!!
Testing....1, 2, 3
I don't know why, but earlier today I couldn't post from my phone. Thus the testing post. I restarted the phone and now it's working. SWEET!!!
Overcast and cool today. What a change from a few days ago when I was roasting.
Overcast and cool today. What a change from a few days ago when I was roasting.
JL, lol @ "my private arse"!!
Can you believe we got sleet then hail today!!! The deck construction has come to a halt! It looks like it will be warmer next week :)
Hodi, you have the best fun! It is pretty boring here. So boring that my arse has been the "main event" for days bwah ha ha ha!!
I am watching old and mostly blk & white scary movies on TCM. I can handle them. they leave most to our imagination. No blood n guts showing @@
Good morning HOoters!!
MARY - Had a blast!! My new store leader came with us. Alex thought it would be good bonding time. Slept in til after 9 am. But now I need coffee!!!
HOdi I slept in until 10 and didn't even party last night. Is that due to age or retirement or both?
Probably a little of both SLIN!!
Cleaned out a hall closet. I had 5 granite counter top cleaners!
Hello my lovely Hos.
I just got back from the beach house in Ventura where my former high school classmates held our annual retreat. This year there were only six of us because Margaret passed away last July. We really missed her. I drove to Ventura with Claire who lives in Sac, and we brought balloons and blew them up with helium, wrote little messages on them and sent them up for Margaret. Even though we all went to her funeral, this seemed like a better farewell from all of us.
On the drive home to Sac, Claire and I stopped at Anderson's Pea Soup, in Santa Nella, for an early dinner. While we were quietly eating our Reuben sandwiches, a couple of hunky Cal Firemen came in. Soon, the place filled up with about 25 of them, each one hunkier than the one before. (I think I need to look into helping CalFire with their exams. I haven't worked for a while and I think it's time I started back to work.) When we were finished eating, I went to the rest room and there was a woman fire fighter in there. I said "you are with all the hunky guys from CalFire. Are you all here for a training?" She said "No, we are on our way back from San Diego, after fighting the fires there." Then we had a little more conversation about the fires and she said they were all mopped up. I had to explain that I've been away and haven't seen TV or a newspaper for about a week. We left the bathroom and walked out together where all the men were waiting for her. I swear, my heart was just fluttering away.
BARB - What a sweet farewell to your friend! And Ha-cha-cha!! Love a guy in uniform!!
Waving a wing from break!
Have a great day HOoters!
25!!
Barb That was a nice remembrance for your friend.
Gotta love those wildland firefighters. It's a really, really tough job. We owe them lots of thanks.
HOdi Waving a wing back at ya. It may be a bit lackluster as I haven't had any coffee. Going in for lab work and I had to fast. I hate that. Grrr....need coffee.
Barb Barb Barb!! You are so naughty!! :) My heart would have been racing right out of my chest lol!! Sure wish I would have been there!
I went with my Hubby to see the heart specialist today. He got a clean bill of health kind of sorta! Most of his problems are not from his heart, but from his lungs.. from smoking!
Holey crap! I better get off line! Big as storm coming and the thunder is bad! The ground even shook! See yah on my cell while hunkering down in bed lol!!!
Good night!!
Mary Any chance the hubby will want to quit smoking? Maybe you can get him to watch "The Insider" with Russell Crow. Maybe he will get angry enough at the execs in the tobacco industry and what they are purposely doing to him to give him the will to quit. It sure got me angry and that's what got me to quit.
Waving a bleary wing. Second morning I have to go in early. A co-worker had an allergic reaction over from hair dye. Two nights ago she called in again claiming she had gone to the ER again....*rolling eyes* I went in at 3 am yesterday and am going in at 2 am today. The only advantage of going in at 2 is that I will get "premium pay"!!
MARY & SLIN - I should really quit, too. I keep joking at work that it's not the cigs that will get me, but the gosh darn cappuccino dust!! But, u gotta wanta....and I'm not there yet.
DIANNE - Did you decide to stay in Alaska? How is your cruise?
Jodi,JL, yup, you gotta wanna! He will never be there! He loves his cigs and beer. Who am I to tell a grown man he is killing himself. He knows it all too well :(
Dianne, come back!!!
My wrap around deck is looking awesome! The longest part is finished, now the front door area.
I can't wait to decorate it with flowers! It will have 3 set of stairs and part attached to the dogs play/poop area lol!
Time for bed. Sweet dreams all!
Mary I love houses with wrap-around decks! I don't have the right kind of house to be able to do that, unfortunately.
Mary I love houses with wrap-around decks! I don't have the right kind of house to be able to do that, unfortunately.
MARY - Can't wait to see pics of your porch!!
SLIN - LOIS has a lovely porch. One of my favorite spots to hang out!!
What's everyone doing this weekend? I have today and tomorrow off. Heading to Janesville tonight to see Jason Dudey perform. LOIS and her daughter, and TURTLE and her Mom are meeting me and Paul. Should be a fun night!!
Starting Sunday I work 6 in a row, then have 10 days off!! I sooo need a break!!RReally looking forward to see all my HOoters. Only 2 weeks now :-)
HOdi Woo hoo for 10 days off! You so deserve a break! Have fun tonight!
Nothing special planned this weekend. Meeting friends for breakfast on Sunday. That's about it.
Jodi, lucky girl that you can see some Ho s early!
I can't wait til our Ho-down!!
Tomorrow Jim & I are meeting my Niece Raquel and her Fiance for lunch up north at the Casino. We
haven't met him yet. Looking forward to it. On Sunday we are having our at-home-BBQ the guys work on the deck. I do have to go earlier with the VFW Ladies Aux. to do memorial services at 2 cemeteries and a monument. Monday We do our Karaoke contest as always , after the big Parade. It is going to be in the 80s! We always do it outside on main Street. So far we have never (knock on wood) been rained out!
Have a great Holiday week end everyone!!!
Mary Sounds like you'll be having a busy but fun holiday weekend. Enjoy!
It's Saturday and not even 8 am. Why am I awake? :(
Just got back about an hour ago from a little road trip to Illinois. I went to watch The Cavaliers Drum & Bugle Corps practice. One of my friend's son is in their Color Guard. Pam had told me that it is his birthday tomorrow, so I delivered about 4 dozen cookies for him to share with the guard as a birthday treat. This kid was so excited to see me! And I know his Mom appreciated me taking the trip, too! What's not to love. It was a beautiful day for a drive and I got a fair amount of sun watching practice! I actually got down there when they were having their lunch break, so we really got a chance to talk, too!
SLIN - Were you able to get back to sleep? Enjoy breakfast tomorrow with your friends!
MARY - Sounds like a busy weekend!! Did you like Raquel's fiance? We had a blast last night. Even brought my Lumberjack with me. He literally laughed his ass off!!!
HOdi I was up for a few hours, made myself breakfast, and eventually went back to sleep for a little while. Sounds like you had a very pleasant day and lots of fun and laughs last night. Laughing is always good for the soul. Not much going on here since then. Doing some laundry and walked the dog. Oh, I did go gross-ry shopping, too.
We loved Raquel's fiance! It is obvious he adores her! They are planning a Sept. 2014 wedding. They are saving up to pay for as much as they can. Her Dad is such a douche bag! Cheap and heartless! I have known him forever. He is no longer married to my sis, but the girls (Jaimie & Raquel)tell me how little he h as supported them financially or emotionally. He told Raquel he wouldn't be able to afford to help (a lie!), but that he could pay for one table flower arrangement! I had sons, but if I had a daughter, you know darn well I would be helping a lot more than that for her wedding! My sis Lena promised to pay for her wedding dress and has backed out, but doesn't want me to do it! She has been so screwy since she had the surgery to lose weight! She even told both her daughters recently,that "they ruined her life". I know she is struggling financially , but it sure isn't their fault she is a shoppaholic! Can you tell I am pissed lol!! Thanks for letting me vent lol!!
Dianne, don't forget to come back!!!
this might double post :[
oops they are planning a Sept 2015 wedding lol!
Im back...got back late last night. The first 2-1/2 days of cruise nigtmare our original room flooded and they were going to send us home. Then found a smaller room that would not fit a scooter and wheelchair finally a room as we literally sailed 45 min late then they told us room was occupied..i cried by the (5 hours later) put us in a room and two days days later told us we had to move by then original room fixedtnis happened to 8 couples. Customer service sucked couldnt find luggage, no ele tricity i. New room, etc. they moved us and then it was ok they comprd us $500 and a dinner in steak restaurant. Im still writing a letter. Scooter broke down last two days and louis had to push back to room ..another letter. Tux rental two shirts..one 1/2 size too small the other 2-1/2" too small..another letter. The excursions were great, weather perfect, slaska beautiful, food good but probably wont chose Princess again. We met so many fun peple and i loved the casino snd louis loved the piano bar at night. Nine of the days were a lot of fun.
Mary That's wonderful that you loved Raquel's fiance! Sorry they are have family problems but they don't have to have some huge, expensive wedding. I'm of the opinion the money is usually better spent getting the couple set up to start their lives together. But, whatever makes them happy.....
Dianne Wow! You had a lot go wrong on that ship! I've sailed on Princess a few times and everything has been great. I'm sorry your cruise got off to such a rocky start.
MARY - Raquel would look gorgeous in a paper bag...just sayin'!! I'm sorry she is going thru so much heartache in regards to her folks and her wedding.
DIANNE!! Welcome back! Wow, that's a lot of letters. But very much warranted. Glad it all turned out ok in the end. Can't wait to see pics of your trip!
SLIN - This morning should be interesting. Got a text from my Asst Store Leader yesterday. Evidently one gal walked out at 3:15 am yesterday (the one that called in all week) and probably isn't coming back. When I got back yesterday, I looked at the schedule. He put a very new co-worker on overnight and found someone from another store to cover the other shift. Good grief!! I think I'll be doing a lot of "breathing" today. OY!!!
Note to self: Bring home a 6 pack of Spotted Cow and a quart of OJ ;)
Mary, I feel so badly that Raquel is having a hard time with her parents about the wedding. She is such a sweet, lovely girl, not to mention beautiful. I'm glad her fiancée is a nice guy. I agree with J/L about having a small, simple wedding. It sounds like they could use money for their start-up.
Dianne, OMG, $500 doesn't seem like much for all that you had to endure. I'm glad the rest of the cruise went well.
Jodi, that employee sounds like a real flake. It puts more pressure on the other employees when that kind of thing happens.
Not much going on in my world. I'm just getting back to my regular activities after spending last weekend in SoCal.
BARB - I wouldn't have expected it from here. She was previously the manager at St. Vinnie's. The thing that sucks is that it is the second person in about three weeks that has quit our 3rd shift.
Or expected it from HER!! lol!
Happy Memorial Day, HOoters! I hope everyone has a lovely day and takes a moment to remember all those brave men and women who have died while serving in our military. It is a debt we can never repay.
SLIN - I worked until 10 am. Took a nap when I got home and now must start some laundry. I can hear thunder in the distance. I'm afraid we are gonna get rained on. No worries! I got to thank about 5 vets at work this morning, and never take for granted those that gave the ultimate sacrifice <3
Yesterday I made potato salad and baked beans to go along with my chicken and corn on the cob. Now I've got ribs in the oven and will make another ear of corn to go alone with leftover potato salad and beans. Easy peasy. Did a little housework and also sat in the sun and read. Very relaxing day.
Go along, not go alone. LOL
Hi....picked up a friend at the airport and had lunch. Watched a great Memorial Day special on PBS last night. It really tugged at the heart strings too. Music from the 40's , dancing, etc.
Almost done and caught up with laundry. One more load. I don't like coming home from trip..Too much work. I'd like to still be cruising and hanging out in Alaska.
JL..Your food sounds very yummy. I can almost taste it from here.
Jodi..we r getting rain and hail here for last three days. Today has been a little better.
Barb..All settled in for a couple of weeks now? Won't be long until I see you and remember your correct name. :)
Mary..how's that karaoke going today? Looks like you had nice weather.
I'm sad. I just received a phone call that the lady I visit every week passed away this morning. I know she's been feeling bad and decided to stop dialysis on Thursday, called her family, put herself in hospice, and passed today. She was 89. Just makes me feel bad even though she did it on her own terms. I will miss my weekly visits and laughs with her.
Dianne I'm so sorry. That makes me feel sad, too. Do you think you will find someone else to visit?
I probably will eventually. This was my friends mother in law. We had nine months of smiles.
SLIN - Your food sounds delicious! Love summer cooking!
DIANNE - I'm so sorry. I'm glad she could go on her own terms, though. Sending you (((hugs))) lady ♥
Thanks JL and Jodi.
Good morning HOoters!
Got a call from my outgoing boss yesterday. Evidently he messed up the schedule for this weekend, so I will not be starting my vacation until Monday. It's all good. Not a bad thing having a HUGE favor in my back pocket ;)
75!!!
Hi Jodi....Well, I'm glad the mistake in vacation wasn't next weekend! !! Does it mess up,any plans you had made? Btw, did you ever talk your Aunt Jane into coming next week? I think my friend is getting a little nervous about not knowing anyone. Heck, I only know a few myself.
Everyone must be resting from the weekend today as it sure is quiet in here. I didn't do much today. I went to an early lunch with a friend and then Louis I went to dinner with a coupon I had that was about to expire. He has to have two implants put in tomorrow so didn't think he'd feel much like eating tomorrow night. Louis only gained .4 pounds on the cruise. I weigh in tomorrow and will probably have gained ten ponds...it feels like it and we ate the same things. Grr
Guess I'd best get some zzzs now so goodnight.
DIANNE - Not really. Sam and I were maybe going to sneak down to LOIS's for a night. But her car took a crap last weekend, so we now have to fix that. Or figure out whether it's worth fixing. Ugh!!!
Tim also had a reality check last night. All I want to say is he needs a few prayers.
I best get in the store. Work will be a good distraction today....
Hope all is ok Jodi. I will say some prayers.
HOdi Hoping Tim is okay and just took one of those missteps that happen on the road to adulthood. (((HUGS)))
Dianne I haven't met everyone that will be there and neither have others. Tell your friend not to worry. Everyone is a little bit nuts but in a good way. LOL
DIANNE - He will be ok, just learning a couple tough lessons.
DIANNE - P.s. Aunt Jane isn't coming. I really wish she would change her mind. She would fit right in!!
SLIN - Thanks for the (((hugs))) Can't wait to get them for realz!!!
DIANNE - Implants for what?
Jodi, (((HUGS))) and prayers from me too.
Dianne, I am wondering about Louis' implants, too! Inquiring minds want to know!
Waving a floppy wing to Mary, J/L, and Tina.
Thanks BARB ♥
I'm assuming Louis is getting tooth implants. That's what came first to my mind and you know how attached Dianne is to dentists.
HOdi Sorry I missed you last night.
Barb Waving a burnt wing at you.
Hi guys...yes tooth implants. Guess I should have explained more. It's been a drawn out process. Today he had the two posts put in and goes back next week for something. He can't eat anything crunchy for a week. Guess I can't cook tacos.
DIANNE - I guess u will just have to "cook" OG soup and breadsticks ;-)
SLIN - No worries!!
Planted my flowers in pots this afternoon. I'm now heading out for dinner with Alex and Dustin. Its a gorgeous day and we will be able to eat outside! I think this is a partial payback for working this Saturday ;)
Have a good evening HOoters!!
HOdi Sounds like you've had a lovely day and a nice dinner. I worked for a while today and am trying to decide what to do for dinner. I do know I don't feel like cooking.
100
SLIN - What did u decide for dinner? I had a lovely Cesaer Salad with grilled shrimp and of course a side of Hulamoo! Ok, I had 2! I'm really going to miss these seeing these boys as often. About mid June they are moving to Madison. I told them last night that I was going to continue subbing for the bowling league and that they best show up!!! It could be our "date night"...lol!!!
HOdi I went to a little tiny Chinese take-out place in town where they have the best pot stickers ever and got some of those with vinegar and hot oil and some garlic green beans. It was just right.
Today I go for my physical. I did my lab work last week. Mostly okay. My problem areas, prediabetes and chronic kidney disease are stable. Losing weight would really help but I seem to have a problem keeping focused on that.
SLIN - Glad your physical went well. Can't wait to see u next week!!
Best get prettied up for work. Talked a gal into working the last four hours of my shift today. T minus a six hour shift til vacation!!!
Happy Sunday, Hooters! What's everyone up to this weekend? HoFest is right around the corner. I have no idea what kind of clothes to bring. I don't think we have an address, either.
J/l, We have the address. I am getting excited about going.
Dianne, Are you flying in to Midway Airport? J/L, Lynn, and I are flying in to Midway and renting a car to go on to Kim's. If you're doing the same thing, maybe we can meet up and caravan. I called you and left a v/m message. That's what I wanted to talk to you about.
Barb Yes, getting excited. We will have to be on our best behavior at the airport so we don't miss our flight. LOL
SLIN - I looked ahead to the weather out in the sticks, and looks like mid to upper 70's Friday thru Sunday. Chance of a thunderstorm on Saturday, but lets hope that will change by then!!
I'm set to make potato salad with Sam on Tuesday. I'm also bringing Spotted Cow, oh, and DIANNE's white cheese curds. I also picked up a raspberry tart ale and a strawberry/rhubarb tart ale that is made by the same brewery that makes Spotted Cow. Any more requests from Wisconsin? Looks like we will be grilling out at LOIS's on Saturday evening.
Can't wait to see u all :-D
Yea, my white cheese curds. Anyone want me to bring any bronco things...Barb? I still might be able to find a shirt in off season.
Jodi can u pick up some Pepsi and water? I'll gladly reimburse you.
Barb, hope the caravan plans work out. Maybe we should wear name tags so I don't get anyone mixed up. Lol.
We were finally able to take my oldest grandson to lunch today for his March birthday. We don't see the boys much and how nice to spend a couple of hours just talking with him. He's getting so grown up.
I'm browsing cruises for next year. The time Louis gets off, we can only go to Alaska unless we go to Europe and we don't have enough days to go. We have to wait until he retires to branch out and then we won't be able to afford it!! There are some different Alaska trips so might do it again if I can convince Louis.
Guess I'd better start packing for the weekend soon. Ohh, the dreaded word...packing!!
DIANNE - Pepsi and water....done!!!
Yay, the wrap around deck is finished! I bought a few plants and planters to dress it up. It has been hectic, with me running back and forth picking up supplies and feeding everyone. My oldest stepson from Montana was here for a few days. We had constant company coming and going to visit him. This house had 4 men and me sharing the bathroom! OYE VEY! I will be so ready to relax and have fun this week end!!
bbl
Mary, we need pics of the new deck! Happy for you that it is finished.
So Looking forward to seeing all the Hos this weekend.
Mary Congrats on the new porch. One of these days I will get some plants to put on mine. I still need to shop for a new door and get the house painted then I will think about decorating.
Barb Today I will fill up the gas tank and get my suitcase out and pack. Yipee! Looking forward to this adventure.
Dianne Getting my highlights today.
HOdi Highlights today and nails yesterday. Getting prettied up for the Ho's.
Who will come and pack for me?
I still need to pack.
pack?? I need to get my arse in gear! Tomorrow is my mani & pedi, Thurs., my roots!
I am so glad the deck is finished! We are supposed to wait a few weeks for the wood to properly dry before sealing and staining.
I can't believe we are all finally getting together! I feel like a teenager waiting for my first dance(sock hop for us oldies hee hee)!!!
I did roots yesterday and nails on Thursday. Sounds like we are all going to be so pretty. At least I have cruise clothes.
Barb in Wa. ..how was Hawaii? All ready for the next trip?
I did bring suitcase in today but that's it.
I got a new 5s IPhone tonight. I did have a 4s but it wasn't working right. Now I have to set everything all over again again and that frustrates me and Louis as I bother him with questions every few seconds.
Mary I'm driving up to Barb's tomorrow and spending the night there. We fly out of Sacramento early on Thursday and will spend one night in Chicago before heading to the Comfort Inn on Friday. We're going to have quite a group. Yay!
Dianne I finished over-packing about an hour ago. LOL
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