WE NEED BACKUP!!!

by Shirley

CHICAGO (Reuters) - A lactating Ohio woman was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct after she sprayed sheriff's deputies with breast milk as they tried to remove her from a vehicle, police said on Monday.
Stephanie Robinette, 30, was arrested and charged with domestic violence and assault linked to a domestic dispute, as well as resisting arrest and disorderly conduct, the Delaware County Sheriff's Office said on Monday.

It said Robinette's husband told authorities the pair had been attending a wedding when his wife got drunk and started a dispute. He said that she hit him multiple times before locking herself in her car outside a banquet facility on Saturday.

Sheriff Walter L. Davis III said that when police approached the car to speak to her, she yelled profanities and refused to get out.

"When deputies attempted to remove Robinette from the vehicle she advised the deputies that she was a breastfeeding mother and proceeded to remove her right breast from her dress and began spraying deputies and the vehicle with her breast milk," Davis said.

Robinette was later removed from the car and arrested after more deputies arrived on the scene.
"This is a prime example of how alcohol can make individuals do things they would not normally do," Davis said.

I think this is hysterical! Imagine the talk back at the police station..."Captain she just pulled it out and started spraying us. We HAD to call for more backup!"

BBQ Rules

by Dianne

We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion: 
 
Routine...
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetablesand makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - drink in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.  

Here comes the important part:  
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL. 
 
More routine...
(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another drink while he flips the meat. 
 
Important again:
(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine...
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauce and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating,the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
 
And most important of all: 
 
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts. 
 
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed her 'night off,' and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

National Great Outdoors Month

by Iteach

Did you know that June is National Great Outdoors Month?  It sure is and I celebrated it with my family.  We went to White Pines Park last week in Mount Morris Illinois.  We stayed in a real long cabin that was made during the depression and it was just beautiful.  Surrounding the cabin was acres and acres of deep green forests with fun trails for us to walk.  The best part of the Great Outdoors was the indoor plumbing and the air conditioning inside the log cabins.  Seriously, I just don't think I'm the "roughin" type of girl who likes to sleep in tents and squats by a tree to relieve myself?  How about you?  What type of Great Outdoors person are you?

Diary

by Zona

WIFE'S DIARY: 

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to
meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all
day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late,
but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I
suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he
didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked
him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that
it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way
home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving.
I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love
you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as
if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly,
and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with
silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later,
he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his
thoughts were somewhere else. He instantly fell asleep - I cried. I
don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with
someone else. My life is a disaster.


HUSBAND'S DIARY: 

Boat wouldn't start, can't figure it out.

~ I Don't Feel Like Dancin' ~

by Tina~in_ut

Before I go to bed, I turn the TV on to one of the music stations and set it to turn off after an hour.  One night I heard this song just as I was dozing off and thought...who it this?  It sounded kinda like the Bee Gee's!  I had to look to see who it was.  The Scissor Sisters (yes, I know what it means and what they're about....go ahead and wiki) is my new favorite band and I love this song!~

Dirt Devil - The Exorcist

by Michael

Get out of the car!!!

by Jodi

(This is supposedly a true account recorded in the Police Log of Sarasota, Florida)

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.

She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it!  Get out of my car!"

The four men didn't wait for a second threat.  They got out and ran like mad.

The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat.  She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.

She tried and tried, and then she realized why.  It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12 packs of beer in the front seat.

A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down.

She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake.

The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing.

He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.

No charges were filed.

Moral of the story?  If you're going to have a senior moment....make it memorable!!

Some Cooking Hints

by Sac Barb

VS                

Martha: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.       

Maxine: Buy instant mashed potato mix. Keeps in the cupboard for up to a year.

Martha: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking tin, use a bit of dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

Maxine: Go to the bakery! Hell, they'll even decorate it for you! 

Martha: Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

Maxine: Celery? Never heard of it!

Martha: Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

Maxine: Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink! All your pains go away!

Martha: Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

Maxine: Left over wine???????   HELLO!!!!!!

’3 Way Street’: Artist video tracks scary traffic

by Shirley

3-Way Street from ronconcocacola on Vimeo.
This is scary stuff! What's the traffic like in your town or city? Are you a courteous driver to bikers and pedestrians?

The Ostrich

by Michael

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll  have the same," says the ostrich.
  

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment. The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man. "Same," says the ostrich. Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62." Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
 

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir.  How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"
 

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
  

"That's right..Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"    

The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.." 

Check your shampoo!

by Dianne

HEY - WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME THIS EARLIER!!!
 
I should have figured it out sooner.  It's the shampoo I use in the shower.
When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body.  Printed very clearly on the shampoo label it reads, "FOR EXTRA VOLUME AND BODY."

I have gotten rid of the shampoo and I am going to start using Dawn dish detergent.  Its label reads, "DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE."  Problem solved!
 
Geez! It sure pays to read the label!

Somos Novios

by Michael

************************************

Light and Gentle Thoughts for the day...

by Goldie

Birds of a feather flock together . . . .and then shit on your car.

A penny saved is a government oversight.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

He who hesitates is probably right.

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are  XL.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble..

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs...'

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way.  I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of Algebra.

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.  Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Lord, Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth . . . . . . .AMEN!

Toilet Paper

by Shirley

I would like to talk to you today on a subject that we rarely talk about, butt (misspelling intended) is important to each and every one of us daily...toilet paper. It's something that I think a lot of us take for granted. You go to the bathroom, do your business, reach for the toilet paper and then leave (after flushing and washing your hands of course). So?...what's the big deal you ask? Quality. It's all in the quality.

About a couple months ago I went shopping after work. I had seen in the local flyer that there was toilet paper on sale for $2.99 (24 rolls), which is a great price. I didn't expect to see any left when I went shopping, but to my surprise, there it was. So I grabbed 2 packages. It wasn't a brand that I had bought before, but I thought "how bad can it be?" Ha! Ha! Ha!

First of all, it was only 1 ply. ONE FREAKIN' PLY!!!!! One ply toilet paper should be banned from the planet...BANNED!!!! Secondly, it felt like a paper napkin...you know, the cheap kind you buy at the $ store. Thirdly, when it gets wet, it disintegrates...poof...gone...and you're left with just your hand! I was not impressed, not at all!! Now I know why it was on sale! I had to use 4 times the amount I would normally use!

The moral of this story is, don't buy toilet paper that you have never used before! Stick to the brand that you know and love, even if it costs a bit more. Don't compromise your bathroom tissue! Take it from someone who learned the hard way.

Divorce vs Murder

by Michael

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said,

"I'd like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law!

I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and said, 

"You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

~ One Mom's Imagination ~

by Tina~in-ut

This little girl’s mother is a computer specialist from Helsinki, Finland. While her daughter is soundly asleep, she creates a completely different world … from whatever she can find around her! That’s how both of them became really famous. What a truly fabulous imagination!

A Million Kisses

by Goldie

Hubby and I recently celebrated our anniversary with a weekend away.  Before dinner, we went down to the casino to play a little, hopefully to win enough to pay for that lobster I was planning on eating.  (Ate the lobster, bit didn't win enough to pay for it.)

I sat at a slot machine next to a lady who was probably in her early 70's.  We started to chat and she was high-fiving whenever one of us won even the smallest amount.  We had a lot of fun together.  When she commented on my outfit and asked why I was so dressed up, I told her that it was my anniversary and we were going to dinner in a little while. 

She congratulated me and asked how many years.  I told her 28, and she said to me that she had been married for 23 years, but they had actually lived together for 13 years before that.  She said that she loved everything about living together first.  She enjoyed the flowers, the candy, the gifts and all the extra attention she got before she agreed to get married.  When I asked her why she got married if she liked all that, she chuckled and said that he wore her down asking.  Then she told me that he had passed away just 2 years ago.

I automatically replied, "I'm sorry."  She smiled at me and said, "Thank you, but you don't have to be sorry because before he left, I gave him a million kisses.  That will keep me until we are together again."

Shortly after this exchange, it was time for dinner.  As I got up and we said our goodbyes and good lucks, she put her hand on my arm and said, "Don't forget to give that man of yours a million kisses, because you just never know when you will need them."

Hubby and I are building up our bank of a million kisses.

Black & White

by Iteach

Lately, I have been thinking about watching more black and white movies.  I feel that  there are so many good ones that I have not seen that I should make the time to watch.  It is always on my list to do when I get time to relax.  I have two black & white movies that are my absolute favorites that I have watched over an over. The first one is Arsenic and Old Lace.  Just by chance it was on TV about 15 years ago and I couldn't stop laughing.  I fell in love with Cary Grant and the two old ladies, wonderful acting.  The other Black & White movie is The Bells of St. Mary's.  I fall in love with that movie over and over again when I watch it.  Bing's singing is beautiful and Sister Mary Benedict's devoted faith makes me feel good inside.

Do you have a favorite Black & White movie to add to my list?

Anvil Chorus

by Michael

This is the "best" I have ever seen this done....and it is done many different ways...watch as the Gay Men's Chorus of Los Angeles thrills audiences with Verdi's "Anvil Chorus" from "Il Trovatore."

Interesting Crazy Facts

by Shirley

1. Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled ’ Gentlemen Only..Ladies Forbidden’..and thus the word GOLF entered into the English Language.

2. The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

3. Everyday more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.

4. Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

5. The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this…)

6. The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

7. Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?

A. Obsession

8. I n the 1400’s a law was set forth that a man was not allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have “the rule of thumb”.

9. Coca-Cola was originally green.

10. Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

11. The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

12. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king in history:

Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar

13. If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

14. In Shakespeare’s time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase “goodnight, sleep tight.”

15. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride’s father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

16. Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter “A”?

     A. One thousand

17. Q. What do bullet-proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?

     A. All invented by women.

18. Q. What is the only food that doesn’t spoil?

      A. Honey

19. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

Life Thoughts by Ducky

by Sac Barb

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it.
So I said 'Implants?'  She hit me.

How come we choose from just  two people to run for  president and over fifty for Miss America ?

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,' now I just 'chunky dunk.'

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

Wouldn't you know it....
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

Bumper sticker of the year:
'If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier'

And remember: Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.         

The Joys of Aging

by Michael

Sixty's Hits Are Being Revised..

Some of the artists of the 60 ' s are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers who can remember doing the "Limbo" as if it were yesterday.  Seems as though I know them all!

They include:

Bobby Darin ---
Splish, Splash, I Was Havin ' A Flash

---

Herman ' s Hermits ---
Mrs. Brown, You ' ve Got a Lovely Walker

---

Ringo Starr ---
I Get By With A Little Help From Depends

---

The Bee Gees -- -
How Can You Mend A Broken Hip?

---

Roberta Flack---
The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face

---

Johnny Nash ---
I Can ' t See Clearly Now.

---

Paul Simon---
Fifty Ways To Lose Your Liver

---

The Commodores ---
Once, Twice, Three Times To The Bathroom

---

Procol Harem---
A Whiter Shade Of Hair?

---

Leo Sayer --- 

You Make Me Feel Like Napping

---

The Temptations ---  

Papa '  Got A Kidney Stone

---

Abba---
Denture Queen 

---

Tony Orlando ---
Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall

---

Helen Reddy ---
I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore

---

Leslie Gore---
It ' s My Procedure, and I ' ll Cry If I Want To

---

And Last but NOT least...

Willie Nelson ---
On the Commode Again

~ Tip of the Hat/Wag of the Finger ~

by Tina~in_ut

The Colbert Report
Tags: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,Video Archive

I don't know what is funnier.....bin Laden or Heff~

The Gift

by Goldie

I was given a remarkable gift.  I cannot put it on the mantel, wear it, or hold it in my hand.  The only place for this gift is in my heart, and it is tucked in there and can never be taken away.  Actually, it was 2 gifts wrapped in one.

For years I (we) have bought new teddy bears and donated them to Hospice Care.  I make it a personal mission to collect as many as I can.  They are called Dori bears, named after the women who started the tradition.  Every patient who enters, and any child that comes to visit, gets a bear.  The bears must be at least 10 inches and have the tags on them.  Build-A-Bear is my favorite and they know me by name in the store.

I knew the story of the Dori bears because my fabulous neighbor Susan is a Hospice nurse.  I collect them and then donate them thru Susan.  She takes them to Hospice and from there they go to the patients and families.  We have often talked of her taking me to the hospice center to tour it, but to date, we just haven't coordinated a time.

Not so long ago, my dear friend was sitting at Hospice with her dad and she called me.  Would I come be with her?  Of course I would, so I grabbed the big bag of my current stock of bears, hopped in the car (got lost of course), but found my way to the Hospice Center.  When I got out of the care, she commented, "I didn't know you were moving in."  She has a wicked sense of humor.

I stopped at the desk and gave my donation to a nurse who was so gracious and acted like I had given them my last dollar.  From there I took a deep breath and walked into the room with my friend.  What did I see?  Dad with his arms around a bear.  I also saw a beautiful facility that amazed me, and the tenderness and kindness of the staff.  What a fabulous place.  What I thought would be a sterile environment is a place I hope to be, if ever I need it.

But that was the second gift.  The first was when my friend called and asked me to come.  She asked me to share in one of the most personal and emotional times of her life.  I saw the love she had for her father and the unselfish wish she had for him t go on to be with her Mom and brother.  She talked to him, stroked his arm, hugged him, and even sang a little.  We talked, cried, and joked, or sat in silence.  We cracked open a couple of beers and toasted to him.

The following day, her Dad went to dance with her Mom again.  I was part of that emotional experience, and it brought a lot of memories of my own Dad passing ~ but I wouldn't have traded one second of the time or experience with her.

A few years ago, this same friend gave me a necklace.  It says, "girlfriends are the family we choose for ourselves."  I am so grateful she chose me to be her family.

Ultimate Dog Tease

by Bebbi

*********************************

The Afterlife by Paul Simon

by Just Lin

I really enjoy this song and get a kick out of the lyrics. For those of you who can't play music videos, these are the lyrics:

After I died, and the make up had dried, I went back to my place.
No moon that night, but a heavenly light shone on my face.
Still I thought it was odd, there was no sign of God just to usher me in.
Then a voice from above, sugar coated with Love, said, "Let us begin".

You got to fill out a form first, and then you wait in the line.
You got to fill out a form first, and then you wait in the line.

OK, a new kid in school, got to follow the rule, you got to learn the routine.
Woah, there's a girl over there, with the sunshiny hair, like a homecomin' queen.
I said, "Hey, what you say? It's a glorious day, by the way how long you been dead?"
Maybe you, maybe me, maybe baby makes three, but she just shook her head...

You got to fill out a form first, and then you wait in the line.
You got to fill out a form first, and then you wait in the line.

Buddha and Moses and all the noses from narrow to flat,
Had to stand in the line, just to glimpse the divine, what you think about that?
Well it seems like our fate to suffer and wait for the knowledge we seek.
It's all his design, no one cuts in the line, no one here likes a sneak

You got to fill out a form first, and then you wait in the line.
You got to fill out a form first, and then you wait in the line.

After you climb, up the ladder of time, the Lord God is here.
Face to face, in the vastness of space, your words disappear.
And you feel like swimming in an ocean of love, and the current is strong.
But all that remains when you try to explain is a fragment of song...
Lord is it, Be Bop A Lu La or Ooh Poppa Do
Lord, Be Bop A Lu La or Ooh Poppa Do
Be Bop A Lu La

Perfume

by Iteach

Last month I read a very interesting article about the new royal couple and how Kate's wedding day perfume sold out completely. The article went on to tell how she spent a lot of time picking out just the right scent for everyone to remember her by. So then I started to think about my scent. Should I have a signature scent? A type of perfume that everyone will think, "Oh, that so reminds me of Jennifer". I usually wear whatever I get for a Christmas present, I am not loyal to any certain type of perfume.

But should I look for my signature scent? Do you have one? Are you loyal to any type of perfume?

Shirley & Marcy

by Sac Barb

A mother was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school. He didn't want his mother to walk with him. She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe. So she had an idea of how to handle it. 

She asked a neighbour if she would please follow him to school in the mornings, staying at a distance, so he wouldn't notice her. The neighbor said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well, so she agreed.

The next school day, the neighbour and her little girl set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor girl he knew.  She did this for the whole week.

As the two walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy 's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week.  Finally she said to Timmy , 'Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week?  Do you know her?'

Timmy nonchalantly replied, 'Yeah, I know who she is.'
 
The little girl said, 'Well, who is she?'

'That's just Shirley Goodnest ,' Timmy replied, 'and her daughter Marcy.'

'Shirley Goodnest?  Who is she and why is she following us?'

'Well,' Timmy explained, 'every night my Mum makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers, 'cuz she worries about me so much.  And in the Psalm, it says, 'Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life', so I guess I'll just have to get used to it!'

The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious unto you; the Lord lift His countenance upon you, and give you peace.

And may Shirley Goodnest and Marcy be with you today and always.

I know you smiled!

Walmart Cake

by Sac Barb

(Note: Make sure you read the story under the picture )
Keep in mind this actually happened.
  This cake is for someone who was moving. 

Okay ,  so this is how I imagine this conversation went: 


Walmart Employee:  'Hello 'dis be Walmarts, how can I help you?' 
Customer:  ' I would like to order a cake for a going away party this week.' 
Walmart Employee: ? 'What you want on da cake?' 
Customer:  'Best Wishes Suzanne' and underneath that 'We will miss you'.

STOP LAUGHING !  
You can't fix stupid.