Physics is Phun

by Bonachichi

What, you think all geeks do is sit around polishing slide-rules and scotch-taping our glasses? Here is an educational glimpse of stress-relief in a physics lab. There will be a pop-quiz later.

The Rose

by Zona

I was watching a Bette Midler concert special the other night. She was telling a story about how the audiences years ago used to wave lighters during the songs..but now they use cell phones instead. I can remember my mom watching one of the Divine Ms M's movies on HBO..and when her character started to sing the title song...my mom raised her Bic lighter into the air and began to wave it slowly back and forth. I went over and grabbed another lighter..and did the same. This was the song. My mom loved it..so do I.

College Students File Suit

by Shirley

College student files suit for $1.8M saying Las Vegas hooker didn't spend enough time with him

A New York college student who claims a Las Vegas hooker did not spend enough time making him happy has sued her escort service for $1.8 million.

Unhappy customer Hubert Blackman said he was traumatized by the "tragic event," especially when he called cops and they threatened to bust him, the Las Vegas Sun reported Thursday.

"I also would like to get my $275 payment back and a $1.8 million verdict for the tragic event that happened," Blackman said in the suit filed in Manhattan Federal Court, the paper said.

Blackman was staying at the Stratosphere on Dec. 17 when he called Las Vegas Exclusive Personals to hire a stripper.  Blackman said the woman performed a lap dance for $155 and a sex act for another $120.  Instead of staying for the agreed-upon one hour, she left after just 30 minutes.  The hapless tourist called to demand some of his money back.  Then he called cops, who told him he could face arrest because prostitution is illegal in Sin City.

Blackman told the newspaper the stripper solicited the sex act and he was unaware prostitution was illegal in Vegas.

Ok Owls what do we think of this lawsuit? I can't believe the idiot called the cops. If a judge awards him $1.8 million...well I will be shocked.

~ Seriously ~

by Tina~in_ut

 

I find stalking fun.  Seriously!  It's a challenge.  My daughter was in Park City last weekend and she and her friends saw James Franco, the actor in 127 Hours and Spiderman, and Jesse Williams, the hottie on Grey's Anatomy.  In the meantime, I was at work checking flights to see who was flying in for the Sundance Film Festival.  Just for fun, mind you.  Not because I wanted to stalk anyone!  Well, not until my daughter told me that Patrick Dempsey had a movie at Sundance. 

We have spent the first half of the week trying to find out when he's flying in, with no luck!  That boy must have chartered a plane!  I hate when people do that!  Takes all the fun out of it!  Btw, James Franco didn't charter a plane!  Neither did Audra McDonald (Private Practice/broadway star), Rob Lowe (Parks and Recreation/Brothers & Sisters), Fred Armisen & Abby Elliott (both from SNL), Geena Davis, Judd Nelson, Toby Maguire, Adrian Grenier, and Ray Liotta.  It's not like I would have shown up at the airport, hung out by the arrival gate, and then pretended to accidentally run into Patrick!!!  I'm not the scary type~ lq~ 

Patrick is in the movie Flypaper.  He's staring as well as producing it.  It's a departure from his usual hottie roles.  He's playing a neurotic guy caught in the middle of a bank robbery.  My daughter wanted to go see it so badly, but I'm not taking her.  There are probably no tickets left anyway.  Hubby called me this morning to say that a friend offered us tickets for a Saturday night movie, but I said no because we both have to work early the next morning.  Then I realized I could be giving up Patrick tickets and called him back, but it wasn't for that movie!  Bummer!  Anyway, the picture above is an altered one of Patrick and my daughter's friend's mother.  My daughter thought she looked better with PD.  This picture is sitting in a frame on my daughter's dresser.  We're not obsessed or anything, mkay?  Seriously!~

A Good Catholic Laugh

by Dianne

This information is for Catholics only. It must not be divulged to non-Catholics. The less they know about our rituals & top secret code words, the better off they are.


AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass.

CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync.

HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.

HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.

RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.

INCENSE: Holy Smoke!

JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams.

JONAH: The original 'Jaws' story.

JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.

KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava. (for you non-Catholics it means Lord have mercy)

MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.

MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO. (The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.)

PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.

PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.

RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.

RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.

TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.

USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.

Little known facts about the Catholic Church in Las Vegas : There are more churches in Las Vegas than casinos. During Sunday services at the offertory, some worshipers contribute casino chips as opposed to cash. Some are sharing their winnings - some are hoping to win. Since they get chips from so many different casinos, and they are worth money, the Catholic churches are required to send all the chips into the diocese for sorting. Once sorted into the respective casino chips, one junior priest takes the chips and makes the rounds to the casinos turning chips into cash. And he, of course, is known as The Chip Monk.

Backin Up

by Bonachichi

This video is currently all the rage in Europe. It came out of the great American heartland and is from an interview with a woman who was in a gas station during a robbery. At first I thought, “Yeah, it’s that strange EU sense of humor”. But I came to like it, and her. What do you think?

Some really BAD pick up lines!!

by Shirley

I'm a raindrop and I'm falling for you.

Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet

I must be a Snowflake, because I've fallen for you.

Are you religious? Because you're the answer to my prayers.

Can I lick that film off your teeth?

Can you give me directions...to your heart?

Did they just take you out of the oven? Because you're hot!

Do you have a map? Because I just got lost in your eyes!

Falling for you would be a very short trip.

Hershey factories make millions of kisses a day, but I'm asking for only one.

I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often?

Is it hot in here or is it just you?

Let's go behind that rock, and get a little boulder.

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.

Remember me? Oh, that's right, I've met you only in my dreams.

Want to play conductor? You be the engineer and I'll go choo choo.

You be the tree, and I'll wrap you like a Koala.

You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

You sure have a great looking tooth.

I'm feeling a little off today. Would you like to turn me on?

My love for you is like diarrhea. I just can't hold it in.

If you were a drug, I would overdose!

Is your dad a baker? Cause you have some nice buns.

Did the sun come up or did you just smile at me?

Can I have your picture? So I can show Santa what I want for Christmas!

Damn.....your ass is fine! Want to come see mine?

Baby, you're sexier than socks on a rooster.

Do you have a band-aid? I hurt my knee when I fell for you.

Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk by again?

~ The King's Speech ~

by Tina~in_ut

If you have not seen The King's Speech yet, you must!  My hubby wanted to see it and I hadn't even heard of it.  I'm so glad I went.  It is well written and superbly acted, if I do say so myself!  (And it has NOTHING to do with the fact that I love Colin Firth!)  It is about a small piece of history and so interesting. 

Also, here's an interview of Lionel Logue's (Geoffrey Rush's character) grandson, Mark!  Click Here!

O Come O Come Emmanuel

by Just_Lin

I didn't watch the CMA Country Christmas show when it was first on since I am not much of a country music fan but, when friends and I were waiting to see the Times Square ball drop on New Year's Eve, we watched the Christmas show which my friend had recorded.  Normally, I don't care for Jennifer Nettles' singing because it is too twangy for me but, when she sang this song, I was totally entranced.  I found it to be breathtakingly beautiful and not a twang to be heard. : )

Crazy

by DeeDee

Senior In A Sex Shop

by Maureen

A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of a sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she wobbles the few feet across the store to the counter.  Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, stuttering she asks the sales clerk, "D-d-dooo youuuu have d-d-dilllldosss?"

The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies, "Yes we do have dildos. Actually we carry many different models."

The old woman then asks: "D-d-doooo youuuu  c-c-carryy aaa p-p-pinkk onnee, t-t-tenn inchessss l-l-long aaandd aabboutt t-twoo inchesss th-thiickk...aaand r-runns by b-baatteries ?"

The clerk responds, "Yes we do."

"D-dooo y-yoooouuuu k-knnnoooww h-h-howww t-t-tooo t-t-turrrnnn t-t-the s-sunoooffabbitch offfff?"

ROAD NOT TAKEN

by Just Lin

It was 1996 when Jennifer and I first started working together.  She helped train me on the computer program and other office protocol at the animal hospital.  Although I had worked in the field before, there was much to learn at my new place of employment.  Jennifer was smart and fast.  Actually, she was rather frenetic.  True, it was a very busy and sometimes chaotic practice, but still, Jennifer was like the Energizer Bunny; go, go, go.  It soon became noticeable that she took an unusual number of  bathroom breaks.  I heard from a reliable source that she was seen emerging from the restroom with white powder around her nostrils.  After a while, there started to be incidences where money was missing from the cash drawer at the end of the day.  One night the hospital was broken into and whoever did it went straight to some particular drugs and didn't touch anything else.  Some of us wondered if these events could be traced back to Jennifer.  There was no evidence, just a nagging suspicion.

One of Jennifer's projects was to work on some older client charts.  She was allowed to take them home to work on them.  The last time she did this she didn't return to work a couple of days later when expected.  A few more days passed and then we learned that she had taken the charts with her when she drove to LA with her boyfriend.  While there, they were arrested and held on drug charges and the boyfriend's car was impounded.  The charts were returned to us but it was the end of Jennifer's employment.  I never learned what happened on her court date.

Sometime over the past year, I started spotting Jennifer down at our local shopping center.  I only saw her a few times and always from afar, never close enough to say hello. On those few occasions that I did see her, she was with a little boy and I observed that she was very patient and loving with him.  I also saw her drive away in a very nice SUV. I hadn't seen her in many years, but because of my past experience with her, I wondered if she was now working as a nanny or, if the boy was hers, perhaps she and her boy were living with her parents. 

A few days ago, I ran into Jennifer at the grocery store.  She was with a little boy who was older than the one I'd seen her with before.  She was looking at produce and was only a few feet away so I turned to her and said, "Hello, Jennifer".  She looked at me, raised her eyebrows and smiled.  Her expression was open and friendly as she leaned in close to me and said, "I don't know who you are."  LOL  How refreshing!  I always try to fake it when I don't know someone I'm supposed to know.

Okay, it was a long time ago that we worked together and I've lost some weight and my hair is darker, but still..........we had worked side by side, closely, for at least a year.   I reminded her of who I was and then I could see the light of recognition in her eyes.  She seemed genuinely happy to see me and she introduced me to her 8 year old son, who had impeccable manners, and told me she was married and had another son, age 3.  She said a lot had changed in her life since we worked together and I could certainly see that was true.  Of all the scenarios I had come up with for Jennifer, that she would now be happily married and the mother of two, was not one of them.  For the last few years, she's been a stay-at-home mom but now she wants to go back to school.  She said she had worked for a while in the medical field and is interested in becoming a respiratory therapist.  

I am really happy for Jennifer that her life has turned out so well.  Perhaps it was the experience down in LA that turned things around for her.....a blessing in disguise.  She seems very happy now, relaxed, content and healthy.

Do you know someone whose life course took an unexpected turn?   Also, what do you do when confronted with someone you don't recognize?  Do you fess up to it like Jennifer or do you try and fake it like me? 

My 1 Day Employment

by SacBarb

So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter,
a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day.....

About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud,
unattractive, mean-acting redneck woman walked into the store with her two redneck kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart.
Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'

The ugly redneck woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
'Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's  7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or stupid?'

So I replied, 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am, I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'

My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CEE GEE!

by Maureen

 

 

At 1:00 a.m on January 18th, 1904 a dark haired, dark eyed bundle of joy entered the world in Bristol, England. Born to Elsie and Elias Leach was the baby boy named Archibald Alexander (Alec) Leach.

 

Archie grew up to be the tall, dark and handsome movie star we knew as Cary Grant. After coming to America as a 16 year old comedic acrobat with the Bob Pender troupe, Archie's fate was sealed. On the ship across the pond, he met Douglas Fairbanks, Sr. who was returning to the States from his honeymoon with Mary Pickford. There was no turning back for young Archie. Archie WAS going to become an actor.

And did he ever!

 

After a successful run with the Pender Troupe, Archie remained in the States and became a vaudevillian and eventually a Broadway star. In 1932, Archie drove his prized yellow Packard to Hollywood. When he finally was signed by Paramount (after first failing his screen test!) he was told to change his name. And Cary Grant was born!

 

From his first theatrical release, This is the Night, in 1932 to his final film, Walk Don't Run, in 1966 women loved and men admired Cary Grant! However, legally he was still Archie Leach. Not until June 26, 1942 at the age of 38 did he legally become both a US Citizen AND Cary Grant.

 

To Elsie and Elias, thank you for procreating!

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CARY, CARY, CARY!

 

I heart you!

~ Blessed ~

by Tina~in_ut

I'm so excited.  Pope John Paul II will be beatified on May 1st.  This is one step closer to becoming a Saint in the Catholic Church.  On May 1st, he will be given the title of Blessed. 

Just a little background on sainthood.  A Saint is someone that we look to as an example of how to live our lives.  In order to become a Saint, there must be two miracles performed that are credited to you.  Once the first miracle is performed and after much investigation by the Catholic Church, the Pope must also approve, and then the person becomes a Blessed.  This is after someone nominates you for Sainthood and your life is investigated by the Congregation of Rites in Rome.  Only then will the investigation into the miracles begin.

Normally, a person must wait 5 years after their death to even be considered for Sainthood. (and no...THEY aren't waiting......WE are!)  The current Pope waived the waiting period in the case of Pope John Paul II.  He died on April 2, 2005 and in just a little over 6 years, he will be made a Blessed. 

The cure of French nun, Sister Marie Simon-Pierre, from Parkinson's disease was a miracle due to the intercession of the late pope.  The nun has said she felt reborn when she woke up two months after John Paul died, cured of the disease that had made walking, writing and driving a car nearly impossible.  She and her fellow sisters of the Congregation of Little Sisters of Catholic Maternity Wards had prayed to John Paul, who also suffered from Parkinson's.  On Friday, when the announcement was made approving the beatification, Sister Marie Simon-Pierre said John Paul was and continues to be an inspiration to her because of his defense of the unborn and because they both suffered from Parkinson's.

JPII's cause is the fastest processed on record, even beating out Blessed Mother Teresa by about two weeks who is also on the fast-track to Sainthood.  The Vatican said John Paul's tomb, currently in the grotto underneath St. Peter's Basilica, will be moved upstairs to a chapel just inside the basilica's main entrance for easier access by the public.  I've been to see his tomb twice.  The first time, there was hardly anyone there because it was so early in the morning and the hubby and I were able to spend time there.  The second time I went, I brought my kids.  The wait was SO long and they were moving people along so you couldn't really stop for any real amount of time.  My daughter saw a nun hand her rosary to one of the guards who removed one of the ropes surrounding the grave to touch it with the rosary.  My daughter ran to catch me because I had the backpack with our rosaries in it.  She went back to the guard who did the same thing for her.  She then watched as a lay person (adult) asked for the same thing and the guard denied her.  I'll never forget the look of pure joy on my daughter's face when she caught up to me and handed me her rosary. 

I realize that this may seem odd to some of you, but in our house, this is exciting.  AND, it's a huge deal at the hubby's workplace.  One more miracle, and Pope John Paul II becomes a Saint.  I can't wait~

~ Shaun ~

by Tina~in_ut

He still does it for me~

~ Missing Teeth ~

by Tina~in_ut

The dream blog the other day reminded me of something.  I've had several dreams about my teeth falling out.  I've had them ever since I can remember.  It may stem from the fact that I was told as a teenager that the meds I take for seizures will make my teeth weaker as I get older.  They HAVE gotten weaker and occasionally chip and one even broke.  ugh!  Has anyone else, besides Dianne, had dreams about their teeth falling out?

JUDGING OTHERS WITHOUT ALL THE FACTS

by Jodi

One morning a couple was sitting having breakfast.  The wife was looking out the window and noticed her next door neighbor hanging out her laundry. "That laundry is not clean, she doesn't know how to properly do laundry" said the wife to her husband.  The husband didn't say anything he just sat quietly.  Every time her neighbor would hang out her laundry, the wife would make the same comment about her neighbor not knowing how to properly wash clothing.

One morning when the couple was having breakfast again, the wife looked out the window surprised to see how bright and clean her neighbors laundry was.  She turned to her husband and said "Look at that!  She finally learned how to properly wash her clothes.  I wonder how she did it?"  To this, her husband replied, "No dear, I woke up early this morning and washed our windows."

~ Very Strange Dreams ~

by Tina~in_ut

When I was about 11 or 12 years old, I had a horrible nightmare.  My dad, who was always so sweet and kind and the perfect husband and father, had an affair.  It was SO unlike him that I was devastated.  I remember we were in a hardware store and I kept trying to hide from him because SHE was there.  He didn't know I knew.  Although it never made sense to me, the woman he had the affair with was Phyllis Diller.  I guess I had just watched "Boy, Did I Get a Wrong Number" with Phyllis, Bob Hope, and Elke Sommer.  I LOVED that movie.  Anyway, when I woke up, I was furious with my dad.  It lasted for months.  I know it's stupid and only a dream, but I just couldn't shake the feeling I had.  I watched him closely for the longest time.  Now that I think about it, I don't think I ever told him about the dream, but I know I told my mother a couple of years ago and she laughed and laughed.

When I got home from work on Sunday, my daughter greeted me with, "Guess what I had a dream about?"  "What dear?"  With big round eyes, she looked up at me and said, "Dad had an affair!!  I woke up and I was SO mad at him!  Wait until I tell you all about it.  I haven't even told him all of it!"

I stopped her right there!  That was so crazy to hear.  It brought back all the old feelings and I told her about my dream.  She felt much the same way.  She said that after church one day, her dad ran into school real quick and when he didn't come out right away, she went in to find him.  He was in the office across the hall from his, making out with a woman.  He was on top of her and it was SO GROSS!  He saw my daughter and she yelled at him and told him, "Oh really dad!  Mr. Brown (assistant principal) is in his office!"  He got off the woman and my daughter ran back to the car to tell me.  She said that when her dad came out to the car, I was all touchy feely and tried to make him feel guilty!  (I would NEVER do that!)  She said that later, she saw the same woman in the mall.  She was wearing a robe and lingerie and she was making out with someone else.  My daughter gave her a dirty look, but the woman only smiled.

I think the best part of her story was when she told me this wasn't the first time she's dreamt about this.  She said that she had a similar dream when she was a lot younger, but she didn't feel as bad "because she wasn't as educated about love stuff then!" 

Have you ever had a dream/nightmare similar to that of someone else in your family?  Or just a dream that made you feel awful for quite some time afterward? 

~ Airport Statistics ~

by Tina~in_ut

Year-to-date statistics on Airport screening
from the Department of Homeland Security:

• Terrorist Plots Discovered 0
• Transvestites 833
• Hernias 3,485
• Hemorrhoid Cases 6,172
• Enlarged Prostates 9,249
• Breast Implants 59,350
• Natural Blondes 3

Thought you'd like to know. Have a happy trip.

The Classifieds

by Shirley

As the following classified classics will demonstrate, there are often more laughs on the advertising and classified pages than you can find in the cartoon and comic strips:

* Lost: small apricot poodle. reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

* A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine foods expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.

* Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00

* For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

* For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.

* Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

* Now is the perfect time to get your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too!

* Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory

* We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

* Great Dames for sale.

* Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

* Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

* Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

* Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

* 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.

* Illiterate? Write today for free help.

* Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

* Mother's helper - peasant working conditions.

* Ladies and gentlemen, now you can have a bikini for a ridiculous figure.

* When you are thirsty, try 7-Up, the refreshing drink in the green bottle with the big 7 on it and u-p after.

~ Three Years ~

by Tina~in_ut

It feels longer.  Only three years!  I don't know about you, but I feel like I've known you all forever.  Now don't get smart-alecky on me and tell me it's been longer.....or shorter in some cases.  I'm talking about this blog, this place, this safe-haven.  I realize that a lot has changed in three years.  Many people have come and gone.  We've been through health crisis' together, even deaths, but also births.  We've vented, played, fought, hugged, groped, and through it all we've laughed.  We also go through avatars like some of us go through husbands (I'm not naming any names!).  I guess what I'm trying to say is, I still hat you all~ And I hope you still hat me too!   

~ Night Fever ~

by Tina~in_ut

I taped a 2 hr Biography show on the Bee Gees.  It was so fun to listen to all their music and I especially loved Night Fever and all the songs they wrote for Saturday Night Fever.  It's amazing to me how long they have been around. Enjoy a little John Travolta speedo action, too~

TEXTING FOR SENIORS

by Dianne

Since more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code). If you qualify for Senior Discounts this is the code for you -- or pass it on to an older friend    :
  
Please pass this on to your CHILDREN and Grandchildren so  they can understand your texts.
 
ATD:  At The Doctor's 

BFF:  Best Friend Farted

BTW:  Bring The Wheelchair
 
BYOT:  Bring Your Own Teeth

CBM:  Covered By Medicare

CGU:  Can't get up 
  
CUATSC:  See You At The Senior Center 
 
DWI:  Driving While Incontinent 

FWB:  Friend With Beta Blockers 

FWIW:  Forgot Where I Was
 
FYI:  Found Your Insulin 

GGPBL:  Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low! 

GHA:  Got Heartburn Again 

IMHO:  Is My Hearing-Aid On? 

LMDO:  Laughing My Dentures Out 

LOL:  Living On Lipitor 

OMMR:  On My Massage Recliner 
 
GGP:  Gotta go pee. 

ROFL... CGU:  Rolling On The Floor Laughing... And Can't Get Up 

TTYL:  Talk To You Louder 

WAITT:  Who Am I Talking To? 

WWNO:  Walker Wheels Need Oil 

GGLKI:  Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In

A Farm Kid Joins the Marines

by Zona

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late… Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

We go on "route marches," which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown.

They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges They come in boxes…

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once... He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.






Your loving daughter,

Alice

Recipe Share...

 by EBJ

I thought maybe we can all share a favorite recipe!

Here's mine, it's easy, and is nice to serve cut up for appetizers!

Junk Bread

1/2 stick butter
1 loaf French bread
1 med. onion, chopped
1/2 bell pepper (any color), chopped
3 cloves garlic, chopped
1/2 c. black olives, chopped
1/2 c. green olives, chopped
1/4 c. jarred jalapenos, chopped
1 lb. pre=cooked shrimp, chopped
1/2 c. mayonnaise
8 oz. shredded mozarella

Saute onion, bell pepper, and garlic in butter until butter is absorbed and veggies are wilted.  (If too wet, strain off excess moisture).

Remove from heat.

Stir in olives, jalapenos, and shrimp.  Add mayonnaise and stir.

Cut French bread 1/2 lengthwise.  Drizzle with olive oil.  Smear on shrimp/veggie mixture.  Top with cheese.

Bake at 350 until cheese melts and bread toasts, 15-20 minutes.

Mixture can be made ahead and refrigerated.

~ Guts or Balls ~

by Tina~in_ut

There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls.

We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?'

BALLS – Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the Balls to say: `You're next, Chubby.'

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome. Both result in death.

~ Why Women Are Crabby ~

by Tina~in_ut

We started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.

Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.

Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.

Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.

Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER.

Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while theOB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more good push" (more like 10), warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the %*#!* (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10lb bowling ball through a keyhole.

After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.

Then come their "Teen Years." Need I say more?

When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.

So we progress into the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.

Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get off so easy, INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...

So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right. Bite me.

eoenvrye that can raed this rsaie your hnad.

by Zona

 This is weird, but interesting! 

Can you raed this? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. 

I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

The Village People

by DeeDee

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~ Love in the New Year ~

by Tina~in_ut

I loved the Mike Douglas show.  I watched a special on him the other night.  They showed many of the highlights from his show.  My favorite was Mother Teresa.  I tried and tried to find a video of it online, but to no avail.  Finally, I just taped the show I had TIVO'd.  Hope it comes out okay.  I think her answer to his question is a great way to start the new year~