Drunk Driving

by Dianne

                                Study the picture before reading the story.....

This actually happened to an Englishman in France who was totally drunk:

A French policeman stopped the Englishman's car and asked if he had been drinking. With great difficulty, the Englishman admitted that he had been drinking all day, that his daughter got married that morning, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception, and many single malt scotches thereafter.

Quite upset, the policeman proceeded to conduct an alcohol-test (breath test) on the Englishman and verified that he was indeed totally sloshed. He asked the Englishman if he knew why, under French Law, he was going to be arrested?

The Englishman answered with a bit of humor.

"No sir, I do not! But while we're asking questions....do you realize that this is a British auto and that my wife, seated on the other side of this car, is the driver?"

~ Happy National Sticky Bun Day ~

(Since I missed V-Day~)

Whether you have a sweet tooth or prefer a carbohydrate filled treat, the sticky bun is the ideal gastronomic delight to fill the brief. Fortunately for those who enjoy a good sticky bun, an entire day is dedicated to celebrating and eating them – Sticky Bun Day.

The exact origins of the sticky bun are debatable, as is the history of Sticky Bun Day. While some attribute the sticky bun to the Ancient Egyptians, others argue that it originates in Germany. However, one thing that is agreed on is that German settlers brought the sticky bun to Pennsylvania in the United States. These pastries were originally called ‘schnecken’ and are a specialty of Philadelphia.

Of course there is only one thing you can do to celebrate Sticky Bun Day in all its glory and that is to make or eat as many of these delicious snacks as possible!

Irish Nuns

by Dianne

A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin , when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them.

"Hey, show us yer teets, ya bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks.

Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, "I don't think they know who we are; show them your cross."

Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Piss off, ya fookin' little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!"

Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks, "Did that sound cross enough?”

Grocery Boy

by Dianne

Three Guys in a Bar

by Dianne

Three guys were sitting in a biker bar. A man came in, already drunk, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. The man looked around and saw the 3 men sitting at a corner table.

He got up, staggered to the table, leaned over, looked the biggest one in the face and said, "I went by your grandma's house and I saw her in the hallway, buck naked. Man, she is fine!"

The biker looked at him and didn't say a word. His buddies were confused, because he was a bad ass, and would fight at the drop of a hat. 

The drunk leaned on the table again and said, "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!"

The biker still said nothing. His buddies were starting to get mad. The drunk leaned on the table again and said, "I'll tell you something else boy. Your grandma liked it!"

The biker stood up, took the drunk by the shoulder and said, "Damn it, Grandpa, you're drunk! Go home!"

~ Student Driver ~

~ Happy New Year ~