Pages

Friday, April 29, 2011

~ Love You 4 ~

by Tina~in_ut

A couple of years ago, I tried to turn Jodi's dad into a Catholic.  He was cute about it.  He said that the Papal robes were too large, too much.  I thought he had a great sense of humor.  I wrote him a long e-mail trying to convince him to convert.  I know I was close, but no cigar~

How do you tell someone like Jodi how much you wish you could be there for her?  Jodi......the one who is always there with a song, a call, a smile, a laugh.....whatever you need.  We talked after the wake and luckily she sounded good. 

She told me about some of her dad's sayings, "Don-isms" which will be part of the eulogy:

"a fartin' horse will never tire, a fartin' man's the man to hire"

When talking about how thin he was:
"well a good rooster never gets fat"

When Jodi would say, "You have a good day, Dad!"
"they're all good"

Jodi, your dad is now with your mom and brother, dancing and laughing.  Please know that although most of us cannot be there in person, we are thinking of you and praying for you and your entire family today.

Love you 4~  

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Signs of the Times

by Jodi


Reminder for tomorrow.

Royal Apathy.

Stuck at your job.

Same title and salary.


Certificate of uselessness.

Royally annoyed.

Keeping the boss miserable.

 Newspaper headline inadvertently creates new Asian stereotype.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Teachers & Cops

by Maureen

These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded (but, boy, are these funny!)
 
1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
 
2. I would not allow this student to breed.
 
3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
 
4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. (my favorite...)
 
5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
 
6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
 
7. This child has been working with glue too much.
 
8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
 
9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming..
 
10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
 
11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.
 
12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.

 
These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers. The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:
 
1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
 
2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
 
3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
 
4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
 
5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."  (LOVE IT) 
 
6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"  (MY FAVORITE) 
 
7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
 
8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
 
9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
 
10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
 
11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
 
12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC."  (National Crime Information Center) 
 
13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
 
14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
 
15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
 
AND THE WINNER IS....
 
16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.. Sign here."

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Car Sex

by Mary


This photographer must have used a very powerful lens to be able to photograph this scene.


Check out the pictures - one by one
.






What did you expect to see ????? Yup, you're as sick & twisted as I am!  I  was straining my eyeballs to try & see through the back window too!  

Monday, April 25, 2011

The Hillbilly Vasectomy

by Dianne

No offense meant to any state in the below joke:
 

After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, but they could not afford a larger bed.

 So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.
 
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. 'A less costly alternative,' said the doctor, 'is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can(COORS), then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.' 
The Alabamian said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.'
 
'Trust me,' said the doctor.
 
So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can.

He held the can up to his ear and began to count!

 
'1'
'2'
'3'
'4'
'5'

( you'll love this...)

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.
 
This procedure also works in Tennessee , Kentucky , Louisiana ,Arkansas, Mississippi , Parts of Georgia,  Missouri, West Virginia , AND All of Washington DC.


Sunday, April 24, 2011

~ Happy Easter ~

by Tina~in_ut



I love this song!  It's Easter to me.....maybe not this version, but I like it~ I couldn't find one with Ricky Martin singing it!  I tried~  I think I'll send this link to my mother......she'll just die!~ lol~

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Title

by Zona


Every Easter, each department at Mr. Z's workplace puts together an Easter basket. The baskets are then sold and the proceeds go to Children's Miracle Network. Last night we went to Target to find some toys and candy to put in his department's basket. I was looking at the jelly beans when I heard a voice say.."I have to tell you something..now..you have to listen to me ok?" I looked over my shoulder and a little boy..he was about 9 or so..was looking very seriously at his little sister. Their mom was pushing a cart and didn't seem to be paying too much attention to what was being said. The little girl..who was probably 5 or 6 said "Ohhkaay". Her brother pointed at her and said, "Now listen..you have to listen to what I'm telling you....there is no Easter Bunny...mommy buys all the candy and puts it in the baskets.." The little girl just looked at him..stunned..and their mother stopped moving. I stood there thinking 'uh-oh'. The little girl looked up at her mother and with panic in her voice said..."Mommy??..Mommy?" Mom stood stock still..a bag of candy in her hand. The little boy grabbed his mother's arm and said "Tell her the truth..you know you have to tell her the truth Mommy...so tell her..." It looked as if the little girl was going to cry..and her voice wavered as she said.."Mommy?...Mommy?" Their mother turned the cart around and started to walk to another aisle..she still hadn't said a word..her son walked beside her repeating.."You have to tell the truth..you know you have to.." while his sister just kept saying "Mommy?". I felt so bad for that child...and I wish I had been able to walk over and comfort her somehow. I wonder what her mother finally told her? Do you remember when you learned that there was no Easter Bunny..or Tooth Fairy..or Santa Claus..or are they still just as real to you in your heart?
 

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Playing the Tuba

by Jodi


As part of my son’s 5th grade band class, he had to teach a parent how to play the tuba.  We were told that if both parents were equally adept at playing a musical instrument, fake it!!  Well, I don’t know how adept my hubby is, but I was the willing guinea pig!

I’ve had a blast learning a few basics on the Tuba.  When I first told Jake that I would take lessons, I thought this would be a “snap”.  Boy was I wrong!!

Jake was very patient with me.  I had to dig deep and remember how to breathe properly and push using my diaphragm.  He was especially helpful in making me realize my embouchure was all wrong.  A world of difference compared to playing the French Horn!!

I’m so proud of Jake!  He has really come a long way these short few months that he has been playing.  My wish is that he continues playing.  He truly has talent!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Widdle Wabbit

by Dianne 

         A precious little girl walks into a PetSmart shop and asks,
 
in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth,  "Excuthe me,
 
mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"

As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that

 
he's on her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit,
 
or a thoft and fuwwy, bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle 
  
bwown wabbit over there?"   

 
She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her 
hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice, 
"I don't think my python weally gives a thit."
 

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

~ Happy Passover ~

by Tina~in_ut


My sister showed me this video!  She laughed and laughed while I watched it....as if she'd never seen it before!

Monday, April 18, 2011

THE DAY I WAS DOPEY

by Just Lin


About a month ago, I met one of my step-daughters for lunch.  I arrived at the restaurant before her and I really had to use the bathroom.  I asked the hostess where the woman's room was and she pointed me in the right direction.  I headed straight to the restroom and rushed through the door.  This is how my mind worked for the two seconds it took me to rush through the door and start entering the nearest stall:
"God, I've got to pee.  That's a weird little sink.  Why is it so low?  It's very shiny and clean.  Why does the drain have a cover on it?  Oh, it's a bidet.  A bidet?  That's weird.  I've never seen a bidet in a public restroom before.  Right out here in the open?  No privacy?  Ha ha ha!  That would be awkward.  No, it's not a bidet.  It's so low.  It must be a urinal for the little boys that their mom's bring in here.  Okay.  Entering stall.  Clean toilet.  Wait!  Did I ever look at the restroom door before I came in?  No?  Crap!" 
I high-tailed it out of there, looked at the front of the door and, sure enough, I'd been in the men's room.
So, that was the day I was Dopey.  I still laugh when I think of my irrational thought that there was a bidet in a pubic restroom.  Can you imagine walking into a restroom and seeing some woman cleaning herself on a bidet?  OMG!  Talk about awkward! 
Anyway, there are aspects to every one of the dwarves that I can relate to.  I'm definitely Grouchy when I see how messy my son is.  I've even been Snow White a time or two.  Which dwarf have you been the most like recently?

Sunday, April 17, 2011

~ Tal Vez ~

by Tina~in_ut


You thought I was kidding about April being Ricky month, didn't you?~

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Eva Wonder Girl

by LynnD


It is a wonder how far Eva has come! She is now 3 months old and making so much progress that we are having a hard time keeping up. She is the light around here and everyone who meets her cannot resist her smile. I am sharing with those of you who have sent your prayers, positive thoughts and support. I sometimes think of her as our nest baby. Thank you and bless you all.

Friday, April 15, 2011

~ Men Are Pigs ~

by Tina~in_ut

Living in Utah means that I never find out anything that is happening with my family until I go back to California.  Never fails, every time I go back, they have something to tell me!  Actually, they think I already know because "so-and-so" must have told you......and no one has!

This time, my sister picked me up at the airport and starts off with, "You know about Julianne, right?"  "Huh? What are you talking about?"  "She's getting a divorce!"  "WWWWHHHHHAAAAATTTTTT?????!!!!!"

My Mom and my aunt each have 4 kids.  We are all about the same age as one person in my aunt's family.  My sister and Julianne are 2 months apart and the best of friends.  Except for the last year.  Julianne has been really distant and my sister didn't know why. 

You have to realize.  You think I'm Catholic.  This entire family, my aunt and uncle, the 4 kids, their spouses and their kids.......freaking OMG Catholic to the bone!  I really cannot fathom anyone in the family getting a divorce, let alone sweet Julianne.  She and Kevin have 2 kids, and the youngest one, Michael, had been so so so sick as a toddler.  He spent a lot of time in the hospital and was regularly on chemo.  He didn't have cancer, but what he did have was treated as if he did.  It made the family closer. 

Kevin, who I never liked, but kept my mouth shut about, was so freaking Catholic, that he quit his job as an accountant with an architect firm and went to work for the Diocese.  He was so excited to be working for the church!  My hubby warned him, though, that it wasn't all that he thought it would be.  He also joined some men's groups at church with his brothers-in-law.  Although some family members couldn't figure out what Julianne saw in him, we all welcomed him into the family.  He was socially awkward and just geeky looking.  We soon found out that he was the type that expected his woman to serve him and wait on him hand and foot.  To keep the peace, she did!  At family parties, though, all of us would tell him to get his own food or take care of his own kids.  We saw what was going on.

So when my sister said they were getting divorced, I was flabbergasted!  I was just a tad happy, but stunned!  She told me that they had been in counseling for a year and that Kevin didn't want to go anymore.  Julianne tried to work it out, and he just wanted to go back to the way it was.  Finally, two weeks ago, she kicked him out.  The funny (not so funny) thing is.....he's living at his mother's house......which is about five houses down!!!!  The boys were upset about the divorce, but didn't even notice for a week that he was gone! 

So I talked to my mother when I got to their house and we agreed about pretty much everything.  She went into the house with my sister and left me with my dad.  I finally asked him what he thought about the whole thing.  He made absolutely no sense at all.  He was blaming some girl.  I thought he was blaming Julianne, but what he was saying didn't add up!  Finally it dawned on me and I ran into the house yelling.  My sister rolled her eyes and yelled, "DAD!!!"  She didn't want to tell me that Kevin had an affair!  KEVIN!!!!  I couldn't imagine Julianne doing him, let alone someone else!  WTC!!!!!!!!!!!!!  He had an affair a year ago and she figured it out and told no one but her parents.  She tried to work it out, and he was a typical ass about it.  He is even now telling her that they should keep lawyers out of it!  Of course, we all told her to get two.  She did!  Men are pigs!  Even church going, Catholic geeks!!!!!~  What is this world coming to?~

Whew!  Okay, I feel better now.  Thanks for listening~

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Spring Grooming

by Jodi
It's that time of year.  That's right, time for spring grooming.  Don't be shy.  Just follow the lead of Mrs. Brown!!
p.s.  Slin....it's a good thing you've had your procedure....ijs ♥

Monday, April 11, 2011

Reply All

by Bonachichi


I don’t know why I think this will make a good blog. It’s an advert. But it’s hilarious!

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Saturday, April 9, 2011

A Sweet Irish Story

by Dianne


Mrs. Donovan was walking down the street in Dublin when  she met up with Father O'Flaherty.

The Father said, 'Top o' the mornin' to ye!  Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer hoosband two years ago?'

She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.'

The Father asked, 'And be there any wee little ones yet?'  

She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.'

The Father said, 'Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a fertility candle for ye and yer hoosband.'

She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father...'  and they parted ways..

Twelve years later they met again. The Father asked,  'Well now, Mrs.  Donovan,  how are ye these days?' She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!' The Father asked, 'And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?'

She replied, 'Oh yes, Father! There be two sets of twins and six others, ten in all!'

The Father said, 'That's wonderful! And where is yer loving hoosband now?'

She replied, 'E's gone to Rome, to blow out yer fookin' candle!'

Friday, April 8, 2011

Laugh for the day.....a girl can dream ♥

by Jodi

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair eating a snack cake while her dad gets his hair cut. The barber says to her, 'Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie.' She says, 'Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too.'

Thursday, April 7, 2011

~ Why did the chicken cross the road?...some celebrated answers ~

by Tina~in_ut

SARAH PALIN:  The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!
      
 
BARACK OBAMA:  Let me be clear, the chicken crossed the road because it was time for change!  The chicken wanted change!Real change! Change he could believe in!
      
 
JOHN McCAIN:  My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
      
 
HILLARY CLINTON:  When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure, right from Day One, that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.
      
 
GEORGE W. BUSH:  We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not.  The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.
      
 DICK CHENEY:  Where's my gun?

 
COLIN POWELL:  Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
      
 
BILL CLINTON:  I did not cross the road with that chicken.
      
 
AL GORE:  I invented the chicken.
      
 
JOHN KERRY:  Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
      
 
AL SHARPTON:  Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
      
 
DR. PHIL:  The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.
      
 
OPRAH:  Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
      
 
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN:  We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
      
 
NANCY GRACE:  That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
      
 
PAT BUCHANAN:  To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
      
 
MARTHA STEWART:  No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
      
 
DR SEUSS:  Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
      
 
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:  To die in the rain, alone.
 
     
 JERRY FALWELL:
  Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, That chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the Liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.
      
 
GRANDPA:  In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
      
 
BARBARA WALTERS:  Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish it's lifelong dream of crossing the road.
      
 
ARISTOTLE:  It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
      
 
JOHN LENNON:  Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
      
 
BILL GATES:  I have just released eChicken2011, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2011.  This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.
      
 
ALBERT EINSTEIN:  Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
 
     
 COLONEL SANDERS:
  Did I miss one?

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Don't Cut Government Spending

by Bonachichi

I keep seeing posts on FB about how cutting government spending is a bad thing. Do people take the time to look further than the journalistic propaganda in order to see whether what’s being shoved down your throats is true or false? Below is a list of government agencies, funded by California taxpayers. Many of them overlap. Many are special interest only. Many don’t really do anything. I for one, am tired of paying for something that exists yet does nothing. I’m not saying we don’t need some of them, but what’s the difference between the California Bay-Delta Authority and the California Bay-Delta Office? Why are California Business Agency, California Business Investment Services (CalBIS), California Business Permit Information (CalGOLD) and California Business Portal separate entities? Read the list. I dare you. If you don’t live and pay taxes in California, no worries. Every state has agencies like these. And the Fed has even more.



California Academic Performance Index (API) * California Access for Infants and Mothers * California Acupuncture Board * California Administrative Office of the Courts * California Adoptions Branch * California African American Museum * California Agricultural Export Program * California Agricultural Labor Relations Board * California Agricultural Statistics Service * California Air Resources Board (CARB) * California Allocation Board * California Alternative Energy and Advanced Transportation Financing Authority * California Animal Health and Food Safety Services * California Anti-Terrorism Information Center * California Apprenticeship Council * California Arbitration Certification Program * California Architects Board * California Area VI Developmental Disabilities Board * California Arts Council * California Asian Pacific Islander Legislative Caucus * California Assembly Democratic Caucus * California Assembly Republican Caucus * California Athletic Commission * California Attorney General * California Bay Conservation and Development Commission * California Bay-Delta Authority * California Bay-Delta Office * California Biodiversity Council * California Board for Geologists and Geophysicists * California Board for Professional Engineers and Land Surveyors * California Board of Accountancy * California Board of Barbering and Cosmetology * California Board of Behavioral Sciences * California Board of Chiropractic Examiners * California Board of Equalization (BOE) * California Board of Forestry and Fire Protection * California Board of Guide Dogs for the Blind * California Board of Occupational Therapy * California Board of Optometry * California Board of Pharmacy * California Board of Podiatric Medicine * California Board of Prison Terms * California Board of Psychology * California Board of Registered Nursing * California Board of Trustees * California Board of Vocational Nursing and Psychiatric Technicians * Cal! Ifornia Braille and Talking Book Library * California Building Standards Commission * California Bureau for Private Postsecondary and Vocational Education * California Bureau of Automotive Repair * California Bureau of Electronic and Appliance Repair * California Bureau of Home Furnishings and Thermal Insulation * California Bureau of Naturopathic Medicine * California Bureau of Security and Investigative Services * California Bureau of State Audits * California Business Agency * California Business Investment Services (CalBIS) * California Business Permit Information (CalGOLD) * California Business Portal * California Business, Transportation and Housing Agency * California Cal Grants * California CalJOBS * California Cal-Learn Program * California CalVet Home Loan Program * California Career Resource Network * California Cemetery and Funeral Bureau * California Center for Analytical Chemistry * California Center for Distributed Learning * California Center for Teaching Careers (Teach California) * California Chancellors Office * California Charter Schools * California Children and Families Commission * California Children and Family Services Division * California Citizens Compensation Commission * California Civil Rights Bureau * California Coastal Commission * California Coastal Conservancy * California Code of Regulations * California Collaborative Projects with UC Davis * California Commission for Jobs and Economic Growth * California Commission on Aging * California Commission on Health and Safety and Workers Compensation * California Commission on Judicial Performance * California Commission on State Mandates * California Commission on Status of Women * California Commission on Teacher Credentialing * California Commission on the Status of Women * California Committee on Dental Auxiliaries * California Community Colleges Chancellors Office, Junior Colleges * California Community Colleges Chancellors Office * California Complaint Mediation Program * California Conservation Corps * California Constitution R! Evision Commission * California Consumer Hotline * California Consumer Information Center * California Consumer Information * California Consumer Services Division * California Consumers and Families Agency * California Contractors State License Board * California Corrections Standards Authority * California Council for the Humanities * California Council on Criminal Justice * California Council on Developmental Disabilities * California Court Reporters Board * California Courts of Appeal * California Crime and Violence Prevention Center * California Criminal Justice Statistics Center * California Criminalist Institute Forensic Library * California CSGnet Network Management * California Cultural and Historical Endowment * California Cultural Resources Division * California Curriculum and Instructional Leadership Branch * California Data Exchange Center * California Data Management Division * California Debt and Investment Advisory Commission * California Delta Protection Commission * California Democratic Caucus * California Demographic Research Unit * California Dental Auxiliaries * California Department of Aging * California Department of Alcohol and Drug Programs * California Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control Appeals Board * California Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control * California Department of Boating and Waterways (Cal Boating) * California Department of Child Support Services (CDCSS) * California Department of Community Services and Development * California Department of Conservation * California Department of Consumer Affairs * California Department of Corporations * California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation * California Department of Developmental Services * California Department of Education * California Department of Fair Employment and Housing * California Department of Finance * California Department of Financial Institutions * California Department of Fish and Game * California Department of Food and Agriculture * California Department of Forestry and Fire Protection (CD! F) * California Department of General Services * California Department of General Services, Office of State Publishing * California Department of Health Care Services * California Department of Housing and Community Development * California Department of Industrial Relations (DIR) * California Department of Insurance * California Department of Justice Firearms Division * California Department of Justice Opinion Unit * California Department of Justice, Consumer Information, Public Inquiry Unit * California Department of Justice * California Department of Managed Health Care * California Department of Mental Health * California Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) * California Department of Personnel Administration * California Department of Pesticide Regulation * California Department of Public Health * California Department of Real Estate * California Department of Rehabilitation * California Department of Social Services Adoptions Branch * California Department of Social Services * California Department of Technology Services Training Center (DTSTC) * California Department of Technology Services (DTS) * California Department of Toxic Substances Control * California Department of Transportation (Caltrans) * California Department of Veterans Affairs (CalVets) * California Department of Water Resources * California Departmento de Vehiculos Motorizados * California Digital Library * California Disabled Veteran Business Enterprise Certification Program * California Division of Apprenticeship Standards * California Division of Codes and Standards * California Division of Communicable Disease Control * California Division of Engineering * California Division of Environmental and Occupational Disease Control * California Division of Gambling Control * California Division of Housing Policy Development * California Division of Labor Standards Enforcement * California Division of Labor Statistics and Research * California Division of Land and Right of Way * California Division of Land Resource Protection * California Divisi! on of Law Enforcement General Library * California Division of Measurement Standards * California Division of Mines and Geology * California Division of Occupational Safety and Health (Cal/OSHA) * California Division of Oil, Gas and Geothermal Resources * California Division of Planning and Local Assistance * California Division of Recycling * California Division of Safety of Dams * California Division of the State Architect * California Division of Tourism * California Division of Workers Compensation Medical Unit * California Division of Workers Compensation * California Economic Assistance, Business and Community Resources * California Economic Strategy Panel * California Education and Training Agency * California Education Audit Appeals Panel * California Educational Facilities Authority * California Elections Division * California Electricity Oversight Board * California Emergency Management Agency * California Emergency Medical Services Authority * California Employment Development Department (EDD) * California Employment Information State Jobs * California Employment Training Panel * California Energy Commission * California Environment and Natural Resources Agency * California Environmental Protection Agency (Cal/EPA) * California Environmental Resources Evaluation System (CERES) * California Executive Office * California Export Laboratory Services * California Exposition and State Fair (Cal Expo) * California Fair Political Practices Commission * California Fairs and Expositions Division * California Film Commission * California Fire and Resource Assessment Program * California Firearms Division * California Fiscal Services * California Fish and Game Commission * California Fisheries Program Branch * California Floodplain Management * California Foster Youth Help * California Franchise Tax Board (FTB) * California Fraud Division * California Gambling Control Commission * California Geographic Information Systems Council (GIS) * California Geological Survey * California Government Claims and Victim Compe! nsation Board * California Governors Committee for Employment of Disabled Persons * California Governors Mentoring Partnership * California Governors Office of Emergency Services * California Governors Office of Homeland Security * California Governors Office of Planning and Research * California Governors Office * California Grant and Enterprise Zone Programs HCD Loan * California Health and Human Services Agency * California Health and Safety Agency * California Healthy Families Program * California Hearing Aid Dispensers Bureau * California High-Speed Rail Authority * California Highway Patrol (CHP) * California History and Culture Agency * California Horse Racing Board * California Housing Finance Agency * California Indoor Air Quality Program * California Industrial Development Financing Advisory Commission * California Industrial Welfare Commission * California InFoPeople * California Information Center for the Environment * California Infrastructure and Economic Development Bank (I-Bank) * California Inspection Services * California Institute for County Government * California Institute for Education Reform * California Integrated Waste Management Board * California Interagency Ecological Program * California Job Service * California Junta Estatal de Personal * California Labor and Employment Agency * California Labor and Workforce Development Agency * California Labor Market Information Division * California Land Use Planning Information Network (LUPIN) * California Lands Commission * California Landscape Architects Technical Committee * California Latino Legislative Caucus * California Law Enforcement Branch * California Law Enforcement General Library * California Law Revision Commission * California Legislative Analyst's Office * California Legislative Black Caucus * California Legislative Counsel * California Legislative Division * California Legislative Information * California Legislative Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender (LGBT) Caucus * California Legislature Internet Caucus * California Lib! rary De velopment Services * California License and Revenue Branch * California Major Risk Medical Insurance Program * California Managed Risk Medical Insurance Board * California Maritime Academy * California Marketing Services * California Measurement Standards * California Medical Assistance Commission * California Medical Care Services * California Military Department * California Mining and Geology Board * California Museum for History, Women, and the Arts * California Museum Resource Center * California National Guard * California Native American Heritage Commission * California Natural Community Conservation Planning Program * California New Motor Vehicle Board * California Nursing Home Administrator Program * California Occupational Safety and Health Appeals Board * California Occupational Safety and Health Standards Board * California Ocean Resources Management Program * California Office of Administrative Hearings * California Office of Administrative Law * California Office of AIDS * California Office of Binational Border Health * California Office of Child Abuse Prevention * California Office of Deaf Access * California Office of Emergency Services (OES) * California Office of Environmental Health Hazard Assessment * California Office of Fiscal Services * California Office of Fleet Administration * California Office of Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA) Implementation (CalOHI) * California Office of Historic Preservation * California Office of Homeland Security * California Office of Human Resources * California Office of Legal Services * California Office of Legislation * California Office of Lieutenant Governor * California Office of Military and Aerospace Support * California Office of Mine Reclamation * California Office of Natural Resource Education * California Office of Privacy Protection * California Office of Public School Construction * California Office of Real Estate Appraisers * California Office of Risk and Insurance Management * California Office of Services to! the Blind * California Office of Spill Prevention and Response * California Office of State Publishing (OSP) * California Office of Statewide Health Planning and Development * California Office of Systems Integration * California Office of the Inspector General * California Office of the Ombudsman * California Office of the Patient Advocate * California Office of the President * California Office of the Secretary for Education * California Office of the State Fire Marshal * California Office of the State Public Defender * California Office of Traffic Safety * California Office of Vital Records * California Online Directory * California Operations Control Office * California Opinion Unit * California Outreach and Technical Assistance Network (OTAN) * California Park and Recreation Commission * California Peace Officer Standards and Training (POST) * California Performance Review (CPR) * California Permit Information for Business (CalGOLD) * California Physical Therapy Board * California Physician Assistant Committee * California Plant Health and Pest Prevention Services * California Policy and Evaluation Division * California Political Reform Division * California Pollution Control Financing Authority * California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo * California Postsecondary Education Commission * California Prevention Services * California Primary Care and Family Health * California Prison Industry Authority * California Procurement Division * California Public Employees Retirement System (CalPERS) * California Public Employment Relations Board (PERB) * California Public Utilities Commission (PUC) * California Real Estate Services Division * California Refugee Programs Branch * California Regional Water Quality Control Boards * California Registered Veterinary Technician Committee * California Registrar of Charitable Trusts * California Republican Caucus * California Research and Development Division * California Research Bureau * California Resources Agency * California Respiratory Care Board * Cali! fornia Rivers Assessment * California Rural Health Policy Council * California Safe Schools * California San Francisco Bay Conservation and Development Commission * California San Gabriel and Lower Los Angeles Rivers and Mountains Conservancy * California San Joaquin River Conservancy * California School to Career * California Science Center * California Scripps Institution of Oceanography * California Secretary of State Business Portal * California Secretary of State * California Seismic Safety Commission * California Self Insurance Plans (SIP) * California Senate Office of Research * California Small Business and Disabled Veteran Business Enterprise Certification Program * California Small Business Development Center Program * California Smart Growth Caucus * California Smog Check Information Center * California Spatial Information Library * California Special Education Division * California Speech-Language Pathology and Audiology Board * California Standardized Testing and Reporting (STAR) * California Standards and Assessment Division * California State Administrative Manual (SAM) * California State Allocation Board * California State and Consumer Services Agency * California State Architect * California State Archives * California State Assembly * California State Association of Counties (CSAC) * California State Board of Education * California State Board of Food and Agriculture *California Office of the Chief Information Officer (OCIO) * California State Children's Trust Fund * California State Compensation Insurance Fund * California State Contracts Register Program * California State Contracts Register * California State Controller * California State Council on Developmental Disabilities (SCDD) * California State Disability Insurance (SDI) * California State Fair (Cal Expo) * California State Jobs Employment Information * California State Lands Commission * California State Legislative Portal * California State Legislature * California State Library Catalog * California State Library Services Bureau * C! alifornia State Library * California State Lottery * California State Mediation and Conciliation Service * California State Mining and Geology Board * California State Park and Recreation Commission * California State Parks * California State Personnel Board * California State Polytechnic University, Pomona * California State Railroad Museum * California State Science Fair * California State Senate * California State Summer School for Mathematics and Science (COSMOS) * California State Summer School for the Arts * California State Superintendent of Public Instruction * California State Teachers Retirement System (CalSTRS) * California State Treasurer * California State University Center for Distributed Learning * California State University, Bakersfield * California State University, Channel Islands * California State University, Chico * California State University, Dominguez Hills * California State University, East Bay * California State University, Fresno * California State University, Fullerton * California State University, Long Beach * California State University, Los Angeles * California State University, Monterey Bay * California State University, Northridge * California State University, Sacramento * California State University, San Bernardino * California State University, San Marcos * California State University, Stanislaus * California State University (CSU) * California State Water Project Analysis Office * California State Water Project * California State Water Resources Control Board * California Structural Pest Control Board * California Student Aid Commission * California Superintendent of Public Instruction * California Superior Courts * California Tahoe Conservancy * California Task Force on Culturally and Linguistically Competent Physicians and Dentists * California Tax Information Center * California Technology and Administration Branch Finance * California Telecommunications Division * California Telephone Medical Advice Services (TAMS) * California Transportation Commission * California Travel and Transportation Agency * California Unclaimed Property Program * California Unemployment Insurance Appeals Board * California Unemployment Insurance Program * California Uniform Construction Cost Accounting Commission * California Veterans Board * California Veterans Memorial * California Veterinary Medical Board and Registered Veterinary Technician Examining Committee * California Veterinary Medical Board * California Victim Compensation and Government Claims Board * California Volunteers * California Voter Registration * California Water Commission * California Water Environment Association (COWPEA) * California Water Resources Control Board * California Welfare to Work Division * California Wetlands Information System * California Wildlife and Habitat Data Analysis Branch * California Wildlife Conservation Board * California Wildlife Programs Branch * California Work Opportunity and Responsibility to Kids (CalWORKs) * California Workers Compensation Appeals Board * California Workforce and Labor Development Agency * California Workforce Investment Board * California Youth Authority (CYA) * Central Valley Flood Protection Board * Center for California Studies * Colorado River Board of California * Counting California * Dental Board of California * Health Insurance Plan of California (PacAdvantage) * Humboldt State University * Jobs with the State of California * Judicial Council of California * Learn California * Library of California * Lieutenant Governors Commission for One California * Little Hoover Commission (on California State Government Organization and Economy) * Medical Board of California * Medi-Cal * Osteopathic Medical Board of California * Physical Therapy Board of California * Regents of the University of California * San Diego State University * San Francisco State University * San Jose State University * Santa Monica Mountains Conservancy * State Bar of California * Supreme Court of California * Teach California * University of California * University of California, Berkeley * University of California, Davis * University of California, Hastings College of the Law * University of California, Irvine * University of California, Los Angeles * University of California, Merced * University of California, Riverside * University of California, San Diego * University of California, San Francisco * University of California, Santa Barbara * University of California, Santa Cruz * Veterans Home of California

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Ice Cream

by Dianne

Last week, I took my grand-children to a restaurant.

My six-year-old grand-son asked if he could say grace.

As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food, and I would even thank you more if Nana gets us ice cream for dessert. And liberty and justice for all! Amen!"

Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby, I heard a woman remark, "That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray. Asking God for ice cream! Why, I never!"

Hearing this, my grand-son burst into tears and asked me, "Did I do it wrong? Is God mad at me?"

As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job, and God was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table. He winked at my grand-son and said, "I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer."

"Really?" my grand-son asked.

"Cross my heart," the man replied.

Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added (indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes."

Naturally, I bought my grand-children ice cream at the end of the meal.

My grand-son stared at his for a moment, and then did something I will remember the rest of my life.

He picked up his sundae and, without a word, walked over and placed it in front of the woman. With a big smile he told her, "Here, this is for you. Ice cream is good for the soul sometimes; and my soul is good already."

The End

I love that story! Sometimes, we all need some ice cream.
I hope God sends you some today!

Monday, April 4, 2011

Art and Branding: A Collision on the Desert

by DeeDee

Art is about mythmaking.

Branding is about creating value.

Value creation also can involve mythmaking.

Since branding and art both involve mythmaking, it seems natural for art and branding to collide. That is exactly what happened with Prada Marfa.

Many people are quite familiar with Prada, the Italian fashion company which holds prime space in elite urban shopping centers around the globe. When Prada opens a new store in downtown Tokyo…well that is something that is expected.

What is completely unexpected is to find a Prada in Marfa, Texas. The town of Marfa is located in the West Texas desert near the Mexican border. It has a population of 2,121 and is about 9 hours drive from San Antonio.

In 2005, two Scandinavian artists installed a Prada mini-boutique in the desert 26 miles from Marfa. This sculpture is a 15 by 25 foot adobe building designed to look just like a Prada store, and even contains Prada merchandise. The main differences between this sculpture created by Michael Elmgreen and Ingar Dragset and a real Prada store are:

 It is completely out of context
 It is a mini version
 It will never open
 It will not be maintained

Well, the last item is debatable. The sculpture was vandalized soon after it was finished. Shoes were stolen and the building was spray painted with graffiti. After that break-in happened a handyman restored the building.

Art and clothing are intertwined. Clothing is already woven with myth. If you think about the functional value of clothing on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs you simply need clothes to stay warm. If that is all that mattered about clothing, then a $3 shirt, $10 pants, and $5 sandals from Walmart would suffice. That is a complete ensemble for less than $20. So, why then do people spend upwards of $500 on a mere shirt from Prada?

Clothing is transformational. It is aspirational. It is enveloped with social meaning. People are paying $3 for the shirt and $497 on symbolism.

By supporting the artists in this desert adventure, Prada reinforces its sphere of meaning beyond simple utility of clothing. As doing so it becomes a more interwoven part of the lexicon of the art world. And the myth grows.

It has been in the news recently. More vandalism: The 15-foot-by-25-foot adobe cube building intended to masquerade as a boutique of the luxury Italian fashion house has been battered by vandals.

Graffiti is spray painted on an exterior wall. Bullet holes pepper the windows at the site west of Marfa.

The 6-year-old, $100,000 project was designed by Berlin-based artists Michael Elmgreen and Ingar Dragset.

Backers say they'll clean the graffiti and make changes -- when they come up with the money.
Elmgreen, in an email to The Associated Press, says it may be time to pull the plug on the project.

This whole thing reminded me of a trip I made to Midland/Odessa (west Texas desert) to visit my friend Beth years ago. I asked her on the way in from the airport if Neimans had opened a store out there yet.....she said "Oh yes! There is a north-side location and a south-side location!"

I was thrilled at that news only to turn and see the look on Beths face....the "look" was definitely saying..."you stupid bitch..."

Then when she told me Prada had opened a boutique near Marfa....lol......I just think its neat when artists do this "off the wall" stuff....I mean ...can you imagine driving on a highway in the middle of nowhere and seeing what appears to be a Prada boutique? With bullet holes?

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Saturday, April 2, 2011

When Negative People are trying their best to RAIN ON YOUR PARADE

by Dianne

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. Remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable.


A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:  "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.  You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really! What'd he say?"

He said: "Who fucked up your hair?"