Pages

Thursday, February 28, 2013

THE NEW ALPHABET

by Dianne


A is for apple, and B is for boat, That used to be right, 

but now it won't float! Age before beauty is what we once 

said, But let's be a bit more realistic instead.
 
Now The Alphabet:
 
A's
for arthritis; B's the bad back, C's the chest


pains, perhaps car-di-ac?

D
is for dental decay and decline, E is for eyesight, can't


read that top line! F is for fluid retention, G is for gut 

droop, which I'd rather not mention.

H
high blood pressure--I'd rather it low; I for incisions with


scars you can show. J is for joints, out of socket, won't 

mend, K is for knees that crack when they bend. L 's for

libido, what happened to sex? M is for memory, I forget

what comes next. N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;

 O is for osteo, bones that don't grow!

P
for prescriptions, I have quite a few, just give me a pill


and I'll be good as new! Qis for queasy, is it fatal or flu?  

R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.

S
is for sleepless nights, counting my fears, T is for


Tinnitus; bells in my ears! U is for urinary; troubles with

flow; V for vertigo, that's 'dizzy,' you know..
 
W
for worry, now what's going 'round? X is for X ray, and


what might be found. Yfor another year I'm left here behind,

 Z is for zest I still have-- in my mind!
 

I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed,
And I'm keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed! 

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

FLU SEASON

by Mary

To avoid it...

Eat right! 

Make sure you get your daily dose of fruit and veggies.
 

Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.

Get plenty of exercise because it builds your immune system.  

Walk for at least an hour a day, go for a swim,

take the stairs instead of the lift, etc.

Wash your hands often.
If you can't, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.


Get lots of fresh air.
Open doors & windows whenever possible.  


Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can. 

Get plenty of rest.
  

OR
Take the doctor's approach.
 


Think about it...
When you go for a flu jab, what do they do first?

They clean your arm with alcohol...

Why?
 


Because Alcohol KILLS GERMS.
So........



I walk to the pub. (exercise)

I put lime in my vodka...(fruit)

Celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies)

Drink outdoors on the patio..(fresh air)

Tell jokes and laugh....(eliminate stress)

Then I pass out. (rest)


The way I see it...

 
 



If you keep your alcohol levels up,
  

flu germs can't get you!
 
REMEMBER:
'A shot in the glass
is better than one in the ass!'





 

 












 
 

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Snow Sculpture Contest in Colorado

by Dianne
  

The annual Snow Sculpture contest in Breckenridge, Colorado, attracts contestants from all over the world. 

Talk About A "Snow Job"...!!!!

















Monday, February 25, 2013

1950's Generation Gap

by Dianne

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1957 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue. He arrived at her house and rang the bell.

"Oh, come on in!" Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in. "Have a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? Iced tea?"
"Iced tea, please," Fred said. Mom brought the iced tea.
"So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?" she asked.
"Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the malt shop, maybe take a walk on the beach..."
"Peggy likes to screw, you know," Mom informed him.
"Uh...really?" Fred replied, with raised eyebrows.
"Oh, yes!" the mother continued. "When she goes out with her friends, that's all they do!"
"Is that so?" asked Fred, incredulous.
"Yes," said the mother. "As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!"
"Well, thanks for the tip," Fred said as he began thinking about alternate plans for the evening.
A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture wearing a pink blouse and full circle skirt, and with her
hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail. She greeted Fred.
"Have fun, kids," the mother said as they left.
Half an hour later, a completely disheveled Peggy Sue burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her.
"It’s the Twist, mom!" she angrily yelled at her mother.  "The damned dance is called the Twist!"

Saturday, February 23, 2013

The Geography of a Woman and a Man

by Mary

The Geography of a Woman:

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.



The Geography of a Man:


Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran,
ruled by a pair of nuts.

THE END

Friday, February 22, 2013

Try To Guess.....

by Dianne


Try to guess in the first few frames what this is made from ... before you can see at the end.
 





 Flip flops!!




  
3,604 cups of coffee which have been made into a giant Mona Lisa painting in Sydney, Australia. The 3,604 cups of coffee were each filled with different amounts of milk to create the different tones and shades !

 

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Bob's Wedding Night

by Dianne


    Robert , 85,  married Jenny,
    a lovely 25 year old . . .
   
    Since her new husband is so old,
    Jenny decides that after their wed- 
    ding she and Robert should have
    separate bedrooms, because she
    is concerned that her new but aged
    husband may over-exert himself
  if
    they spend the entire night together.
   

 
    After the wedding festivities Jenny
    prepares herself for bed and 
    the expected knock on the door.
    Sure enough the knock comes, 
    the door opens  and there is Robert,
    her 85 year old groom, ready
    for action. They unite as one.  All
    goes well, Robert takes leave of
    his bride, and she prepares to go
    to sleep.  

 
    After a few minutes, Jenny hears
    another knock on her bedroom  
    door, and it's Robert,  Again he is
    ready for more 'action'. Somewhat
    surprised, Jenny consents for more
    coupling. When the newly weds are
    done, Robert kisses his bride, bids
    her a fond good night and leaves.  

 
    She is set to go to sleep again, but,
    aha, you guessed it Robert is  back
    again, rapping on the door and is as
    fresh as a 25 - year - old,  ready for
    more  'action'. And, once more they
    enjoy each other.  

 
    But as Robert gets set to leave again,
    his young bride says to him, 'I am  
    thoroughly impressed that at your  
    age you can perform so well and so
    often.  I have been with guys less   
    than a third of your age who were  
    only good once. You are truly a great
    lover, Robert.'  

 
    Robert, somewhat embarrassed, turns
    to Jenny and says:
    'You mean I was here already?' 
 
      
 
The  moral  of  the  story: 
 
     Don't be afraid of getting old
     Alzheimer's has its advantages.