~ Happy Thanksgiving ~

Birch or Beech?

by Dianne

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A smaller tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, 'Is that tree a son of a beech or a son of a birch?'

The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. 

The birch says, 'Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that tree is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?' 

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, 'It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch.  It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.'

~ Happy Halloween ~

Letter to Home from New Marine

by Dianne

Dear Ma and Pa:

 

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

 

I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting used to it, so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there’s warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It’s no wonder these city boys can’t walk much.

 

We go on “route marches,” which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it’s not my place to tell him different. A “route march” is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

 

The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don’t bother you none.

 

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don’t know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don’t move, and it ain’t shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don’t even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

 

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain’t like fighting with that ole bull at home. I’m about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake . I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I’m only 5’6″ and 130 pounds and he’s 6’8″ and near 300 pounds dry.

 

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

 

Your loving daughter,

 

Alice

New Porsche

by Dianne

A fifteen-year-old came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream, “Where did you get that car?”

 

He calmly told them, “I bought it today.”

 

“With what money!?” demanded his parents. “We know what a Porsche costs.”

 

“Well,” said the boy, “this one cost me fifteen dollars.”

 

The parents began to yell even louder. “Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars!?” they asked.

 

“It was the lady up the street,” said the boy. “Don’t know her name — they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars.”

 

“Oh my goodness!” moaned the mother, “she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what’s going on.”

 

So the boy’s father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting flowers. He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she has sold a Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.

 

“Well,” she said, “this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but I learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn’t intend to come back. He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did.”

A Cat's Heaven

by Dianne

A cat dies and goes to heaven. God meets him at the gate and says,"You've been a good cat all these years. Anything you desire, all you have to do is ask."

 

The cat says, "Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors."

 

God says, "Say no more." And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears.

 

A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer He made the cat.

 

The mice said, "All our life we've had to run. We've been chased by cats, dogs, and even women with brooms. If we could only have a pair of

roller skates, we wouldn't have to run any more."

 

God says, "Say no more." And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.

 

About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently nudges him awake and asks, "How are you doing? Are you happy here?"

 

The cat yawns and stretches and says, "Oh, I've never been happier in my life. And those meals on wheels you've been sending over are the best."

Carpenter Builds One Final Home

by Dianne

An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employer-contractor of his plans to leave the house-building business and live a more leisurely life with his wife enjoying his extended family. He would miss the paycheck, but he needed to retire. They could get by.

 

The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favor. The carpenter said yes, but in time it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work. He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end a dedicated career.

 

When the carpenter finished his work the employer came to inspect the house. He handed the front door key to the carpenter. “This is your house,” he said, “my gift to you.”

 

The carpenter was shocked! What s shame! If he had only known he was building his own house, he would have done it all so differently.

 

So it is with us. We build our lives, a day at a time, often putting less than our best into the building. Then with a shock, we realize we have to live in the house we have built. If we could do it over, we’d do it much differently.

 

But we cannot go back. You are the carpenter. Each day you hammer a nail, place a board, or erect a wall.

 

“Life is a do-it-yourself project,” someone has said. Your attitudes and choices you make today, build the “house” you live in tomorrow. Build wisely!

 

Remember:

 

Work like you don’t need the money.

 Love like you’ve never been hurt.

                   Dance like nobody is watching.

 

“To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world.”