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Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Teachers & Cops

by Maureen

These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded (but, boy, are these funny!)
 
1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
 
2. I would not allow this student to breed.
 
3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
 
4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. (my favorite...)
 
5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
 
6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
 
7. This child has been working with glue too much.
 
8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
 
9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming..
 
10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
 
11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.
 
12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.

 
These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers. The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:
 
1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
 
2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
 
3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
 
4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
 
5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."  (LOVE IT) 
 
6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"  (MY FAVORITE) 
 
7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
 
8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
 
9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
 
10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
 
11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
 
12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC."  (National Crime Information Center) 
 
13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
 
14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
 
15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
 
AND THE WINNER IS....
 
16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.. Sign here."

69 comments:

DeeDee said...

BAM!!

Bebbilane said...

OHhhhhhhDEEEDEEEE! :)
Nice Bammalamadingdong...

DeeDee said...

oops!! Wrong blog!!

Bebbilane said...

I almost nabbed first..dag gummit.

Unknown said...

morning Bebbi!!

Unknown said...

Maureen...

a tidbit about your husband Cary...

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20484836,00.html

Bebbilane said...

Good morning Michael! :) And, good morning to all who fly in soon...later...whenever! <3

whabbear said...

Hi, Bebs and Mike!

Tinka said...

Good Morning Bebbi, Michael and Whabbear. Wishing you all a great day.

Tinka said...

Maureen - Those teachers deserved more than a reprimand. Here they would never have entered a classroom again. First they would have been suspended. Then the parents would have sued the teacher and the school board. Finally they would have been fired. Our teacher union is very strong and fights for their teachers in court cases but in these situations they would have disowned them. It's makes for funny reading but the repercussion on those students would last all their lives.
I must read the police statements now. I didn't get past the teachers' rude remarks.

Tinka said...

I am not feeling great today so I may not be on until tomorrow. Have a wonderful Spring day everyone.

Unknown said...

Mike?....MIKE!?...

do we call the archangel Michael.. Mike?

Michelangelo....Mike!?

This is just another vile, reprehensive, appalling indication of how far our culture has fallen away from God....

mmm-mmm-mmm shakes head..

Zona said...

Good Morning!

MO: My favorite..of the police officer's comments..was "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"...that really made me laugh. As for the teacher's comments..it's hard to believe they had the audacity to write those things..wow! I'm glad they weren't my teachers..sheesh!!

MICHAEL: I'm cornfused! You look gorgeous today darlink! ;D

BEBBI: Hi Sunshine!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

TINKA: I hope you feel better soon!

BEAR: Looks like it'll be 100 here on Thursday..blech.. ;)

LOL! I just hit the spellcheck button..it wants to fix 5 words! NO! ;D

Have a good day everyone!

Unknown said...

thats another thing...don't think your corn money isn't due just because DeeDee has left the building!!

Bebbilane said...

Michael: how about Mikey! ;) He likes it, Hey Mikey!... <3

Tinka: I agree, those were very rude. They have to be made up, surely no one would really say that about a child. Especially and put it in writing. They were funny, but definitely not real!

HI Whabby! :)

Michael...yeah yeah..I give every day of my life and you know I'm a good little worker bee for the corn money.!!

Gotta keep the fat boys (and girls) fed.. What would they do without us peasants! :)

iteach said...

How about "Mikey", how do you feel about that?

Bebbilane said...

Zona: Hi Pretty Lady! I hope you are having a good day over there in Sunny Arizona....can you remind me what the sun looks like, it's been raining for days!

iteach said...

OMG, Bebbi we had the same exact thought about "Mike"!!! Way too cool!!

Bebbilane said...

Tink: I hope you get to feeling better...hugs.

iteach said...

I mean "Mikey" not "Mike". Definetly "Mikey"

Bebbilane said...

Iteach: GMTA!! :)

Or Mika...now that's a thought too. :)

Just_Lin said...

Michael (Sorry, I just don't think a nickname will do) For a second there, I thought you went back in the closet. You know, the one over there next to the naughty mat. Anyway, I see you flashed your bammalamadingdong at Bebbi so you must be feeling extra frisky today. ;)

Just_Lin said...

MO Those were pretty funny, especially the cop ones. I was married to a cop and those smart-ass remarks sound true to form. Not the teacher ones, though. I'm pretty sure those were made up.

Just_Lin said...

Tinka See my comment to MO and stop fretting about the children. Pretty sure those are just made up for a laugh.

Just_Lin said...

Bear LOL @ the nicknames. We could start calling you "Teddy". ;)

Just_Lin said...

Zona 100 and it's still April? OMG! Sure glad you have that a/c in good order.

Just_Lin said...

iteach What do you think about those teacher comments? Real or not real? I say not real, although some teachers might think them, they'd never write it down.

Just_Lin said...

You know, by the time I get here in the morning and acknowledge everyone, I have such a long string of comments that I appear to be very tedious. Hrumph!

Just_Lin said...

Bebbi OMG! I just realized I missed you, of all people. Well, I did notice that you saw Michael's bammalamadingdong. Anyway, waving big sunshiney waves at you.

Bebbilane said...

Now I know why I always associated "Ding Dong" with DeeDee..I must have inwardly, subconsciously KNEW...he he..okay, maybe not, but it sounded good for a minute there. :)

Bebbilane said...

J/L..love the avatar.

Unknown said...

Hi J/L..Tinka and iteach...


one word jen....NO!!


M I C H A E L

Bebbilane said...

Michael: Ok..OKAYyyyyyyyyyy... (whispers DeeDee)..he he... :)

whabbear said...

LOL! I was trying to make it sound like "Bev and More"!

Just_Lin said...

Bear LOL That's really stretching it.

Bebbilane said...

What's "Bev and More"?

Unknown said...

ala "things overheard in the honeymoon suite"...

Bebbilane said...

40 because I can.

goldie said...

Loved the blog today, made me smile after spending the morning doing the quarterly taxes for the business..

Went back and read the blogs I missed the last few days. HOLY CRAP.

Shocking to say the least. DeeDee/Michael~ glad you have 'come out'. But that was not shocking. What was shocking to me was Zona. WTF do you mean there is NO Santa or Toothfairy???????

Just_Lin said...

Bebbi I've been in Bev and More a couple of times. It's kind of like a liquor store that also sells all the types of glasses you might need to serve drinks and a lot of stuff related to wine.

Just_Lin said...

Goldie See all the stuff you miss when you stay away? You probably can't tell now, but we were using that naughty mat, big time!

iteach said...

That is amazing about the teacher and police comments! Wow!!

Ihave never known anyone to make comments like that, but I bet some were thinking it.

Tina~in_ut said...

lol iteach....i KNOW some of them think it!!!!

Miguelito~ congrats on first~

Bebbi~ Nab first tomorrow....I'll send you a email in a little while~ :)~

Tinka~ I'm sorry I didn't give you lessons today on Moaning~ I was up to my eyeballs in weather delays this morning.....work was stinkin' busy~

J/L~ you really make me laugh~

Zona~ I can't decide between the mac and the cheese~ :D

omg J/L~ I remember what really made me laugh......I LOVE it when I see the comment count has suddenly gone up.....I know it means you are here.....I don't know what it is about that, but it makes me smile~ I've always meant to tell you~

And one more thing Miguelito....when I said brown shoe....i mean NICE brown 4 inch heal~ mkay?~

Mo~ thanks for the blog....funnier than poop on toast~

Hi to all.....dumb dog is whining and wants out.....bbl~

sacBarb said...

Mo, I know teachers that have had those thoughts, but I can't believe any of them would actually write them down. But I worked closely with cops and I DO believe they would say those things to law breakers.

sacBarb said...

DeeDee/Michael, So it seems you are the loveliest today. Congrats. I hope Belle is feeling better today.

Tina, again with the 'poop on toast' ewwwwww. I can't imagine how that would happen!

Bebbi, Bev and More also has an annual sale where certain wines are 5 cents for the second bottle. Good time to stock up.

Tinka, I hope you are feeling better.

Waving a wing to all the Owls. I hope you are all having a good day.

Just_Lin said...

Tina. I'm glad I made you smile, :)

Just_Lin said...

SacBarb. We think alike pn that one. Sure sounds like cop humor to me.

Just_Lin said...

50

Maureen said...

Good evening feathered friends!

MICHAEL...thanks for the link on my honey! (Jon Bon Jovi is my husband, Cary is my affair!)I knew the book was coming out and I plan to be at the library on the 3rd looking for it!! He loved Jennifer more then life itself. I can't wait!!!

JENNIFER and TINKA...I'm sure they are made up. I can't imagine any teacher writing any of those lines. But, I bet many have thought them!

TINA...you're welcome!

ZONA...hope you're feeling better today.

GOLDIE...welcome back! Thank you for all you did for our JODI. You are an amazing lady.

JUST LIN...i love your tedium!

Maureen said...

GOOD STUFF: REMINISCENCE OF MY FATHER

ABOUT THIS BOOK
With the birth of his daughter, the sixty-three-year-old Cary Grant— still urbane, athletic, sublimely handsome, always self-effacing—retired from the screen to devote himself to his longed-for child.

In Good Stuff, Jennifer Grant writes of her enchanted but very real life with her father, playing, laughing, dining, and dancing together through the thick and thin of Jennifer’s growing up; the years of his work, his travels, his friendships with “old Hollywood royalty” (the Sinatras, the Pecks, the Poitiers, et al.) and with just plain old royalty (the Rainiers) . . . until Grant’s death at the age of eighty-two.

She writes of the love he showed her, the lessons he taught her, of his childhood as well as her own. Here are letters, notes, cards, and drawings from father to daughter and from her to him . . . photographstaken at home and on their many adventures . . . and bits of conversation between them (Cary Grant kept a tape recorder going for most of their time together).

Good Stuff captures the magic of a father’s devotion (and goofballness) and reveals a daughter’s special odyssey of loving, and being loved, by a dad who was Cary Grant.

iteach said...

Maureeen, you so have made me want to read that book and I think it will make me cry.

Maureen said...

ITEACH...I know it will make me cry. If you want a tear jerker, go to YouTube and look for the audio of Cary's Christmas wish to Jennifer when she was a baby. Have tissues at hand!

Maureen said...

It might be special to me since my dad passed away when I was so young. From the too few years we had together, I imagine we would have had a relationship like Jennifer and Cary. But my dad was certainly not suave or debonnaire! Just a great man!

Just_Lin said...

I roasted a chicken and made mashed potatoes and gravy and fresh green beans for dinner. I'm stuffed!

Maureen said...

Oh dear...almost forgot my nosy questions of the day! I will play, too...so it is more fair!

1. What kind of car do you really drive? I assume the Rolls and driver were also a little fib!

I drive a 2001 Honda Accord. Fully unloaded - have to actually roll down the windows! But I do have a cd player AND cassette player! And A/C.

1. What do you do (or did) for a career?

I work in the office of a large Home Health Care agency. I do all the crap the high paid clinicians don't want to do! I clean up their administrative errors, get insurance pre-authorizations (and often grovel for retro auths!)and process their payroll. Amazing that for people that get paid by the visit and type of visit, they can't figure out how to do their timesheets! I also am responsible for the clinical supplies of the agency and the patients. Amongst other things. Very little time to sit around and eat bon-bons!!

Maureen said...

JUST LIN...can I move in with you?

Maureen said...

Thanks all for the comments today. I hope it didn't offend anyone.

Dianne/Denver said...

Hi...Congrats to you MICHAEL for first today. I wondered what happened when I saw DEEDEE as first...I thought I had a dream ....j/k

Two more days until I go back to the dentist for my 4th (same) permanent bridge and the temp broke a tooth last night. I am so over this dentist thing...I am sure you can all relate.

Have you all be watching about the bomber at the mall in Denver that was an all out manhunt this past week. As you probably know they caught him but what my point is here is that it is "our" mall. It is just a couple of blocks from me. I live right by Columbine. I sure am glad they caught him. My husband walks that mall and now he hasn't gone back...he will though.

AI was good tonight . Those kids are all so darn good it is hard to know who to vote off. I just always vote for Scotty every week.

Dianne/Denver said...

MO: Funny blog but i too doubt any teachers have ever said those to students. It sounds like those pretend Hallmark cards you see in jokes.

J/L: Your dinner sounds yummy....I too am coming to live with you. You and MARY seem to cook the most so I may switch back and forth with the two of you. I should get some different weather that way too!! :)

MICHAEL: How is Belle today? Is she still fighting with you on her meds?

TINK: I hope you are feeling better tonight and don't have the flu. Get better soon...m issed your posts today.

Hello to everyone that posted today and may even come in for a late night visit.

MARY: Are you and your household feeling any better? I sure hope so.

I am spraying lysol all over the manor so everyone will stay well.

Night.

whabbear said...

J/L: Stretching what, exactly?

To all the guys in the nest: Hi, Men!

Just_Lin said...

Dianne Well, you know I'm always up late. I want to go eat at Mary's, too. And thanks for disinfecting the place for us.

Just_Lin said...

Bear That would be stretching it as far as that particular play on words. No reference to any body parts was intended. LOL

Maureen said...

The wind is blowing like a mofo. Woke me up. I hear stuff blowing around outside. I'm scared to go back to sleep.

I can't imagine how scared the people in Alabama St. Louis, etc...must have felt.

We don't seem to have any warnings, but my stomach is doing flips.

Just_Lin said...

MO I hate it when the wind blows super hard. I'm always worrying about trees getting uprooted or fences getting blown down. We've had near hurricane winds in the past and it is very frightening. I can't imagine living in tornado country.

Just_Lin said...

67

Just_Lin said...

68

Just_Lin said...

69

Just_Lin said...

:)

Maureen said...

The wind is still gusting. There were 70 mph wind gusts overnight and we have wind warnings till 10 am. It is going to be a hairy ride to work on the freeway.

JUST LIN...grats on your 69!