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Thursday, October 16, 2014

Burma Shave


by SacBarb


To My Old-As-Dirt Friends & Relatives who qualify as "old as dirt". 
 
For those who never saw any of the Burma Shave signs, here is a quick lesson in our history of the 1930's and '40's. 
 
Before there were interstates, when everyone drove the old 2 lane roads, Burma Shave signs would be posted all over the countryside in farmers' fields.  They were small red signs with white letters. Five signs, about 100 feet apart, each containing 1 line of a 4 line couplet......and the obligatory 5th sign advertising Burma Shave, a popular shaving cream.

DON'T STICK YOUR ELBOW
OUT SO FAR
IT MAY GO HOME
IN ANOTHER CAR.
Burma Shave

TRAINS DON'T WANDER
ALL OVER THE MAP
'CAUSE NOBODY SITS
IN THE ENGINEER'S LAP.
Burma Shave

SHE KISSED THE HAIRBRUSH
BY MISTAKE
SHE THOUGHT IT WAS
HER HUSBAND JAKE.
Burma Shave

DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD
TO GAIN A MINUTE
YOU NEED YOUR HEAD
YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT.
Burma Shave

DROVE TOO LONG
DRIVER SNOOZING
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
IS NOT AMUSING.
Burma Shave

BROTHER SPEEDER
LET'S REHEARSE
ALL TOGETHER
GOOD MORNING, NURSE.
Burma Shave

CAUTIOUS RIDER
TO HER RECKLESS DEAR
LET'S HAVE LESS BULL
AND A LITTLE MORE STEER.
Burma Shave

SPEED WAS HIGH
WEATHER WAS NOT
TIRES WERE THIN
X MARKS THE SPOT.
Burma Shave

THE MIDNIGHT RIDE
OF PAUL FOR BEER
LED TO A WARMER
HEMISPHERE.
Burma Shave

AROUND THE CURVE
LICKETY-SPLIT
BEAUTIFUL CAR
WASN'T IT?
Burma Shave

NO MATTER THE PRICE
NO MATTER HOW NEW
THE BEST SAFETY DEVICE
IN THE CAR IS YOU.
Burma Shave

A GUY WHO DRIVES
A CAR WIDE OPEN
IS NOT THINKIN'
HE'S JUST HOPIN'.
Burma Shave

AT INTERSECTIONS
LOOK EACH WAY
A HARP SOUNDS NICE
BUT IT'S HARD TO PLAY.
Burma Shave

BOTH HANDS ON THE WHEEL
EYES ON THE ROAD
THAT'S THE SKILLFUL
DRIVER'S CODE.
Burma Shave

THE ONE WHO DRIVES
WHEN HE'S BEEN DRINKING
DEPENDS ON YOU
TO DO HIS THINKING.
Burma Shave

CAR IN DITCH
DRIVER IN TREE
THE MOON WAS FULL
AND SO WAS HE.
Burma Shave

PASSING SCHOOL ZONE
TAKE IT SLOW
LET OUR LITTLE
SHAVERS GROW.
Burma Shave


Do these bring back any old memories? If not, you're merely a child.
If they do - then you're old as dirt..LIKE ME!

Thursday, October 9, 2014

The Ultimate Ethnic Joke.......


by Dianne

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, an Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, an Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an I Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, an Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 2 Africans, 
....Walk into a fine restaurant.

"I'm sorry," says the maƮtre d', after scrutinizing the group.

"You can't come in here without a Thai."

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Group Therapy


by Just Lin

Thursday, September 25, 2014

On The Beach


by Dianne


Goldie, a recently widowed Jewish lady, was sitting on a Florida beach
near Venice. She looked up and noticed that an elderly gentleman had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand nearby and began reading a book. Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him.
 
"Hello, sir, how are you?"
 
"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.
 
"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.
 
"First time since my wife passed away last year," he replied.
 
"Do you live around here?" she asked.
 
"Yes," he answered, continuing to read. Goldie persisted.
 
"Do you like pussy cats?"
 
With that, the old gentleman threw his book down, jumped off his blanket
onto hers, tore off both their swimsuits, and gave her the most
passionate ride of her life!
 
 As the cloud of sand began to settle, Goldie gasped and asked the man,
"How did you know that was what I wanted?"
 
 The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"

Thursday, September 18, 2014

New York Cab Ride

by Dianne


A woman and her 10 year old son were riding in a taxi in New York. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under the awnings.

"Mom " said the boy, "what are all these women doing?"

"They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replies.

The taxi driver turns around and says "Geez, lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers, kid! They have sex with men for money."

The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, mom?"   

His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers in the affirmative.

After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mom, what happens to the babies those women have?"

"Most of them become taxi drivers!" she said.

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Female Medical Exam

by Mary

During a woman's medical examination, her British doctor says,

"Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the part that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."

The lady starts taking off her undies but is interrupted by the doctor.

"No! No! Leave your knickers on! Just stick out your tongue!"