by Dianne
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while
they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little
girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, 'I'm
drawing God.’
The teacher paused and
said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.’
Without missing a beat,
or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.’
by Dianne
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it
was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it
was a very large mammal, its throat was very small.
The little girl stated
that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher
reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically
impossible.
The little girl said,
'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah’.
The teacher asked,
'What if Jonah went to hell?’
The little girl
replied, 'Then you ask him’.
by Dianne
The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.
Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."
You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Tom must have experienced. "Tom was unable to hold me or the children, "she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain.
"We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."
Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.
"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."
All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.
He said, "I'm Tom Smith." The entire congregation held its breath.
I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum.
