Three Hours

I lied to me, I lied to you, I lied to them. I could not help it, I did not know what else to do. I just could not be honest, and if I was, that would mean it was true, and I could not face the truth. As much as I wanted all to go well, in my mind it was a disaster.

The truth sometimes is blinding, you can't see it, you don't want to see it. So the blinding continues, as you lie to yourself. I am sorry I lied to me, to you and to them.

I counted the hours, all three of them. The words that fumbled out of my mouth were at times meaningless, they were just words so the clock would move another second, another minute and so on, and all they were where words. And the clocked ticked....

My hardest was given, I really tried, I believe I pulled it off. Well, I made them think I pulled it off. Perhaps I didn't, Perhaps they know, no words will be spoken.

It was a lie tho, nothing was true about it. The stress that emerged that night will not be forgotten for a long time. I was alone fighting a fight of my childhood, trying to find the balance, trying to understand him.

I have now found the truth, it is so raw, so revealing, so shocking, as I lived the lie for these last few days, and now I see the truth. I wish in my mind I stuck with the lie, as no one would have known, I could have just let it go. However that is not me, I can't let it go. The truth had to be revealed, for I needed to see it.

And on I go~~