by Maureen
As Thanksgiving has come to pass, all the talk of food has gotten me thinking of food and food stories! Have you ever done something disastrous...or embarrassing concerning food preparation or the serving of it?
I like to think of myself as a good cook. I like to experiment with different things. And I hate to measure! I may concoct something incredible but I never know how much of what I used to recreate it!
When I first started cooking and entertaining with dinner parties, I wasn't a smart cook. I cooked for my mom and brother growing up while my mom worked, but it was never fancy for entertaining food.
I had decided to invite my boyfriend and another couple to dinner. I wanted to make beef stroganoff. I don't know why, but that was what I decided on. The recipe said to brown the meat on all sides. In my infinite wisdom and lack of skill, I cubed the meat and then browned it...one piece at a time! I wanted each piece to be perfectly browned! Needless to say, that took FOREVER!! But, I must admit when all was said and done it was DELICIOUS!
Another time, I decided to make lasagna. I made my own sauce and then moved on to the lasagna noodles. Well, I didn't have a stock pot or pot big enough so I boiled EACH FRICKIN NOODLE...one at a time!! I told you I wasn't a smart cook! It was good and got rave reviews but it was exhausting!
As I mentioned, I don't like to waste time measuring. That could be why I don't bake. I am not a good baker, so that is why I don't do it. I suppose if I did it more I would get better at it.
I was dating this guy in California and his favorite food was brownies. Being the kind person I am ;), I decided to bake him brownies...from scratch. BIG ASS MISTAKE! Let me just cut to the chase...the brownies came out like a roofing shingle. And bitter! It was nearly impossible to get them out of the pan! My boyfriend, bless his heart, tried to eat them. He really tried! Tried dunking them...no help! I finally told him to give it up and admit it was a ginormous failure! I had to fill the pan with water and then put it back in the oven to soften them up enough to get them out of the pan to wash it!! It turns out I didn't put in enough flour, not enough sugar either!
I have more disasters, but I would rather hear yours! Put your stories on a lovely platter and add them to the blog buffet!
113 comments:
Ha I got 2!
Morning Glories!
Shirley got first! IIIII got Second!
Mo I know I have had cooking disasters but I need to wake up first before I remember. Just crawled out of bed. I do remember being half awake and distracted one time and pouring coke on my sons cereal. I served it and he kept looking at me.
Finally it dawned on me what I did! We still crack up about it.
Shirley I have no answers about your Mom. I was the ignored sibling with my Dad for years. I think it is being a girl one, and he feels a need to baby my brother as I am the one who pushes through and gets things done.
I know one of my grandmothers favored a daughter over the others and now we all look at that situation and realize she was and is the most needy when it comes down to it and has really no life survival skills.
I don't get it either and as a Mom I don't favor one over the other. Tho they are different people and I do have to adjust how I interact with them because they are all so different. Does that make sense?
HA! I got fourth :O
Happy 1 Shirley..
Happy 2 Lynn....
I am stuffing my overnight bag with way to much for one night.. sometimes I can be soooo OCD..
Yikes!
Carol Laugh out Loud! If you have more than two pairs of shoes and you have packed your whole underwear drawer then you have OCD. Otherwise it is just what I call ACD Anal compulsive disorder. Have fun on your trip!
Mo..
I have no cooking disasters, cause well, I don't cook.. lol
And I must remember, never to ask you for your homemade brownies.. I will stick with Goldies.. :O)
LOL.. on boiling each noodle.. your body was probably a noodle by the time you were done..
Thanks for todays blog.. I appreciate it so...
Lynn..
Actually now that you mention it, it is a little bit of both...
I def need therapy!
I am off, see you guys tomorrow nite..
Shirley..
No, super soakers while I am gone.. kay....
Mo..
You are totally in charge of Shirley, and don't let her pull that bi-law shit either..
I am expecting a full report when I get back..
:O)
12..
even dozen..
really really going..
Oh, DeeDee, congrats on QOTD. Your combustible colon will live on in infamy. Off to read the blog.
Oh, this is bad. Carol's leaving us unsupervised. Well, supervised by someone who may very well blow the place up whilst trying to boil water.
I've had pretty good luck cooking. My one big snafu was BBQ-ing a turkey one year and using 150 briquets instead of 75. I was tired and the instructions were blurred. That turkey sizzled so loud you could hear it in the house. And the skin shrunk up like a wool sweater in the dryer.
Good morning feathered friends!
SHIRLEY...grats on 1st! Shhhh, don't tell anyone but since CAROL is away, we can re-write the bylaws! Oh, if only I knew the password...what fun we could have changing Carol's avatar!!!!
LYNN...coke on cereal? LOL!! I love chocolate milk on cereal!
CHI CHI...150 briquettes...damn you could have had charred tree tops as a side dish with that fire!
DEE DEE...I'm sorry your colon exploded like that. I hope you keep LOTS of spare toilet paper on hand.
CAROL...have fun in A.C! Glad you're going. Is your overnight the size of a small steamer trunk?? And we will behave whilst (for Chi Chi!) you are away. Uh huh, yeah we will ;)~
CAROL...after my noodle fiasco, I bought a stock pot. It was a cheap on that was enamel over the metal. One day I was making some pasta and I kept hearing this popping and pinging sound. I went into the kitchen and the enamel was popping off the pot and flying all over the kitchen! The pasta and the pot went into the garbage that day!
Mo...
I saw every word.. your plotting while I am sitting right here..
The nerve..
;O)
Mo..
Perhaps you should stick with bacon, its easy peasy for ya, just a razor and a frying pan and you are all set!
OK.. I have all 18 bags packed, just waiting on the SSO..
:O)
Bonacci..
It is a free for all in the next for the next two days..
Enjoy!
Maureen since this is a food blog we could always have a food fight while momma owl is away!!
Shirley..
I saw that!
I want to thank you all for the support you give me when I have my meltdowns, like last night.
It has always been this way with mum and my sister. EVERYONE in the family sees it. At least half the Xmas tree is devoted to presents for my sister. Her stocking is 3x the size of anyone else.
But yesterday got me cause my sister was going away for the weekend shopping and mum kept telling her what "a good daughter you are" over and over. I was sitting right there and it just pissed me off. I wanted to get up and go home. But that was yesterday and this is today.
I'll get my super soakers and BBL!!
LET'S PARTY!!!!!!!!
*SPLAT* whoa, where did that flying gob of mashed potatoes come from????
CAROL...only 18 bags? You're sure you're not forgetting something?
I got 25!! SHIRLEY, put down the soaker and mark that down, m-kay?
SHIRLEY...thanks for the egg. It will make a lovely omlette
Good Morning Hooters!
Again with you Shirley?? Congrats on 1st! lol
Mo- Loved your blog today!
My biggest mistake was making a homemade Chinese Chop Suey recipe. Everything was perfect until the very end. I just needed to thicken it a tad. I poured in the cornstarch and the whole pot started bubbling over as it boiled!!! I couldn't figure out what was going on. Then I tasted it- OMG - I had used baking soda instead of cornstarch. Into the garbage and it was peanut butter sandwiches for dinner.
Another one was when I made green bean casserole for a holiday family get together. My family prefers the french cut green beans. As we are all serving ourselves up my SIL starts laughing and asks if I was missing anything. Huh?? She then picks the lid from the can out of the middle of the casserole. How the hell did I miss that????
Hope everyone is recovered from filling your bellies and shopping. Today we are going to put up the outdoor lights. It is supposed to be 50 degrees so Mr. Goldie thought it would be a good idea!
We are T minus 2 weeks until we pick up the grandkids and the house needs to be all pretty for them!!
Have fun Carol! :)
Who put the whoopie cushion in my chair? i usually only make noises like that when I have a DeeDee kind of experience.........
Good Morning!
MO: I could write a book on cooking disasters..I do the craziest things in the kitchen. I melt burner covers, use unsweetened chocolate instead of semi-sweet..I once made a 7 layer dip..only I added a layer of some kind of chili pepper that was so hot, the whole dip was ruined! Seven layers wasn't enough for me..I had to have eight! I even have trouble boiling eggs..well, not boiling them..but getting them out of the shell once I do..then I get mad and throw them down the sink..and the sink stops up. I like to take my cooking disasters to the next level it seems..it's not enough to ruin the food, I involve the plumbing..lol...
SHIRLEY: Good Morning Sunshine! Congrats on FIRST! I'm leaving you a dozen of my unshellable hard-boiled eggs for ammunition!
LYNN: HA! 2 to you too! :D
CAROL: Have fun in AC..and I do mean..have FUN in AC..kwim?.. ;)
BONACHI: How much lighter fluid did you use? Mr Z had to start using the briquettes that were already treated..he doesn't know the meaning of "THAT'S ENOUGH!!" when it comes to lighter fluid! :D
GOLDIE: LMAO! I've done the baking soda instead of cornstarch thing myself...omg..it's nasty!
Mr Z and I are on our way out the door to see 'A Christmas Carol'..we were going to see it in 3-D..but I got dizzy and sick watching 'Blair Witch'..so it might not be a good idea for me to see any movie in 3-D. I've become such an old fadoo!
I hope everyone has a wonderful day..maybe we should all stay out of the kitchen though..ijs.. :D
DEEDEE: We're going to the store after the movie..how much Charming do you need? ;)
I hope you're back is feeling better..did you call the man with the magic hands..warm oil..and soft music? Make sure he's the one with the best equipment..ijs.. ;)
I remember the first time I made spaghetti sauce I used a very large can of tomato paste in my sauce and the spaghetti ended up too thick& gross.
I also remember leaving a potholder in the oven, because for whatever reason I didn't think it would catch on fire, but it did. Just a small one........
Hi everybody......
I am still having back pain and i would like your words of sympathy...copiously.....
Zona....thank you for offering to pick up some Charming but I have a back log that we rotate. And you know i keep the water hose in the bathroom....but if you come across the cheap stuff that you can see thru...you know...its about 3 inches wide and on those wheels....like in a service station bathroom....you can grab that...thats what we use in the staff bathrooms....
OOOOOOOUCH!!! OH!OH!OH! MY BACKKKKKKKKKK!!! WHO EVER THREW THAT WAD OF BREAD DOUGH AND HIT MY BAD BACK IS DEAD MEAT!!! NO! LYNN!! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THAT CHICKEN GIZZARD!!?? DON'T YOU DARE...........SCREAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!
What the hell????? I've been slimed with some brown runny stuff...I sure hope it's gravy....Dee Dee?????
Carol is probably not even gone yet and it starts!
WHO IN THE HECK SHOT ME WITH A SLEEPING DART????? SHIRLEY???????
I just woke up from a wayyy to long nap!! I missed taking my car for an oil change. Ooppsies!
OK, I'm all cleaned up now and I better not get hit with ANYTHING again!
Mo, I have sooo many kitchen/cooking disasters I'm surprised I was allowed back in the kitchen.
When I was in high school I used to start dinner for my mom before she got home from work. She usually had everything ready and all I had to do was put it in the oven. One time she asked me to make tuna casserole and told me all the ingredients. I put everything together like a dutiful daughter and put it in the oven. Well, I didn't know I was supposed to COOK the noodles before I assembled it and needless to say, no one liked the crunchy casserole.
I can't count how many times I started a fire in my broiler. When the kids were in Little League and Soccer, we would get home late and I was always rushing to fix dinner. I usuallly fixed hamburgers or something else in the broiler. I would clean up the kitchen, but I often forgot the pan filled with grease in the broiler. The next night, I would put the broiler on to warm up while I got something else ready to broil, forgetting the greasy pan, and it would start a fire. I would scream and that was a signal for one of the kids to open the front door so I could throw the pan out. It almost became a ritual. Hence, the reason my oldest says "dinner isn't done until the smoke alarm goes off."
SACBARB...some people ring a dinner bell, you just use the smoke alarm!!
ZONA...I only burn the burner covers when they are brand new! That smell is disgusting!
DEE DEE...maybe you should invest in a bidet!
GOLDIE...I never tried the baking soda trick! And leaving the can top in the casserole...too funny!
Weird ingredients...once at a restaurant an acrylic nail showed up in the food. GROSSSSSS!
*puts on helmet*
*dons waterproof coat*
*slips on pair of rubber thigh high waders*
*goggles in place*
*surgical mask over mouth and nose*
*gloves on hands*
Bring it on!!
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Didn't feel nothin...ha ha ha ha ha!
glad I missed that!
Maureen...I have a bidet....thats what the water hose if for.....well that and the wall.....
Cooking diasters.....this one stands out in my mind.....
I made this glorious platter of
hors d'oeuvres once and had covered the platter in romaine lettuce. I got it all done and realized I hadn't washed the lettuce....and you could see the dirt on it..it was filthy..and there was no time......
well I did what any conscientious hostess would do.....
I dimmed the LIGHTS!!
Goldie, I just love seeing how excited you get about the grandkids! What a fantastic Grannie you must be!
Zona, I know presicely how much lighter fluid I used. A lot. It was just a minor firebomb. The main event was definitely that turkey.
DeeDee, forget the bidet. You need a firehose.
I've now made it through all the comments. I am back, wearing my hazmat suit. Sheesh, you guys are dangerous.
Just think what submitting this blog to certain entities would do. Any fast food restaurant could use it. Any psychiatric hospital. Any law enforcement agency. It's like Grumpy Old Men with estrogen. Speaking of which, where's Whab?
And speaking of Old Men, has anyone seen Tina lately?
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Shirley, that's why I can't find my hazmat suit! It looks good on you.
Shirley, LMFAO!!
Hello..I remember make some kind of casserole when I was first married and young and it was so bad that we had to pick the hamburger out of it for our dinner. I made breakfast once for a surprise for my parents when I was a kid and I don't know what went wrong but they asked me until the day the died to please not ever make breakfast again for them.
GOLDIE: I'm glad you aren't a surgeon...who knows what a patient would find left in them.
Got my grey washed away today and going to meet a friend for dinner. I am living the single life for three more days. I went to see Old Dogs yesterday and it was a very cute movie and pretty funny too for kids and adults.
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS MESS AGAIN? It looks like poop on the walls, corn everywhere, mashed potatoes to slid thru...you guys are going to be in big trouble. MO: I thought i read that CAROL left you in charge of SHIRLEY? Great job you are doing there. Don't you all think I am going to get stuck cleaning up again. I'm calling and telling on all of you right now!
Why is the broiler smoking in the kitchen? You can hardly see in there and of course the other reason is that the lights are so dim. Who dimmed the lights? And then in the midst of this whole mess SHIRLEY is getting a 69...now that is just wrong!!!
Hey, HOoters! You guys sure are aking a mess. I sure am glad to be sitting here in an airport and out of the line of fire. I hope Tina is rounding up her kids to do KP duty for us.
The only disaster I remember at the moment was when I forgot to pay attention to some chicken and dumplings I had on the stove and it burned really badly. I had to dump all of it because the burnt flavor permeated the whole dish and it made the whole house smell sooo bad!
Diane, I think the septic tank has overflowed and you are unfortunately, awash in DeeDee poop.
I have a question for you religious people. I was at my new client's today (I know, on a Saturday) and some woman wanted to pray for me. I am sure she was sincere.
My first question is, how pathetic must I look for a complete stranger to want to pray for me?
My second question is, she made a little joke during the prayer. We both chuckled. Is humor allowed in a prayer?
I am sure you're all wondering what salvation this praying was about. It was to ask the big guy to let me start remembering where I leave my car all the time.
If you were dressed in a hazmat suit and covered in assorted food splats, then I can understand why she wanted to pray for you. ijs!!
Delete was mine. Posted twice
JUST LIN...safe travels to you.
DIANNE...like I could control SHIRLEY????? Yeah, sure!
That's right, MO. You're supposed to be the responsible adult controlling ADD/OCD-SHIRLEY. And what do you do? You take a flippin' NAP!! Then you blame one of us for shooting you with tranqs.
We're drowning in DeeDee shit and Shirley Splats and you toss us an anchor? I'm telling!
Poor DeeDee has taken a lot of crap (scuze the pun) about her recent digestion troubles. Mostly from me. I do remember though, that something is happening with her back. We're supposed to be doing something about it. Something copiously, which I'm not entirely sure of what that means.
Whatever it is DeeDee, I do hope your back is feeling better. Maybe "emptying out" will help the spasms. If not, there's always drugs.
the diarrhea was on Thanksgiving day......I still have a very loose stool but whats new? I will never have an "Oprah" stool!! TYVM!
My back was through out trying to powerlift a ham......I don't have spasms...it hurts continuously and especially when I have to exert myself.....such as getting up or sitting down......I ask for copious sympathy....that means heap it on.....but alas...I have always been left to suffer and bear the brunt of the doo-doo jokes.....
Its ok....I am used to it....but it is sad when you get to the point that you no longer can crank out a hot fart with confidence that your ensemble won't be ruined....
DeeDee, I didn't know you high-society women cranked out hot farts. I didn't think you farted at all. Nice to know you're like the rest of us.
This ham you were lifting... You weren't by any chance dining with Whab and his Mr., were you? If so, shame on you. Can I join in?
Has it occurred to anyone but me that the title of today's blog is "Food For Thought"? We should never be left to play unsupervised.
MO: The first time I cooked a chicken, I left all the giblets inside it..big oopsy!
Also, I am a great baker. I won an award for my kolaches. I bake rolls every year for Thanksgiving and my family loves them. We have a new oven this year so a few of my rolls fell and the first two batches were a little dark on the bottom, but overall they are excellent. Last year my rolls all were flat. I am not sure why that happened and it was the first year in many that it did happen.
One time I made Fried Chicken for a lady at work who brought her kids over. We had the chicken and I admit, it wasn't KFC! It was "ok" but not the best fried chicken ever. Well, her son who was just at the age that he doesn't know any better says to me the next time I see them, "My Mom said your fried chicken wasn't very good~!" Boy, was she embarassed..lol. IT was worth it seeing her face turn red like that.
So baking is my specialty and frying is not. I will take that any day!
DEE DEE...I am so sorry your back is hurting so badly. Seriously, I am. I know excruciating back pain quite well and it is no fun. I do hope you feel better soon.
Ok, enough of this shit...oops...sorry DeeDee! I must go to bed. I can hardly keep my eyes open.
Dianne get your Swiffer out!! You have a lot of work to do to get this place in shape for when Carol gets back. Mo you might want to help her since it's your blog today.
Nighty night!
Alright, who threw the day old dinner roll and hit me in the head??
Bona- I love those little people more than life itself, its easy to get excited about seeing them. We talk on the phone all the time and they tell how excited they are to come see us, which just melts my heart.
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sacbarb: Same here, dinner's not done when I cook until the smoke alarm goes off. I cook on high and I like it that way..haha
Also, another story..my stepmother was pregnant for my half sister (who did not make it, bless her little soul) and she was having me cook dinners. I was about 12 or 13. She asked me to make potatoes and beef. I just dumped all the potatoes in, not realizing that one bad potato could spoil the whole bunch. Sure enough, the saying is true with potatoes and apples! The whole meal was ruined because I had a bad potato. My stepmother was very understanding about the mistake. I can't remember what we did for dinner that night but I always check my potatoes and think of that when I make them.
DIANNE...maybe DEE DEE can help you clean up this mess. She can send her fire hose over and just hose the place out!
We're going to use the fire hose to clean? I thought we used it to give DeeDee a Nuclear Enema.
Goldie, I've not seen such a devoted grandparent before. I loved my grandparents with all my heart and they loved me, but it was nothing like what I see with you.
I'll borrow Shirley's hazmat suit, grab some bleach and start cleaning. I didn't make the mess, but I did encourage it. I'll fumigate the place whilst everyone's asleep tonight.
Let's not tell Carol what happened here today. Maybe we won't get in trouble. She'll never know.
Maybe if everyone that made the mess sent CAROL a blog, she will overlook the hi-jinx!
We could implement the * defense.
Nothing* happened here today.
* May include but not be limited to, food fights, porn, bad language, poo jokes, poison darts and scandalous behavior.
Thank you all for your generous comments on my blog today. I am glad you enjoyed it.
Since today's blog was about food, it only seems appropriate food fights took place!
Fumigation in 60 seconds.
you people are freaking nuts!~
Bonachichi~ who in the hell are you calling an old man?~ and yes.....you can crack jokes and during prayer...God has a sense of humor....He made you didn't he? :)~
DeeDee~ I'm so sorry about ur back....I can't imagine the pain you must be experiencing......I hope you feel better soon~
Shirley~ BEHAVE!!!!! and congrats on #1~
LynnD~ congrats on #2~ :)~
Mo~ I make homemade mac and cheese....I can't tell you how many times I make the cheese sauce and burn the bottom.....omg...I have to throw it out and start over! ....i just get busy doing something else instead of concentrating on that! duh~ I will say that I recently found out that my sister and I have been improving on my mother's recipes and doing the exact same thing to them.....we found out when I went home and my mom asked one of us to make the spanish rice....we argued over who would make it saying that ours was better.....I won...but she stood there telling me what to do...and it was exactly what I was doing....so funny~
TINA: Why is no surprise to me that you forget to watch cooking the cheese? You forget to put the clothes in the washer and why aren't you telling your boiling egg story? I think we could tell stories about you and none of us have even had your cooking...well, maybe ZONA but that's it.
DEEDEE: I hope your back starts feeling better. I know that pain is horrible and there is no comfortable position. Also, may I just suggest you don't have sex while this is bothering you?
BONACHICHI: Good thing you are doing the cleaning and why does SHIRLEY always try to make me clean up? She is still being mean to me even tho' she made the pancakes.
Ok..here's the deal...no Bronco game tomorrow since we won on Thursday sooooo we have to cheer for San Diego to lose so we can move back up to first place....so JODI and my other faithful Bronco fans (you know who you are) get yelling!!
Di-Di~ duh.....sex is the #1 cure for a backache~
TINA: It is..no wonder my back aches all the time. Why didn't you tell us sooner? Big problem....I am home alone!
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