by Maureen
Another in box of funnies, Enjoy!
1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called ...... "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."
2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
3. The difference between the Pope and Your boss: The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
4. My mind works like lightning: One brilliant flash and it's gone.
5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.
7. It used to be only death and taxes. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.
8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.
9 My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can.
10. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid.
11. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment...for enjoying sex.
12. As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.
by cpgem8
Number 12, had me thinking, if the person sliding down the banister is someone of the caliber of Kayne West, then I say, let the splinters point the right way! HA!
Number 6, tried it, broke the seat, and had popcorn stuck in my ass for two days! Sex in the movies is def not for a Lane Bryant Wannabe Diva!
81 comments:
1~
i'm so late for work!~
mo~ so funny~
Have a great day at work Tina. Congrats on first. My day is filled with hospitals.
Morning Glories!
Tina slipped in again! Congrats on first!
Morning Bebbi!
Mo Number 9 is for me! I also would like cement floors with a drain in the center to just hose it down.
7. Health insuance, Death and Taxes.
8. How the hell did they get their husband to take out the trash?
10. Crap there is no such thing as signal fluid? What about radio grease?
Good Morning!
MO: I like #4...I'm lucky if the thought gets from my brain to my vocal cords before I forget it!! Funny stuff MO..thank you for the early morning laughs!
TINA: Congrats on ONE with a squiggle..
HI CAROL!
BEBBI: {{HUGS}}
LYNND: The farmer in the dell.. ;)
Have a great day everyone..the flowers are calling my name! ;)
Good Morning Hooters!
Thanks for the laughs this morning Mo!
Happy day to you tina, bebbi,zona!
Good morning EUNICE, BEBBI, LYNN ZONA & GOLDIE.
MO & CAROL - Thank you for the great humor.
JENNIFER - This morning on msnbc I watched a piece about a website to donate for teacher's projects. It was started by a former high school teacher. The site is: donors choose.org The site looks genuine. If so, it is very exciting.
I could only sleep for about 15 minutes last night, so I am going back to bed. I hope everyone has a good day.
I just tried to post something and it went into la la land.
I forgot what I wrote but I do want to say, I enjoyed the jokes and they made me laugh. Loved #5.
Have a great day.
Happy Thursday Owls.
Tina will even risk being late for work to get #1~
MO, Thanks for the laugh this morning.
Lynn, I don't think radios have to be greased, but the tubes have to be changed occasionally.
Zona, Got peas & carrots????
Have a good day everyone.
What a cute blog! I'd like to see Kanye sliding down that prickly staircase, then run into a steel punching glove at the bottom. Any sexual aid for the ladies would be acceptable as well, if he were approaching rear-first. He'd have to be, I guess, so he could see where he was going.
Bebbi, if you're going to be a fixture at hospitals, you may as well take up a hobby. How do you feel about wheelchair racing?
I wanted to share something with everyone. Whabby thought I would enjoy the Night Owls and suggested that I check this place out. I have to tell you ladies & gents. I laugh alot. Sometimes I may be thinking of a response here and I scroll down and someone else has popped in and posted what I was thinking. Laughter is good for everyone. Supporting a friend when things are going in all different directions always means a great deal to someone. Those comforting words always reassure the person someone is in their corner. Jesting with each other is so healthy with the way the world is right now. That special little thought will come into your day and a smile will appear.
Whabby...thank you for steering me in the right direction. I love to see Tina~in_ut dedication on being #1
Oh.. I came across something yesterday and maybe you all are interested... Dan Brown (the author of the Davinci Code and Angels & Demons has another book out called The Lost Symbols. I picked it up on audio and will be listening to it when I don't need full brain power.
I like this author because he researches his book thoroughly. I was surprised to find he's somewhat of a recluse. Regardless, I think he's brilliant. I'm open to sharing
Mo, I realized I didn't tell you that you gave me a chuckle. Thanks for that!
Tina I think I've figured out how Eunice gets #1 so often. She never changes her clothes.
MO Thanks for the morning laughs.
Carol I want to hear more about your sex in the movies story. LOL
Slani You finally made it into the nest again! Sorry you didn't sleep well, though.
Bebbi I hope Mr. Bebbi and your mom are doing well.
LynnD I've had the same fantasy of just being able to hose the house down. LOL
Waving at Goldie, Gloria, SacBarb, Bonachichi, and Zona!!!
I can't believe so many of my fellow nesters have become farmers.
Gloria: I think you've found a home! :)
Heavy, heavy, sigh. The list of House of Representative co-sponsors of a bill introduced yesterday to repeal DOMA now numbers 92 (DOMA is the law that, among many other things, prevents Jim from getting a federal employee spousal survivor pension should I predecease him).
Why my disappointment? Not a single co-sponsor is a Republican.
Tina congrats on 1st! However you will NOT get 1st tomorrow, cause I will. Sorry!
Good afternoon/evening/night/morning to all owls everywhere, including Bebbi, Lynn D, Zona, Goldie, Lani (it's been awhile), Gloria, Sacbarb, Bonachichi, Just Lin and Whabbear.
Maureen your blog was very funny and Carols add on at the end was great! Thanks for the chuckles!
SURVIVOR STARTS TONIGHT!!
Tinka get out of those fields, I just stole your 25!
G'Afternoon!
LANI: So good to see you posting! I've had lots of those nights/days where sleep has been completely elusive..I hope you were able to get a nap in and that you're feeling bright-eyed and bushy tailed this afternoon!
HI GOLDIE!! So..let me tell ya a little about this farming thang.. ;)
GLORIA: Laughter and support are our middle names here in the nest..along with FIRST and 69... ;)
Whabby,
I want to compliment you. You bring subject matters up and you enlighten alot of people of what is taking place concerning equality. I just wanted you to know that I just spent the last hour reading about DOMA. When Clinton signed the whole mess way back when, I do not think people were looking at where it would bring it into today's world. I don't understand the opposition all the time when it is affecting someone's life with another. It frustrates me and you know we have had many talks about it. Keep doing what you are doing because you are educating people that may be clueless to what is not given to all people in the Federal Gov't and/or State Gov't.
BONACHICHI: I've never read Dan Brown's books..I know I know..or seen the movies. I KNOW!! ;)
SACBARB: I do!! Along with wheat, peppers, rice, taters and corn!! I think I'm goin' with fruit next time..blueberries and pineapple..whattya think?? ;)
J/LIN: For me..it's either farming or cardmaking..and farming doesn't involve bows... ;)
SHIRLEY: Ohhhhboy..a challenge! Who will be #1 tomorrow..stay tuned!! ;)
JODI: After I harvest my potatoes..will you make me some potato salad..pleeeeeeezzzeeee?? :)
BEAR: ..one step forward...two steps back.. :(
JODI: Pretty please with lutefisk on top..wait..forget that last part.. ;)
CAROL: I was just wondering..did you go vertical or horizontal at the movies..?? ;)
DIANNE: How 'bout those Raiders?? ;)
BEBBI: I hope everyone is feeling better tonight.
What did you think of the BB finale?
MO: I can't seem to get the splinter image out of my head..yeooowch..
Better go check on those veggies..and the flowers..bbl..
Zona No spoiler here, but I, for one, was fine with the BB finale. My first choice was no longer eligible, but was glad that person was voted to receive the $25,000.
DOINK! 38
Tina_in_UT_
You have such a soft spot. Mahalo Nui for the book, and tell the Keiki and Hubster it made it more special that they got in on it too.
Even tho their Hawaiian needs a lil help.
But what's with the .50 cents?
Oh and the X-Mas card was nice too, 9 months late, but still nice.
Hi Kgrl! Haven't seen you much lately. How's life in paradise?
Caaaaaaaallllllllllgooooooon take me away!
Hi Jennifer! Did you see Lani's comment to you at 11:57?
I need to find something soft to eat for dinner.
Thanks Mo! Everyone should have a giggle after talking to asses all day. And to think I used to complain about being bored...Oy!
Hope everyone is doing ok! I will catch up soon...I promise!
Good evening feathered friends!
CHEAQTER in UT...grats on 1st!!!
BEBBI...hoping you are done with hospitals for a long time.
LYNN...my uncle used to own a gas station and after we moved to Cleveland, my mom took the car into his station because he told her one night she had to have the winter air taken out of the tires and the summer air put in. Of course he stood in the background when my mom pulled in and asked his mechanic to change the air in her tires!!! You can imagine the old men rolling on the floor laughing at her!!!
LANI!!!!! Nice to see ya! Please dont go away again!
GLORIA...what a lovely post you wrote. I'm glad you feel at home here. How do you know WHABBY?
CHI CHI...you're welcome for the chuckle!!
GOLDIE...Waving a wing attcha! Having fun having your mom back in town???
JUST LIN...I never imagined some of these city slickers as farmers, either! Kinda reminds me of a nest full of Eva Gabor's!
I'm glad you all seemed to enjoy today's blog! Glad ya got some chuckles
SHIRLEY...good luck tomorrow morning! Go Shirley, Go Shirley, Go Shirley!!!!
WHABBY...thanks for sending GLORIA this way!
KGIRL...I think it is hilarious when you doink in!! Where was the doink today? ;(
JENNIFER...howdy! Hey, how does Dean like his new job?
Hate to be a downer, but...
This morning, at 9:30 some walking piece of crap shot a mailman in the head as he was walking his route. It is a quiet suburban neighborhood. He is a 23 year veteran mail carrier and takes care of his elderly mom. Now he is fighing for his life. What is this world really coming to??
SCIRISH...glad you enjoyed. Try to stay away from the asses, ok!
Mo~ that's sad~ that's my hubby's dream job after he's done getting it from all sides from ridiculous parents~ He just wants to walk out in the sunshine delivering mail~
49~
50~
Kgrl~ ur welcome~ :D and just you wait...I'll find ur birthday card yet!!!~
Lani~ Eunice has missed you, toad~
Iteach_in_a_bathtub_somewhere_in_Illinois
calgon means u are bathing.....yuck! take a shower instead!~ :)~
Gloria~ I'm just a wee bit competitive...did you know that? :D
DeeDee~ LOVED ur QOTD~
TINA...you're a "wee bit" competetive???????
ERIC CLAPTON is on Leno tonight with Bruce Hornsby
Shut up, Mo~
So a friend's family member passed away....and I asked for a "Mourning Eunice"....and this is what I just found in my email~
Tina, you never looked lovelier!
Hi all!
Mo,too funny. We should do "funnies" more often. I just makes for a fun day!
Mr Mary & I went to a newly opened Casino a few miles from our home. I can assure you that the Michigan Indians have no fear of paying their light bill this month lol! I hate the new slot machines they are using. For one thing, there are NO SLOTS lol! I hate all the fancy dancy cartoon-like machines. I think I will save my future "donations" for Vegas lol!
Carol,I wonder if anyone had their cell phone camera on you when you were doinking in the movie theater??
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Tian...take that!!
oops that "Tina"
Gottah check my farm animals
'weenie (and Bonnachi, who asked earlier): Gloria is the latest Rossblog refugee.
Did you think I'd open up the nest to anybody else? LOL!
Hi Everyone..
I got home late from work, and then watched project runway, and than the model show after that.. Now I am pooped.. and did not even go to the gym..
Whabby..
refugee's are always welcome ;O)
J/L..
I prefer my food hard! ;O)
Eunice..
I am sorry for the passing of your friend.. you look like Aretha Franklin in funeral mode..
Zona...
I tried both, however when the seat broke, it did not matter at that point!
Bebbi...
Sorry about all your hospital troubles, I have certainly been thinking about you...
J/L..
Not much more, all I can add to it, is its really tough trying to get comfy while figeting with popcorn up your ass.. lol
Lani..
Hi, good to see ya..
Gloria..
I can't even tell ya how many times I have laughed here in the nest, the only problem, is I laugh mostly at myself, cause I crack myself up.. LOL
Turtle..
♥♥ just cause.. :O)
Mary...
Congrats on 69.. I am very sure Mr Mary is a very happy man right now...
Mo..
Good job on the funnies.. keep them coming.. TY.. SWAK.. :O)
Ok.. I can't keep my eyes open, I think I am sleeptyping.. Please do not hold anything against me that I have typed.. Especially my food being hard..
Off to bed..
Nite..
Sweet dreams Carol. I am heading that way too.
I am going to visit my brother in the nursing home tomorrow. Unfortunately I think they have been over medicating him again. We are trying to get him moved to another facility.
Have great week end everyone!!
Sweet dreams, Carol. And there are worse things than popcorn...ijs.
Mary Congrats on your 69. Sweet dreams to you, too.
MO That's horrible about the mailman. It's so disturbing that people can just be minding their own business and something terrible like that happens.
And btw, I did make a point to see Eric Clapton on Leno. Wished there would have been more.
Tina Eunice looks lovely.
Whabby,
You make me laugh. I am the latest Ross Blog survivor is a better way to put it. I left with a bad flavor in my mouth is probably a best way to explain it. So periodically, I go and read the remarks there. Last night, I popped over there, and what has Ross done, he has included people's pictures along with their name. Well, I scroll down the front page, and BAM there is my face. I fell out of my chair laughing for now the ones that were not so nice to me, have to see my mug everytime they go to click on Ross' comment section. Just too funny!! I don't know how that picture is on Ross' blog because on Blogger I have a picture of my grandkids as my picture.
So I laughed and laughed. Karma~~~is wonderful!!
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