YELLING FIRE

by Lynnd

That saying means so much. I understand why you would not yell that in a crowded theater and why it is used when you may be getting attacked both practical practices in my mind. When your husband yells it through your backdoor on a day when your back 4 acres has just been mowed and is in the process of being baled for hay it may cause a little panic!

When this happened to me the other day I have to admit I went into a low level of panic after I confirmed that yes indeed we did have a fire going in the back of our property in a year when everything is tinder dry. I suddenly felt like I was in an “I love Lucy” rerun and I was Lucy.

I immediately ran for the phone to call 911 I reached for that baby like it was a lifeline and then it dawned on me the damn thing is one of the new wonderful cordless phones that don’t freaking work when the power is out!!! Did I mention the cable and power were out? (See my post on July 23rd) after thinking oh fuck, I remembered I had an old stand by phone that I have saved for just such an occasion and it was sitting in the bookcase very close. I ran across the room grabbed it and hurriedly plugged it in. Dial tone, Thank Heavens! I dial 911 CRAAAAAP it won’t go through, I keep getting a high pitched beep instead. I slam the phone down panic rising by the moment. It finally dons on me (I know some of you were already thinking this, Shut up Tina) grab your damn cell phone!! Yep I finally remembered I have a cell phone for emergencies and this was one heck of one. I have it in my grasp and punch in 911, damn why isn’t it ringing. Hello stupid you have to punch call!!! Finally it is ringing. What do I hear? “All Circuits Are Busy At This Time” WTF!!!!!

I close the phone going into full panic mode now and the landline phone rings. I race across the room again and run into the wall trying to get to the damn thing. I right myself and grab it like a life preserver being thrown off a boat. I answer and I hear. “Hello this is 911 we received a hang up 911 call from this number”. I immediately respond with “Yes you did it was me and my property is on fire!!!!! They ask “Where is your property?” I gather my wits enough to give them the location and then they ask “Do you know how the fire started?” My brain goes into WTF again and I respond “NO and I really don’t care right now as MY FIELD IS ON FIRE!” Good lord do I have to do all the work for them? They finally realize I am on the verge and say they will send someone right away.

Mr. Lynn D pokes his head in the door and asks if I had called 911? I tell him Yes! “Then where are the fire trucks?” Ok I have to say at this point I am about to lose it!! I yell at him “how the hell do I know?” “Maybe it’s a slow day for the one operator at the damn one horse phone company we have!” He retreats out the door. I grab my cell phone and head outside while trying to keep the dogs inside. I think they realize I am on the edge and cooperate for once.

I finally get outside and smoke is billowing and you can see flames jumping. In all of this it finally dawns on me the guy baling our hay is still baling away! I keep thinking does he know the field is on fire??? Yep he knows hubby runs back to tell me Al is digging a trench on our side of the fence to try to create a break to stop the fire. He has a front loader on that baler and is going to town! Finally we hear sirens wailing away in the distance and 3 fire trucks arrive above our property on the state highway that runs to the back. Thank God! They are spraying foam and water like crazy! Seems that the wire supporting the power pole snapped and being under pressure it flew up and hit the power lines that caused sparking, hence the fire and also knocked out the power, cable and all.

The whole neighborhood is out watching and hoping that they knock it down fast. Cars are backed up on the state highway both directions. Thanks to Al the baling guy and the fire fighters they stop it before it can spread onto our property and the neighbors next door. Yay!!!!!

What I learned from all of this is that I am not as unflappable as I thought! I have always been someone who stayed calm in a crisis and then fell apart, but for some reason age, peri menopause, not doing Pilates, who knows? I went into panic mode and then was finally laughing by the time it was all over. Oh and Al he just continued to bale the hay after the fire fighters arrived. He is about eighty and I guess at that age nothing seems too dire and should never interfere with doing your job. I think he may have already been through menopause.