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Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Happy Halloween

by Zona and Randy

Sponge Bob Square Pants

Bruce Lee

The Hulk
 
Michael Jackson Thriller   

Aaron Rodgers

Spiderman

Batman


Tuesday, October 30, 2012

A Story with a Moral at the end of it

by Sac Barb



The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day, the kids came back and, one by one,began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved.

But then the teacher asked Janie:

Janie, do you have a story to share?'

''Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.
She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.

''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?

"Stay away from Mommy when she's been drinking."

Sunday, October 28, 2012

I CAN HEAR MUSIC

 by The Beach Boys featuring Kathy Troccoli

Submitted by Just Lin

 
A couple of weeks ago my Idaho friend asked me to listen to this song on YouTube.  It was released in 1969 and I can't say that I remember it but I sure do like it now.  I hadn't heard of Kathy Troccoli before, probably because she is better known as a Christian singer.  I love how her voice sounds on this song and how well it works with the Beach Boys' smooth harmonizing. 





Saturday, October 27, 2012

ONLY A GRANDMOTHER WOULD KNOW...

by Sac Barb

~A Cup of Tea ~

One day my Gramma was out, and my Grampa was in charge of me.

I was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift, and it was one of my favorite toys.

Grampa was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought him a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Gramma came home.

My Grampa made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' Gramma waited, and sure enough, here I came down the hall with a cup of tea for Grampa, and she watched him drink it up.

Then she said, (as only a gramma would know), "'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

YOUR LAUGH FOR THE DAY

by Sac Barb

A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around. "A priest! Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd but finds no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind.

"A PRIEST, PLEASE!" the dying man says again. Then out of the crowd steps a little old Jewish man of at least eighty years of age."Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not even a Catholic. But for fifty years now I'm living behind St. Mary's Catholic Church on Third Avenue, and every night I'm listening to the Catholic litany. Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man."

The policeman agrees and brings the octogenarian over to the dying man. He kneels down, leans over the injured and says in a solemn voice:


  

 "B - 4.     I - 19.     N - 38.     G - 54.     O - 72."

Sunday, October 21, 2012

~ Crazy in Love ~


by Tina~in_ut

Before she knows is, Dianne is going to be dancing just like this~ :D



Friday, October 19, 2012

Mexican Jews

by Maureen


Two old Jewish men, Sid and Al, are sitting in a Mexican restaurant in Los
Angeles one day. Sid asks Al, "Do you know of any people of our faith born
and raised in Mexico?" 


Al replies, "I don't know, let's ask our waiter."

When the waiter arrives, Al asks, "Are there any Mexican Jews?"


The waiter says, "I don't know, Senor, I ask the cooks."


He returns from the kitchen a few minutes later and says, "No, Senor, the
cook say no Mexican Jews."


Al isn't satisfied and asks, "Are you absolutely sure?"


The waiter, realizing he is dealing with 'Gringos,' replies, "I check once
again, Senor."


While the waiter is away, Sid says, "I find it hard to believe that there
are no Jews in Mexico .. Our people are scattered everywhere."


The waiter returns and says, "Senor, the head cook say there is no Mexican
Jews."


Al asks, "Are you certain? I just can't believe there are no Mexican Jews."


The exasperated waiter says, "Senor, I ask EVERYONE... All we have is
Orange Jews, Grape Jews, Prune Jews and Tomato Jews!"

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Chuckle of the Day

by Dianne


The priest decided to do something a little different.
He said 'Today, in church, I am going
to say a single word and you are going to
help me preach
.

Whatever single word I say,
I want you to sing whatever hymn
that comes to your mind --
the pastor shouted out  
'CROSS.' 

Immediately the congregation started
singing in unison,
'THE OLD RUGGED CROSS.'

The pastor hollered out 'GRACE.'  
The congregation began to sing 
'AMAZING GRACE, how sweet the sound.'

The pastor said 'POWER.'

The congregation sang
 
'THERE IS POWER IN THE BLOOD.'

The Pastor said
 
'SEX'
The congregation fell into total silence.
Everyone was in shock.
They all nervously began to look around at each other
afraid to say anything.

Then, all of a sudden, from way in the back of
the church, a little old 87 year old grandmother
stood up and began to sing
'MEMORIES.'

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Monday, October 15, 2012

Headlines

by Dianne

YOU JUST CAN'T FIX STUPID

Did we elect these people??

Civil War planes? Let me know how that works out.

I'm saying GREAT paint job.

"We had no idea anyone was buried there."

I didn't know we could choose.

This one says it all.

What are the odds of that?

I would have guessed after age 19.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

The Closet

by Sac Barb

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. 

Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, he sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, 'Dark in here.'

The man says, 'Yes, it is.'

Boy: 'I have a baseball.'

Man: 'That's nice'

Boy: 'Want to buy it?'

Man: 'No, thanks.'

Boy: 'My Dad's outside.'

Man: 'OK, how much?'

Boy: '$250'

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the
boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy: 'Dark in here.'

Man: 'Yes, it is.'

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, How much?'

Boy: '$750'

Man: 'Sold.'

A few days later, the Dad says to the boy, 'Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch.'

The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove.'

The Dad asks, 'How much did you sell them for?'

Boy: ' $1,000'

The Dad says, 'That's terrible to over charge your friends like that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm taking you to church, to confession.'


They go to the church and the Dad makes the little boy sit in the confessional booth and closes the door.

The boy says, 'Dark in here.

The priest says, 'Don't start that shit again; you're in my closet now.
 


Friday, October 12, 2012

~ Twisted Family Secret ~

by Tina~in_ut

See if you can wrap your head around this one:

It was a dark secret. The kind that destroys lives, devastates families and decimates faith.

Nobody shared it with Valerie Spruill while her husband was alive. For years after his death, she heard bits of the story. It was something about an absentee father, something about her husband.

None of it made sense, she said. That's not until her uncle finally told her what no one else had: She had unknowingly married the father she never knew.

"It is devastating. It can destroy you," Spruill told CNN late Thursday by telephone. "It almost did."

Spruill, 60, of Doylestown, Ohio, went public with her story this month, first published in the Akron Beacon Journal, with the hopes that it would help others facing what seem like insurmountable problems.

It's a story that has gone viral, attracting attention as faraway as Australia and India where the questions are always the same, she says: How could that happen?

It's a question that Spruill said she has been grappling with since she first learned the truth in 2004, six years after her husband Percy Spruill died.

"I don't know if he ever knew or not. That conversation didn't come up," she said. "I think if he did know, there is no way he could have told me."

She confirmed that her husband was indeed her father through a DNA test, hair taken from one of his brushes.

The aftermath of the secret was devastating emotionally -- and physically, Spruill suffered two strokes and was diagnosed with diabetes.

All of it, she believes was brought on by learning the family secret.

"Pain and stress will kill, and I had to release my stress," Spruill said. "I'm just telling the story to release my pain."

She has a deep, abiding faith in God, who she believes has guided her through the experience -- and others that have shaped her life.

"You have to have faith," she said. "If God brought me this far, he's not going to leave me now."

Spruill met and married her husband-father in Akron and settled in Doylestown, a working class suburb of about 2,300.

It was her second marriage. Spruill was a nice man, a good provider. He was kind to her three children from her previous marriage.

"We had a good life," she said.

She initially struggled with anger, with hating Spruill for what happened.

But therapy taught her what happened wasn't her fault. Her faith taught her to forgive.

Initial response to her story has been mixed: "More positive than negative," she says.

In recent days, she has been in contact with a couple who found out after they were married that they were brother and sister.

They told her, she said, that her story is helping them deal with their own experience.

"They are trying to be friends now," Spruill said.

Others, though, have been less kind.

"They've said things like 'Some secrets should stay secrets,'" she said. "I can't do anything about what they think. I just know what I think. God is always mighty, and he teaches you to tell the truth no matter what."

Spruill knows not everybody tells the truth. It's a lesson she learned as a child the hard way.

By all accounts, Spruill's mother got pregnant as a teenager while dating her then 15-year-old father. She was 3-months-old when she was sent to live with her grandmother and grandfather, who she initially believed as she grew up was her father.

Spruill said at about age 8 or 9, she discovered that the woman who often visited the house was not a family friend but her mother.

But nobody, she said, talked about her father.

There's nobody left to give her the answers about her husband-father. Her mother, Christine, died in 1984. Her grandparents have long since passed. So, too, have a number of Percy Spruill's relatives.

Spruill knows her mother worked as a prostitute and even got caught up in the 1980 high-profile corruption scandal surrounding James Barbuto, a probate judge who was convicted of intimidating investigators and gross sexual imposition for attacking a courthouse clerk in his chambers.

"My mother showed me lots of love. All said and done, I have no regrets in my life at all," she said. She believes she has siblings or half-siblings from Spruill's previous relationships, including the one with her mother.

She said she wants to find them and let them know they are not alone.

Spruill, herself, has three children and eight grandchildren. She struggled with telling her children that the man they believed was their step-father was their grandfather.

A therapist "advised me to tell my kids," she said. "I told them about two years ago. They are remarkable. They are handling it better than I am."

In recent days, shortly before the news broke, she also told her grandchildren.

"They have been so supportive. They are telling me they love me, telling me they will do whatever I need," she said.

In her spare time, since retiring from the accounting department where she worked for 34 years at Goodyear, she has been writing down her story with the hopes of publishing it.

"I thank God that he gave me a chance to live through all of this," she said. "It is nothing short of a miracle that I'm still here. I want people to know that they can survive something like this."

Thursday, October 11, 2012

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

by Sac Barb

I checked these out on Snoops and it's for real!

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

2. (FOR MEN ONLY) AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A
FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL
 PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.


 

DAILY THOUGHT:

SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT THEY BRING
A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

How do you decide who to marry?

by Dianne





-You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.-- Alan , age 10


-No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.-- Kristen, age 10

 

2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
 

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then..-- Camille, age 10

 

3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
 

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.-- Derrick, age 8

 

4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
 

Both don't want any more kids.-- Lori, age 8

 

5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
 

-Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.--Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

-On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10

 

6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
 

-When they're rich.-- Pam, age 7 ( Love her )

-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
-- Curt, age 7

-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.

-- Howard, age 8

 

7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child )
 


8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8

 

And the #1 Favorite is .......

 

9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
-- Ricky, age 10

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

~ Financial Planning ~

by Tina~in_ut



Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.

When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune.

One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

"I may look like just an ordinary guy," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die and I will inherit $200 million."

Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.