Crazy

by Michael

It's ironic and very sad to hear Ms. Cline say at the start of this video "I sure hope I have that much energy when I get to be 83".

She died at 30.

The History of the Middle Finger

by Shirley

I never knew this before, and now that I know it, I feel compelled to send it on to my more intelligent friends in the hope that they, too, will feel edified. Isn't history more fun when you know something about it? 

Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore they would be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous English longbow was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as 'plucking the yew' (or 'pluck yew'). 

Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, "See, we can still pluck yew!" Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodentals fricative F', and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute! It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as 'giving the bird.'

IT IS STILL AN APPROPRIATE SALUTE TO THE FRENCH TODAY!

And yew thought yew knew every plucking thing.

Penile Length Leads to Little Economic Growth

by Michael

The opening question to most undergraduate macroeconomics courses usually is, "Why are some countries rich and others poor?" The lecturer will then probably dive into all of the usual suspects behind economic growth--natural resources, technological innovation, savings rate--without mention of perhaps the most primal of measurements: penis size. 

That's right, penis size. In a study published today, the University of Helsinki's Tatu Westling points out a surprising strong correlation between a country's GDP growth rate and average penile length. As the chart above shows, countries that averaged smaller penis sizes grew at a faster rate than their larger counterparts between 1960 and 1985. Every centimeter increase in penis size accounted for a 5 to 7 percent reduction in economic growth. The study also showed that overall GDP was at its highest in countries with average-sized penises with GDP falling at the extremes of penis length.

As Westling explains in his paper, previous studies "concentrate on economic, social and political factors, these and many related treatments largely abstain from biological and/or sexual considerations. The aim of this paper is to fill this scholarly gap with the male organ." Interesting choice of words (the study is full of them, as you'll see below), but why should this particular, um, unit have any explanatory power? Penis size and economic growth might be related through some intermediary variable like gender equality, political stability, or population growth, Westling writes, but he seems to prefer an admittedly more Freudian explanation that goes like this: Penile length and income are both factors that contribute to an individual's level of self-esteem, and if a person has more of the former, he'll need less of the latter. Or, to put it in layman's terms, some fast-growing countries may be compensating for something. Not a particularly poor argument until you realize, as Westling acknowledges, that half the world's population don't have penises.

The Professor, a good teacher

by Shirley

First-year students at the Saskatoon Vet School were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal's body."  

For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the cow, withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth.

"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger.  Now learn to pay attention."

Woman, 22, grows full-sized nipple on the sole of her FOOT

by Michael

Lily Allen proudly showed hers off on television, Mark Wahlberg's famous for his and just last week, Zac Efron was forced to deny he has two. But a 22-year-old woman has trumped them all - by growing a full-sized extra nipple on the sole of her foot.

 

Although one in 50 women and one in 100 men have extra nipples, according to the California-based Dermatology Journal it's the first time one has ever been discovered so far down somebody's body.

 

 

The woman told doctors she had had the unusual growth - which is almost two inches wide - all her life, and it had never caused her any pain. Between one and five per cent of the population have the condition, known as supernumerary breast tissue.

 

 

Although most of the time extra nipples are found along the milk lines, which run from the genitals to the armpits, they have been discovered on the back, thigh or even the face - but never the feet.

 

Mark Wahlberg has a third nipple just below his left one. The former Calvin Klein model considered having it removed but then changed his mind, calling it his most 'prized possession'.

 

Last week dermatologist Dr Katherine Rothman said she believed Zac Efron had not one but two extra nipples, below his normal ones on his chest. His spokesman denied the claims, but it prompted new interest in the topic - and the rediscovery of the 22-year-old woman's case, which was first published in Dermatology Journal in 2006. According to researchers in Brazil: 'A 22-year-old woman sought medical care for a lesion in the plantar region of her left foot, a well-formed nipple surrounded by areola and hair.

'Microscopic examination of the dermis showed hair follicles, eccrine glands, and sebaceous glands.'

There are eight categories of supernumerary nipple. They range from polythelia pilosa, which is just a patch of hair, and develop up to a complete nipple with glandular tissue and areola. Researchers classified this case as stage five, which means it has a nipple and areola but no fat tissue.

 

Third nipples have been mentioned throughout history and folklore, and were once known as 'witch's nipples'.

Anne Boleyn, one of Henry VIII's wives, was rumoured to have not only a third nipple but also a third breast - causing some to brand her a witch.

Inside The Haboob

by Zona

We had another big dust storm hit us yesterday. Instead of a lot of comments saying 'ooooh...ahhhh' on the local news station's FB page..there were more that said..'Get over it..we live in a desert..we have dirt and sand here!!'.  Well, I was still a little unnerved by the whole thing..ijs.. I thought you might like to see what the storm looked like from our backyard. Yep..Mr Z was out there taking pictures! The sky turned completely orange and it got really quiet right before the strong winds hit..it was kind of surreal. Oh and the little spots on the pictures? That's the dust..and lots of it!! Has anybody seen my can of Pledge?  ;)

Racism in the Elevator

by Michael

~ Tragedy ~

by Tina~in_ut

Smell Check

by Michael

Smell Check from Alex Salsberg on Vimeo

~ Pencil Art ~

by Tina~in_ut

I love the cross and the saw.  Which one's your favorite?

Not Jealous and Not a Sexist

by Lynn D

I do want to warn anyone who is easily offended there is language and well if you have ever watched Bill Mahr he is not one for the religion. However he has some very good points and this is exactly how I feel about Sarah and Michele.

William and Kate's Sexiest Wedding Present: a Giant Seychelles Nut

by Michael

While honeymooning in the Seychelles, Prince William and Kate Middleton received a rather risque present from the islands' foreign minister: a gigantic nut famous for looking like a lady's nether regions and being a strong aphrodisiac.

The Australian Associated Press reports that the couple was given a coco de mer, the world's largest nut and a product endemic to the islands.

The form of coconut became famous among British seamen when the rare coconuts were found bobbing in the water off the Seychelles, prompting more than one double-take. On making landfall, one General Gordon declared the nuts native habitat, the Vallee de Main on Praslin island, to be the Garden of Eden and the nut to be the fruit of knowledge.

Today, Coco de Mer will ring a bell for more liberal Londoners as one of the UK's oldest and most luxurious sex shops, a business that planned to sell Coco de Mer whips and perfumes until being sued for trademark infringement by Coco Chanel.

For royal watchers, the gift may symbol the start of baby watch. Kate did mention she wanted to have kids while in Canada, you know.

No news agency has reported whether or not the prince scooped out the inside of the nut, consumed it and then was himself consumed by sexual passion. It should be at least a day or two before the British tabloids start speculating.

From the diary of a Pre-School Teacher

by Zona

My five-year old students are learning to read.  Yesterday one of them pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said, "Look at this! It's a frickin' elephant!"

I took a deep breath, then asked, "What did you call it?"

"It's a frickin' elephant! It says so on the picture!"

And so it does...




 

 " African Elephant "
Hooked on phonics! Ain't it wonderful?

Country Roses

by Michael

It Must Be Him

by Dianne

This is a blog requested by ZONA, as she and MICHAEL apparently l o v e this song.  I was "told" that ZONA used to sing it with all the motions that go with the song...especially the part......"I think I'll die".  I only wish we had a video of that to put with the song......

Good Ole Mississippi Boy

by Zona

Good ole Mississippi boy won a bass boat in a raffle drawing. He brought it
home and his wife looks at him and says, "What the hell you gonna do with
that. There ain't no water deep enough to float a boat within 100 miles of
here." He says, "I won it and I'm a gonna keep it."

His brother came over to visit several days later. He sees the wife and asks
where his brother is. She says, "He's out there in his bass boat", pointing
to the field behind the house. The brother heads out behind the house and
sees his brother sitting in a bass boat with a fishing rod in his hand down
in the middle of a big field. He yells out to him, "What the hell are you
doing?" His brother replies, "I'm fishin. What the hell does it look like
I'm a doing."

His brother yells, "It's people like you that give people from Mississippi a
bad name, makin everybody think we're stupid. If I could swim, I'd come out
there and kick your ass!!"

Fair and Balanced?

by Lynn D

I love Hugh Grant more than ever! This man is a hero in my book. What this clip reveals is chilling on all levels and if we don't think these same tactics are being used in this country, we are beyond naive.

~ Coming Home ~

by Tina~in_ut

I hate this show.  I've never watched it.  I tape Grey's Anatomy on Lifetime and see these commercials all the time.  Every freaking one of them has made me cry.  If I can't make it through a commercial, I'd never make it through a whole show.  So I just watch the commercials~

Replace A Word With Duck!!!

by Michael

Let's have some fun today!!

I saw this on twitter and it looked like fun. All you do is replace a word in a famous quote with the word duck!

examples: "every time a bell rings, a duck gets its wings"...or "Ask not what your duck can do for you. Ask what you can do for your duck."
So be creative and make me laugh!!!

~ Niles Irons His Pants ~

by Tina~in_ut

This is my favorite bit of comedy EVER!~

America's Birds Have Talent

by Michael

~ Rain Over Me ~

by Tina~in_ut

America's Got Talent

by Michael

Why She Changed Motels

by Zona

Last week, she checked into a motel on her 70th birthday and she was a bit lonely. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages." 

She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony - a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a sixpence off his well oiled bum.... She figured, what the heck, nobody will ever know. I'll give him a call. 

"Good evening, ma'am, how may I help you?" . . . Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy! 

Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she rushed right in, "Hi, I hear you give a great massage, I'd like you to come to my motel room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. 

We'll go all night - tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything, I'm ready!! Now how does that sound?" 

He said, "That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."

'Economic Stimulus'

by Sac Barb

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.

This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:


Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?

A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.


Q.. Where will the government get this money ?

A. From taxpayers..


Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?

A. Only a smidgen of it.


Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?

A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.


Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

A. Shut up.


Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka ..

* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.

* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan or China ..

* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala ...

* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea ..

* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan ..

* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by:

1) Spending it at yard sales, or

2) Going to ball games, or

3) Spending it on prostitutes, or

4) Beer or

5) Tattoos.

(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S. )

Conclusion:

Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day !

No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.

No NURSING HOME FOR me!!!

by Goldie

No nursing home for us.  We'll be checking into a Holiday Inn!  With the average cost for a nursing home care costing $188.00 per day, there is a better way when we get old and too feeble.  I've already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn. For a combined long term stay discount and senior discount, it's $59.23 per night. Breakfast is included, and some have happy hours in the afternoon. That leaves  $128.77 a day for lunch and dinner in any restaurant we want, or room service, laundry, gratuities and special TV movies. Plus, they provide a spa, swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge and washer-dryer, etc. Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and soap.

$5 worth of tips a day you'll have the entire staff scrambling to help you.   They treat you like a customer, not a patient. There's a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free.  The handicap bus will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp).

To meet other nice people, call a church bus on Sundays. 

For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there.  While you're at the airport, fly somewhere.  Otherwise, the cash keeps building up.  It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn will take your reservation today. And you're not stuck in one place forever -- you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city. Want to see  Hawaii?  They have Holiday Inn there too. TV broken?  Light bulbs need changing?  Need a mattress replaced?  No problem. They fix everything,  and apologize for the inconvenience.

The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid checks to see if you are ok.  If not, they'll call an ambulance .. . . or the undertaker. If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

And no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to find you, and probably check in for a few days mini-vacation. 

The grandkids can use the pool.   What more could I ask for?

So, when I reach that golden age, I'll face it with a grin.   

AIDS WARNING!
   To all of  you approaching 50 or have REACHED 50 and past,  this  email is especially for you...... SENIOR  CITIZENS  
ARE THE NATION'S LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS!

HEARING  AIDS 
BAND AIDS 
ROLL  AIDS 
WALKING AIDS  
MEDICAL AIDS 
GOVERNMENT  AIDS 
MOST OF ALL,  
MONETARY  AID TO THEIR KIDS!
Not  forgetting HIV (Hair is Vanishing)

      

The Spanish Teacher

by Dianne

A Spanish Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2.The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

~ Happy 4th of July ~

by Tina~in_ut

The Colbert Report
Get More: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,Video Archive

~ Bright Lights Bigger City ~

by Tina~in_ut

This is my other favorite song right now~

Numi Toilet

by Michael

Here comes the new Numi toilet from the house of Kohler, which combines a toilet and a retractable bidet in one unit. Kohler’s most advanced toilet to date, the Numi raises the bar in personal comfort and cleansing, thanks to its unmatched design and high-tech features. Interestingly, you can control the Numi with a touchscreen mini-tablet from a 20 feet range, but I won’t need that personally.

To talk about the features in detail, the high-tech bidet-toilet features a full-color LCD touchscreen interface, built-in personalized bidet functionality and deodorizer, dual-flush technology with .6 and 1.28 gallons per flush, an integrated air dryer, lid that opens and closes automatically, built-in music system, MP3 player connection and FM radio, heated seat, foot warmer and illuminated panels. If you are not comfortable with the touchscreens, the Kohler Numi still has the buttons at the rear.

The new Kohler Numi toilet will set you back a cool $6,400.00!  

~ Ouch! ~

by Tina~in_ut

Hi Mom,

I thought I would send you a picture of the most recent injury to the toe that you damaged when I was five. With the nail removed you can see the scarring from the lawnmower blade. I was putting on my pants and snagged my deformed nail and it bent back. I have just returned from Insta-Care, where the doctor pulled the nail off. I went to Walmart to get bandages and tried to get an electric cart to ride around in as my toe had begun to throb. Unfortunately, all of the fat people got the carts already, so I had to stumble around Walmart. No need to call me or visit. I am sure that I will be fine. Just wanted to let you know that I still suffer from the injury I incurred 43 years ago. I'm sure that I will be up and about and as good as new in a couple of months. Again, no need to come up and see me. I should sign off now as I need to take my pain medication.
 
Love always, your slightly damaged son,

Mr. Tina~