Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Choosing A Wife

by Dianne

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.
Then he married the one with the biggest boobs.
Men are like that, you know.
And on another note!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.


Dianne/Denver said...

Good Morning Everyone.

First on my own blog...didn't that used to be against the rules?? Ha Ha Dianne, hilarious blog!! ;)

Awake a little sooner than planned. I feel good this far..hope it stays like that for the day.

Louis comes home today. It's been a tough trip and departure for him with his mother being in such poor health. I do think he missed his bed (and possibly me) a little too

Well, that's about it for me at this time of morning.

Tinka said...

Good Morning Little Owls Everywhere

Thank you for your concern about my eyes. You are very thoughtful. I will be careful. When one has only one good eye it's a very good idea to protect the second one.

Dianne - If you have a girl I think Mary is a pretty name. A boy - how about Joseph?

I am about to have breakfast, then give Tia her shot. By then the cleaning lady will be here.

Have a good day everyone.

Tinka said...

Dianne - You slipped in at first, pretty as ever. You beat me. How is your morning sickness today?

Lynn D said...

Morning Glories!

Ain't that the truth. Both stories strike a chord. lol

The new propane tank is coming today and then I have to run errands and make the insurance payment for the house. I am hoping I don't have to travel to Arlington 3 hours away where my brother lives to take him to the doctor. He called my Dad last night upset and saying he was sick. I did get a hold of him and it sounds like the flu to me and not related to his aneurysm.

If we do end up going we have to find someone to stay with my step Mom as he can't be left alone at this point.

Tinka I am so glad you went to the Doctor. Rest your eyes. I also think sunglasses would help.

Dianne I hope you are feeling better today.

Need to get my crap done and get showered before the tank arrives.

Love ya guys!

Zona said...

Good Morning!!

DI: Of course he picked that one! Loved the last paragraph too!

So heartbreaking about Louis' mom..I can't even imagine how difficult this trip has been for him. I predict lots of hugs and kisses when he gets home to you!

TINKA: I'm so glad you went to the doctor yesterday. I hope with rest your eye will get better on it's own. Randy and I are praying for just that. ♥

LYNN: I hope your brother feels better today! I know there's a lot of things going on right now..take a few minutes to just breathe..ok?

Zona said...

It took me almost 5m to remember my password for that ^^^ comment.. *sigh* ..this forgetting stuff is getting old! Yes I have it written down..somewhere! ;)

This is such a busy time of year..the days just seem to fly by. Every day I remember something I need to do that I forgot to do yesterday or the day before! Randy just reminded me that my in-laws are visiting this weekend..I thought it was NEXT weekend. I need more time to prepare..mentally..HA!!

I hope everyone has a good's going to be in the 80's here..I'm so ready for it to be kinda

Tinka said...

Dianne - I missed the line about Louis' mother being so sick. I am so sorry about that. It's so hard to see one's mother sick. I remember it well.

Good Morning Lynn - You have a busy day. I hope your brother gets well soon.

Good Morning Zona-My-Baby - I hope you are fine today too. Oh to be 30 again and not have our health be one of our concerns. I think we need a Christmas miracle and have all our aches and pains just disappear. Then the Owlls will have a big party that goes on for 3 days.

Dianne/Denver said...

Tink, I'm up for that Christmas miracle and owl party. It's like our bodies are breaking down like an old car. I don't like that one bit either!!!!

Lynn, hope your brother is okay. It's always a worry when they've been sick.

Zona, I knew your family was coming this weekend. There are still just two coming to visit, right? Better get dusting again!!!!

JL, wake up. Oh, never's only 9:30 at your house...go back to sleep. Yawn

sacBarb said...

Dianne, LOL, so typical. And also in 2040 Many of those women will have a long stemmed rose tattoo on their boob that once was a rosebud. BTW, have you stocked up on butter for Louis' biscuits?

Tinka, I also pray that your other eye will improve or at least not get any worse.

Lynn, Yayyy, for the new tank. I hope it is just the flu that your brother has and you don't have to make the 3 hour trip.

Zona, Breathe.... It's better that it's this weekend, then next week you can relax.

Mary/MI said...

It's a good thing big boobs count for something besides a bad back LOL!
I will take a couple of inches in height, in exchange for a "B" cup instead of a "D" ha ha!!!

Tinka, I love the name " Mary" :) and Joeseph is my Nephews name.

Diane,I am having many *groan* aches and pains. Prolly because of the work I have been doing in our basement, which of course leads to having to clean up other areas! I am not allowed to take pills until after my test tomorrow. I'm having an "Esophagogastroduodenoscopy". EDG for short lol!

Jim is not thrilled to learn that he has to stay with me during the whole thing. He is not the most patient man lol!

Zona,I can sympathies with forgetting things! You have the dusting done yet ? ;-)

jodi, where are the glaziers??

Mary/MI said...

Barb!! Waving at you~~~~~~

Just_Lin said...

Dianne Here I am! I think you may have woken me up while you were furiously getting butter ready for Louis' biscuits. LOL

On a serious note, I'm sorry about Louis' mother's illness. It's so difficult to see our parents' health fail. It's inevitable but so heartbreaking.

Just_Lin said...

Dianne I forgot to thank you for the blog. Big boobs always get attention. I guess if a man were walking around with a big bulge in his pants, we'd be looking at that.......Oh, wait...he'd be gay.

Just_Lin said...

LynnD I sure hope your brother is feeling better today.

Did anybody get a flu shot this year? I did.

Just_Lin said...

Zona Well, it's better that you realize now that the in-laws are coming this weekend. Just think how stressed you'd be if you didn't realize it until Thursday! I know what you mean about needed to get prepared mentally, too. First there's grief, then anger, then acceptance. LOL

Just_Lin said...

Tinka I want in on that Christmas miracle. I don't like it that I don't have the strength or energy that I once did. I am fighting this aging thing for all I'm worth.

Just_Lin said...

Mary I don't think I was a D cup even when I was engorged with milk. I know I wasn't because I was thinner then and probably just swelled to a C. The only good thing about being overweight now is that I at least have cleavage. LOL

Dianne/Denver said...

I had a flu shot so why do I feel yucky?

Just_Lin said...

I don't know but flu is actually more of a respiratory thing. Have you tried Dramamine?

Just_Lin said...

Also, are you on a new med that might have this as a side effect?

Dianne/Denver said...

I haven't gotten any Dramamine yet but not on any new meds. I'm not even on pain meds anymore.

Lynn D said...

Afternoon Asters!

Dianne I am so sorry about Louis's Mom.

My brother had the flu and feels better today. Yay!

I went out and about and goofed off because I did not have to go to Arlington!

I hit my favorite thrift stores for craft supplies and ideas in remaking crap. Then I hit the library and then I treated myself to lunch at my favorite local restaurant and then grocery shopping.

I have to say I came home with all kinds of crap that I have now transform. :)

Waving at all of you!

sacBarb said...

Hi Mary. Are you keeping warm?

J/L, Being overweight I have cleavage now too, but it's all wrinkly and has a big scar and I hate it.

Lynn, How fun. Let us know what you make. I have been working on my Xmas cards. The other Jennifer came over yesterday (not the one with the sick sis) and we worked on both of our cards for about 6 hours and we still aren't done, but we did get them all cut out. Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it, but we did have fun.

Just_Lin said...

Dianne I hope you're feeling better.

Just_Lin said...

LynnD It sounds like you had a very fun day. I went to work for a while. I don't think I had near as much fun as you did.

Just_Lin said...

SacBarb It's fun to do that kind of stuff with someone else, isn't it? When my daughter lived closer, we would get together to do scrapbooking for photo albums. It was fun but my stuff has sat unused for a few years now.

Just_Lin said...

Barb The good news is that men don't care about the wrinkly or the scar. I have a scar that begins at right below my bra at the center, runs down through my belly button (what's left of it) and continues south for a few more inches.

sacBarb said...

J/L, You should bring your stuff here and we can do it together. We could plan on a few days. I have one started for Chad and I need to do one for Todd. Neither of them know I already gave one to Dean or they would be pissed.

sacBarb said...

I had a resting metabolic rate (RMR) test tonight at Kaiser and I found out that I burn 1541 calories doing nothing, no exercise, just sitting in a chair. That means I should be able eat that many calories per day and maintain my weight. So why, when I am only eating 1350 calories per day, have I not lost any weight for the last four weeks? hmmm Something is very wrong with this picture. I am going back down to 1200 calories and see if it kicks my metabolism in high gear and I can start losing again.

sacBarb said...

Good night and sweet candy cane dreams for everyone.

Dianne/Denver said...

Barb, that doesn't make any sense in the calories. Boy, 1200 isn't very many. You are doing so great

Lynn, sounds like you had a "me" day and got to do what you wanted today. Yea!!!

It's past midnight and I feel good. Every night about this time I feel like I'm supposed to feel. Guess it must be morning and afternoon sickness

Louis is home and things are everywhere and lots of laundry. Hope he remembers I just had knee surgery. Tina said I gave that excuse up when I started driving again. I picked up dinner and brought it home on my way home from lunch....then laid down.

I've spent half the night online trying to order something with a photo on it...pain in the butt and then finally they said the photo was too small.

Hi Jodi, hope you leave us some donuts tonight and could you hurry before I go to bed? Thanks!!

Just_Lin said...

SacBarb Well, that doesn't sound right, does it? I have no idea what my RMR is but I bet it isn't very high. I once had a doctor tell me he had never seen anyone who was as still as me.

Just_Lin said...

Dianne Here's hoping the morning sickness is gone tomorrow. I think a glazer donut might help. I hope HOdi brings some. Then again, I guess that wouldn't help me lose weight, either.

Just_Lin said...

Sweet dreams, HOoters!

Dianne/Denver said...

Just woke up starving for a donut....can't find any except some old ones. Oh well, it's still dark and only 5:30 ....better see if these old baby blues will shut again. Ever since that rehab place my wake up clock has been confused!!