Thursday, February 14, 2013

Redneck Valentine Poem

by Dianne

        Collards is green,
        my dog's name is Blue
        and I'm so lucky
        to have a sweet thang like you.

        Yore hair is like cornsilk
        a-flapping in the breeze.
        Softer than Blue's
        and without all them fleas.

        You move like the bass,
        which excite me in May.
        You ain't got no scales
        but I luv you anyway.

        Yore as satisfy'n as okry
        jist a-fry'n in the pan.
        Yore as fragrant as "snuff"
        right out of the can.

        You have some'a yore teeth,
        for which I am proud;
        I hold my head high
        when we're in a crowd.

        On special occasions,
        when you shave under yore arms,
        well, I'm in hawg heaven,
        and awed by yore charms.

        Still them fellers at work,
        they all want to know,
        what I did to deserve
        such a purdy, young doe.

        Like a good roll of duct tape
        yore there fer yore man,
        to patch up life's troubles
        and fix what you can.

        Yore as cute as a junebug
        a-buzzin' overhead.
        You ain't mean like those far ants
        I found in my bed.

        Cut from the best cloth
        like a plaid flannel shirt,
        you spark up my life
        more than a fresh load of dirt.

        When you hold me real tight
        like a padded gunrack,
        my life is complete
        ain't nuttin' I lack.

        Yore complexion, it's perfection,
        like the best vinyl sidin'
        despite all the years,
        yore age, it keeps hidin'.

        Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
        with a RC cold drank,
        we go together
        like a skunk goes with stank.

        Some men, they buy chocolate
        for Valentine's Day.
        They git it at Wal-Mart,
        it's romantic that way.

        Some men git roses
        on that special day
        from the cooler at Kroger.
        "That's impressive," I say.

        Some men buy fine diamonds
        from a flea market booth.
        "Diamonds are forever,”
        they explain, suave and couth.

        But for this man, honey,
        these won't do.
        Cause yore too special,
        you sweet thang you.

        I got you a gift,
        without taste nor odor,
        more useful than diamonds...


Lynn D said...

Morning Glories!

Happy Valentines Day to all of you! SWAK!

Zona said...


DI: "you have some'a yore teeth.." then!! :D Cute poem..thanks for the smiles! :)

J/LIN: I hope you are feeling better today!

Not much going on here..but that's absolutely a-ok with me!

Waving a wing at everyone..have a good day all!! :)

Zona said...

LYNN: SWAK right back beautiful lady!! :)

Just_Lin said...

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

Just_Lin said...

LynnD You look perfectly lovely in first on this fine day.

Just_Lin said...

Dianne Thanks for the cute poem today. I may not have my teeth but I do shave under my arms even if it isn't a special occasion. LOL

Just_Lin said...

Zona I hope you and Randy have an especially nice day today.

sacBarb said...

Happy Valentine's Day all my lovelies.

Lynn, You are the loveliest today.

Zona, Do you and Randy have anything special planned for this Valentine's Day, like maybe you can cuddle up together in the old fadoo chair? ;)

J/L I hope you're feeling better and your fever is gone. Chocolate is good for reducing fever. I'm sure I read that somewhere.

sacBarb said...

I was married to an Okie for 33 years and I thought I had heard or read all the redneck jokes, but this one is new to me. You really have to read it in a southern accent to get the full affect (especially the 'far' ants). I really made me LOL and in some cases reminded me of some in-laws. Thanks so much to Dianne for sending it in and to Tina, for posting it.

sacBarb said...

Correction: IT really made me LOL...

Dianne/Denver said...

Happy Valentines Day to Everyone.

Lynn, lovely at first on this holiday. Lets see next one is St Pats Day...I think. You look lovely in your red nightie today.

JL, are you feeling better? I hope so. I agree with Barb..I think chocolate makes the fever go away. Hurry, eat some so it won't come back !!!!

Glad you all like my poem today.

Zona, are you fixing a special dinner tonight? Making it romantic with candles? Don't tell me you don't have candles as I know you have a lot of them.

Barb, i went back and read with a southern accent...much better.

We are going out but very early to beat the crowd.

Hope everyone has a good day

Tina~in_ut said...

~Happy Valentine's Day~

Slept til late gift to me....yummy dinner with hubby....dumb dog gave me a card...rolling eyes....couple of loads of laundry....watching a fun game between Gonzaga and their rival St. Mary's.....and got a large profit sharing check today~ I think I'm in love with Valentine's Day~ :D

Thanks to everyone who sends stuff to post....I've been werking a ton of overtime and some days don't even get to read the comments here.

All u sickies....stop it~ mkay?!~

Dianne/Denver said...

Tina...thanks so much for continuing the blog. I think I speak for all of us how much we appreciate it. You're a great friend to all of us

Just_Lin said...

Tina Yes, thank you so much for keeping the blog going. And Yay for the profit sharing check. Glad you had a nice dinner with your hubby, too. You must be raking in the bucks with all the overtime. I thought you were taking a break from that. Don't get run down.

Just_Lin said...

Dianne I hope you and your hubby enjoyed your dinner on this special day. I had pizza and didn't count calories. That was my gift to myself. LOL

Just_Lin said...

SacBarb I'm sure you're right about the benefits of chocolate. At least, I prefer to believe so. :)

I felt perfectly normal today so I don't know what was going on with me yesterday. Maybe I was trying to come down with something but I managed to fight it off.

Tina~in_ut said...

I just spent 3 hours posting a week and a half worth of blog if Feb 25th comes along and there's not a new post....that'll be cuz I totally

J/L~ I did take a break from OT...but when I got back from Dallas....I started up again....not 4 hours a day like I was doing, and I won't go in on my days off....but I try to do at least 12 hours a paycheck....but usually get more in~ With three kids in college next year, we need to save up~

Di~ no I'm not....I'm a brat~ :)~

Now....time for a little tv and then some sleep~