It's Caturday

by Bonachichi

~ Love You 4 ~

by Tina~in_ut

A couple of years ago, I tried to turn Jodi's dad into a Catholic.  He was cute about it.  He said that the Papal robes were too large, too much.  I thought he had a great sense of humor.  I wrote him a long e-mail trying to convince him to convert.  I know I was close, but no cigar~

How do you tell someone like Jodi how much you wish you could be there for her?  Jodi......the one who is always there with a song, a call, a smile, a laugh.....whatever you need.  We talked after the wake and luckily she sounded good. 

She told me about some of her dad's sayings, "Don-isms" which will be part of the eulogy:

"a fartin' horse will never tire, a fartin' man's the man to hire"

When talking about how thin he was:
"well a good rooster never gets fat"

When Jodi would say, "You have a good day, Dad!"
"they're all good"

Jodi, your dad is now with your mom and brother, dancing and laughing.  Please know that although most of us cannot be there in person, we are thinking of you and praying for you and your entire family today.

Love you 4~  

Signs of the Times

by Jodi

Reminder for tomorrow.

Royal Apathy.

Stuck at your job.

Same title and salary.

Certificate of uselessness.

Royally annoyed.

Keeping the boss miserable.

 Newspaper headline inadvertently creates new Asian stereotype.

Teachers & Cops

by Maureen

These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded (but, boy, are these funny!)
 1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
 2. I would not allow this student to breed.
 3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
 4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. (my favorite...)
 5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
 6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
 7. This child has been working with glue too much.
 8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
 9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming..
 10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
 11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.
 12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.

 These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers. The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:
 1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
 2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
 3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
 4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
 5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."  (LOVE IT) 
 6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"  (MY FAVORITE) 
 7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
 8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
 9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
 10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
 11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
 12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC."  (National Crime Information Center) 
 13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
 14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
 15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
 AND THE WINNER IS....
 16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.. Sign here."

Car Sex

by Mary

This photographer must have used a very powerful lens to be able to photograph this scene.


Check out the pictures - one by one.

What did you expect to see ????? Yup, you're as sick & twisted as I am!  I  was straining my eyeballs to try & see through the back window too!  

The Hillbilly Vasectomy

by Dianne

No offense meant to any state in the below joke:

 

After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, but they could not afford a larger bed.  So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.   The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. 'A less costly alternative,' said the doctor, 'is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can(COORS), then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.'  The Alabamian said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.'   'Trust me,' said the doctor.   So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count!   '1' '2' '3' '4' '5' ( you'll love this...) At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.   This procedure also works in Tennessee , Kentucky , Louisiana ,Arkansas, Mississippi , Parts of Georgia,  Missouri, West Virginia , AND All of Washington DC.

~ Happy Easter ~

by Tina~in_ut

I love this song!  It's Easter to me.....maybe not this version, but I like it~ I couldn't find one with Ricky Martin singing it!  I tried~  I think I'll send this link to my mother......she'll just die!~ lol~