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Friday, April 20, 2018

The Parrot

by Dianne

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to ‘clean up’ the bird’s vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and said “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.”

John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly, “May I ask what the turkey did?”

Saturday, April 7, 2018

Irish Compassion

by Dianne

 Shortly after take-off on an outbound evening Air Lingus flight 
       from Dublin to Boston,
 the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful 
announcement in her lovely Irish brogue:

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry,
but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up 
by our catering service.
I don't know how this has happened, but we have 
103 passengers on board,
and unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner meals.
I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience.
       
When the muttering of the passengers had died down, 
she continued,
"Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that 
someone else can eat
Will receive free, unlimited drinks for the duration of our 
5 hour flight.

Her next announcement came about 2 hours later:
"If anyone is hungry, we still have 40 dinners available.