WE NEED BACKUP!!!

by Shirley

CHICAGO (Reuters) - A lactating Ohio woman was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct after she sprayed sheriff's deputies with breast milk as they tried to remove her from a vehicle, police said on Monday.
Stephanie Robinette, 30, was arrested and charged with domestic violence and assault linked to a domestic dispute, as well as resisting arrest and disorderly conduct, the Delaware County Sheriff's Office said on Monday.

It said Robinette's husband told authorities the pair had been attending a wedding when his wife got drunk and started a dispute. He said that she hit him multiple times before locking herself in her car outside a banquet facility on Saturday.

Sheriff Walter L. Davis III said that when police approached the car to speak to her, she yelled profanities and refused to get out.

"When deputies attempted to remove Robinette from the vehicle she advised the deputies that she was a breastfeeding mother and proceeded to remove her right breast from her dress and began spraying deputies and the vehicle with her breast milk," Davis said.

Robinette was later removed from the car and arrested after more deputies arrived on the scene.
"This is a prime example of how alcohol can make individuals do things they would not normally do," Davis said.

I think this is hysterical! Imagine the talk back at the police station..."Captain she just pulled it out and started spraying us. We HAD to call for more backup!"

BBQ Rules

by Dianne

We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion: 
 
Routine...
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetablesand makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - drink in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.  

Here comes the important part:  
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL. 
 
More routine...
(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another drink while he flips the meat. 
 
Important again:
(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine...
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauce and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating,the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
 
And most important of all: 
 
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts. 
 
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed her 'night off,' and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

National Great Outdoors Month

by Iteach

Did you know that June is National Great Outdoors Month?  It sure is and I celebrated it with my family.  We went to White Pines Park last week in Mount Morris Illinois.  We stayed in a real long cabin that was made during the depression and it was just beautiful.  Surrounding the cabin was acres and acres of deep green forests with fun trails for us to walk.  The best part of the Great Outdoors was the indoor plumbing and the air conditioning inside the log cabins.  Seriously, I just don't think I'm the "roughin" type of girl who likes to sleep in tents and squats by a tree to relieve myself?  How about you?  What type of Great Outdoors person are you?

Diary

by Zona

WIFE'S DIARY: 

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to
meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all
day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late,
but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I
suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he
didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked
him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that
it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way
home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving.
I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love
you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as
if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly,
and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with
silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later,
he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his
thoughts were somewhere else. He instantly fell asleep - I cried. I
don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with
someone else. My life is a disaster.


HUSBAND'S DIARY: 

Boat wouldn't start, can't figure it out.

~ I Don't Feel Like Dancin' ~

by Tina~in_ut

Before I go to bed, I turn the TV on to one of the music stations and set it to turn off after an hour.  One night I heard this song just as I was dozing off and thought...who it this?  It sounded kinda like the Bee Gee's!  I had to look to see who it was.  The Scissor Sisters (yes, I know what it means and what they're about....go ahead and wiki) is my new favorite band and I love this song!~

Dirt Devil - The Exorcist

by Michael

Get out of the car!!!

by Jodi

(This is supposedly a true account recorded in the Police Log of Sarasota, Florida)

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.

She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it!  Get out of my car!"

The four men didn't wait for a second threat.  They got out and ran like mad.

The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat.  She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.

She tried and tried, and then she realized why.  It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12 packs of beer in the front seat.

A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down.

She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake.

The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing.

He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.

No charges were filed.

Moral of the story?  If you're going to have a senior moment....make it memorable!!