I Hope You All Have A Ball

By Lois Lane AKA No_Newz

Every year for too many to count, I'd race through the house screaming on Thanksgiving morning, "I call the neck!"

Most of the time, I was the early bird catching the worm so to speak. Other times, not so much. My sisters Mary and Lucy were my biggest nemeses in those days. Every once in a while they would "call the neck" before I even rolled my tired little bones out of bed.

I don't know what the fascination was, it's not that tasty, and certainly doesn't have much meat on the damn thing. Maybe, because there was only one neck to be had, and so many mouths that wanted to eat it, caused the stir. Whatever the case, I started my own Thanksgiving morning catchphrase on those years I missed out on the neck.

Sliding into the kitchen in my socks, I'd yell to my mother, "I call the balls!"

I meant the gizzards, but no one felt it necessary to correct me.

As the years progressed, my catchphrase didn't really catch on, because seriously, who wants "the balls" anyhow?

Many necks and "balls" later, I was dared by a bunch of blog friends I met through Ross, to enter The Tonight Show's "Who Wants to be a Correspondent" contest. I've never wanted to be on TV, but I take dares very seriously and went for it. Thankfully the tape never aired.

I had so many jokes in my head, but I was trying so hard to be PG since it was for TV. An unedited version of the same event may have come with an NC-17 or R rating.

Being among friends here at the nest, I thought I would share my audition tape with you. Why? Well because for my audition I chose to cover a Turkey Testicle Festival. I thought the concept would be funny, who knew I'd actually put a real turkey ball in my mouth? That's right, for the sake of comedy I ate a turkey testical.