Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Redneck Medical Terms

by Shirley

 Artery......................The study of paintings.
 Benign......................What you be after you be eight.
 Bacteria....................Back door to cafeteria.
 Barium......................What doctors do when patients die.
 Cesarean Section............A neighborhood in Rome.
 Catscan.....................Searching for Kitty.
 Cauterize...................Made eye contact with her.
 Colic.......................A sheep dog.
 Coma........................A punctuation mark.
 D&C.........................Where Washington is.
 Dilate......................To live long.
 Enema.......................Not a friend.
 Fester......................Quicker than someone else.
 Fibula......................A small lie.
 Genital.....................Non-Jewish person.
 G.I.Series..................World Series of military baseball.
 Hangnail....................What you hang your coat on.
 Impotent....................Distinguished… well known.
 Labor Pain..................Getting hurt at work.
 Medical Staff...............A Doctor's cane.
 Morbid......................A higher offer than I bid.
 Nitrates....................Cheaper than day rates.
 Node........................I knew it.
 Outpatient..................A person who has fainted.
 Pap Smear...................A fatherhood test.
 Pelvis......................Second cousin to Elvis.
 Post Operative..............A letter carrier.
 Recovery Room...............Place to do upholstery.
 Rectum......................Darn near killed him.
 Secretion...................Hiding something
 Seizure.....................Roman emperor.
 Tablet......................A small table.
 Terminal Illness............Getting sick at the airport.
 Tumor.......................More than one.
 Urine.......................Opposite of you're out
 Varicose....................Near by

Monday, January 30, 2012

~ Pinterest ~

by Tina~in_ut

In December, I was talking to Jenny while she was doing my hair. She asked if I'd heard of this website called Pinterest. I said no and her eyes got big and she told me I HAD to check it out. She said it was addicting and that I'd love it. I was in the middle of making my Christmas cards and finishing up my shopping, so there was no way I was going to look at it then. I told her to remind me again later. I didn't really have time for a new addiction, but we usually like the same movies and books, so I trusted her judgement on this, too.

Big mistake!! I don't know what it is about this website, but I love it and find myself getting lost in it.

What is Pinterest?

Pinterest is a Virtual Pinboard.

Pinterest lets you organize and share all the beautiful things you find on the web. People use pinboards to plan their weddings, decorate their homes, and organize their favorite recipes.

Best of all, you can browse pinboards created by other people. Browsing pinboards is a fun way to discover new things and get inspiration from people who share your interests. To get started, request an invite.

Our Mission

Our goal is to connect everyone in the world through the 'things' they find interesting. We think that a favorite book, toy, or recipe can reveal a common link between two people. With millions of new pins added every week, Pinterest is connecting people all over the world based on shared tastes and interests.

This is from their website. It's just a high overview of what the site is all about. I have created boards on my page for my favorite actors, sweets, crafts, jewelry, scrapbooking, cards, funny things, favorite places, TV shows, and movies. I've found yummy things I want to bake. (Scary in itself) It's just fun. Check it out for yourself and let me know what you think. You can access the website, but you have to be invited to actually use it. Within days of requesting an invite, you'll have an e-mail asking you to join. Let me know what you think. And if all of a sudden, you just disappear, I'll know where you're at~ :D

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Heaven on the 7th Floor

by Zona

Randy and I got my sister an Ipod for Christmas. She mentioned during the summer that she wanted one..and that she would like 70's songs loaded onto it. A couple days before Christmas Randy sifted through his CD collection..which is heavy on the 70's stuff..and together we picked out a bunch of songs for her. Rand put the songs on the Ipod so when she unwrapped her was ready to go. turns out we didn't do so well with our choices!! Here's one of the songs I chose for her...oh boy did she hit the DISLIKE on this!! It might be a bit corny..but I still don't understand why she doesn't like it! btw..I was so tempted to sneak 'Don't Rain On My Parade' on there..but didn't want that new Ipod to get stomped into the ground.. ;D

Friday, January 27, 2012

~ Shits & Giggles ~

by Tina~in_ut

I get my hair cut and colored on Tuesdays. I have a routine. Leave work about 12:45pm, grab something to eat near the salon, stop off at the hubby's school to say hi to Judi who only works on Tuesdays, go potty there, then get to the salon by 2pm. (Not to gross any of you out, but I get my hair done every four weeks.....and it just happens to coincide with my time of the month!)

Anyway, I was running a little late this last Tuesday. I was on my way to Einstein's to grab a bagel really quick. I was almost there when all of a sudden, I swallowed my own saliva the wrong way and started choking like a mad woman! I tried to reach for my water bottle which was in the back seat, but couldn't reach it. I noticed that I had taken my foot off the gas and thankfully, no one was behind me. When I start choking, I sound AWFUL!!!! I start gagging and making that sound you make when you are about to throw up. My chest was burning from all the coughing by the time I made it to the parking lot. I was finally able to get my water bottle and take a drink, but it still took me a while to get the coughing under control. When I did, I went in to get my bagel. I must have looked a sight, because people were staring at me strange. Then I ordered my food. The lady gave me a strange look and I didn't even recognize my own voice. I sounded like an old man croaking.

By the time I was done eating, I realized that I wouldn't have time to stop off at school. I was bummed at not seeing Judi, but really glad I didn't have to go to the bathroom. I called her on my way to the salon to let her know I wasn't able to stop by and to tell her about my choking snafu. Of course, she thought it was funny. So did Jenny, my hairdresser. Jenny and I are the same age and she has done my hair for the last 17 years. I found her through her husband who I used to work with. I really don't care what she does to my hair. It's just fun spending 2 hours with her every month. We laugh so much. I always tell people it's "an event" going to get my hair done. Tuesday was no different.

After I finished telling Jenny my story, she told me about her hot flashes. She was wearing a short sleeved shirt because the day before, she had hot flashes the whole day. She said she was drenched and by the end of the day, her hair was a sopping mess. I felt so sorry for her. Tuesday, she looked just fine. You'd never know it was so bad the day before. She said she was actually cold that day.

Our routine is always the same. Jenny puts some shade of brown color on my hair first, I go under the dryer, she rinses my hair, dries it a little, puts highlights in it, I go under the dryer again, she washes my hair, cuts it and drys it and I'm done. 2 hrs. Tuesday was no different. She got the color in my hair and even added a little red to it this time.....she likes to do's my little gift to her....and then I went under the dryer. I usually bring a book to read or crocheting to do. I crocheted this time. When I was done, she told me to go over to get my hair rinsed. I put my bag of yarn away, but leaned over to whisper to her, "I have to use the restroom first. That saliva went right through me!" She laughed of course......kept calling me an old woman!

I went to the little restroom in the back. I had my hair in a shower cap thingy and still had that dang cape on. Hate using the restroom with that on, but I never think of taking it off.....duh~  I thought I'd be quick cuz I just had to pee. Well to my surprise, that's not all I had to doo!~ Do you ever think you are finished, all done wiping, only to find out that there's more? Well there was more. Had to wipe all over again. That's when it dawned on me that I wasn't at school. The toilet at school is one of those industrial, OMG, anything will go down it types. You know.....the type that sounds like a jet engine when it flushes. Well this one wasn't like it. When I realized it, instead of putting the rest of the "used" toilet paper in the toilet, I held it in my hand to be thrown in during the second flush. That's three wipes-ful, if you get my drift. So now I'm done. I've got a bunch of toilet paper in one hand, I'm trying to pull up my underwear with the other, and also trying to flush the toilet. I finally managed, but to my dismay, I clogged the toilet! Oh shit! No pun intended. I needed both my hands, and I couldn't throw the toilet paper in the toilet, so I grabbed some more and put in on the back of the toilet and set the "used" bunch on it. Then I was able to pull up my jeans and button them and then look for a plunger. Nothing! Well, I decided to do what I do at home. I usually wait a little bit, the water goes down a bit, and I flush again and it all goes down. That was my plan. It was a sucky plan! That toilet holds a lot of water. It also overflows a lot of water. I didn't know what to do. On the one hand, I had totally stunk up the bathroom and still had the pile of toilet paper to dispense with. On the other hand, I needed to ask for a plunger. I just stood there. And then I did it. I threw the extra toilet paper in the toilet. Remember's that time! O M G!!!! I was so embarrassed and didn't want to open the door. But that's when I realized that the water was starting to go under the door. I had to get out of there and get Jenny.

I opened the door and poked my head around the corner to get Jenny's attention and no one else. She looked at me and waved me over so she could rinse my hair. I asked her, "Remember when you accidentally colored my hair jet black?" She rolled her eyes cuz I've never let her forget it, "Yes!" I gave her a "look" and said, "We're even!" She immediately knew what I had done. I'm so grateful that she has a sense of humor. She got a mop. It was a weird looking thing and hard as a rock. It wouldn't pick up anything at first. She got me another one and it was the same. Then she gave me the plunger. Well that went over well.....right over the brim! It got to the point where we were both just soaking up the water with towels and squeezing the water into the toilet. That girl is brave. When we got most of the water cleared out, she got a bucket with cleaner in it for the floor. I was all ready to clean, but she wouldn't let me. I really tried to take it away from her. I finally had to give up. I remembered Judi and thought I'd call her and tell her what happened because I didn't stop at school first. Before I left Jenny to go call, I poked my head back into the bathroom and asked her to hurry because I had to go to the bathroom again. She would have hit me if she could have reached me.

As I thought it would, my story had Judi pee'ing her pants laughing. When I hung up the phone, I just sat in my chair waiting for Jenny to be done. When she came around the corner, I about died. She was drenched in sweat. I felt so bad. She looked like I pictured her looking with her hot flashes. At the same time, I was worried because I still had the color in my hair. I was certain I was going to have jet black hair again. Luckily, I didn't. Jenny, on the other hand, couldn't get cooled. She tried to tie a towel around her head like a headband, but it wouldn't stay. She finally got the highlights in my hair and put me under the dryer again. I was reading my book when Jenny came up and sat down next to me. I burst out laughing. She had gotten the towel to stay. She looked hilarious. Then she leaned over and said, "It's all shits and giggles.........until someone giggles and shits!"

~Lovely Jenny~

Thursday, January 26, 2012


by Shirley

Before reading today's blog please make sure you have had your coffee!

Blake's black bike's back brake bracket block broke.

Miss Smith's fish-sauce shop seldom sells shellfish.

Near an ear, a nearer ear, a nearly eerie ear.

Round and round the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran.

But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought.
If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought,
I wouldn't have thought so much.
I see a sea down by the seashore.
But which sea do you see down by the seashore?

A flea and a fly flew up in a flue.
Said the flea, 'Let us fly!'
Said the fly, 'Let us flee!'
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.

Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Spread it thick, say it quick!
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Spread it thicker, say it quicker!
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Don't eat with your mouth full!

Does this shop sport short socks with spots?

No nose knows like a gnome's nose knows.

A tutor who tooted the flute
Tried to tutor two tooters to toot.
Said the two to the tutor:
'Is it harder to toot or
To tutor two tooters to toot?'

Susan shineth shoes and socks;
Socks and shoes shines Susan.
She ceases shining shoes and socks,
For shoes and socks shock Susan.

How many cookies could a good cook cook 
If a good cook could cook cookies? 
A good cook could cook as much cookies 
as a good cook who could cook cookies.

Fresh fried fish,
Fish fresh fried,
Fried fish fresh,
Fish fried fresh.

Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely.

There once was a two toed, she toad, tree toad,
and a three toed, he toad, tree toad....

Clean clams crammed in clean cans.

A cheap ship trip.
A cheap ship trip.
A cheap ship trip.
A cheap ship trip.

If you're keen on stunning kites and cunning stunts,
buy a cunning stunning stunt kite.
Sally is a sheet slitter, she slits sheets. 
Sally is a sheet slitter, she slits sheets. 
Sally is a sheet slitter, she slits sheets.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012


by Zona

Wow..this video is are the athletes in it! I couldn't have done any of these things..even when I was young and in good shape!! My friends used to always ask me to go skydiving, skiing or hang gliding with them...yeah..I can see me doing that!! First I need to learn how to walk without tripping!! I'm probably stating the obvious here..but no extreme sports for me..unless they're on TV!  ;D

Monday, January 23, 2012

~ Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close ~

by Tina~in_ut

Adapted from the acclaimed bestseller by Jonathan Safran Foer, “Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close” is a story that unfolds from inside the young mind of Oskar Schell, an inventive eleven year-old New Yorker whose discovery of a key in his deceased father’s belongings sets him off on an urgent search across the city for the lock it will open. A year after his father died in the World Trade Center on what Oskar calls “The Worst Day,” he is determined to keep his vital connection to the man who playfully cajoled him into confronting his wildest fears. Now, as Oskar crosses the five New York boroughs in quest of the missing lock – encountering an eclectic assortment of people who are each survivors in their own way – he begins to uncover unseen links to the father he misses, to the mother who seems so far away from him and to the whole noisy, dangerous, discombobulating world around him.

The hubby and I went to see this on Sunday afternoon. I have wanted to see it since I first saw the trailer. With Tom Hanks and Sandra Bullock, it had to be good, right? OMG!!! They weren't even a major part of the movie. It was incredible. So So SO good. "It's not a story about September 11th, it's about living every day after." I wouldn't call it a tear jerker. I'd call it a non-stop sob!!! Okay....maybe not non-stop! But I used almost all of my new pack of pink ribbon tissues. My daughter stopped mid-sentence while on a phone call when I walked in the door. "Been crying?" she asked sarcastically. The only thing that kept me from crying through the whole movie was the lady 5 rows down from me. She was sobbing uncontrolably. It made me laugh....until I cried. Did I tell you this movie made me cry? Go see it. It was incredibly touching. GO! NOW!!!!~

Sunday, January 22, 2012


by Just Lin

I saw this group on the Late Show with David Letterman the other night and thought it was quite a catchy tune.  I can't say that I'm a fan of mariachi music but this group is a little different and I found myself tapping my foot and moving to the beat.  I hope you enjoy it, too.

Friday, January 20, 2012

~ Choosing Your Religion ~

by Tina~in_ut

This is as big as I could get it. I hope you can read it. It made me laugh~

Thursday, January 19, 2012

~ Dirty Mind Quiz ~

by Tina~in_ut

Do you have a dirty mind? Take this simple quiz and find out. See if you can determine what is being described in the following ten items:

1. When I go in I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?

2. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?

3. I’m spread before I’m eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes like to lick my nuts. What am I?

4. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me. What am I?

5. All day long it’s in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?

6. I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me you feel good. What am I?

7. If I miss, I hit your bush. It’s my job to stuff your box. When I come, it’s news. What am I?

8. I offer protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I?

9. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I’m called a big swinger. What am I?

10. I’m at least 6 inches long. I leave foamy lubrication when engaged in my job. What am I?
1. a dentist
2. a wedding ring
3. peanut butter
4. bubble gum
5. an elevator
6. a nose
7. the paperboy
8. a glove
9. a crane
10. a toothbrush
How did you score?
All correct – Your mind is as clean as a whistle!
7 – 9 correct – Your mind is still pretty clean. OK to bring you home to meet mom.
4 – 6 correct – You’re average.
1 – 3 correct – Your mind is definitely headed toward the gutter…

Wednesday, January 18, 2012


by Sac Barb

This made me laugh . . just had to share with you.

A group of 15 year old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for
dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Dairy
Queen next to the Ocean View restaurant because they only had $6.00
between them and Jimmy Johnson, that cute boy in Social Studies, lives
on that street and they might see him and they can ride their bikes there.

10 years later, the group of 25 year old girlfriends discussed where
they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they
should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the beer was cheap,
they had free snacks, the band was good, there was no cover and there
were lots of cute guys.

10 years later, at 35 years of age, the group once again discussed
where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that
they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the cosmos were
good, it was right near the gym and if they go late enough, there
wouldn't be too many whiny little kids.

10 years later, at 45 years of age, the group once again discussed
where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that
they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the martinis were
big, and the waiters there had tight pants and nice buns.

10 years later, at 55 years of age, the group once again discussed
where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed they should
meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food there was
reasonable, the wine list was good, they had windows that open in case
of a hot flash, and fish is good for your cholesterol.

10 years later, at 65 years of age, the group once again discussed
where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they
should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because lighting was good and
they have an early bird special.

10 years later, at 75 years of age, the group once again discussed
where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they
should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because food was not too
spicy, the restaurant was handicapped accessible and they even had an

10 years later, at 85 years of age, the group once again discussed
where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they
should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been
there before.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

~ Women's Golf Terms ~

by Tina~in_ut

2 women talking about a 3rd, who isn’t there to defend herself.

Time to get our nails done again.

Double Bogie
"Casablanca" followed by "African Queen".

Splitting the bill when the girls go to lunch.

Good lie
Weight on our driver’s license.

Lunch we eat when you’d really prefer a cheeseburger.

What men need to learn to do their own shirts.

Getting a man to understand, well, pretty much anything.

No thanks…just a small portion.

The children’s grandfather.

Another attractive female golfer.

Where you can find a ball.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Sunday, January 15, 2012


by Zona

Randy and I went to see "Mission Impossible: The Ghost Protocol" today. One of the videos they played before the movie was "Wepa" by Gloria Estefan...I was be-boppin' in my seat...I'd never heard it before and I just loved it. I don't think you can listen to this and not want to get up and dance! Oh...and I really liked the movie too! :)

Saturday, January 14, 2012

~ Absolutely NUTZ!!! ~

by Tina~in_ut

My daughter is "in love" with Kelly Slater. She lives and breathes Kelly. Even her gingerbread house had "Kelly" spelled out on its roof!  She wants to marry him. Who cares if he's married with children!! She's been watching the surf reports in Hawaii to see if "the Eddie" is on, so she knows when Kelly will be there. She wants to go when he does. She completely flipped out when she found out her Principal and his wife used to live next door to him. She called me screaming from school a couple of days ago when said Principal gave her his autographed, framed, freaking huge picture of Kelly. Well, I just saw this video and thought of "Kelly"~  Here's the info I found along with the video:

This day at Teahupoo- Aug 27th 2011 during the Billabong Pro waiting period is what many are calling the biggest and gnarliest Teahupoo ever ridden. Chris Bryan was fortunate enough to be there working for Billabong on a day that will go down in the history of big wave surfing. The French Navy labeled this day a double code red prohibiting and threatening to arrest anyone that entered the water.
Kelly Slater described the day by saying "witnessing this was a draining feeling being terrified for other people's lives all day long, it's life or death. Letting go of that rope one time can change your life and not many people will ever experience that in their life."
All images where shot by Chris Bryan using the Phantom HD Gold camera.

Probably the best way to view this video is full screen~  ijs~

Friday, January 13, 2012

More Men Stuff

by Sac Barb


If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.


When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.


A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.


A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.


A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.


A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.


Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.


Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Carolyn Scott & Rookie

by Zona

I love watching these routines..they are so dang cute. Can you imagine me training Nikki to do this? LOL! Neither can I!! :D

Wednesday, January 11, 2012


by SacBarb

Men Are Just Happier People --
What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough...
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Some Guys Have All The Luck

by Zona

I love Rod Stewart. I love his music..his voice..his smile..his personality. I've been listening to him since I was a teenager and I can't think of a single song of his that I don't like. I really think it's the video that makes this song one of my very favorites. I hope you like it as much as I do. btw..I also love his red sneakers..js..  :D

Saturday, January 7, 2012


by Dianne

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
'Big breaths,' . . . I instructed.
'Yes, they used to be,' . . . replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes ,
Seattle , WA

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
I asked, 'How long have you
been bedridden?'
After a look of complete confusion she answered . . .
'Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-
Corvallis , OR

I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . . 'So how's your breakfast this morning?'                                                          
     'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste,' Bob replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced
A foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf,

A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room
when a young woman with purple hair styled
into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety
of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing,
entered . . . It was quickly determined
that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.. 
When she was completely disrobed on the operating
table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had
been dyed green and above it there was a
tattoo that read . . . 'Keep off the grass.'

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon
wrote a short note on the patient's dressing,
which said 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'

Submitted by RN no name,
AND FINALLY!!! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB.
I was quite embarrassed when performing female
pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment
I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.

The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me.
I looked up from my work and sheepishly said. . .
'I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'
She replied with tears running down
her cheeks from laughing so hard . . .

'No doctor but the song you were whistling was . . .
'I wish I was an Oscar Mayer Wiener.'

Dr. wouldn't submit his name....
Baby's First Doctor Visit
This made me laugh out loud.
I hope it will give you a smile!

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the
doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed, ' she replied..
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'
I know, 'she said, 'I'm his Grandma,

But I'm glad I came'

Friday, January 6, 2012


by Maureen

When I started watching the CHiPs videos, I posed the question of which Chippy was your favorite...Ponch or Baker? So I started thinking about other old favorites.
Which group was your favorite...The Cowsills or The Partridge Family?
I preferred the Cowsills music but still enjoyed watching the Partridge Family.
Who did you like better...David Cassidy or Donny Osmond or Bobby Sherman?
My fav was Bobby Sherman, but I did join the Donny Osmond fan club and he sent me a postcard!
Who was your favorite Monkey?
Mine was Peter Tork because all my friends 'LOVED' Davey Jones.
Who was your favorite Beatle?
I always liked Ringo the best...maybe because he was kinda odd!
Who was your favorite Brat Packer...Judd Nelson, Rob Lowe, Andrew McCarthy or Emilio Estevez?
Andrew McCarthy, Andrew McCarthy, Andrew McCarthy!!! Can you guess who mine was? LOL!
Who was your favorite Brady?
Peter...especially the episode where his voice cracks!! Couldn't stand Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!
Who is your favorite Bridges brother...Beau or Jeff?
Jeff...still a hottie!
Who is your favorite 3 Men and a Baby...Ted Danson, Tom Selleck or Steve Guttenberg?
I liked Steve Guttenberg the best.
Who is your favorite Owl?
LOL!!! I plead the 5th! You're all my favorite!
And, for you moms...who's your favorite child!! bwahahahaha
Do you have any other classic rivalries to include? Play along!

Thursday, January 5, 2012

The difference between Grandpas and Grandmas

by Dianne

Have you ever wondered what the difference is between grandmothers and grandfathers? Well, here it is:

There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his daughter's family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take his 7-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time--just him and his granddaughter. One particular Saturday, however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel like being up at all. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be disappointed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter for the drive. When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather, who was still in bed. "Well, did you enjoy your ride with Grandma?" he asked. "Oh,yes, Pap Pap, it was really wonderful. We didn't see a single asshole, piece of crap, horse's ass, blind bastard, dip shit, or son of a bitch anywhere we went!" Almost brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it? 

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

NEW Ohio Law: Beware!

by Maureen

The Ohio Highway Patrol are cracking down on speeders heading towards and into the city of Cleveland. For the first offense, they give you two Cleveland Browns tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.

Q. What do you call 47 millionaires sitting around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
The Cleveland Browns .

Q. What do the
Cleveland Browns and Billy Graham have in common?
A. They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell 'Jesus Christ . '

Q. How do you keep a
Cleveland Brown out of your yard?
A. Put up a goal post.

Q. What do you call a
Cleveland Brown with a Super Bowl ring?
A. A thief.

Q. What's the difference between the
Cleveland Browns and a dollar bill?
A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q. How many
Cleveland Browns does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A. Nobody knows and we may never find out!

Q. What do the
Cleveland Browns and a possum have in common?
A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
So sad, but so true!

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

"This Is My Story" - Ben Breedlove Flash Card Video

by Michael

After cheating death three times, Ben Breedlove, 18, finally lost his life on Christmas night after suffering from a heart attack.

But not before he recorded videos of his life and near-death experiences and how at peace he felt when he believed he was leaving the world.

The Austin teenager had a life-threatening heart condition he fought every day as he was growing up.

He had a near death experience when he was four, fourteen and then less than a month ago.

In the video, he shares these experiences, including the bright light that brought him peace the first time around.

Talking about the white light he saw in the hospital when he was four he wrote: 'I couldn't take my eyes off it, and I couldn't help but smile. I had no worries at all, like nothing else in the world mattered.'

It was in his last YouTube video, uploaded on December 18, that he made the heartbreaking video, using a series of flash cards to talk about growing up with the heart problem.

He revealed he regrets not being like everyone else: 'I was never allowed to play sports that my friends did. It kinda sucks that I missed out on that part of my life.'

Death drifted close during a routine tonsil surgery this summer. And at school Dec. 6, Breedlove again nearly died.

His vision then was detailed: Dressed in a suit, he stood in a white room with a mirror but no walls. Accompanied only by Kid Cudi, his favorite rapper, Breedlove felt a sense of pride for everything he'd accomplished in his life.

"It was the BEST feeling," he wrote in one of the signs.

Kid Cudi placed a hand on the teen's shoulder, and he heard his favorite track by the rapper, one with the lyrics: "When will the fantasy end? When will heaven begin?"

The rapper posted this message on his blog after hearing of Ben's death: 'I am so sad about Ben Breedlove. I watched the video he left for the world to see, and him seeing me in detail, in his vision really warmed my heart. 

'I broke down... To Ben’s family, you raised a real hero, he’s definitely mine. You have my love.'

That time, Breedlove wrote, he did not want to be revived.

An emergency responder who brought the teen back said he was smiling before he was resuscitated, said John Burke, a pastor at Gateway Church.

Watching the teen's video after his death, Kid Cudi "broke down," the rapper wrote on his blog.
Ally Breedlove, Ben's sister, sought to impart the meaning of her brother's message to hundreds of family and friends gathered at the church.

"Today is a celebration of the joy Ben brought to our lives," she said, "and it's also a chance to find truth in the message that he left for us."

At the end of Breedlove's video, he holds up two final signs. The first asks, "Do you believe in Angels or God?"

The second says, "I Do."

Burke, the pastor, asked mourners to consider the video's impact.

"Just think about the gift that Ben has left millions of people all over the world," he said. "He put thought into that last video."

Monday, January 2, 2012

Church Ladies with Typewriters

 by Maureen

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. 


Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you. 


Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. 


Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. 


For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. 


Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. 


Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. 


A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.. 


At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice. 


Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. 


Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. 


Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.. 


The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. 


Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. 


The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. 


This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. 


Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. 


Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door. 


The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. 


Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. 


The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:
'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.